Nikki Catsouras
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Nikki Catsouras was an 18 year old whore who proved, yet again, that women can't drive. On Halloween 2006 she decided to steal her father's $150,000 Porsche and take it for a drive. She was later found dead with traces of cocaine in her system and which according to her Mother, Nikki had an inoperable brain tumor that caused her to have a severe psychotic reaction to the drug. Having hit another car and slammed into a concrete tollbooth at approximately 100 mph and subsequent barrel roll. In typical emo "no one understands me" drama she became one with a toll booth on highway 241, her head smashed to bits. Concerned internet citizens rushed to inform the family.
Nikki Dies
The following events take place between the hours of 7 P.M., October 30, 2006, and 3 P.M. October 31, 2006.
According to her father, Christos Catsouras, he and Nikki argued about "typical teenager stuff" the night before she died. Christos caught Nikki 'smoking tobacco blaze,' (sneaking a cigarette) into the domicile. He disciplined her by taking away the keys to her car.
Nikki's mother, Lesli, said her daughter wasn't feeling well and had a doctor's appointment on October 31. Nikki's father, a real estate agent with a web site and a $150,000 Porsche, ate lunch at home. After her father left, Nikki took the keys to said Porsche and drove off to her spectacularly gory death. Meanwhile, Lesli called Christos, who called 911 and drove around looking for his daughter, blissfully unaware that she was no longer recognizable. Tragic, but not that interesting, you would think.
Nikki Lives!!
| —Christos Catsouras, BAWWWWW |
However, someone within the California Highway Patrol posted the photos of the accident to the internet. "Internet hackers", quite possibly under the influence of steroids, immediately started sending the pictures to as many of Nikki's friends and relatives as possible. Some of these messages even arrived during her funeral.
Shocked and Appalled, Nikki's parents concluded that a good lolsuit would put an end to the harassment. They filed a $20 million claim against the state for "emotional and punitive damages," Discounting the cost of the written-off Porsche, a replacement Porche, and the overall cost of raising their daughter, that comes to about $19 million in profit. The lolsuit is currently pending dismissed.appealed.
Nikki's parents have also blown $3,000 on hiring Reputation Defender in a successful attempt to waste $3,000. However, they are to date unsuccessful in their attempt to remove all copies of the fappable pics of their daughter from the internets.
On May 14, 2009, in an attempt to milk even moar money out of the Catsourasses, Reputation Defender set up a web site called "A Tribute To Nikki Catsouras", that asks people to report all instances of the post-crash pics of Nikki, and requests that any one who has a web site with them to "Please Remove These Photos From Your Web Site". No word on how many ED admins passed out laughing at said request.
Some admins were, however, willing to consider it, in exchange for pix of Catsouras daughter tits. Their offers were refused.
| — Richard C. Mongler, supportnikki.org Guestbook |
GTFO N00bs
According to multiple news sources, the Catsourasses (or at least those who still have faces) no longer use the internet. Nikki's parents have pulled their living daughter from school because they fear other students might confront her with the pictures. Anonymous has taken their actions as a challenge, and plans to erect a billboard bearing the images outside the girl's bedroom window.
There is also a campaign to start geocaching at her burial site, located in Pacific View Memorial Park, Corona Del Mar, CA.
Conclusion
Concrete > Car
Gallery
Before
 Graduating from driver's ed LOLZ I GET IT |
 Oh nooes my head is going to hit this wall |
 Nikki's gold-digging family. LOLOCAUST! CUZ THEY SUED TEHYRE LIEK JEWS, EVEN THOUGH THERE GREEK! |
After
 The aftermath of a barrel roll. |
 How do I crashed Porsche? Answer: Hopped up on coke |
 5KOS108 is an unlucky combination. |
 I think I can see the tumor from here. |
 Lucky officer given the honor of picking Nikki's skull out of the pavement. |
 The person she hit before quitting irl |
||
See also
- Ogrish.com
- Nick Hogan
- Rob Levin
- Rotten.com
- Nikki Catsouras on TOW
- The Catsouras' BAWWWW to Forbes about having to spend $3,000 on Reputation Defender
- Obituary
- Case stemming from leak of grisly crash photos moves ahead
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Nikki Catsouras is part of a series on An Hero. |
