Tila Tequila
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Tila Tequila (real name Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen) is a flat faced hooker from Singapore who somehow made it to the mainstream media. She is a professional new media whore whose failure at everything doesn't seem to discourage her to continue whoring herself out to the masses, most notably with her new reality television show on MTV. The show, Re-Enforcing Negative Bisexual Stereotypes With Tila Tequila!!!!!!, is really nothing more than reincorporating sister station VH1's I Love New York, which is way, way, wayyyyyyyyy more lulzy, but still a complete failure and a step backwards for human evolution. Howevar, it should be mentioned that we are all guilty of downloading softcore lesbian porn of the alien before she got on television. Oh, Tila. Tsk.
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Bio
In her youth, Tila was constantly in trouble with the law and went to prison a lot. In there, she got a body covered in tattoos, making her look like a complete skank, rather than a minor skank. After that, she got breast implants and became famous through a career in porn -- both of which she now tries to hide from everyone. Her natural breasts are A-cup, due to her being azn. After that, she changed her name from the unpronounceable Nguyễn to the trashy Tequila.
Like Jeffree Star, Tila began her new media whore life on MySpace by starving herself to a stick figure body type and proclaiming her bisexuality (except to her parents, who didn't know until after she signed a deal with MTV to do a bisexual dating show). A prime example of parents who know absolutely jack shit about their daughter's life.
Using MySpace (and MySpace founder Tom Anderson's fetish for Asian women), she became a Top-Rated MySpace whore, sucking cock and licking carpet as one of the top whores of the year 2006. She then attempted to turn her internet celebrity career to a "real" celebrity career, failing miserably in each and every attempt at legit fame, including a failed attempt at becoming a pop star. Thank God, she sounded like Daffy Duck anyway. If you haven't heard her, you were not missing out. We make many promises of that.
Actual examples of comments from Tila's MySpace
WARNING: Authentic comments culled from Tila Tequila's profile and photographs follow. Encyclopædia Dramatica will not be held responsible for any self-inflicted bodily harm resulting from the reading of these comments.
- sean: what happened 2 ur thong on ur pics
- BnS Productions: what up wit ya!! DjSouthrock up in here !!!
- ~da bus has retired~: hey tila. just wanted to stop to say hey. i always like ur pictures. u look so hot in them. damn i really wish i can meet u. i wish i can talk to u2. want my .? well i want urs. lol wut is it? damn. ur cute. i like that. lol hit me baq.
- RUSSO♥: WANNA FUCK?
- "Greggles for 500 Please": fuck me please
- Ranma Saotome: I will most definitly buy that issue. You are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just wish I could come to LA to see your shows.
- Walk from ICE AGE ENT.: DAMM IT YOUR SO FUCKEN BOMB!!!!!!!!!!
- she dont ♥ meeh??: jus take evry ting off and join mee on mai ride and plus can i have pics
- Man I Getz Get Mi Grown Man Own: baby i can handle all of it an du u so hard dat u wood wanna come back.
- steven: i'll fuk da shit out of u sexii ass baby iiite baby 1...
- i swear im white and mexican: dayum baby girl... is those duble ds or what do u want me to lick them becuase i will
- loser: YOUR SO SEXY
Her show
Season 1
Tila Tequila had a dating show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where after making contestants suffer grueling trials (such as eating cock. No, srsly,) she found many people who would be her perfect lovers, and then from them she picked out her perfect soul mate, the best true love for her. At the end she dumped roid loving, tranny, Dani for pussy face, cry baby Bobby.
She says: “Bobby had broken up with me a few days before all of this went down. I wasn’t expecting it at all because I thought I had finally found someone that I was compatible with, but I guess I was wrong. My hectic schedule was really hard on him and we both were getting frustrated, but at the same time . . . I just wanted to find someone who would understand what a crazy lifestyle I have so it’s too bad that things didn’t work out between us. With that said I just want to make it known that I still think Bobby is a great guy and I wish him the best.”
He says: “She never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.”(Reason being is she is part of a inferior alien race that doesn't know how to use human technology, except Windows 98 Computers her entire (very slow)planet uses to run their planet.)
Season 2
In order to show that she really is bisexual, Tila picked a girl this time around. The "winner", smart and sophisticated Kristy PWNED Tila when she rejected her ass, claiming that she was confused about her sexuality. What Kristy really meant is "I ain't leavin' da dick for no alien-face fake-ass beaner".
MTV and Nguyen are already setting up season 3, watch out oblivious morons with no self-respect Tila fans! you may have a shot at love!
That's Amore
During down time between seasons 1 and 2, a fugly Italian guy in a thong got his own show called That's Amore where people dumped off their skank ex-girlfriends for a shot at love. Competitions included sucking and blowing with your parents (srsly), cleaning the floor with your cooter, and pretending to be a virgin. Lesbians from Tila's show came to hit on the fugly sluts and in the end his girl of choice, Megan, dumped his faggy ass.
A Double Shot at Love
After two seasons of Tila fail, MTV invited the Icky twins for their shot at love. Rikki and Vikki are two bisexual whores who got their start spreading herpes and having sex for cash. Only one Icky found love with a guy who was only in it for a disgusting 3some with 2 fugly girls who wish they were as cool as Tila (which is saying something).
Twatter
Hacking
| —Updated six minutes ago. |
In the late hours of April 12, 2009, an enterprising /b/tard managed to hack into Tila's Twitter account and cause all sorts of mayhem. First it was reported that somebody had broken into the home and had killed Tila. Next, it was posted that the murderer had found Tila's computer while it was still logged into her Twitter account. The "murderer" then proceeded to use the Twitter account to post all sorts of funny bullshit that the kids at 4chan ate right up. Finally, somebody lowered the boom on anonymous' fun and the Twitter account was locked down. Tila then began to sob to anybody who would listen to her crazy antics about how she is being stalked and how she is going to move to some new house. Too bad the dingbat probably won't change her passwords.
| —What a fucking attention whore. |
Later, during the early morning of April 13th, it was discovered that several /b/tards were not following Rules 1 and 2, thus Tila's management was alerted to the potential lollercaust that was headed her way. All of her social networking sites were shut down and locked up tighter than a drum. At this point, some /b/tards discovered those who were responsible for the faggotry and decided to turn their internet hate machine towards the rule breakers. Several Twiter and MySpace addresses were tossed around:
| —A good summary of the situation |
Who is Trolling Whom?
| —Anonymous, being wise |
At some point during the festivities, somebody realized that Tila, while not being bright on her own, surrounds herself with net-savvy individuals and has a public relations team who's effectiveness rivals O.J. Simpson's. Could this have all been a troll on 4chan's /b/tards in an attempt to garner page views for the world's self proclaimed "Queen of MySpace?" Anon doesn't care, the teaming masses will just surge forward like the ocean of piss they proudly proclaim to be.
| —Look at me! Don't look at me! |
Declaration of becoming An Hero
On October 9, 2009, Tila claimed on her Twatter that she was suicidal. The following quote details her descent into an heroism:
| —Tila, on following in Cho Seung-Hui's footsteps towards becoming the second world-renowned azn an hero |
Unfortunately, Tila stated that she would take the cowardly way out and receive medical help for her mental problems.[1]
How to pwn Tila
During one of her whoring outs on YouTube, she attempted to get views by showing everyone she was a fetal alchol syndrome baby by pretending to be drunk on camera. This got her pwnd by anyone with a fucking brain by staring at the video to death, the video was immediatley taken down, and will likely happen if any other video of hers is one stared enough.
Alternatively, get her drunk, then choke her before finally throwing her to the ground so she can't escape.[2]
Gallery of Fun
After the hack, all of the normal paparazzi sites pretty much shit themselves. TOW was edited and then reverted, and some creepy old guy got into the act.
 EVERYTHING IS SHATTERED |
 Even Macfaggots got into it |
 Creepy middle aged guy |
 When I die, I want a picture of me holding my boobs. |
 Wikivandalism |
 Protect fucking everything |
 When somebody dies, everybody jumps the gun. |
See Also
- Attention whore
- Fake bisexual -- what Tila is
- Failure
- Internet model
- Shit nobody cares about
External links
- TILA TEQUILA-CALL ME (860) 256-8452 on MySpace
- Tila's Hot Spot
- MissTilaTequila's Channel talent you say? *laughing cough*
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Tila Tequila is related to a series on AZNS. |
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Tila Tequila is part of a series on Whores. |
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Tila Tequila is part of a series on Homosexual Deviants |
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