Newgrounds

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Created by Eric Bauman in 1995, JEWGROUNDS, in it's strictest sense, is a website on the Internets that hosts at least 1,000,000 horribly drawn hentai Flash movies and games where robots wage war against fruit (It's been blammed).

This site is also notable for it's amazingly high degree of officially-sanctioned faggotry, ambiguously-gendered "females", barrel-scrapingly subpar Forum Moderators, and in general, users who think they're attractive, but by no means should be given the ability or impetus to procreate.[1][2]

On the July 16th, 2007 the site experienced a 'big' redesign with features such as "New emoticons," (Happy face. Sad Face. Angry Face.), Secret Items (Actual screenshot of "secrets". One has to wonder how Eric's father feels about his son's late-onset prostitution fetish), level icons (Including a half-naked male body, golden-tan and glistening with sweat), auras (Including the Meaning-laced "Fab" aura), and blogs as a part of the userpage package (a prime example of which, can be found on the userpage of the intellectual heavyweight known as "TheButt").

Since the inception of the much-lauded "Redesign" of the website, a General Decline, if that description is even possible to fit over a site that consistently demonstrates its ability to find new depths of oblivious idiocy, has occurred amongst both the user base of this decidedly-virgin populace, and the features of the site itself. These features include, but are not limited to: Weeaboo pandering, Copiously-sprinkled Penis Jokes, And a forum that steadily delves into lower cesspools with each passing "Pee in your sink!" thread, "Rate my [hallucinatory] Girlfriend!" thread, or even the occasional, but obligatory "Announcement of Impotency" thread.

All of this is damning proof that Eric cares little about what his site used to stand for (Angst-ridden Teens bent on having a good time at school?), and would now prefer to change it into a Gaiaspace clone-cum-Faggot Hang-Out ($$$$) rather than clean out the nobly-named "Kitty Krew" flash group's incredibly thought-provoking analyses of the human condition.

Members are referred to as NGers, pronounced niggers. The website is based in Pennsylvania and is run by the aforementioned fag known as Eric Bauman, and his killjoy brother Wadolf, both of whom, along with the majority of the community make flashes about cocks, gay jokes, and sexual exploration with Anal-Dildo stimulation, all performed in the mistaken idea that for every homosexual comment one makes, another heterosexual point is added to scoreboard. In reality, the opposite is true, and by extension of this, all Newgrounds users are irretrievably flamboyant in regards to their orientation. This fact is evidenced here, as well as in the picture below.

UPDATE! Recently all ads at the bottom of the page are for Gaia. The redesign was mainly fit for marketing, it seems, as there are ads on new submissions and Gaia ads everywhere. Way to go, Eric; you've taken the Jew safehouse that was Jewgrounds, and transmogrified it into the equivalent of Nazi-fascist MySpace. Your brother, I'm sure was most pleased.

ANOTHER UPDATE! On the subject of more ads, if you are enough of a faggot to have an account on newgrounds, an ad is placed, without your consent, on your userpage profile. That is, if you haven't posted in your blog or haven't really contributed content to the site, you get the benefit of being greeted by Zwinky ads at every waking moment of your sad, female-depraved existence.

OMG MOAR UPDATE! In yet another attempt to make Newgrounds exactly the same as MySpace, as well as every other site on the Internet, you can now embed your unfunny videos into your blog. Mass-exploitation is expected, assuming NGers can work out how to actually embed them in the first place.

Contents 1 Creator / Proprietor / Rapist 2 The Flash Portal 2.1 "Blammed" 3 The Teddy Review Spam War and Other Blatant Trolls 4 How to get #1 in the portal 5 Newgrounds Users and Their Levels 6 The B.B.S. 7 Individual Forums 7.1 General 7.2 Where is/How to? 7.3 Flash 7.4 Politics 7.5 Programming 7.6 Clubs & Crews 7.7 Audio 7.8 Art 7.9 Video Games 8 Members 8.1 The Furfag 8.2 The "Gangster"-Whore 8.2.1 The Wigger-Jew 8.3 The Female 8.4 The Suckup 8.5 The Failure 8.5.1 LardLord and his exploits 8.6 The Virgin 9 Moderators 10 How to Become a Moderator in Eleven Easy Steps 11 "Abusing and Exploiting Newgrounds," the Book 12 See Also 13 Links

[edit] Creator / Proprietor / Rapist

Who, you might inquire to the empty room of people who care, is the party responsible for the creation of this haven of idiocy, where only the most deluded, secluded and excluded, work hard to make sure that when they colluded with each other, it was all towards the intention of keeping precluded the ignorant denuded while they brooded? None other than one ERIC BAUMAN, a Jew, who currently resides in Pennsylvania.

Alone, Bauman bears the responsibility for building this ever-deepening cesspool of unlulziness. His myriad hobbies include, interestingly, a new "diet" in which he ingests exclusively his own feces, often in the form of a Excrement Burrito; he deems this to be a healthy and ecologically friendly activity. Despite his claims that this activity is completed in the name of better health and sustainability, it is widely assumed that Eric bears the infamous shit-fetish gene. Salmonella, he reasons, can get fucked, along with the many fecal bacteria particles that he slides gently, erotically down his throat on a daily basis.

When, sometimes, Bauman discovers that feeding upon his feces is not quite enough of a turn on to induce a full orgasm, it quickly becomes necessary for him to find a new outlet for sexual frustration. In this manner, he quickly became enamored with the process of stalking old men, and slipping them date-rape drugs at just the opportune moment, before kidnapping them without consent, and then leading them to his secret underground Glenside, Pennsylvania Sex Bungalow (located conveniently beneath Jewgrounds HQ), and forcing them to participate in acts of fellatio for his own sadistic personal amusement. He rarely, of course, actually participates in the act. In solidarity with the millions of 13 year old boys who love every inch of his website, Bauman resolutely only masturbates to the scenes of elderly homosexual debauchery that occur so frequently in the favorite room of his dungeon, seeking to better understand the plight of his most ardent patrons.

For the reasons stated above, Bauman's supply of semen is generally far too depleted by the time his wife April greets him at the communal shack with dial-up internet access that serves as his abode. Thus, in a way much akin to his fanbase, Bauman is rarely if ever able to indulge his hairy and sweaty 30-year-old body in the evolutionary carnal lust of actual sex. Now that's dedication.

Of course, with all the attention Eric receives on the site, his brother Wadolf can't help cut feel left out. Being a low-grade employee of one's own sibling has the effect of making one's prospects for financial success and fulfillment seem further away than Uranus. This coupled with a seacow of a wife, and literally having to liaise with 13 year-olds every waking hour of the day, has caused this unfortunate soul to retreat within himself into a self-imposed cocoon of anguish and Jew-hatred. He releases that tension in the only way he sees fit: putting on a cosplay wig, and whoring it up in front of a webcam. He also uses his flashlight collection as masturbation objects.

In addition to Wadolf, an entire cast of faggots have over the years joined in the circlejerk of site maintainers. Now an equal-opportunity employer, Jewgrounds is run by a diverse array of Nazis, Jews, Britfags, Mexifags, Canadians, and Amerifags, all of them bent on making the site as useless, and unfunny as is possible on a limited budget.

Below, in order of appearance from left to right, are TOP ROW: Eric Bauman (Official Creator, Rapist, and Mascot), Wadolf (Chronic underachiever, Nazi ambitions), Stamper (Responsible for phallic tributes in the Art Forum), JohnnyUtah (Creator of unfunny flash animations which primarily showcase dick jokes), MindChamber (Robot-obsessed Mexifag), and Rob (Site programmer and ladies' man). BOTTOM ROW: liljim (Britfag and all-around lameshit), Tim (Perpetually angry server operator), Bob (Duck-obsessed CSS nerd), Mike (Do-nothing ginger), PsychoGoldfish (Creator of pedophile chat-room services).

[edit] The Flash Portal

The Newgrounds Flash Portal is the access point to the site's archives. The ranking score of each Flash movie and game is determined by how highly users rate it. There is a choice of two ratings a viewer can bestow upon Newgrounds movies, 0 and 5. There are also buttons for 1, 2, 3 and 4 but one would have to be a faggot to actually deem a flash somewhere between perfect and total shit.

Flash groups, such as the intellectually active Barney Bunch, and Clock Crew, are likely to submit anywhere from at least 100 to over 9000 flash animations on a daily basis, each one lowering the bar just a little bit more on the creativity scale.

Flash reviews operate on a similar basis, except scores can go up to 10 instead of 5. Once again, and this cannot be stressed enough, YOU SHOULD ONLY EVER GIVE A FLASH EITHER 0 OR 10. Doing anything else would be a terrible waste of voting power.

You should also make certain you swear as much as you can and always proofread your review to ensure that it's spelled as poorly as humanly possible. Using all caps is also a surefire way to get noticed.

Examples:

“	YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING ASSHOLE! Fuck, that was some of the sickest piece of mthrfcking shit I ever saw! You got NO sense of humor you bitch! This ain't like a litlle destructibe, It's fucking revolsing! Overall score: 0	„

“	That show was reaaaaaalllllyyy FUNNY! Way didnt sye pik cell it is a good fighter! Overall score: 10	„

“	Fix yout flash Need do fix your portal Overall score: 2	„

But every so often, a user will take it upon himself to crawl and claw his way beyond the humble expectations of stupidity that are a given when reviewing a piece of flash on Jewgrounds. And if one was to see such a review as that, one would smile and think it a great leap forward for a website famous for great leaps backwards.

And then one would glance at the flash that was under scrutiny, and one would weep with sorrow for the reduction of all expectations to exactly the same point as when the whole ordeal had begun: Before one's tear-streaked face, a six-paragraph opus to the letter "B".

“	Absolutely brilliant. When looked upon by inexperienced critiques, one might wonder why such a work of art deserves a high score. But, if one looks in depth and with a high degree of intellectual insight, we can see exactly what makes this work brilliant. My interpretation of the piece, as follows, regarding the very structure and sustenance in which art like this thrives; will be -- I believe, revealing to those that fail to understand the beauty of the B. The first thing that strikes me as I look upon the B is that one notices it is not quite to the centre of the canvas -- in fact, the B is maligned and off-kilter, slightly to the upper left of the centre of the piece. I believe that this was done on purpose to convey the underlying theme of the piece, that of chaos and unorthodoxy, that of irreverence and rebellion. The artist is trying to convey the message that our world is not perfect, that each one of the many peoples of this earth must work together for a humane, constructive effort to ensure the betterment of our civilization, and our future. This theme is predominately reflected by the simple choice of colour for the B, that of a pure, mathematically perfect red. When viewing the piece, the average audience member might simply interpret red as fury, anguish, and aggression. But, due to the exact and calculated nature of the red used in this work, I offer that it portrays itself moreover as knowing and confident, acting out of will and intellect, not arrogance and bravado. This is where the genius of the artist comes out, that such as rebellious and vulgar colour can be seen as precise, and civilized. As for the white background, one might interpret it as more of a clear, sterile, and forced utopia. I recall images of Huxley's and Zamyatin's nightmares as they reflect upon the background. It portrays the B, almost as a lone child wandering off into the wilderness, being pushed to perform inhumane tasks by his cruel masters. The emptiness and lack of conscience is contrasted by the will and soul of the B. A nightmare indeed, but one that haunts us all. When we notice that the choice of the letter, B, out of all twenty-six in the English alphabet was chosen, we must wonder why. Before I get into that, let me offer some rationale and evidence from further examination of the B itself. When looking at the typeface, we immediately realise that it is of a serif font, most likely Times New Roman or Bookman Antiqua. We also notice that the B is a capital B, not a lowercase one. Thus, I suggest that this implies a struggle for power and control, over the most likely antagonist: A. Because of its Roman nature and status, we assume that the B is of a high-rank lieutenant in some corporate atmosphere, but has the desire and will to become the very best, to overthrow the A and in turn, become first. B does not settle for second place. B does not accept anything other than perfection. B is disgusted by the corruption and inability to function by A, and B plots to end the reign of the A. This is the horrible truth, the truth that all of us hold true. For yet, life is only a struggle for more and more power, control, and wealth. This is but my interpretation. Yet, I would argue that many more would hold this opinion as well. Although close to perfection, I do not believe that this work deserves a perfect ten for a few reasons. Despite its succinct and flawless simplicity, it lacks of literary elements that give more power and gusto to the artist's voice. Though violins and cellos alike can perfect a string quartet, the clarinet is left in the dark, as its own timbre holds back its performance. Though this work is like the clarinet, struggling to match the power of the strings, it does come very, very close. Though, through wavering willpower and diminishing strength, it does not achieve the goal it set out to reach. But in effect, I bow to the beauty and elegance that enriches the entire performance, for it is this work of art that truly dominates the entire concert.	„
—An actual review of the letter B.

HINT: A surefire way to make everyone give your Flash movie full marks is to throw in a bunch of stick figures killing each other over a Papa Roach song or have any of the words "Sonic", "Mega Man" or "X" in the title. Alternatively, reupload the exact same animation 42 times and call it a "series".

[edit] "Blammed"

Although a majority of the content is well below the standard for mental retardation, not every piece of shit makes into the Flash Portal, as many submissions are relegated to the "Obituary" section of Jewgrounds on a daily basis. These are rare instances which indicate a true failing at life. If a fucking stationary letter B or a stolen gif of a flapping cock can be accepted, but an actual animation you worked hard to complete cannot, you may wish to reconsider your choice to continue breathing. It does not take much to impress the 13 year old boys who inhabit Jewgrounds, yet you still proved you can fail at even the simplest task.

These turds among turds can easily be identified by author's comments consisting of begging for high scores, the grammar of a 6th grader with a D average, the phrase, "this is my first attempt at flash," beginning every sentence like a dumb cunt with words such as "so," "liek," "um," "err," and "yeah," and overall cum-gurgling faggotry.

[edit] The Teddy Review Spam War and Other Blatant Trolls

Recently a bunch of retards and fags from JewTube began to spam Newgrounds flash reviews with the same review over and over again:

“	Hi, I am Teddy. Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, I am Teddy. I am 7 years old. I have no eyes and blood all over my face. I am dead. If you don't send this to at least 12 people I will come to your house at midnight and I'll hide under your bed. When you're asleep, I'll kill you. Don't believe me?	„

It goes on for over 9000 paragraphs of spam before ending. These reviews should have been deleted, but Eric Bauman, being the jew faggot wanna-be-nigger he is, has not deleted any of these reviews, and actually disabled his mods from doing shit about it until a few months after it started. Because of this, a bunch of fag users began freaking out about it, causing mass chaos on the portal, and led to Bigbadron killing a negro. As a result of seeing all this go down, ED is now asking you all to add to the super lulz by spamming the entire Teddy review (found at the flash links below) a couple billion times to piss off the meatspin lovers on Jewgrounds. Look for the full "Teddy" review to copy and paste in your own malicious reviews of EVERY SINGLE FLASH in Jewgrounds history to piss the off the virgins who have nothing else to do but read through flash reviews on Jewgrounds all day.

Jewgrounds Rumble reviews: The real rumble is in the spam, lol.

Dad's Home reviews: Ironically the dad is a pedophile also.

8-Bit D-n-D: Pissing off those fag RPG fans will really be worth it

Of course, the ease with which Jewgrounds users, as evidenced below, are able to be trolled, should have been an indicator that the Teddy reviews would become a ubiquitous, and successful trolling attempt — Jewgrounders are so head-slappingly gullible that even the most blatant of trolls will fool a good percentage of users.

[edit] How to get #1 in the portal

The #1 slot in the portal was at one time a prestigious award. Now it's just a spot held by video game parody flashes five-bombed by 13-year-old boys. To achieve this esteemed position though Flash Cartoon creation:

• First and most important of all, create a hardcore porn animation that includes child rape and spawns pop-ups. Also, don't forget to Co-author some well-known animators.

• Make plentiful use of dick jokes to compensate for viewer virginity

• Ensure that all female characters contribute fanservice, and have no personality.

• Use lots of colorful expletives (i.e. SHIT, CUNT, DICK, FUCK, DINGLEHEIMER) so the 13 year old boys think your flash, and by extension of that, you, are hardcore.

• Make clever and hilarious observations about popular video games (i.e. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT MARIO GUY ANYWAY, HYUK HYUK.)

• Make an overt reference to the Clock Crew, Kitty Krew, Lock Legion, Uzi Union, Glock Group, Barney Bunch, or any number of these dedicated, alliterative groups.

• Use emo-,Linkin Park-, or Faggot-brand music in your animation. In fact, to ensure universal appeal, why not use all three in the ultimate brooding-Teenager trifecta?

• Throw in an entire Matrix bullet-time sequence, or any thing related to the Matrix. Instant First-place.

• Use sprites from video games that were popular at least 100 years ago., most notably Mario or Phoenix Wright.

• "Enhance" the already rich and fulfilling plot of Japanese anime cartoon Dragon Ball Z

• Make all characters burst out into Tenacious D anthems at cadenced intervals, and quote South Park whenever possible. The last directive cannot be stressed enough.

• Steal unfunny jokes from unfunny sites, and/or moldy sitcoms.

• Throw in a fart joke for good measure. Everybody loves a fart joke. Ha. Ha.

• Draw something in an overtly Japanese style, because Newgrounds's main constituency is, of course, 13 year olds.

• If possible, don't use any English, at all. Instead use the language embraced by the vast majority of Newgrounders.

• Make sure everything looks very "cute," in order that closet-homosexual viewers that permeate the Portal can better relate to your work.

• ????

• Profit (srsly, it's an easy $250)

Examples: [3][4] [5] [6]

[edit] Newgrounds Users and Their Levels

Above, The NGer (Nigger) is seen in its natural environment, having just leveled up to the next vector-drawn image of a weapon, as well as having just received his prize pack of stickers from headquarters. His elation is overstated, if a bit Neanderthalic, and his refusal to shave, while aiding his own ability to conform to the Nigger stereotype, seemingly pushes him back about four levels in the more immediate, and perhaps, important game known as irl.

Voting on Newgrounds submissions will earn members experience points (See MMORPG). After voting on a few thousand movies, you can level up, which gives you a 1337er avatar on the forums and gives you a +1 to hit vs other basement-dwellers.

Oddly, it has been oft-noted that Jewgrounds users fantasize about being sodomized by their level icons, which provides further and irrefutable proof that these young pedophiles-in-training are irretrievably lost sheep in the pasture of reality.

How you vote also affects your alignment, which determines which unique special abilities you gain access to. Dark users are noted for their abilities of Evil Armour of Morbid Obesity and Greater Body Odour Aura. But then they completely threw this out the window when users started voting on movies to make their avatar a different color. Now, you can just make your aura dark without ever voting at all! Instant coolness!!1!!!11

• The Dark Aura is known to be a commonality between users who are angst-ridden, and/or fundamentally and spiritually the emo stereotype. Brooding. Sullen. Misinformed.
• The Light Aura is known to be a commonality between overly-cheerful users, who think that simply saying the words "Cock Joke" actually constitutes a phallic-humorous observation. Likely to have substandard grammar.
• The Evil Aura is known to be a commonality between users who consider themselves Goth, like Jeff Weise. They are likely to be similar in disposition to Dark Aura fags, but in many ways, and amplified parody of metal-loving satanists, who would sooner admit to fucking a corpse than having gone to Church at one point in their lives. Most likely to carry out a massive baletion of life with a Tec-9.
• The Neutral Aura is known to be a commonality between users who are overtly bisexual. In their indecisiveness about which gender they would rather stick up the pooper, they come to the realization that one hole is as good as any other. Due to the lack of females on Newgrounds, however, these average denizens are forced into exclusive circle-jerking with males.
• The Fab Aura is unambiguously homosexual. Therefore, it is no wonder that after ten minutes of browsing through the Newgorunds Forums, one comes to the conclusion that it is far and away the most popular Aura.

[edit] The B.B.S.

JEWGROUNDS EMPLOYEES ARE PAID TO DRAW THESE

Newgrounds, unfortunately, also possesses a BBS -- a veritable cesspool of idiocy where retards can rabidly discuss video games, how Bill Gates is the fourth horseman, and whether the popular image editing program known as Photoshop will hang itself from the rafters of Newgrounds, and become an hero after placing Josh Bedn into every possible picture, in every possible thread to be found on this site.

The forumgoers are not entirely without redeeming qualities, however. Every once in a while, an uber-l33t h4xx0r will make the post of the century, sparking discussion of the highest caliber.

It is hard for members to not be fucktards with the example set by admins, such as the founder's art posted in the Unicorns with Dicks for Horns thread, in which, literally on company time, employees of the proprietor of Newgrounds were paid to render pornographic horse phalli for purposes unknown, delaying the promised redesign of the website to at least 100 years later, on July 17th, 2007.

No matter how horrible the site is, and has increasingly become, though, at least it doesn't didn't have emoticons; It does now. A candlelight vigil, if you will, for the effective spiritual death of the site.

Typical way of treating a newfag/ attention whore on the BBS: [7]

[edit] Individual Forums

The B.B.S. (Blandly Blithesome Shit) is divided neatly into categories:

[edit] General

On a scale of 1-10, just how massive a Jew are you?

Relative Jewishness 1: FULLY-LITERATE ARYAN ⇒ 5: MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEE ⇒ 10: JEWGROUNDS MATERIAL

If you scored a ten (or higher) on the preceding chart, The General Forum is, unquestionably, the place for you. Below is a mere sampling of the supreme Jewishness on display at every waking moment of the day:

Anything can be discussed here, as long as it's lame. If you have sex with any member of your family, this is the board to post about it[8][9][10][11][12][13]. If you're in the mood to discuss your wiping habits, after taking a shit, look no further than here. And lastly, if you have absolutely nothing to say, but enjoy hearing yourself talk, you're definitely in the right place.

Threads about how you plan to kill yourself are also praised, and often grow to 30-page emofests before someone notices. Also note that the Newgrounds mods rule with an iron fist, deleting and banning any attempt at faggotry. Posters on the General Forums are wholly unoriginal, but then again, when the entire population is composed of 13 year old boys, little else could be expected. One should prepare to see tons of topics about the exact same thing, and many moldy, stolen 4chan memes, which are always held to the highest standard of humor, despite the fact that people stopped saying them at least 100 years ago.

The Virgin (see below) is the largest constituent of this forum. Ubiquitous, and unavoidable, these users are quite easy to spot, due to the topics they create with reckless abandon, asking such mind-boggling questions as "Do girls Poop?" and "Have you ever seen a naked breast?"

While frequenting this visible focus of all Jewgrounds-related decay, it's important to remember that you make heavy use of the emoticons, conveniently placed above the posting text field with each and every post you make. Use, especially, the "embarrassed" or "blushing" face to indicate your own sexual ambiguity, a common trait that will inevitably lead to your acceptance by the populace of this site.

A common prank on the General Forum demonstrating that stunning degree of faggotry involves the infamous VIEW/REPLY RATIO. The gist of this prank is to take advantage of the high percentage of homosexuals and trannies present on that forum; all of whom have an overarching and instinctual love of the cock. At the top of each thread, the relevant statistics of that thread are displayed: "views" indicates the number of times the topic has been clicked, and "replies" indicates the number of times users have bothered to post in that topic.

Whenever a topic of a sexual nature, especially involving the male genitalia is on the front page of General, the number of views tends to skyrocket, while the number of replies remains relatively low. This indicates that Jewgrounders are too busy clicking on the topic, and subsequently fapping to the subject matter, that they have no time to post a reply to that topic.

On a different note, make sure, when browsing this forum, to keep in mind that the average IQ is well below the threshold denoting a capability to produce coherent sentences, thus the proliferation of both rampant unintelligible postings, and the rise of Grammar Fascism by the limited elite in Jewgroundsian society.

This push towards Nazism on the General forum has many of that lower-caste of money-grubbing Jews snarling away into the darkness of the B.B.S., to inhabit less profitable, but more Anti-American corners of the site, where Jews tend to flourish.

[edit] Where is/How to?

A forum for any questions that might be asked by idiots in regards to the site, just as long as the question is vapid and facepalm-worthy. [14]Here, one is at one's own discretion to whine about how one is too stupid to use the search function or how one can't beat the giant penis in Penis Attack 9. (HINT: "JACK THE PENIS OFF" IS ALWAYS A WITTY RESPONSE TO THIS QUESTION.)

The real reason that the Where is/How to forum exists is to serve as an ongoing Wadolf-appreciation discussion. Unfortunately, in his quasi-genocidal, abusive-father nature in relation to Jewgrounds, he is blind to the loving adoration from his underlings, and proceeds to slap them mercilessly across the face. He slaps them with words, of course, but it might as well be with his wife's face.

[edit] Flash

If it wasn't for this forum, most of the fucktards on the site wouldn't know how to create the hilarious cartoons it thrives on. Most posts in this forum are about how to make a play button with actionscript. Although, the occasional "How Do I Make This Button Look Like A Veiny Penis That Happens To Be Black And Long" topic is always a welcome conversation starter.

[edit] Politics

The place for users with large postcounts to belittle people with smaller postcounts for having a differing opinion. Popular discussion topics range from "why Bush is a fucking idiot" all the way to "why people who think that Bush is a fucking idiot are fucking idiots".

This is where the persecuted Jewgrounds Jews tend to migrate when they're feeling a little hot under the collar.

In their haste to flee the General Forum's pitchforks and flames, they attempt to use their talent at gaining political office to their advantage in the Politics Forum. They find out quickly, however, that the violently Hetero personality of Politics Regular cellardoor6 - which includes a fanatical devotion to the cause of pro-Americanism - is offputting when compared with the Jews' own bitter resolve to destroy the country in which they made their fortunes, and thus, these Jews must go into hiding in the even-less-frequented forums in order to both kvetch about their over 9000 relatives baleeted in the lolocaust, and plan their follow-up attack to 9/11.

[edit] Programming

In which the programmers of NG discuss how to use programming languages and use terms that n00bs can't understand. Because nobody on Jewgrounds understands these languages, that qualifies anyone who visits this forum as a n00b.

The official Script kiddies' hangout. Nobody actually knows how to program, here, but everyone likes to hold the fact that they can copy+paste already-written tidbits of code, above each others' heads.

Nobody frequents this graveyard, anyways, so it serves as the perfect pseudo-ghetto for the Jews to map out which symbolic American monument they would prefer to blow up first.

[edit] Clubs & Crews

Where the fucktards come after having their how do I made flash? posts answered in the Flash forum, to get together with other fucktards and form fucktard alliances, which enable them to make even shittier movies than they could on their own.

[edit] Audio

This is by far the worst of the forums, where users post lyrics to songs (See LiveJournal)

[edit] Art

The Art Forum was created in September 2006 to gather all gay furry pictures or penicorn images ever drawn by Newgrounds members. It also enables 11-year olds to post their MS Paint devilspawn "art" and ask for "constructive criticism", later ignoring said criticism and flaming everyone who doesn't praise them intensely and give them Buttsecks. The few good artists, all of whom are Moderators, troll around and lock any thread that does not follow the RULES to the LETTER.

The Art forum of Newgrounds, in its phallus-fever, has entered what many consider a Renaissance[15] of Interwebs Art.

Users who patrol this forum are generally brown-nosers and elitists, who, while sucking anal mod secretions, also enjoy criticizing artworks with such enlightening comments as:

“	MAKE THE DOLPHIN PENIS WHOLE LOT FUCKING BIGGER.	„

“	WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? A VAGINA? YOU KNOW THAT ISN'T ALLOWED ON OUR FORUMS! FOR SHAME!	„

“	I WISH WORDS COULD EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THE INDIVIDUALISM AND THE ARTISTRY SO EVIDENTLY DISPLAYED BY EACH METICULOUSLY PENNED-OUT VEIN ON THE DICK.	„

“	THIS PENIS HAS TOUCHED ME.	„

“	THE PHALLIC ARTISTIC DEVICE IN THIS ARTWORK SEEMS TO BE A MICROCOSMIC REPRESENTATION OF THE LARGER STATE OF BEING EMBODIED BY HUMANKIND: JACK WITH ME AND I'M GONNA FUCKING SPRAY YOU WITH SHIT.	„

[edit] Video Games

A shameless attempt to make Newgrounds just like every other forum on the Internet. Inactive as fuck, and nobody cares since everybody on Newgrounds is too busy discussing Mario and Luigi's homosexual relationship.

Sometimes, of course, the topic of conversation tends to stray to the ever-fresh console discussion / flamewar -- which consists of a contest to determine who can most obnoxiously tout the virtues of his PS3, Wii, or X-Cawks 360, while simultaneously jacking off in front of his proverbial Mirror of e-Ego.

But mostly, the Video Game Forum serves as a infinitely-looping rerun episode of the forumgoers' ultimate fantasy television series: Mario & Luigi - All That, and a Pail of Scat.

[edit] Members

The Newgrounds BBS happens to be quite a diverse habitat of various faggots, whores, brown nosers, nerdy high-school outcasts, and the odd devoted stat whore.

[edit] The Furfag

DragonsGrief's account can be located here[16].

“	I don't like the attention. Negative, or positive. Anymore, at least. It's becoming weary when I just want to +1 post then I get assaulted by "LOL TRANNY" every time. Like I said, if it wasn't ED, I would care. I've already been IP banned from every site except 4chan I posted the pictures in, and I haven't crossdressed pretty much in 4 or so months now. That picture there will remind me forever never to do something like this again. Hard lesson well learned.	„
—DragonsGrief, Discovering this article.

DragonsGrief leads the pack of this reviled Forum subset, with his strange and undeniably fetish-motivated antics, that even the most dedicated homosexuals on the forum, have a difficult time trying to justify.

In particular, a recent incident occurred in which DragonsGrief found himself in possession of two pillbottles filled to the brim with Estrofem, and Spironolactone, which would begin to transform his body into that of a transsexual[17]. He proceeded to post regular updates on his progress towards actually becoming a tranny, over the course of several months. His topic became an over 9000-page cesspool of unwarranted sympathy and butthurt concerning the teenager's supposedly "shitty" life, which led him towards the long and winding path of transsexuality.

The remainder of this sexually conflicted populace is, like DragonsGrief, unapologetically queer and unfunny users, who are usually teenagers, whom lower users repeatedly seduce via salacious Private Messages (see "The Suckup" below) in order to convince the alleged furfag to post more furry pornography on his userpage. Even though they are probably neither counted amongst the ranks of the gay or furry legions, all Jewgrounds users, as a term of the contract which they signed to become a user, are still required to drool all over their keyboards w/ dick out.

A furfag will stroll into a thread expecting to have their asshole munched by the massive ranks of 13 year olds who look up to them. Most likely, this will happen in at least 100 percent of these events.

[edit] The "Gangster"-Whore

A sort of user related to the furfag, in that they can quite literally be classified as sub-human, and that their kind offers little to advance the common interest of that species (minus, thankfully, yiff pornography). Usually, the white trash that makes up most of these users knows how to manipulate the 13 year old faggots to their will, vaguely offering a chance to be noticed in exchange for attention.

In essence, the typical whore of the Jewgrounds forum is always a NGer, and often a wigger, with a self-proclaimed obsession with rap music to boot. In broken jive-english, he proclaims,

“	*Im probably the only Black Gangster up on this site with an actual Arrest Record. But fuck it! if yall motha Fuckas cool with me im cool with yall *I make hardcore Street Rap Beats *just let me Handle some copyright shit and ill post em up later	„

As a result of his abiding love for hardcore Hip-Hop music, he can often be found, lurking in the seedy underbelly of the audio portal; the "hood," if one is to indulge in the Whore's fantastical overuse of words that, in his humble view, lend him "street cred" against rival wigger gangs who populate the neighboring urban sprawl of the audio portal and forum. When rival "brothaz" cross paths, they, without fail, furrow their apelike brows in sweaty concentration, and reach for their trusty Uzis, and .22 caliber pistols, before holding them awkwardly sideways in the only way they know how, and carrying out the natural selection that the more developed end of the human spectrum has already largely transcended.

Because of this constant state of natural selection in action, the Gangster-Whore is thankfully now a dying breed

[edit] The Wigger-Jew

Within the "Gangster"-Whore sphere of influence, The Wigger-Jew does exist, but it is made distinct by the specificity of the clan. A result of a mistake on the part of a group of intrepid social experimenters, this combination of undesirable genes has yielded exactly the apish offspring that any reasonable person would expect when a money-grubbing, fat-nosed Jew is crossed with a white person who actually aspires to be a monkey, by enjoying monkey pastimes, such as rap music.

Sadly, while the "Gangster"-Whore excitedly jumps at every chance to naturally select with a .22 caliber pistol, held at a rakish angle, the Wigger-Jew is morally opposed and / or a pussy when faced with violence, and is thus unintentionally causing a wide proliferation of his kind all around Jewgrounds, and the entire internet.

Unsuccessful Laboratory Crossbreed: The Wigger-Jew Hybrid

“	Ccchanukkah? / No, that's over So, yo, / don't get passed over Get your ass over / to my pad it's Passover I'm the mad flow-er Smooth-E teamin' / and I hope you understand it If you want the story of Passover / rent "The 10 Commandments" Starring Charlton Heston / but I got a question 'Bout the bread that is unleavened / causin' indigestion called MATZAH! Eat it for a week / we gotsta No bread, no pasta / best believe a Jew is stopped up.	„
—Anonymous Wigger-Jew crossbreed.

[edit] The Female

A true rarity on Newgrounds, they are usually either 40 year-old truckers; perverted men who get pics from Myspace and act like they're a girl; whores who post pictures of themselves; or ugly shemales, refusing to post pics.

None of them are, however, actual women because we all know there are no girls on the internet. The illusion of conversing with the fairer sex is comforting, though, to those who are unable to do so IRL

The average Newgrounds forum user will pine away for the chance to nuzzle their faces in these purportedly "female" breasts almost as much as they will dream of placing an Admin's penis into their salivating mouth. The "females" all enjoy this because they are all actually pedophiles, trying to hook up with some of the many underage users, and proceed to rape them mercilessly.

[edit] The Suckup

Excessively common, these users not only kiss ass, but try to say they do not kiss ass. Made up of the newfags who don't oppose the majority of Newgrounds regulars, they will kiss the ass of the first person with a post count of over 9000, and immediately change sides if their hero is being sufficiently pwn3d.

[edit] The Failure

Preteen faggots who generate massive amounts of lulz, given the right conditions. Whenever one of these sorry users is pushed over the edge by flaming, pwnage, or mass hate, they either pussy out of Newgrounds, or attempt a last stand to save their ego.

When they finally do leave, they normally make promises to never, EVAR, come back. Just like other failures, they tend to not keep that promise.

“	WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!?! I HAVE FEELINGS, YA KNOW?!?!	„
—bernie-buddy, failing to gain sympathy from Newgrounds.

In keeping with the proud Jewgrounds tradition of complete failure and self-pwnage, often is the blog system utilized to upload a final farewell to the uncaring community, complete with massive amounts of tears, pussy rubbing and butthurt, only to return days later, this time, with a greater fear of RL where claiming to be a "1337 hax0r" can earn one surprise buttsex.

[edit] LardLord and his exploits

A subcategory of "The Failure" and a category all to himself, LardLord[[18]] is the type of Pro-American, Genital- flaunting, atheistic, Mensa Member that is best dealt with by traveling back in time, and flooding his mother's uterus with Hydrochloric Acid before she has a chance to procreate. After posting gratuitously explicit pictures of his own testicles, as viewed from the back, LardLord also made sure to post[[19]] about his recent Doctor's Office Visit.

“	Into a Dixie cup. then I drink it up. Actually, since it's high in fructose and glucose, it's mildly sweet and sugary.	„
—LardLord, Responding to the question "What is your favorite place to cum?"

UPDATE: LardLord is now impotent, after performing "sexual experimentation" upon himself. For future reference, shoving a magic wand up your asshole is a great way to impress your friends.

EVEN MOAR UPDATE: LardLord has lost any shred of credibility he might once have possessed, now that he has actually abandoned all pretense of self-control, and gone on a gay, drunken, bar-hopping rampage, and awakened in a hotel room to find an aerosol can lodged in his ass[20]

[edit] The Virgin

Comprising 99.8% of the Jewgrounds userbase, they are easily denoted by their obsession with tits, masturbation and pornography. Virgins are usually the first to call shenanigans when another user makes mention of his/her sexual experience.

Lacking any knowledge of where cock goes, he spends much effort vainly attempting to fool others into believing that he hase extensive first-hand sexual expertise in regards to the many submissive Azn concubines he claims to have had. It is painfully clear, however, that this young failure has no actual expertise beyond the fateful conjunction of the left hand, sock, and penis; nor that he ever will, beyond a heartfelt stare into the piercing eyes of Chris Hansen as those prophesied words echo about the Spartan room, and through a conflicted mind-- Why don't you take a seat over there...

A rule of thumb for determining whether or not a user falls into this category is employment of the simple question:

“	Is this person a registered Jewgrounds user?	„

If the answer to the aforementioned question is anything even remotely resembling an affirmative, you could safely bet your entire life savings, and extended family members, safe in the knowledge that your monies will be safe, and your family not enslaved, so long as you realize that the user in question was a virgin, is a virgin, and without any reasonable doubt in mind, will be a virgin until he takes his final, shuddering, and unsatisfied breath, staring longingly at the tits of the hot nurse leaning seductively over his sickbed.

Oh, how he wishes he could fondle those breasts, or even casually brush his hand against their shapely and supple but ever-obscured wonder, for just one time. He has but one opportunity. One second remains in his life. And then his eyes roll back in his head, and the nurse pulls a white sheet over his head. He can never know in his death, that as she performs this mechanical duty, her prodigious tits brush softly against his parted lips, ironically fulfilling his lifelong lustful wish, mere seconds after his final physical and spiritual death...

One such future-Dateline NBC star, and perhaps the ultimate