Neowin
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: Neobond has forwarded this article to the Neowin legal department! |
Neowin is a Microsoft fanboy website, a veritable Petri dish for fat white basement dwellers, skript kiddies, faggots, 13 year old boys, and the occasional wandering bulldyke. Originally based off a shitty PHP-Nuke script, Neowin has grown into a cesspool of thoughtless group think, with social dynamics not unlike those seen in the classic work 1984, or its IRL version, Auschwitz, except with less Jews and moar kids.
| —Neobond, creator of Neowin.net |
| —Bill Gates, neowin internet lawyer |
Contents |
An intro to the faggotry that is Neowin
IRC
Much like the forum, IRC is full of fail and considered to be deaths waiting room. Highlights include "arguing about Windows, Mac and Linux" and rushing to help any female specimen (Swuzzlebum). Both of these activities cause extreme fapping.
Lamers
- Kennyout : Posts news articles no ones particularly interested in. GTFO!
- Popcorn aka Popcorned aka Higgins aka Beastages_Wife : Multiple personalities, watch out.
- Chronopoulos : Druggie that lives at home with parents.
- Kudos : Complete faggot, loves to ban if you hurt his feelings
IRC users (mail, Mike, Simon360) love member projects and will do anything to please the Gods (Kudos). Launch a new product? Hang out in deaths waiting room and you'll be a millionaire in no time.
Ironicles
Much like taking a solemn oath, or joining a fraternity, each and every member of Neowin is obligated to worship Microsoft four times a day, under penalty of sodomy and ban. Things which are made of AIDS and fail include, but are not limited to:
- The sharing illegal ISO's of Windows on IRC, the mere whiff of a mention regarding pirating in the forums equals banned, fucker.
- Exist as a Microsoft enthusiast site, yet have multiple forums dedicated to web development, Linux, and Mac.
- Poorly-written, simplistic reviews, which exist solely so the effete owner, Neobond, can use the money from the site to attend tech conventions.
League of Hypocrites
The major Neowin controversy is regarding piracy. Irony, they love Microsoft but they don't pay for their software: Windows, Office and Adobe Photoshop. Go on their forums, ask for an XP serial, and you'll have pimply basement-dwellers tell you how your disenfranchising a great company, despite the fact they are using a pirated operating system themselves. In recent pool made in the forums shows 90% owns modded Xbox consoles, conversely, only 10% claimed not to have Asperger's Syndrome.
Neowin "Events"
Truly unprofessional journalism, as no one really enjoys self-indulgent blog postings made by the kids who get a free ticket to go an adult operation such as WinHEC, CES, etc. See for yourself, no comments or discussion, and if someone does, it's only because they wishfully think that mod ass-kissing will get them something. Kids, it doesn't work like this.
The Community
The Neowin community is a diverse, synthetic, fungus-like community of the n00b, the loser, the lame, and of course the obligatory computer and video game addicts who regularly wank each other into near-total oblivion. The forum is a modern-day sign of the coming apocalypse, an example of why small children should be kept away from the MySpace.
![Half of the Neowin community admits to being virgins. This means the other half of the community did not answer the poll truthfully.[1]](/Image:Neovirgins.png)
Known Nazis
- creamhackered aka Tom W
- warwagon (lives in a basement)
- Neobond
- Bangbang023
- gigapixels
- simon360
- The_Decryptor
- giga
- RadishTM, the banning Nazi.
- shockz
- Joel
- Sean Bradford, steals fucking news articles if you submit them to the news desk
- Sazz181, just generally a douchebag.
Neotards
The Neotards are considered mentally retarded even by Neowin standards. Neotards are users with dogmatic political or religious beliefs and agendas. Neotards often start threads pushing their agendas delusions, and constantly get their ass handed to them in each thread. The Neotards mainly hang out in the "Real Word Issues" forum, though none of their posts are actually firmed in any kind of reality whatsoever.
- ZAnwar - A faggot for Allah and e-terrorist who has declared Jihad on the Neowin forums with over 9000 topics on why Islam is the true way, and western society is the devil. ZAnwar hates the west, Jews, faggots, and himself, but mainly the west. When ZAnwar isn't using his computer that was engineered in the west or far east, loaded with a pirated version of an American made product called Windows, so he can access an American and European designed technology named the Internet, to watch naked white women fuck -- he is scouring the Internet for more articles to post on Neowin.
- Mazhar - is also a faggot for Allah, probably an even bigger one than ZAnwar. Apart from being uneducated he displays a serious lack of reading comprehension, and is utterly incapable of giving a straight answer to any question, probably due to the retardation caused by several generations of Islamic brainwashing and inbreeding. he also has a serious obsession with rape, probably caused by the fact he doesn't have a chance in hell of getting laid, or because his religion doesn't allow masturbation. When not at his computer posting about how wonderful allah is, Mazhar spends most of his free time in his sandy shit stained hut dreaming of marrying, then having sex with his 9 year old cousin
- Fresh - A multicellular organism that has a single cell for a brain. Fresh exhibits the inability to grasp the most basic concepts, and is incapable of making a single logically coherent point. This makes him the wet dream of all leftarded Neowinians that need to pwn someone to feel smart or impress other Neowinians. Among Fresh's favorite obsessions are denying the existence of: foreskin, gravity, anthropogenic global warming, AIDS, Muslims, the Internet, and You. When Fresh isn't getting pwned on Neowin 24/7 he likes to pray to Jesus for more stunning insights. Has admitted to having feelings for his goat, and his intentions of eventually marrying it.
- Gaius - It is speculated that Gaius is a sockpuppet of Fresh because they are both so painfully stupid that the chances of having two faggots so equally retarded and delusional on the same forum is unlikely. However, after recalculating the overwhelming amount of fucktards on the Internet, and specifically on Neowin, the chances do not seem that unlikely. When Gaius isn't getting shredded by Neowinians that have a level of education higher than 6th grade, he worships Ron Paul.
- Anarcho-Capitalist - Gaius' reincarnation. Mostly known for advocating the vegan lifestyle, and its benefits, such as being immune to cancer. Was beaten during his childhood by kids who became doctors, which lead to him hating medicine and the health industry.
- Reidtheweed01 - The words have not yet been invented to describe just how harrowing his stupidity is.
- Budman - An insufferable know it all, whose advice should be avoided at all times.
True Idiots
- LTD - A true Mac fag. The nazis finally eliminated LTD, heil heil!
- ranasrule - Easy to confuse with ZAnwar. He hates the Jews, the Americunts, and the fags, but not the Muslim fags.
- Lord Ba'al - Middle-aged skript kiddie.
Known Trolls
Acts of Neowin genius
| Pathology of faggotry | ||||||
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Shift Linux
Shift Linux is Neowin's failed Linux distribution.[2]
Neowin Member Videos (aka warwagon making a fool out of himself)
Fall alseep to Warwagon's exaggerated sense of self-importance. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
External Links
- Neowin Homepage - Have you accepted Neowin as your personal Lord and Saviour?
- Shift Linux Homepage - Arch Linux + 1 theme.
