Naruto
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Naruto is the most successful of the yaoi-spawning hell-holes that is called anime, even being able to turn on the entire fangirl population/plague to yaoi and terrible fanfiction in the first place. Despite being so popular, otakus DESPISE this show because only their filthy inbred counterparts would watch this show in a sad attempt to Japanese, even though they do the same thing.
What made this show so rich is that it's about ninjas. Even when working with something as simple as ninjas, the writer, the producer, the artists, the voice actors, and even the creator all went of their way to make THESE ninjas as lame as possible. I mean for fuck sakes, the main character wears a fucking orange jumpsuit! How is a ninja supposed to hide in orange? Worse than that, pretty much every ninja in the show is bi having at least one relationship with a guy. Scientists have recently discovered that all the ninjas in this show crave cock, especially those stupid enough to consider this show "entertainment". This show is also, no matter how many fansubs insert the words "Fuck" or "Damn", IS FOR CHILDREN! IT'S A KIDS SHOW! GET THE FUCK OVER IT!
According to press reports, Naruto is "a cartoon about sand ninjas on television."[1]
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Plot
Part 1
There are too many characters in Naruto to list because its creator has fucking ADHD, so just know that pretty much everyone has a Dark Past ©, is an orphan, and has a power level of over 9,000. The creator seems to have made a conscious decision to include every fucking animu archetype know to man, proving what a retarded moron he is.
The creator made over 600 episodes, 500 of it is filler. Basically, Naruto is an otherkin that has demon fox inside him that can rape anything it wants. So in order for Naruto not just fuck everyone over with this power, the creator bullshitted everyone and said that Naruto can't use this power without killing himself. Naruto has three fuck buddies in this show, Sakura (who does nothing) and Hinata (who also does nothing) allowing for plenty of different pairings for fanfics!
Then there's Sasuke. The biggest emo you will ever see in a show. Despite the show being called NARUTO, it's really about Sasuke because all the fangirls cream over him and his brother Itachi...causing a lot of incest fics. At about episode whothefuckcares, Sasuke complains about his brother Itachi killing his clan and goes from emo to goth and joins local pedo-bear Orochimaru who's actually a snake! Sasuke is Naruto's 3rd fuck buddy resulting in about 90% of all fanfictions. These relationships are the main focus of the entire show, causing nothing to ever happen.
Part 2: Shitpuden
After the first 600 episodes, there's another 600 episodes called Shitpuden. This is when they finally bring out the badass villain ninjas.
Since Sasuke left the country to go kill his brother with the creepy pedophile Naruto thinks he's just CONFUSED! So to get him back, Naruto goes and trains for three years. Even after three years of not coming back, Naruto still thinks Sasuke is JUST CONFUSED and goes to try to find him. This is when the show picks up.
Then they bring out the badass ninja group that is called Akutsuki. They go around taking in all the furries and otherkins and KILL THOSE FUCKERS so there's constant war or some shit. It's never addressed. But even with the Akutsuki ninjas RIPPING OUT HEARTS and using them as their own, blowing up shit, not dying, maiming, and revealing plot twists they are all pretty much killed by Naruto and Sasuke. Including Orochimaru and Itachi.
In one bought of massive lulz, Sasuke kills Itachi only to find out that Itachi was a good guy! This nearly makes Sasuke kill himself, but the show CAN'T DO WITHOUT THE MAIN CHARACTER!!!1! So he just goes out and kills everyone else instead by joining Tobi.
Akutsuki's leader Pain (or Pein if you're a fag) makes up for this failure easily by killing everyone you've ever loved, making him Hitler incarnate, but then the butthurt fanboys made him revive them all again by killing himself. Tobi (or Madara Uchiha if you want to be a complete weeboo) then decides it is he's turn to make up for the faggotry of Naruto and Sasuke so Tobi tells everyone he's THE FIRST Uchiha, made the FIRST capital of the world, that he trained Itachi to commit some much needed genocide and Naruto's government ordered the genocide, AND made Akatsuki purely for the lulz. After all this master trolling, Tobi decides that Akatsuki totally sucked anyway and takes all the captured furries to make one uber-Pokemon, that will somehow blow up the moon causing a typhoon that will destroy the world or some stupid shit like that. Danzo, the George W. Bush of the story, becomes president and immediately declares Sasuke a rogue ninja meaning that the "good" characters of the show would HAVE TO KILL SASUKE! OH NO, SUP3R EV1L UN-KAWAII DESU~! Though, knowing the series, nothing will come out of this besides moar angst.
The Fans
Despite the show being the obvious Fail Sandwich it is, this show has the largest amount of fans out of any animu, and that's saying something. Even to the sub-human animu watchers the Naruto fans are retarded, placing them slightly above furries. So they were given the label Narutard!
All Narutards are basement-dwellers and weeaboos, THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS! Even if they are beautiful, it's just a ploy to convert you to Naruto and are just wearing someone's else skin of someone far more superior than themselves. The Narutards are also exceptional at ruining anything they touch since most of them are furfags anyway. Here are some of the media they have ruined.
Fanfiction
This was ruined to begin with but the Narutards had to shit in the pool of piss by clogging Fanfiction.net with 200,000 stories of ninjas not being ninjas. Top Scientist also have discovered that there are over 9,000 different Naruto pairings. All of them shit. Here are some of them:
- Naruto x Sasuke: The most common of the fanfictions due to the show's oh-so-subliminal messaging of faggotry. For every sick fetish you can imagine, an artist drew it.
- Naruto x Sakura: GUYS HAVING A FEMALE FRIEND AUTOMATICALLY MAKES THEM FUCKBUDDIES. RIGHT?.
- Sasuke x Sakura: What's better for an emo guy then a whining stalker? The answer would be a razor blade, but at least this has tits.
- Sasuke x Naruto x Sakura: Was choosing one of the earlier three to hard for your tiny brain? Then don't worry, just make Naruto bi, Sasuke gay (as always), and Sakura straight.
- Naruto x Hinata: ANOTHER Naruto pair up but replace the whinny bitch with a meek stalker that would fuck your brains out just like in all that hentai you watch.
- Akutsuki pairings: What happens when you take some
truly badass ninjas and turn them gay?HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, THEY WERE ALWAYS GAY. but regardless they are still Absolute fail. - Hinata x everyone: Even with the show's ridiculous shitload of characters, every single one of them has been paired with Hinata at some point in time. This is because Hinata having breasts automatically means she's Asking for it, and that paired with the fact that she even exists makes her a cocktease. These pairings usually start out as non-con, but eventually turn into fetish sex because again, she is Asking for it.
Video
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Theory
A leading theory suggests that at least every Linkin Park song that has ever existed will have a Naruto AMV video with it. And don't forget Disturbed! Even though Disturbed is used much more extensively by the Dragon Ball Z crowd. Once you realize that these are the only pools of talent these wigger weeaboo faggots choose from, an heroing starts to look pretty attractive.
Examples:
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Summary of Failure
Naruto is full of lame-ass flashbacks and retarded dialogue only to draw out the series more, and more, and more. There is the occasional fight, but in most cases they are incredibly full of shit that you might as well not even bother for watching for a decent fight. If you like whiny, emo, slow-as-fuck and boring shows with piss-poor dialogue and appeal toward an audience of 8 year olds who have been in the womb of a drug addict, then Naruto is for you. But even otaku with any brains in their heads also have the sense to h8.
This is what a typical Naruto episode is like:
- (Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Yamato run through a forest on endless tree branches)
- (Show an opening filled with Yaoi)
- (Zoom at Naruto's and other character's faces for two minutes)
- Sakura(Thinking to herself): "Sasuke!"
- (Flashback about Sasuke)
- (Incredibly long sweeping shot of two Sharingan Eyes against a black background)
- (Zoom at Sakura's face for another two minutes)
- Sakura(Looking at Naruto): "Sasuke..."
- (Flashback about something that happened in the previous episode/series)
- (Zoom at Sai's face for another two minutes)
- (Sai does something gay)
- (Zoom in to Yamato's face for another two minutes)
- Yamato: "..."
- (Zoom out to show them jumping on trees for two minutes)
- (Zoom back at Naruto)
- (Repeat 3 times)
- Naruto(Zoom into his eyes): "SASUKE!"
- (The End)
- (NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW: Naruto JUMPS IN MORE TREES AND MORE FLASHBACKS ABOUT SASUKE WILL BE SHOWN)
Winning Quotes
Naruto and ShitPutIn is in a constant flux between being emo and outright faggotry. However, once in awhile, they come together and create the perfect storm.
Rating
- Action: 2/10. When there are ninja battles, they're shit and could be anywhere between 50 to 150 episodes.
- Lulz: 2/10. Very little lulz. The only lulz that can be gained from the show are from trolling the fans.
- Faggotry: 50/10. Everyone is gay in this show, except for the girls which gets rid of the GOOD kind of gay. Even though the show never flat out says gay, anyone with an IQ over 50 can tell pretty damn clearly, proving that the Japanese are MASTERS of subtlety.
- Furry Fandom: 9/10. The show is about otherkins with SUpER PoW3RS!1!, but thankfully, the l33t Akutsuki kills them off or at least tries.
- Straightness: -1/10. Absolutely no focus on the girls, only the faggots.
Gallery
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External Links
- WTF it has its own Wiki!!!! Vandalize NAO!!!!!!!!!!!111
- There's a fanon wiki too! Hit it with your best shot!!!
See Also
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Naruto is part of a series on Anime. |
