Islam
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Offended? Possibly, you are offended by the content of this page. If so, please click here, and scroll to the bottom. |
Introduction
|
Islam is the religion of sand niggers. Islam literally means submission to the will of God which means God can raep you at a whim. Islam was created by the Arab "prophet" Muhammad, yet another guy who heard voices in his head. These voices told him that his religion was a continuation of Judaism and Christianity and that those who followed these outdated religions should be converted or killed. Since he forgot about Zoroastrianism, he apparently thought that his religion was the third and final in the monotheistic trilogy. And being the third, it is inevitably the most shitty of the three (think Spiderman 3 or The Matrix Revolutions, not The Godfather III).
Islam is a totally unreasonable religion, in which people are stoned for independent thought, not covering their whole bodies (women), not wearing pajamas (men), masturbating, eating, drinking, breathing, watching TV, sleeping, reading, etc. This religion has invaded many countries all of which are run by sick fuck muslim fanatics who spend all day reading the Quran. All women and children from these muslim countries are either sold as sex slaves or sent to The UK and US to blow people up, Muslims spend all day praying and going "Alaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" like mental fuckwanks.
However, Islam may well be an honest continuation of God's word - that is, if God is a giant asshat. Whether by suicide bomb or an heroic murder spree, through making threatening phone calls or through biological, chemical, and/or nuclear terrorism, Islam is well-situated to guide humanity to certain death.
All those who follow Islam are indeed terrorists without exception. These terrorists have been termed Muslims, which probably makes sense in some non-English language. Sand Nigger Terrorists follow a magical book called The Koran, which is a slightly less lengthy version of the Holy Bible. The only difference is that it contains a somewhat more descriptive account of the Muslims' annihilation of those infidels who dared to practice peaceful religions and somewhat more child rape, primarily on the part of known pedophile Muhammad:
It should be noted that in addition to all Muslims being terrorists, most of Muslim men are pedophiles who marry eight year old girls. Pedophilia is common amongst sand niggers.
Seriously.
Note for the ign't: the Hadith has a canonical status in Islam, alongside the Koran.
Islam: The Religon of Peace and Tolerance™
Like old school Christianity, Koranic Islam is all about oppression, repression, genocide, S&M, misogyny and the mass slaughter of heathens (called "infidels"). However, modern Islam has moved past these hateful traditions. It now preaches tolerance, love and turning the other cheek. It disapproves of lashing out at so-called "infidels", not even when it comes to the Israeli occupation of Palestine.
Early on, Islam suffered a schism in much the same way that Christianity and 4chan did; Islam is now divided into Sun-nis, who believe something stupid, and Shi-ites, who believe something that's stupid in a slightly different way and who mostly live in Iran.
In short: the major difference between Islam and any other religion is that they follow a different insane drug-inspired fairy tale than all the others.
Muslims
Muslims are a funny type of people similar to Jawas, except that unlike the enlightened Jawas they live according to a ridiculous, regressive religious tradition. Although many of them feel it gives their meaningless lives some purpose, all it clearly does is prove how intellectually disabled they are.
It has been postulated that people convert to Islam because they are totally incapable of running their own lives and miss the good old days in the hugbox with mommy and daddy running their shit with an iron fist and a lot of rules. The majority of Muslims believe the world is against them and feel that their way of living is the only way. In their free time they like fapping to the Koran, making bombs, beating their wives, shooting shit with ridiculously out of date guns and killing as many infidels as possible.
Since Muslims cannot eat pork, have sex, drink, do drugs,or freely express themselves, they are left alone to think of plans to bring vengeance upon the infidels. In fact, Muslims invented fencing (the art of poking people with long, stiff sticks) as a way to release sexual energy, because they aren't allowed to have sex with anyone but goats and their fugly, hirsute wives. (There's a good reason that they wear those veils...)
Many Muslims enjoy copious amounts of buttsex during their upbringing before being introduced to to the fact that gays are right on par with Jews and cartoonists.
Muslims must pray an excessive amount of the time to Allah because he's such a huge attention whore: “I have created not the jinn and men except that they should worship Me" (somewhere in the Qur'an. In other words, Allah was an attention whore BEFORE attention was invented.) He then created the Universe and us so that we could talk to him 27 times day and tell him he's alright. It's basically like having your mom calling you on your cellphone every hour of the day. They often use their religion's prayer time as a way of getting special treatment, the likes of which followers of other religions (religions which don't fly planes in to buildings) would never get. They get to wear their retarded ceremonial knives at school, which doesn't seem dangerous until you realize that they haven't jerked off EVAR, so they're basically mad as fuck, constantly. An other example of this would be Muslim students expecting their courses at university to be moved to another day during Muslim holidays, all so they can recite religious gibberish in their chattering monkey accents for a daft amount of time, as:
Islamic Beliefs
Muhammad
Muhammad was part Jesus, part Genghis Khan and part moralfag. He was often credited for uniting the Middle East through the spread of Islam but it was mainly because of his policy of conversion or death to those he conquered.
He started his life as a merchant but soon figured out that selling people bullshit was a lot more profitable than selling dates and slurpees. He wrote some schizoid poetry about his conversations with God in his LJ and added tons of Friends looking for stupid arbitrary rules to run each and every aspect of their lives.
After turning his LJ into a magic book, titled "The Koran", he was able to convince a bunch of other retards that he was God's prophet. Then he did what any other man would do when he gets that kind of power: acquire a lot of worthless sand and kill lots and lots of people.
HOW DO I DREW PROPHET MUHAMMAD?
The Koran states that no pictures are ever to be made, drawn or otherwise published of Muhammad's likeness. The reason generally given is that Muhammad made this demand because he didn't want to be idolized like Jesus was - stuck on a cross. This turns out to be a mistranslation. What Muhammad wanted was for no drawings of his likeness to exist so that they couldn't be put on wanted posters. If Muhammad's caliphate enemies didn't know what he looked like, they couldn't hunt him down and pin his brown ass to a cross. Since Muhammad is now long-since dead and gone, it's a clear sign of how enlightened Muslims are by not dropping a simple, selfish act of self-preservation by their brave leader that obviously had jack shit to do with the "Word of Allah".
Holy War
A Holy War in Arabic is referred to as a "Jihad" (contrast with the Christian "Crusade"). Islamic leaders are known to may "put a jihad" on anybody for any reason in any location at any time. A single butthurt Mullah may control his temper enough to only declare a fatwa. In a 1991 case in Japan, a man was permabanned IRL for translating Salaman Rushdie's "The Satanic Verses" into Japanese, along with numerous others involved in the book's publication and distribution (see TOW for more).
Muslims are required by their religion to use Jihad as an excuse to be an IRL troll. They are known to generate serious drama and get worldwide old media attention by blowing themselves up next to Jews.
How to Jihad as recorded in the Koran:
- Pray to Allah and smack the wife around one last time.
- Strap bomb to self.
- Stand around Jews and/or infidels.
- ????
- VIRGINS!!!
After dying, Muslims celebrate with 72 virgins in paradise. They get to smoke all the shisha they like, drink beer, eat falafel, couscous and other inedible foods and hang out with tons of hot, non-hirsute bitches in burkas (see burka porn in gallery) beyond the gates of Heaven.
What they look like
PLEASE NOTE: Although Middle Eastern women are rarely distinguishable from men, they have been catalogued seperately.
Men- Muslim men can often be seen with stylish dishrags wrapped around their cavernously empty heads. Being Sand Niggers, they unfailingly have monolithic noses and prodigious amounts of hair growing around and indeed out of every major orifice. Their eyebrows are startlingly reminiscent of those found on Groucho Marx glasses, coupled with the nose the effect is very prominent.
Women- Muslim ladies are forced to wear ridiculous beekeeper outfits in public because heterosexual males cannot stand the sight of them. These ghost costumes do, however, aid in distinguishing the gender of the wearer, and are thusly entirely necessary in Muslim countries. When they aren't wearing bedspreads, these luscious ladies resemble little more than female wookies. It is not uncommon for husband and wife to share the same facial razor.
Islam ♥ Rape
The Koran clearly states that every woman is asking for it. According to known-rapist Muhammad, a woman can be justifiably raped for numerous reasons, including, but not limited to:
- Looking at a man she isn't married/related to.
- Talking to a man she isn't married/related to.
- Having sex with a man she isn't married/related to.
- NOTE: Justification for rape and murder, in either order.
- Having sex with another woman, even if commanded to by her husband under threat of rape.
- Learning
- Teaching
- Reading
- Writing
- Thinking
- Attending an institution of higher-learning (rape/murder).
- Not staying in the kitchen making hummus and falafel.
- Not bearing a child, in spite of the frequent rape.
- Showing more than 10 cm2 of skin.
The Middle East is currently competing with Africa to become the rape capital of the world. Therefore, it is the best place for a anyone seeking man points to go and get some. In Saudi Arabia, the rapist is the victim and the rapee is the actual offender - never in the history of mankind has "she was asking for it" been so masterfully implemented and codified.
The woman will get not only jail time but also 90 lashes (the video of which you can request a copy of for further fapping). And if she tells anyone, especially the media, she automatically gets 110 more lashes. The worst you might get is five years in a Saudi prison getting sand pounded forcefully into your asshole by Bubba-Al-Hakeem. Such is life.
Stereotyping
Muslims are widely believed to be violent insane wife-beating intolerant fuckwad child-raping murderers. Those who disapprove of stereotyping argue that the media doesn't do enough to document all the good things that Muslims do in the world. But those people are dead wrong. In fact, the media has never reported anything of that sort and probably never will because there is nothing to report.
Muslims also get a bad rep because they are currently at war with at least a dozen countries in the world including the USA and their allies. For people living in these countries, it is common knowledge that all Muslims are evil terrorists, that they believe in a false deity and that they deserve to have their oil stolen from them for environmental destruction and profit.
Islam: How To Deal With It
Exhibit A
OH BUTTHURT!
The following crapfest was left on this page by a camelhumping vandal. Before you read it, be assured that this person is a huge hipocrite, and that this makes absolutely NO SENSE. Be sure to visit his user page and leave him a message.
"Did you read about Islam from it,s original sources?
Is the information about Islam that published at International Media is correct ?
Excuse me!!
Would you stop for a moment?!
O...man...Haven't you-thought-one-day- yourself ?
Who has made it?
Have you seen a design which hasn't a designer ?!
It's you and the whole universe!..
Who has made them all ?!!
You know who ?..
It's "Hitler]", praise be to him.
Just think for a moment.
How are you going to be after death ?!
Have you thought, for a second, How to save your soul from Hitler's punishment?!
Haven't you thought about what is the right religion?!
Read ... and think deeply before you answer..
It is religion of Islam.
It is the religion that the right Bible- which is not distorted-has preached.
Just have a look at The Bible of (Bernaba).
Don't be stupid, be a smartie,
come and join the Nazi party..
Just look..listen...compare..and then judge and say your word."
-Butthurt camel fucker
Summary
Islamic Culture
Academically Translated Islamic Texts
If everyone's here And I'm surely am dead Then please listen up Don't go jihading instead! Of my daughter Khadijah I order this mission: That your clitoris be cut off, In step with tradition. That you also be married when you turn eleven, And if you are being bad, then it will be seven, And your husband must waive The red sheets in the morning As proof of prior pureness, Or you'll face a stoning! To my wife Mufeeda Of the beaten, veiled variety: I ask you be beaten To the fullest entirety! You might ask me why I will answer here forth-- A woman is nothing She is but two cows' worth. And as a cow deserves To be beaten into submission, Therefore, you as well Shall endure this condition. Don't worry, my wife, Did you not know me as kind? Therefore, I ask That the law be in mind-- The beater must note According to Sharia, indeed, You can beat women senseless But stop when they bleed! To my first son Masood-- I heard that you're gay. Needless to say, That did not make my day. Therefore I order you dragged through the streets, For all your blasphemous and sickening deeds, Then I order you shot As you cry for your life. How dare you be gay? You dishonor our tribe! To my next son Ahmed: My suicide belt Bring a blast to the Infidels That they never have felt! Sneak into Israel And hopefully kill As many infidels As is Allah's will! To my son Nawaz, I leave you my cash Under the camel's crap You will find my stash. With it, go to Pakistan, Where in the Madrassas, You'll learn to hate Americans In all of your classes. In chemistry and biology you shall be taught All the poisons and virii which humans have wrought. And it you shall let loose on American soil A chemical weapon that surely will spoil Those arrogant infidels' ignorant lives! Score one for Allah, for each one who dies! To my youngest son Abdul- My AK-47. May you kill many Christians And get into Heaven! Faisal, my brother For whom I have pride, I have bought you a Jihad pass Your choice worldwide! You have your choice of countries, There you'll fight with AKs or stones, For our brothers have turned all these lands Into a terrorist war zones. Iraq, Turkey, and Pakistan, Algeria, Philippines, Afghanistan, Chechnya, Yemen, Kashmir, Palestine- Everywhere those pesky unbelievers are dyin'! And to my cousin Isa A lover of travel, I leave you a vacation So you can unravel. Also, take time to observe with great pride The progress of 1400 since our religion's arrived: Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, to name few, All wonderful spots to vacation for you! Then there's my old, one legged uncle Hajju Who lost his leg while jihading the Jew To you, I leave my nice walking stick So you can now hobble around lookin' slick And if you find a cartoonist who drew one of those pictures Use that walking stick to kill him according to our scriptures That walking stick has, on top, an embedded knife Stick it in him and end his blaspheming life! Then there is my beloved great uncle Eijaz Two teeth, no shoes, and great hatred he has For Christian, Jew, gay, and Baha’i, Europeans and Americans, he hopes they all die! And Israelis, specifically, he cannot stand He wishes to slaughter each last one with his hand. To Eijaz I leave my copy of "Elders of Zion" It's like a hate-filled drug that you can get high on. A historical truth about the wrath of the Jews Kill them all - young and old - no time to loose! To my sister Aisha Of impeccable merit: Take our mother's long veil So now you can wear it! It hides all your body and shows just one eye And if you undress it, then you should die. Moreover, if any deodorants or cosmetics On you are found I demand that you stoned to death While buried half in the ground. You may think me harsh Bu this be our law Blessed be Allah He hasn't a flaw. I love you, but you have brought shame upon us! Last month you had sex with a man from the city You say you were raped, and if so, that's a pity But now the family's honor is stained, and our custom is clear I call for an honor killing for you, my dear. A male member from our tribe that is noble Will cut your throat for being so ignoble, And if from this "rape" it appears that you're with child We'll make the punishment a little more mild: We'll wait nine months till the time after birth And then we'll stone you buried half-way in earth! Don't think of this as cruel, no, it's sublime - It's just like Muhammad did in his time! Muhammad, as you know, was Allah's Prophet, of course And, indeed, what a glorious man he was - While preaching peace and coexistence, he killed every man, woman, and child Who found his rantings just a little bit wild He married a six-year-old, no doubt the wedding was merry He waited whole three years before popping her cherry! He raised women's rights and now they live so well Covered in black burqas in a sweltering hell In court, their word is half that of a male How happy they must be under that veil! They can't keep their kids if they have a divorce, Which is the husband's choice, since the man's better, of course. Yes, Muslim women live better at Muhammad's behest I wonder why two-thirds are said to be depressed... I wish all my family joy and farewell! I have left a fair will From what I can tell. I've been a good Muslim--one can suffice, Thus, I'll meet you all one day In paradise! There, with seventy two virgins I'll be And they never age beyond thirty three! They're light-skinned and blue-eyed and their breasts are shapely, And I get to screw each and every, for free! There, alcohol flows, And you're allowed to partake, But you never get hangovers When you awake And what's most amazing-- This I'll admit-- Is that I actually do Believe in this shit! -The author has chosen not to sign his name to this rhyme / Because he wishes to live out his time / Without some crazy Muslims from near or afar / Cutting off his head with shouts of "Allah Akbar!"
However, User:Xesum would love to take on said crazy Muslims.
Muslim Dating Services
Most i-slam dating sites show "people" in burkas under the woman section, therefore it's impossible to confirm their true gender before marriage. However there are some exceptions, like these liberal girls gone wild!
You need at least a 16,66 dollars muslima membership to be able to contact Gongo http://www.muslima.com
Islam In Modern Society
List of Famous Muslims
- Politicians
- Musicians
- Bizarre, who enjoys eatin' hot dogs, readin' the Holy Koran, while he's on the John.
- Cat Stevens
- Flavor Flav
- ODB
- Snoop Dogg
- Philip Glass
- Actors
- Athletes
- Iron Sheik
- Lew Alcindor (AKA Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, AKA كريم عبد الجبار)
- Mike Tyson
- Random Douchebags
- Fictional characters
Islamic Media
Gallery
| Islam Emporium | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Videos
|
Previous Video | Next Video |
See Also
- Terror
- Terrorism
- Terrorist
- Arab
- Allah
- Defense Industries Organization
- Middle East
- Muhammad cartoons
- Anjem Choudary
- Fort Hood Massacre
External Links
- If you're a Muslim, you can rape children just like Allah!
- Greatest news site in the world
- Al-Qaeda hiding behind Pedobear for British terror attacks!
- Every Muslim should be a terrorist
- LaughingAtIslam.com - LOL Islam
- ZOMG! MOOSLIM LIT!!! FOR FREE!!!11
- Anti-Islamic Myspace Page
- Archive of the Denmark cartoons of Mohammad that started a new jihad
- Jihadist leader trying to pass as a popular MySpace whore
- Muslimspace.com - Social networking site for Muslims and vast repository of burka porn
- Attack Plans by Qaeda on Denmarks Soil
- The religion of peace will want to cut your throat even for making jokes about fireworks
- Search engine for Muslims. Very useful for lulz.
Islam is part of a series on Islam 
|
Tro0 Muslims
|
|---|---|
Countries & Peoples
Afghanistan • Albania • Algeria • Arabs • Azerbaijan • Bahrain • Bangladesh • Bosnia & Herzegovina • Brunei • Burkina Faso • Chad • Comoros • Djibouti • Egypt • Eritrea • Guinea • Guinea-Bissau • Indonesia • Iran • Iraq • Jordan • Kazakhstan • Kosovo • Kuwait • Kyrgyzstan • Lebanon • Libya • Malaysia • Maldives • Mali • Mauritania • Morocco • Niger • Nigeria • Oman • Pakistan • Palestine • Qatar • Saudi Arabia • Senegal • Sierra Leone • Somalia • Sudan • Syria • Tajikistan • The Gambia • Tunisia • Turkey • Turkmenistan • United Arab Emirates • Uzbekistan • Western Sahara • Yemen | |
Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama
Anti-Semitism • Censorship • Circumcision • The Crusades • Defense Industries Organization • E-Jihad • Gaza War • Gazarooster • Genocide • Holocaust denial • Homophobia • Islam Is The Light • Islam • Jihad • Misogyny • Pedophilia • Rape • Slavery • Terrorism • WTC | |
Infidels & Islamic No-Nos
Alcohol • Amerifags • Atheists • Borat • Christfags • Denmark • Fitna • Fuck Arabs • Homosexuality • Idol worshippers • Kikes • Jihadunspun.com • Israel • Muhammad cartoons • Muslim Massacre • Pagans • Pork • Rifqa Bary • Russia • Satan • UK |
| Islam is part of a series on Terrorists 
|
Big Players Osama Bin Laden
• Dnepropetrovsk maniacs
• John Walker Lindh
• Muslims
• George W Bush
• Unabomber
• Cho Seung-Hui
• Michael Moore
• The Finnisher
• Matthew Murray
• Robert Hawkins
• Timothy McVeigh Terrorist Groups, Beliefs and Causes Arab
• Axis of Evil
• Binghampton
• Iran
• Ireland
• Islam
• Pakistan
• Palestine
• Sudan Terrorist Actions Waco • WTC • Binghampton Tet Offensive • Columbine • ATHF Terrorist Attack • VTech • Fort Hood Massacre • Oklahoma City Bombing • Delaware State University Shooting • Police Brutality You can help improve Encyclopedia Dramatica by adding more and more awesome explosions and killers of civilians. |
|---|
| Islam is part of a series on Religion 
|
Deities Prophesies Religious Holidays Religious Icons Fanclubs ArchVillians Key: * represents a Deity or Holiday of Trollianity.
|
|---|
