Mrfetch

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Paul Carnes (aka Paul Fetch) is a ridiculous queer tool who gained instant e-fame when he promised to raise an army and confront Anonymous. It was instantly obvious to Anonymous that his video address was a furious ball of repetitive nothing.

Carnes, who learned of Anonymous from news stories covering PROJECT CHANOLOGY, apparently misunderstood Anonymous to be an organized group consisting of contentious adolescents looking for a cause. Carnes hoped to recruit such anons as soldiers to fight his personal battles on the issues of net neutrality and free speech. When declaring himself the King of Anonymous failed, Paul grew petulant. Paul continues to make videos in an effort to ~~troll~~ whore himself to Anonymous and regain his e-fame.

1 Background
2 Mrfetch
3 Fetch Exposed
- 3.1 The Skype Implosion
4 Gone with the Copypasta
5 Obilgatory Sex Scandal
6 Quotes
7 The IRL Collection
8 See also
9 External Links
- 9.1 Videos

[edit] Background

2007 was a busy year for Anonymous. Among other things, they trolled YouTube user Gay Diamond IRL by prank calling HIM and threatening to burn down his trailer house. This prompted Gay Diamond to delete all of his videos and quit YouTube forever. Anonymous showed no signs of slowing down in 2008; by the middle of January the DoS phase of PROJECT CHANOLOGY had already begun. Anonymous' retaliation against Scientology drew widespread news coverage, and the attention of idiots like Paul Carnes.

[edit] Mrfetch

HAY GUISE

On Friday January 25, 2008, under the user account mrfetch, Paul Carnes uploaded a video entitled "ANONYMOUS Stand Down!!!," in which he "confronted" Anonymous. Carnes instantly became a YouTube billionaire.

[edit] ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS Stand Down!!

Carnes' first video. He wore a wife-beater.

Paul orders Anonymous to stand down—11 times. He then appeals to YouTubers to "unite as a tube," and threatens to destroy any Anonymous who choose not "surrender." He promised to reveal his plan of attack—as megalomaniacs are prone to do—in a second video that he would post on Monday.

On January 27, Carnes dropped his own fake dox in the comments for his video, either as a diversion or as a first attempt at raising a personal army. By January 28, his real dox were all over YouTube.

[edit] Paul Fetch (according to [1])

Who is Paul Fetch?

Paul Fetch is a freedom fighter who has stood up for equal rights, freedom and justice countless times both in real life and online. ~~On April 17, 2008, Paul Fetch took place as leader of Anonymous. Since that time, he has done greatly, with the help of Anonymous to start proceedings to eliminate any form of hate on the Internet.~~ Even now, with a massive following and tons of support from all directions, Paul has refused any offers to appear on radio or TV (Because he hasn't had any amirite?) preserving his time for leading the single greatest group on the face of the planet.

[edit] Other Videos

Carnes made three more videos before being thoroughly exposed.

[edit] ANONYMOUS This is War

Monday, January 28, 2008. Paul tells Anonymous that they'll never find him, then says that he's building an army. Paul says he'll announce the first attack on Friday.

[edit] ANONYMOUS Gets Attacked!!!

Paul claims Anonymous tried to prevent him from uploading his next video. This "attack" lead him to make a new account under the name Paulfetch. Carnes unleashed his attack. As it turns out, his attack relies heavily on user participation. Here is his simple two step plan:

Create a new account on YouTube and complain about Anonymous until Anonymous feels bad and quits
Infiltrate Anonymous and act as lulz-killers by interfering with raid plans.

Carnes promised to return on Wednesday, February 6. He explains that he will address two video responses in favor of his cause, and two video responses against his cause.

[edit] ANONYMOUS Inside info

“	I mean, THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!1!!!!!!11	„
—Paulfetch

Unfortunately for Paul, it seems that he had trouble finding any video responses that supported him. Seeing his hopes of diverting a massive online army to his own ends fade, Paul basically apologizes for being so darn hard on Anonymous. He then spews something incoherent about net neutrality and digital freedom before playing clips from three video responses criticizing him. If Paul himself weren't enough, each of the clips will make you want to swallow a gun barrel. After each Paul mumbles something about the awesome talent on YouTube. He concludes with this statement:

“	One of my spies informed me that, this group has the blueprints to Tom Cruise's house. And they're planning to do physical harm to Tom Cruise. I want to encourage that spy to go to the authorities.	„
—paulfetch, Taking the bait.

Paul wouldn't say when the next video would be posted, as hackers continue to attack him and prevent him from posting (even though he posted this video without a problem). But he promised that this video would REALLY be his strike against Anonymous, and would give them something to think about. Really. For real this time.

[edit] Fetch Exposed

“	I really like this Skype thing	„
—Paul Carnes

So it turns out Carnes hoped to put together a cabal of 12 super-Anony-spies to infiltrate Anonymous and steer the group in the "right" direction. In relation to this goal, Carnes feared that Anonymous would destroy itself, or that someone like Mark Bunker would beat him to the punch.

Carnes explained all of this via Skype to Cyanterrorist and rickyricardo123, who promptly uploaded the conversation to YouTube in two parts.

Carnes kept his cool, and put forth his side of the story in a video entitled To All the Haters and Everyone Else.

[edit] The Skype Implosion

TehBigToaster excited for Carnes; prepares for anon fetish night on skype

Carnes eventually pulled himself together. On April 26, he published a video under the cheerful and somewhat suggestive title of I Want You. In the video, he makes the following statements:

Okay so went onto by YouTube account today. I lost about 1000 subscribers. Give or take. Maybe a few hundred, I don't know.
Well let me tell you something: I took over Anonymous. Now I'm the leader. That's not going to change.
Anonymous is an opportunity to get things right.
The Skypecast will be held on April 30th. . . . It's going to be a Skypecast, where you can ask me questions.

Fast forward to April 30th. During the Skypecast, Fetch yakked and yakked and yakked. Somebody finally played a soundbit yelling at Fetch to shut the hell up, and after three minutes of agreeing that he should be quiet, Fetch finally shuts his mouth and lets some people talk. Fetch then nearly cries when the people who were hosting it with him who he thought were his friends turned out to be trolls and told him what they really thought of him. After some serious RAGE, Fetch is asked what makes him qualified to be Anonymous' leader. Fetch first pretends not to hear the question, and then when it is repeated, he leaves the Skype session. The owner of www.stoppaulfetch.com was win enough to save the whole thing and upload it (in eight parts) to both to his website and YouTube.

Here are the 8 videos of the Skypecast: in order:

[edit] Gone with the Copypasta

bodyXPolitic when mrfetch uploads a new video.

"Hot BodyXpolidicking", by Anonymous
Bodyxpolitic lay there in bed, next to his leader. His fourteenth birthday was tomorrow. He was getting older, puberty striking at his mind, voice, and body. He kissed Paul Fetch on the cheek, puling him closer and thanking him for being his friend. Then it happened. It had been happening often since he was thirteen and he had no control over it. His erection tented his boxers, pressing against his friend's rump. "Stop.." Paul Fetch mumbled with a growl, pushing him away. Bodyxpolitic turned onto his back, pulling his under shorts down and revealing his standing pillar, about five inches. Average, he figured. He shook Paul Fetch awake. He didn't wake easily and grumbled and growled, but eventually sat up. "What, Bodyxpolitic?" He asked angrily, wanting very much to go back to sleep. "I love you." "I love you too.." Paul Fetch said awkwardly. 'What is this about?' He wondered. "Do you really love me?" "Yeah, why?" Paul Fetch sat up further, sleep forgotten. "I want to have buttsecks with you.." Bodyxpolitic blushed. "Wait! What?" "I love you so much, I want to show you how much I love you, how much I appreciate how you've cared for me over the years, and been there for me. Now I want to be there for you." Paul Fetch looked perplexed, he stared at Bodyxpolitic, and then at the corner of his eye, there he saw it, Bodyxpolitic's standing erection, dead toward his face. He knew instantly. "Oh..." There was a pause, for a moment they did nothing but lay there, Bodyxpolitic staring hungrily toward Paul Fetch' beautiful faggy face as he in turn looked directly at Bodyxpolitic's smooth young cock. [oh fuck what did i just read] [Click here for moar, cutie] 0

A feeling stirred inside of Paul Fetch that he'd never felt before, not even through all of the years they had been friends. He bit his lower lip. "Bodyxpolitic, I.." "Please, just kiss me." "I-" "Please, just once. If you don't like it, I'll never bring it up again. Just once, please, for me." Paul Fetch was silent, but then slowly replied, "Okay. For you." Bodyxpolitic's hand reached up behind Paul Fetch' hairy neck, and slowly drew their faces closer to each other. His lips parted softly and a soft moaning emanated from them, anticipating the taste of his friends wet mouth to come. Paul Fetch resisted, but that only made Bodyxpolitic pull him in harder. Their lips met sideways, mouths open, their labored breaths mixing with each others. Bodyxpolitic pulled away slightly as they fully contacted with each other. "Oh, Paul, Paul..." A wave of sensation filled Paul Fetch' entire body, every muscle quaked with a shock of pure pleasure, his body melted, his lips quivered as they moved wet and hot against his friends'. With each passing of their tongues, he became more ravenous. More hungry. More like a leader. He suddenly pulled away, his finger’s clawed, accidentally scratching Bodyxpolitic across the cheek. "Oh god, Bodyxpolitic. I, fuck." "Just let it come to you, old buddy." "Fuck, I.. Fuck me." "What?" "I said fuck me. Fuck me now." "Turn over." Paul Fetch immediately and excitedly turned over onto his stomach, his ass facing toward Bodyxpolitic, the muscles of his anus causing it to puff out, exposing the bright pink, smooth innards that poked through the hair of his furry cheeks. He moaned in soft anticipation. He was afraid Bodyxpolitic's mother might hear. "FUCK ME. PLEASE. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WAIT." Paul Fetch was nearly crying, as Bodyxpolitic's hesitation was like a thousand stabs to his heart. He felt like his world was tearing apart, lest his old childhood friend fucked him in the ass, right then and there. "Sure thing, buddy." Bodyxpolitic grasped the base of his cock, touching the top to the base of Paul Fetch' bright pink asshole. From the depths of Paul Fetch' throat came a mighty roar like that which had never been witnessed, as Bodyxpolitic's hard, 13 year old cock slid roughly into the depths of his ass. Bodyxpolitic's hips began to jerk, he felt the warmth of his friend's insides, he was fucking Paul Fetch in the ass. He knew this, but he just couldn't believe it. But he always came back to that warmth, and it shocked him back to the pleasure of his present reality. "OH GOD" Paul Fetch roared out, his English words were barely intelligible through his native alabama tongue. Bodyxpolitic pumped faster, harder, deeper into his leader's asshole, feeling the warm, wet suction as it pumped in and out. Paul Fetch' asshole began to bleed, and it only made Bodyxpolitic hornier. "Oh God, oh Jesus. I love you, Paul. I love you." "I love you too. Oh God I do." Bodyxpolitic's thrusting was so frantic, that neither had any room for words after so many minutes. They simply fell into the pleasure, into the depth of the feeling. Two friends, deeply rooted in fun and adventure, in the world of youtube, stickam, skypecasts, it all came rushing to them. Bodyxpolitic thought back on so many memories he'd had with this dear cherished friend, and came back to the moment at hand, and he realized that all of those beautiful moments finally had a focal point. He finally got what he wanted. He finally was making love to Paul Fetch. He continued to thrust, unthinking, until Paul Fetch turned, stared into his eyes. "Remember the time my house was swatted while you were away on vacation? When I was in the house? Oh god, I was so scared. I thought I would never see you again. I wanted to tell you so many things. That night, god, I wanted you to make love to me. I thought I would never have you again. Please come. Come in me like I always wanted you to that night. COME IN ME!" Bodyxpolitic's penis contracted in over 9000 spasms that shook the very depths of Paul Fetch' small, tight ass. He filled Paul Fetch to his stomach with his loving cum. He filled his ass. And he filled both of their hearts. "GOD I FUCKING LOVE YOU. OH GOD." "I LOVE YOU TOO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." They screamed to the heavens, these two, best friends, becoming one. But they were cut short by a sudden noise. Bodyxpolitic's mother came rushing into his room, her robe barely tied, her feet tripping up over themselves as she clumsily made her way to him in the dark. She flicked on the light. There, she saw her son, completely naked, hands gripped tightly over the waist of a blowup male doll, his penis half way inside of a hole overflowing with a mixture of sperm and lube. The goop from Paul Fetch' insides soaked the sheets and the lower part of Bodyxpolitic's body. "Are you, oh my god." The next morning, Bodyxpolitic's mother told his father what had happened, after recovering from the shock, and Bodyxpolitic's father spent the day beating the shit out of him, Bodyxpolitic was broken almost to the very edge of his life. And when it was over, and Bodyxpolitic was able to recover and see out of one eye, he made Bodyxpolitic watch him as he shoved his blow up doll, Paul Fetch, his best friend in the whole world, the love of his life, into a fire. Bodyxpolitic cried, but his dad just backhanded him and told him to go finish his homework. The next day, Bodyxpolitic's parents scheduled him to permanently see a psychiatrist. 3 years later, Bodyxpolitic shot himself in the face.

[edit] Obilgatory Sex Scandal

Fetch is gayer. How gay? He's even gayer than you. That's how gay Fetch is.

Feb 25, Paul Fetch Doesn't Have Sex: Fetch explains that he thought he had AIDS.
Aug 5, LEAKED! Paul Fetch skype sex tape: Paul gets all girly girl with a boy from the UK.
Aug 15, The Truth About Paul Fetch: Paul's boyfriend (or brother, or whoever he's screwing) becomes a target.

“	fetch eats his own precum dude...do what you've got to do. god will forgive you. he hates fags.	„
—anonymous

[edit] Quotes

Paul talking about his erectile dysfunction...

“	I'm taking you serious, I'm taking you serious—you hear me—I'm taking you serious. There was another group that people didn't take serious. It was a little while ago. They were called the NAZIS.	„
—Paul, Failing immediately

“	And yes! I am from Alabama! Yes! I am! From Alabama!	„
—Paul, Stating the obvious

“	STAND DOWN!!!! ..... STAND DOWN!!!! ..... STAND DOWN!!!!	„
—mrfetch

“	I'm taking you serious. I'm taking you serious. I'm taking you serious.	„
—mrfetch, Rhetorical prodigy

“	Stop Feeding the Troll!!! GTFO the Internet!!!	„
—mrfetch on himself. Proof.

[edit] The IRL Collection

Paul Fetch Gallery

wut ?	Jazz hands!	when you see it...	third from left side
third from left side, again lulz			'Nuff said.
BAAAAAWWWWW!

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

Paul Fetch declares War on Anon.	This is what he looks like while facepainting.	The first known spy of Mrfetch's army whose one skill was to intimidate the hell out of the internet.	Mr Fetch and his army of "Spys".
Y so serious?	Paul Fetch likes 'em younger.
"Two fingers please." — Fetch to cowboy lover, indicating how many fingers to insert into his anus	Raging Against The Machine		Paul is a leader!
	Why he's called MrFetch. photo from his YouTube videos	Hay guise, He's fighting back!	stand down Anonyoumiss
HAY GUISE	Best case scenario, he's still retarded.	A spy disguised as anon, be afraid!
	He's Taking You Serious.	Paul Fetch: Asking For It	Paul Fetch: He's Takin' Anon serious
		One of the Fetch's attempts to appeal to 12-year-old boys.	The true face of Fetch?
When you see it...	Fetch with his fellow friends at a meet...	Carnes tables for Alabama KKK	Like Rule 34, if it exists, there is fanart of it.