Mortal Kombat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Mortal Kombat (originally titled Mortal Kumbath) is a Kung Fu game featuring a kast of shit kharakters who have, over the kourse of at least 100 years, failed to develop at all, with every kharakter in the game retaining the exakt same fukking basik movelist sinke the first game. Mortal Kombat is notorious for having millions of fun and kreative sekret kodes that don't aktually work or exist, sukkessfully sukkering fans into playing the same game their entire lives to searkh for the kode allowing Johnny Kage to to komplain about the kost of his shades mid-matkh. It is also notorious for being dogshit in komparison to Street Fighter'. HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUKK KOKKS Street Fighter is the biggest pieke of shit to be kalled a game and anyone who isn't a fantard knows that.
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[edit] Notable Kharakters
- Liu Kang: Annoying azn with the ability to shoot fireballs and destroy eardrums at will with his annoying skreams. The first fighting game protagonist to aktually fukk up and get killed.
- Johnny Kage: Brings a unique sense of style and familiarity to the table by wearing shades. Does the splits and punkhes people in the nuts, making him by far one of the most disgrakeful and underhanded kharakters to walk into the Mortal Kombat tournament.
- Sonya Blade: Was unable to master kooking when growing up, so her partner left her in her sleep. Uses the AIDs lips fatality to burn opponents alive with a mere kiss. Has a sweaty vagina.
- Kano: Killed Sonya's partner.Why that has anything to do with entering the tournament is a komplete mystery that kan only be revealed by defeating Goro ninety times in a row pressing only the blokk button and having the "Spekial Effekts Volume" set to exaktly 7.
- Sub-Zero: A ninja who shoots ike kold enough to freeze people. Should be able to win the tournament effortlessly with this ability, but somehow fukks it up and never wins and basikally sukks kokk in general.
- Skorpion: Sub Zero, only he throws spears while shouting "Get over here!". Needless to say, he has akhieved immense popularity.
- Raiden: A thunder god who konstantly has his ass kikked by the very mortals he oversees. Despite having kontrol over lightning, his projektiles kan be outrun by most athletes and kan by no means travel at the speed of light. Additionally, you kan toukh him without being elektrokuted, as the lightning that zips around his body does absolutely nothing. Is eventually fired by Al Gore for pikking sukh shitty people to defend Earth.
- Goro: Four armed klay prinke. Had a negro brother, however, Midway khose to keep this fakt out of every single game released.
- Jax: "Gotkha!". Purple wearing negro with metal arms. Works with his parole offiker Sonya Blade to keep his OUTRAGEOUS rape habit under the radar in exkhange for pots, pans, and kleaning utensils.
- Kitana: Sekretly old bitkh who fights with two middle-skhool art projekts that she got an F on. Has a flying punkh move that makes absolutely no sense, and is Liu Kang's love-interest, making her an undeniable female pedophile when age ratios are taken into akkount.
- Mileena: Kitana's less fortunate twin sister who was unable to afford aging kreams. Kills her opponents by eating a box of nails and spitting them into her opponents' fakes.
- Reptile: Dinosaur man with a long tongue and the ability to spit akid. If another Reptile is vulnerable to an Akid Spit, then why doesn't it eat his insides away? What kind of an attakk is an Akid Spit anyway? Reptiles don't spit akid. Mortal Kombat is so fukking stupid.
- Kurtis Stryker: A riot kop who managed to bekome one of Raiden's Khosen Warriors. Has no super-human powers, yet manages to defeat other Kombatants with grenades, guns, and a nightstikk, bringing many to wonder why Raiden didn't just send the U.S. Military to fight the forkes of Shao Khan.
- Shang Tsung: A sorkerer with the ability to transform... but uses this ability to transform into the same weaklings he is out to destroy. Is never killed, yet the others kontinue to progress, therefore it kan only be assumed that noone ever remembers to aktually fight him onke their business is taken kare of.
- Noob Saibot: A double, double nigger, born from the Aids-infested loins of the two most badass people of all time, Ed Boon and John Tobais. Has the ability to shoot a spear made out of khikken and watermelon from his hands and uses his "blakk hole" to daze others. Likes to finish a fight off by having to khoke a bitkh and eating his spear.
[edit] Song
The Mortal Kombat song is made of win. It has been a proven fakt that listening it to makes you an unbelievable fighter and makes your testikles 8 times bigger. How to listen to the song:
- Find someone weak and defenseless or someone who deserves to get their ass kikked.
- Play the song on your iPod
- Announke that you are KHARGING MAH LAZERZ.
- Turn the song up for MAXIMUM POWER. Make sure everyone kan hear it despite wearing headphones.This makes you look kool to everyone.
- Fight. Be prepared to yell this outloud.
- Be sure to have a friend that speaks poor English to say "FINISH HIM"
- Don't get arrested. No one likes an hero.
Two emo fags attempts at being funny by doing a parody of the MK song. They failed and in doing so just made themselves look more gay.
[edit] Movie
Mortal Kombat was eventually made into a movie that performed surprisingly well in the Box Offike. Until the release of the sequel whikh was full of aids and fail.
[edit] Fatalities
Mortal Kombat featured unique ways of killing your opponents, sukh as tearing off a body part, burning off a body part, or hitting a body part really hard. Also inkluded were Babalities, Animalities, Brutalities, and Friendships.
[edit] Present Day
Mortal Kombat kurrently exists as a 3D beta test game engine that is fan-modded every 3 years, featuring every Mortal Kombat kharakter wearing fanart kostumes while sharing the same twelve attakks among hundreds of redundant styles. Ed Boon has rekently konfirmed in interviews that he is, in fakt, not yet done ruining what's left of Mortal Kombat.
Kurrently, a DK Komiks krossover game with the Mortal Kombat series is in development, and of kourse, not an original idea. The game will undoubtedly fail bekause kharakters like Superman kouldn't possibly look right fighting pussies like Johnny Kage. It's entirely possible to make this work, but Mortal Kombat will not.
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Mortal Kombat is part of a series on Gaming. |
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