Metal Gear Solid
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Metal Gear Solid is a series of stealth games that have spawned sequels, drama and plenty of manly tears. The main objective of the game is to hide around corners until oddly incompetent guards look the opposite direction, all amid a convoluted plot involving nuclear weapons, nanotechnology, war, and government conspiracy. For a similar IRL thrill, hide in the alleyway behind a lesbian bar looking for women to rape.
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The Games
Like any Japanese game that is commercially successful in the U.S., Metal Gear Solid had spawned a massive cult-following that believes the series to be perfect, even during massive backtracking just to change the temperature of a fucking keycard. Despite having more plot twists and cliches than a Steven Seagal movie, by video game standards, the story gains kudos for being fairly deep and meaningful. The series is the brainchild of Hideo Kojima, who is arguably the biggest troll in video game history. Worth noting is the lack of variety in character's names. There is Solid Snake (Later called Old Snake), Liquid Snake, Solidus Snake, and Naked Snake (later called Big Boss not to be confused with The Boss.)
Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2
Unless you were one of the 20 people who actually owned an MSX2, these games need not concern you. You could just read the plot summary of these games that comes with MGS1.
Metal Gear:
Solid Snake must infiltrate a secret facility inhabited by an elite terrorist group and destroy the ultimate weapon: Metal Gear. After he succeeds we learn the true identity of their leader, it's really Big Boss.
Metal Gear 2:
Solid Snake must infiltrate a secret facility inhabited by an elite terrorist group and destroy the ultimate weapon: Metal Gear. After he succeeds we learn the true identity of their leader, it's really Big Boss.
Metal Gear is known worldwide for being one of the best games EVAR (rivaled only by Superman 64), but don't tell the Angry Nintendo Nerd.
'Metal Gear Solid
The game revolves around our GAR hero Solid Snake, who must take down his brother Liquid before he uses a Metal Gear to launch a nuke. It is somehow a shock that Liquid has a Metal Gear, despite "Metal Gear" being in the title of the game. Clearly, the Japanese have out American-ed the Americans in thinking up shitty plots.
Snake is supported by Meryl Silverburgh, a barely legal soldier whose ass is an important plot point, and Otacon (moar liek Shotacon, amirite?), a weeaboo who built Metal Gear because he always dreamed of creating an anime-inspired mecha. Yes, really. Snake later meets his old friend Gray Fox, who begs Snake to punch him and kick him as he screams in ecstasy for more. Seriously.
Snake goes on to defeat the members of FOXHOUND, all of whom spout cod-philosophy from people that take longer to die than Willem Dafoe in Platoon, In a roughly ten-minute period, Snake discovers that Master Miller is dead, Liquid Snake is impersonating him, Snake is actually a clone of Big Boss and has been infected with FoxDie, and that Naomi Hunter is Gray Fox's adoptive sister. You find all this out through CODEC, which have no emotion or drama.
Metal Gear is destroyed and Liquid is defeated in a topless fistfight on top of a robot, before he finally succumbs to FoxDie. If the player survived the torture segment mid-game, Snake rides off into the sunset with Meryl for a week of hot Alaskan sex. If the player failed, however, he is punished with a sequence of awkward, semi-romantic banter between Snake and Otacon as they too ride off together.
| —Otacon to Snake, in a romantic scene. |
Metal Gear Solid 2
Snake has thrown away life with Meryl to live and travel the world with Otacon, destroying Metal Gears along the way. Perhaps the most hyped game of the series, MGS fans looked forward to a new game with their manly hero. About an hour into the game, however, Snake is replaced with the kawaii, sexually ambiguous protagonist known as Raiden. The fact that Raiden's presence was a secret until the game's release only served to make the Sony fanboy tears all the more delicious. The fanboys were too retarded to see that Hideo Kojima was actually performing the most epic troll in video game history, and actually thought this game was serious business and demanded answers to all of the deep questions, like what the fuck is up with that Revolver fag's Eurotrash arm? Since there are a lot of these retards that wouldn't shut the fuck up about these things for SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, Kojima finally caved in and pulled some uninspired nonsense out of his ass (see Metal Gear Solid 4 below). Game bosses include Fortune some nigger woman running around in a bathing suit with a big gun. She can't be hit by bullets which equates to the worst boss battles in game history, where you are forced to run around in circles until Kojima gets bored fucking with you. Next is Fatman, some gay ass bomber named after the nuke dropped on Japan, he's a fat fuck on roller blades who considers himself an artist. Vamp is a vampire who isn't a vampire but acts like a vampire because some weird shit with nanomachines that make him heal fast. He just happens to be Romanian and drink blood. He is bisexual and wants to make sweet sweet love to Raiden. The last boss is yet another Snake, Solidus Snake. He duel weilds a katana and wakizashi.
Metal Gear Solid 3
The game that made /v/ both mature slightly and realize its raging homosexuality. The game stars a young Big Boss, who is perhaps the most manly video game character in history, and whom /v/ has a massive mancrush on. The plot and characters, despite being wafer-thin parodies of every Bond movie, are far easier to choke down than previous MGS installations. This is because Hideo Kojima did not want to even attempt to make sense of Metal Gear Solid 2, so he got in a fucking time machine to get the fuck away from that thing.
The story consists of Big Boss crawling through shit and mud and jungle the entire game, while dodging not only enemies, but HOLY SHIT WILD ANIMALS!!
After you've crawled through enough jungle, you are rewarded with more jungle, followed by some cliffs, and eventually, some forest, but not before more jungle.
Only to find out that Eva was a Chinese spy, and using Big Boss for her own slutty agenda at the end of the game.
Big Boss, being enraged at the betrayal of the jungle, goes and shits on The Boss's grave.
Whom he killed at the end of the game. Oops.
The Fury, a member of the redshirt Cobra Unit, is one of 7chan's mascots. You also fight Santa in a ghilliesuit.
What if...
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Snake is only in this game because his creator sucked Masahiro Sakurai's cock for it. Meanwhile, Snake attempts to get in Samus's pants but fails because he can't make a fucking pickup line that actually makes sense to save his life. Samus does not approve. Oh yeah he also hates that blue furry hedgehog faggot.
Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops
Metal Gear Solid for the PSP. Even more convulted than 2. The story is something about the Russians abandoning a nuclear facility in South America, and Fox going renegade by giving Metal Gear to the Soviets, but wait it's actually a plot by the CIA to keep the cold war going. This revelation is followed by over 9000 plot twists. The game uses a recruit system where you tranquilize unsuspecting victims and drag them to the back of your truck so they can be converted to your side. This system simply creates cannon fodder to send out against the various bosses before you wipe them out with Snake. Recruits aren't worth it, because you'll end up just wanting to play as Big Boss anyway. Grey Fox was a child soldier called Frank Jaeger(hunter) because of his killing technique. He was saved by Big Boss. Big Boss fights him again as Null, and rescues him again. Then in their spare time developed the Jagerbomb to get his fellow soldiers drunk. Then Snake goes after the one-legged fat nigger named Cunningham who sexually abused him in torture rooms. The real injury Cunningham sustained was because he ate too much KFC and had his leg amputated because the fat had blocked his arteries in his leg, he tells lies which the game is full of anyway. Then Naked Snake defeats Gene, the leader of the rebellion who is a knife-throwing boss with incredibly fast reflexes which is just like Vamp from other MGS games, once again Kojima was running out of ideas so decided to recycle older bosses. Sorry that should have had a spoiler alert. The best thing to ever come from Portable Ops is without a doubt, nullface
But wait, what's this?! A sequel game came out name Metal Gear Solid Portable Ops...+. It has no twisting story line, but you do get to do challenges! Plus, online, they updated it with Chat Rooms, and some other shit nobody cares about. In chat rooms you can have fun tea bagging, cybering, watching cybering, talking about crap, taking pictures of cybering, enjoy calling people/being called a noob, and even talk about more shit nobody cares about!
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
So Snake is now an old fuck, this is due to the fact that the people who cloned him were huge trolls and decided to shorten his lifespan by half. Liquid Ocelot tries to obtain this shit called Guns of the Patriots (coincidentally, it is part of the game's title), and locks every gun in the world with the help of the Beauty and Beast Unit. They are Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder-afflicted women with animal instincts psychologically implanted so that they can operate their futuristic animal-themed combat suits. A nigger named Drebin who is voiced by the worst actor ever sells you guns and tells you hour-long stories about the Beauty and Beast Unit. Liquid activates it (nullface) and fucks shit up all over the place. After three acts, Snake finally realizes he needs to gb2 MGS1 to make sure that Liquid doesn't get a hold of a railgun attached to Metal Gear REX which Guns of the Patriots didn't work on for some reason. Of course, this would end the game too early, so they're too late. In the end, they duke it out with fucking Snake in REX and Liquid in RAY and holy shit it's fucking amazing but Liquid escapes and dies from FOXDIE. Just kidding, he was just pretending to be dead to screw with Snake, he just runs away to Metal Gear MT. SNAKEMORE with Snake limping after him. Raiden cuts his arms off, and dies holding back Metal Gear from crushing Snake. Then Snake uses a catapult to go into the Metal Gear, fights Psycho Mantis' ghost, goes through a 100-foot-long microwave oven, has a fistfight with Liquid on the top of MT. SNAKEMORE and ends up killing Liquid who was actually Ocelot pretending to be Liquid through extensive use of drugs and autohypnosis to confuse the Patriots. Snake goes to the cemetery where Big Boss's grave is knowing his war is over, and kills himself to stop the mutated FOXDIE inside of him from becoming an epidemic. It is one of the most emotional and dramatic scenes in video game history. Meryl gets married to Johnny, Raiden is actually alive with all of his limbs intact, has a son, Drebin is actually a Patriot agent, and Snake takes the gun out of his mouth at the last second with Big Boss showing up and explaining everything ever to him. Then he lives with Otafag for some more long damn time with Otacon's loli bondage bitch Sunny.
Metal Gear Online
See Metal Gear Online.
Metal Gear Solid: Rising
This one involves Raiden. Commence fangirls. In another trolling maneuver, Kojima changed the tagline from Tactical Espionage Action to Lightning Bolt Action, further acknowledging Raiden's personality. Also, coming to the 360. The fact that it will be on the 360 caused major butthurt upon PS3 fags, as Kojima is an epic troll.
Gameplay
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Metal Gear Awesome
Metal Gear Awesome is perhaps the best summary of MGS1's plot and gameplay, but has since been baleeted from YouTube. Made by Egoraptor (the embodiment of everything that is wrong with Newgrounds). If you can bear the faggotry that is Newgrounds, click below:
See Also
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Metal Gear Solid is part of a series on Gaming |
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