Menopause
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Menopause in many ways resembles a permanent form of Mad Cow Disease. It occurs in females and emos when the time-bomb of stupid in their uterus goes off. At detonation, the entire reproductive system contracts, the Fallopian tubes shrivel into beef jerky and the ovaries begin producing crushed ice, leading to an overall freezing of the genitals. It was discovered by Robert Hamburger of Real Ultimate Power.
Menopause is not to be confused with Mentopause, the break in schedule to indulge in "The Freshmaker!"
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Symptoms
Uncontrollable crying, screaming, the constant need to "get some air", inability to make even trivial decisions, and hair loss. After years of wielding their periods against everyone in striking range, menopause gives women their last power-excuse to go batshit crazy for no particular reason before they reach senility.
Causes
Allegedly a normal condition, it can be exacerbated by seeing other people's babies, having a dish served too spicy, insensitive remarks, or excessive use of the vagina (including overfilling with centipedes, giving birth and shoving a bunch of weiners and leaving them in there for ants to eat).
Cures
There is no known cure. Attempts at a remedy have ended in disaster due to hot-flash-induced psychotic, Hulk-style rage. If you encounter someone going through menopause, the best defense is to retreat to the lowest level of the nearest building, away from windows. Those in high-risk situations should gather emergency supplies ahead of time, such as bottled water. Ammunition can help if escape is not possible.
Menopause as a fighting style
Menopause is also one of the deadliest forms of martial art. This was first documented by Robert Hamburger in his book, "Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book." A warrior well versed in this style should be considered extremely dangerous.
Manopause
Scientists have long speculated that a male version, or manopause, might exist. If it does, then life as we know it may be in big trouble.
See Also
External Links
Robert Hamburger of the Official Ninja Website
