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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This article is entirely factual. Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Mattgrave.

“	threads like this make me proud to be a mechanic of the internet hate machine	„
—WhiteMystery

Matt Crimmins aka MattGRAVE aka Corblo II aka Matticus666 aka Matt Ballinger (irl) is an 19-year-old McDonald's fry cook, goth fucktard, and aspiring baby-daddy of 17-year-old-girl FROSTBRAT aka FROSTBITE |A/p|. What you are about to read is a textbook example about what happens to conceited /b/-tards when they try to run shit on ED when they don't have a clue about what it's all about. He also likes to throw people's shirts on top of roofs for lulz.

Contents 1 Can't We All Just Get Along? 2 The Lulz Begin 3 Let's Make Babies 4 Reaction to this Article 5 External Links 6 Gallery of an emo vampire

Can't We All Just Get Along?

It was a slow day on Encyclopedia Dramatica's new ED Users mailing list, which is known as WhiteMystery's "less frightening and confusing IRC Chatroom". However it can never be predicted when the next lolcow will come along.

It all started with a fairly innocuous request for some wiki technical help from someone of no importance, which was promptly and helpfully answered. Then for seemingly no reason Matt Crimmins aka Matt Ballinger chimed in with the delightfully composed:

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• Clearly this is a case of a man who mistakenly believes that he is anonymous, when that was not the case.

The Lulz Begin

“	Matt: Do us a favor and go impale yourself on a mascara brush. * http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus	„
—Aghar

With great haste, the datamining began by a number of EDiots, various MySpace's [1][2][3] [4], Deviantart's [5][6] and vampirefreak [7] profiles were uncovered.LOOK AT HIS Xbox 360 gamertag. Nice Harry Potter game... faggot.

What can be gathered is that Matt:

• Has a new girlfriend who will soon likely disover Matt's true paedophiliac nature.
• Is a 20 year old Emo / Goth Vampire from 47 Diamond Ave, Glenwood, Sydney, NSW 2768, Australia.
• Can be contacted at +61 433 369 480 (0433 369 480) or +61 405 089 857 (0405 089 857)
• Works in McDonald's
• Has a band "Outside Your Box that according to Matt
  sounds like "the makings of child pornography.". Has a new band called "Void My Mind".
• Thinks his hair straighteners make him "look sexy".
• Pretends to run a shitty nu-metal nightclub called Midnight Asylum.
• Is a pedophile: who "Likes" - "Pussy, tight and young and shaven.".
• Dislikes attention whores, despite his 33 cell-phone self-portraits on MySpace.
• Likes to write suicide notes on Deviantart but it "is not an attention seeking thing".
• Describes himself here as "true freak from Sydney, Australia repping up the industrial scene with my crew of misfits in the Western Suburbs District. I frequent Club Blink in the city and various gigs and dives. Knocking back drinks with my mates is definitely a pastime of mine. Im always up for fun =] Im like a fucking Transformer, More then meets the eye. =]"
• Is a racist who "Dislikes : Anyone who isn't from our culture".
• From the comments on his numerous profiles, Matt is very probably cheating on his girlfriend.
  Srsly Claire it looks like he cybers with many other sluts.
• Holy shit they let these people breed.
• Cannot speak HTML
• Thinks having a girlfriend proves he's not gay.
• Needs his ED user page vandalized
• Is very quickly raping his own internet profiles of the lulz. too late screen-grabbed / saved.
• Has confirmed his FAGGOTRY by saying this about his girlfriend: "She seems to be me, placed in a womans [sic] body. Odd. But it works."
• Likes throwing shirts on roofs.

Let's Make Babies

Claire's DavianTART page is completely devoid of artwork. In fact, it would be completely worthless if not for her journal entries, where we get to watch a stupid teenage girl drop out of school and get pregnant in just a few short paragraphs.

“	One day I'll be out of home, and not at school. I'll have a job, and Matt wont be mad at me... And we'll have a little boo and have out happily ever after...	„
—Claire, making plans for the future

“	We will have our happy ending... Fate will always fuck with us... And we will always keep on pushing on... All that matters is me and you.. Boo will come...i know it... I love you.	„
—Matt, knows that their hearts will go on

13 days pass...

“	I eat. I sleep. And I have no real plans for my life. Every journal blog entry I make up ends up sounding emo. Mainly because I can express my happiness openly, but it's not exactly easy to let out your sad feelings without being called emo. Not to mention I hardly ever feel happy anyway--there's just nothing out there to make me constantly smile. I'm bad luck.	„
—Claire, giving up all hope for the future

“	Your not bad luck baby, and Boo is inside you spreading my good luck. He shares my gifts with you hunny...I love you. Matt.	„
—Matt, gonna be a daddy

Reaction to this Article

“	Thanks guys, really..... nice work. My only defense was the amount of vodka that was running through my system last night when i wrote the "<oi>" remark...	„
—Matt Crimmins

“	I don't mind the article at all. I know id do the same thing to anyone being a dick.	„
—Matt Crimmins

External Links

• Matt on MySpace as "Matt is Jesus"
• Matt on bebo
• Matt on VampireFreaks
• Matts Deviantart
• Matt's Band Project: 616
• Another of Matt's "Bands" - sounds like "the makings of child pornography." apparently.

• Matt's girlfriend Claire .. pussy assumed to be young, shaved and tight.
• Frostbite on bebo ... more kissy-kissy shit
• Matt's Baby-Mommy's Deviantart

Gallery of an emo vampire

Gallery of Fail

Matt the camwhore in need of deodorant proudly shows off his facial hair to get some internet pussy emo metal rocks Doesn't seem very nice Matt tries to get some anal action Matt leaves himself wide open Matt the "model"

Matt tries to be angelic Matt's suicide note ( not for attention ) emo teen love poem Matt is sad when Claire cuts herself. sometimes boys use fat girl angle shots thinks he is a rockstar Matt wearing black again Black again LoL Matt's camwhore girlfriend cannot use lipstick properly Goth Bear - now with color! Still looks like shit Matt likes fucking Christians who glow. He's also a closet Jesus-freak. gay desktop pedophile Matt Crimmins Matt's baby momma wants to "be a cartoonist and make comics" professional rendition of Matt & Claire's baby