Man
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Notorious for being the only one of the sexes allowed on the internets, man (or men, if someone wishes to be plural about it) is the other of the two genders. "Other" usually translates to something unflattering, so there should be no surprises here. Once upon a time, everything exploded and shit started to evolve for no reason whatsoever, and Last Thursday apes decided that having sex while having semen cling to their fuzz was kind of painful after it dried, so they said fuck that and started to shave. And man was born. Or, if you're one of those religious types, we came from magical God dust.
If you didn't like hanging around with girls, guys will most likely be worse. A man is just as insecure as a woman could ever be. For example, why do you think that a man acts like an attention whore? Of course a man will insist that he "doesn't care" about what most people think of him, because guys are supposedly super tough Duke Nukems who are good enough to get by. Later, the girl will smirk at how a guy becomes self conscious about how fugly he is or how long his penis is.
Some guys are fartknockers, but if there's something all men are gay for, it's fucking things up. Men and mistakes go hand in hand, with many of society's common interests being trampled in their wake. Most of the time it's funny, but it mysteriously loses its funny when the trampling of common interests usually means that gas goes to 4.19 a gallon.
Contents |
[edit] The Male Brain
The title is an oxymoron.
Any man loves a good game. Now take that logic and apply it to life itself. Suddenly, it makes a lot of sense why men brag so much! "I've had sex with at least one hundred women in two days, both anal AND oral!" Not only does sex increase this person's "Man Points", bragging increases the man's amount of points as well, further feeding into itself, a cycle. Usually, in a game there's one main objective or goal. Take that logic and apply it to life again and surprise surprise, this explains why a man is determined to complete one task and one task only that may pose a challenge. Men basically think in a much less retarded way than Asspies; in fact, people with Assburger's usually have thought processes that classify as "an extreme male brain". Feminists are frequently butthurt about not being in charge and don't realize that good leaders don't PMS over everything. Don't fall into the broken logic that men are better than women though, lest you be plastered with years of research that the thought processes of women are more efficient for certain tasks. Don't worry too much though, in the end, a strong man takes care of the world so the missus can enjoy the finer things in life. All in all, men are just sex maniacs looking for some ass. You can accommodate that by kicking them in the balls at least 100 times, or until they pass out. Trust me, they love it.
[edit] The place for men
Some argue men should only take jobs in the White House or in Iraq; otherwise, they are known as faggots for doing what women are socially permitted to do. Men should always remain in their place to avoid the terrible fate of being deemed a homo. Western society is much harsher on men than women when it comes to staying in the proper place; a woman who kills rag-head terrorists is considered normal and treated as a war veteran, but a man foolish enough to become a hairdresser will be considered a faggot by all sane men (and rightfully so). The most important place for a man is the place as a leader, if a man should find himself in the position of a "follower" it's because he's either trying too hard, or cannon fodder for the leader. Men have ruled the world forever and they have been effective. Much better than the women could do. Anyway, men are much better leaders than women because they are able to focus their energy into one problem and find a solution. One shortcoming of men as leaders is their preference to work independently rather than as a group, but at least they don't get together and bitch about the wrong stuff. The two places for men are as leaders or as soldiers. The internet is not one of those places. All the stuff about no girls on the internet was done for the LULZ. Everyone on the internet who claims to be a guy is lying.
[edit] How to Deal with a Man
Dealing with a man is often difficult due to their simple minds. The solution is to refuse to have sex with the man until he understands or agrees. This method is considered very effective because the male mind is unable to function without sex(not that the male mind functions at all to begin with, amirite ?!. The proper place for a man is with his cock out at all times, offering sex to women and/or men. See goatse
[edit] Trolling Men
Trolling men is incredibly easy - simply suggest there is something wrong with their best friend. A man is just as insecure as a woman could ever be. For example, why do you think that a man acts like an attention whore? Of course a man will insist that he "doesn't care" about what most people think of him, because guys are supposedly super tough Duke Nukems who are good enough to get by. Later, the girl will smirk at how a guy becomes self conscious about how fugly he is or how long his penis is.
- Suggest they are Gay Works best on Alpha males.
- Suggest they are straight
- Pedo Baiting
- Trapping
- Cut them off
- Remember, only gay MEN get AIDS
[edit] Variations
Men, like Slurpees, come in a variety of flavors:
[edit] Important Instances of Man in History
- Jesus, who drank wine, saved people, and was later nailed to a piece of wood.
- Abraham Lincoln, who freed black people, paving the way for rap and other failures.
- Eleanor Roosevelt.
- Jameth, allegedly.
- Adolf Hitler, who had a moustache.
- Mario, who fursecuted a bunch of turtles.
- Borat, he throw Jew down well.
[edit] Travesties for which men are specifically responsible
- Jackass
- Rape
- Chuck Norris
- AIDS
- Gayness
- The creation of Uncyclopedia.
- Islam
- Judaism
- Christianity
- Buddhism
- Hinduism
- Having cocks
[edit] Gallery of Man
 The perfect man. It's all they're good for. |
 You're the only one. |
[edit] See Also
Categories: WikiEdit Drama | People | Sex | Subcultures
