Maine

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Maine is made of cows, dead cows, moose and flannel jackets and Portland, small city not to be confused with Portland. No one really lives here aside from cows and a ton of old people who couldn't afford Boston. Basically it's Alaska for the east coast. Maine is fucking cold in the winter and fucking hot in the summer, and there is no point to ever going there... EVER. The video game Resident Evil 4 Is based off the book "Escape from Maine"

Contents 1 More About Maine 2 Maine Natives 3 Bangor 4 Booth Bay Hahbah 5 Casino 6 Mardens 7 Be Like A Mainer 8 Things to do in Maine 9 Related Articles

[edit] More About Maine

Maines chief export is Lobster, which is not unlike a cockroach that lives at the bottom of the ocean. Lobster is shipped to fine restaurants across the world to feed social elites and rich people everywhere. It is not quite understood why these people eat lobster, as it tastes and smells like 3-day old moldy diarrhea. Maine also has a worse economy than Darfur but it collects taxes like everyone is Bill gates. Their second largest export is logs, closely followed by dead cows, moose, and dead tourists.

[edit] Maine Natives

While Maine is mostly a backwards state of the Americunts, it varies greatly on location. Up north is Aroostok County. Its basically a dead version of Ireland on shitty date rape drugs. These people are obsessed with potatoes more than same from Lord Of The Rings. The capital is Augusta and it overly attempts to look like Washington D.C. Augusta is also known as the ass-hole of Maine because its filled with wannabe politicians and French people who act black and sell heroin. Lewiston is half an hour down the pike from Augusta and it has even more French people who act black and sell heroin without middle class jobs paid for by lobster taxes. A little less North is Yarmouth. It's like a little version of Massachusetts Suburbs, the only difference being they worship the clam as a religion instead of tennis or the red sox. Maine is bordered by Canada, and a frozen body of water that never goes above 3 degrees and is known as the ocean. On the ocean is Portland. To live in Portland you must either smell really bad and work on a boat, or be a star bucks obsessed office worker. If you know an office worker in Portland then chances are you'll suddenly become tech-savvy. Farther south still is the small town of Windham (More commonly known as WIndumb, and Windamn). Windham is like a cheap ass version of Portland combined with NY and yarmouth. Windham has a couple thousand citizens. People in Windham like to go tourist hunting on almost a daily basis. Down East Maine is a mythical land near Canada where nobody prounces Rs and they hate Indians. In down east maine they have the thickest, most disturbing Mainer accent. Ironically they also like to fap off to thick and disturbing things. Down East Maine has recently become the Incest captial of the world beating Germany by a land slide. Most Mainers tend to think they are gangsta rolling around in their jacked-up rusty F150s and doing burnouts at every fucking light. They have no sense of reality either. Sometimes during hunting season, hunters get lost and die or disapear because they run into "lost maine tribes" of colonists much like the movie The Village. Many people have gone missing recently only to have their bones being sold on eBay as well as personal items. IT ARE A FACT.

Anon guarantees your safety.

[edit] Bangor

Bangor is a city that attempts to be far much bigger than Portland that has recently banned the smoking in cars with children under the age of 18. Some argue that Bangor is the first city to do this in the country. This has caused many lulzworthy incidents in police officers pulling people over and ticketing drivers $50 for smoking in their own car. This is also the hometown of BALDACCI and other wannabe politicians. Some argue that Bangor may not become the next Boston, as even a blind man can see that the only expansion Bangor has seen is the increase of african americans attending area colleges and homeless rate caused by the local casino. Most Bangwhorians like the smell of their own shit, and are overjoyed a new Hollister store is opening in the only mall in Maine. As if anyone who shops in any of the stores in the Bangor Mall, knows what real fashion is.

[edit] Booth Bay Hahbah

Nigras spawn here, be very careful, in fact, it is like the Alabama of the North in many ways. The people are black/white trash/uneducated/NASCAR fans. Be sure to go to The Lobster Dock and get some good ass crabcakes.

[edit] Casino

Bangor now has a casino. Well not a real one since Maine won't allow them to have poker or roulette or other kinds of table games. But it has slot machines and it pisses everyone off that Maine has allowed this crap! Let alone that Indian tribes have not been allowed any slot machines or a casino in the state and some say it's racism. Some also say that the people wanted slots in Bangor, and that the building looks horrible, despite probably being the best looking building the city or the state has seen in a long time.

However some argue that the casino is a good thing, and here are some of their comments from Maine's only newspaper The Bangor Daily News:

“	The slots is a terrible thing to have in Bangor. Gambling is notoriously addictive, and it plays to the poorest. Just look at the lottery check-outs, it is always those who can ill afford it standing in line buying the tickets. When the state makes money off gambling it lends respectablity to an industry historically steeped in crime. I think we should ask ourselves why most states now promote gambling as a source of income, and where it leads? It is just an easy way to get something for nothing. Do we ever? What's the pay-off? Crime, violence, prostitution and drug cartels always gravitate to areas where gambling is legal, because so much money is being thrown around. What message does it give to citizens? Gambling as a way of life, is just fine. We know it leads to crime and many people can't control their urges to gamble, but we need the money.	„
—Rev. G

“	Should've been built by the Tribes. No wonder the move for sovereignty in a State that approves white execs of Penn National to build this, but denies our own Native American residents the opportunity to do so. What a backwards world and people actually have the audacity to say things about the Natives always whining about racism. If this isn't the most blatant form of it, I am not sure what is. There has to be something that can legally be done about the whole issue at the Federal level. I am white and feel like taking the State of Maine to court over it!	„
—get it done of downeast, ME

“	It's a shame how ugly the buidling turned out. Nothing matches and if you view it from the Brewer side or from the river, it looks more like a prison. I hate the fact that the parking garage is the focal point. The building looks dated and bland.	„
—Dan of bangor, ME

“	I'm sorry, but I think Hollywood slots is a bad idea for Maine. It draws the wrong type of crowds, it causes addiction problems for some, it does not help poor families who need to save their money rather then hope they win a big game. Right now people are struggling just to buy gas for their car and food, the last thing we need right now is a slot business. I'm ashamed we have this in our area now. To me, it is not part of Maine history or what we'd hope to convey to tourists. :(	„
—Kaylan of Corinna, ME

[edit] Mardens

Mainers are also proud of their only department store, where all mainers have shopped at. Marden's is yet again another lulzworthy point of Maine. You can often find books, computer games, electronics, and other goods from hurricane-tornado-flood and out-of-business stores from the 90s. Be careful upon entering any Marden's especially the one in Waterville which was formerly a Wal-Mart and even sports a Marden's Rockin' Diner, as this woman will appear and ask if daddy will be surprised, and wonder what a cutting disk is.

[edit] Be Like A Mainer

1. Every time you say ar, er, ir etc. Stop. Replace with ah. For example: Traditional way: Park the car in the yard behind the barn. Mainah way: Pahk the cah in da bahn behind da yahd.
2. Don't say the. Be German say da. Cause Mainers aren't really Americans.
3. say wicked in front of every word ever, for example: "Thats wicked awesome!", "daddy just got his wicked penis and raped me up the ass", "wicked lulz" etc...
4. Learn to swear. A LOT. For example: "Fuckin A, dudeguy, I'm gonna slap you sillay foh stickin ya dick in my woman's shithole."
5. Leave your door unlocked.
6. Buy a shotgun.
7. Get a truck run it till its dead on a second hand motor you've replaced 10 times.
8. Smoke marijuana, drop out of high school.
9. Get fat. Seriously get a beer belly.
10. Find a career in the logging company.
11. Wait for your life to end.
12. Be shocked and awed at neon lights.
13. Go to Hollister, and pretend that you're on the West Coast.
14. Pretend you're black and sell heroin.
15. Run over Stepehen King with a minivan
16. Run over a moose with a dodge neon amirirte?!

[edit] Things to do in Maine

1. Nothing
2. Become an hero
3.  ????
4. 404-Profit Not Found
5. Dialup the internets
6. Sell antiques, pictures, and other fine goods on EBay
7.  ????
8. Profit!!!
9. Drink, fight and fuck
10. Drugs
11. Sexual relations with co-workers in previous logging company
12. Get high, look at tree, repeat.

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