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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

EPIC MINDFUCK

LOST is an award-winning show about a bunch of whiny fucktards stuck on an island in the internets written by several Star Wars fanbois. The only lulzworthy character in this show is John Locke. Mainly, it's Gilligan's Island with moar drama, moar fucktards and no funny.

It's a huge success online, due to the fact that the main characters include a fat underachiever, a genuine fruit loop, and a a cunt who thinks that he's always right. The fact that the writers introduce a retarded twist in every episode is viewed as a redeeming quality amongst fans of low-quality drama. The show has a huge following among basement dwellers.

Due to the fact that many gay and/or retarded people who spend way too much time on the internets identify with the show, it has become an old meme in record time. One of its unifying themes centers around crying.

Contents 1 The Episodes 2 The Characters 3 The Numbers 4 Gallery of Lost Gheys 5 Gay Fandom Stuff 6 Old Spock Intercedes 7 Lostpedia 8 COS claims Lost Island run by Anonymous 9 See Also 10 External Links

The Episodes

A summary of all of the episodes of Lost.

This is how John Locke will fuck your shit up

[Click to Collapse Transcript] [Click to Expand Transcript] 0

The Characters

• Jack: Whiny bitch and possible skinhead. Although he is a surgeon, he has so far botched each one operation. He married the only survivor of his medical skillz, who in turn cheated on him because he doesn't have a penis. On the island, he has continued his tradition of crying about not being able to "save everyone". We know, Jack, we know. John Locke pwns Jack in every possible way. Only faggots and some girls think Jack is the main character instead of Locke. Has a sister asking for some incest on the island (you know what to do, Jack).

• Kate: Emotional beaver who can't make up her mind. Later in the series she gets in Sawyer's panties. Main purpose on the show is to cause angst and get kidnapped by Others, but now agrees that Jack is a crazy John Locke thinking it's destiny to destroy the island. Otherwise, Kate is there to stand around and yell at Jack for doing it wrong and fucking her favorite boytoys.

• Sawyer: Redneck. Enjoys eating polar bear food. Has a porn collection somewhere. Makes up nicknames for people on the island. Like Jack, he refuses to grow a full beard. Jumped out of a rescue helicopter because there was too much extra weight on it, rather than throw that fat turd Hurley out like a real man. Ends up fucking Juliet on the island. High-fives all around.
  

  

  Sawyer and Jack fighting over Kate

• Locke: Bad ass skinhead box worker who likes going chicken hunting and he will fuck your shit up! Only purpose on the show is to cause lulz by killing a main character every three episodes. Dead but will return(ed) RRRESPAWN! after fucking up enough shit in hell. Allowed Satan to take over his body so they could wreck shit as one entity. Or, more likely, he was Satan all along.

• Hurley: Fat Mexican who won the lottery after working in an empanadas store. He then proceeded to burn his house down and break his mother's leg. Then he turned himself in to a mental institution. Since then he has moved on to more productive things, like sneaking around eating tubs of ranch dressing and crying about being fat. Holds a guitar case, not yet revealed, but it's obviously full of fat fuck food.

• Michael: Nigra. Known for stealing watches and watermelon. Also yells for abandoning his son in typical black fashion. Left the island after his stash of KFC was blown up by Locke. Only line in the whole series was "MAH BOI!!!", repeated over 9000 times an episode. Recently returned to the island, believably, as a janitor. dead lol

• Mr Eko: An African priest who tries to encourage Michael to open a KFC on the island. Unfortunately, he's killed by a random, black smog monster(possibly out of someone's ass) and Michael never opens the store.

• Jin and Sun: Azns. Jin was a hitman for Mr. Roboto, aka Suns father. Meanwhile, Sun was banging a penis headed businessman who throws himself out a window after having sex with Sun because he doesn't want to be a father. MAJOR OMG TWIST UPDATE: Jin is now alive even though he trusted a nigger to defuse a bomb rather than set it off, and saved himself from becoming another racist death, which would have added more lulz

• Boone: Locke's bitch. Tries too hard to become a main character on the show and gets himself killed while trying to steal a stash of heroine from a crashed airplane. Actually fucked his sister.

• Charlie: Pronounced "Chah-ley". Was the bassist in the fictional band Driveshaft. All he ever does is redeem himself and try to drown Claire's BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!. Hears rumor that Frodo Baggins is in a secret underwater base and goes down to save him. Drowns in the process after realizing too late that Hobbits can't swim.

• Claire: Mocked constantly for always bitching about her BAAAEE-BEEEEE!!!!, Aaron, aka Turnip Head. She is in fact the only Australian on a flight originating from Australia. She's dead or a ghost or some shit like that, as she enjoys her former emo life in the dark rape cabin with her father.

• Sayid: Iraqi with 1337 skillz. Torturer. Breaks necks with his feet for the lulz. Always finding new things to triangulate. Fails to kill Harry Potter because he has a small penis.

• Juliet: Former porn star and fertility doctor. Likes to read books and share her opinions on them with other people in her bookclub. Once had lesbian sex with Angelina Jolie. On the island, hooks up with Sawyer, which is unfortunate for everybody who isn't Sawyer. Ends up pwning the population of the pregnant woman at the end of the Dharmaville season, and no one knows if she will become an hero until next season. Despite numerous letters from fans, the writers haven't made her flash her tits yet.

• Ben: Wheelchair cubbyhole-hidin' bitch-ass baton-wielding motherfucka that plays head games and lies about everything because he is too creepy and annoying to have friends. Rumored to have genetically inherited eyes from an insect. Father of Hannibal Lecter. Gassed his dad and threw Locke in a mass grave after he shot him. Now he is John Locke's pet bunny, geddit?.

• Tom Friendly: Colossal faggot redneck and probable bear. Wanted to prison rape Sawyer, so Sawyer eventually shot him, as everyone thought he was the real Sawyer.

• Desmond: Spent three years in a hatch pushing a button and fapping with Dharma ranch dressing. Calls everyone "brotha", supposedly because he was a monk for like three days. Probably a closet racist. Had visions of Charlie dying. Knows where lightning is going to strike. Predicted 9/11 and 2012. The only character to get a happy ending (the actors reward for molesting cast members).

• Ana Lucia: Put on the island after failing at being a cop and actress. Realizing she also starred in a crappy Resident Evil movie, Michael decided to shoot her. Fortunately, she died after being pounded by Sawyer in the jungle.

• Libby: Psychiatrist. Stopped Hurley from sinking the island by throwing himself off a cliff. Fell in love with him to make him feel better about his ranch sauce addiction. Purposely got herself killed to avoid commitment. The producers/writers say that she'll never be seen again, as they continue to make up shit as they go along.

• Shannon: Incestuous cum slut and sister of Boone. Was glad when he died because he was constantly in her grill about shit. Fell in love with Sayid and made plans with him to build a sand fort together in Iraq. Was shot by Ana Lucia because she didn't know how to STFU while walking in the jungle.

• Danielle Russo, aka Crazy French Lady: Old crackwhore. Runs around being dirty and savage. Excels in staring at the camera crazily. Steals from Sawyer's porn collection and Charlie's pot stash, then blames "The Others" for doing it. Wife of Tarzan. Recently pwned by a bullet through her tit. Returns in Dharmaville time to tell the story of how she pwned her team because there was no anti-crazy antidote.

• Daniel Faraday: Neckbeard batshit scientist. Probably has Assburger's Syndrome. Recently got pwned by his mom in the past because he was always mumbling and being an all-around annoying aspie.

• Miles: Azn disciple of Kenneth Eng and Cho Seung-Hui fanboi. Also a ghostbuster. He finds them with his weird-ass vacuum thing. Don't ask. Locke made him eat a grenade because he hates mud races. Obvious necrophiliac. Son of Dr. Candle/Wickman/Wackface/Chinkman or some shit like that
  

  

  Who said you could eat those peanuts?
  

  

  Thats no Miles.

• Artzt: Highscool teacher who loves spiders, appeared in one episode where he BAWWWW'd about being a background character and wanted to do more. Then proceeded to get his ass blown to shit, proving that its safer to be a nobody. Except for that one time they killed all of them.

• Charlotte: Ginger cunt from the UK. Got a nosebleed from eating chocolate and died, and was raped by Daniel as a child in a deleted scene, as she was asking for it.

• Monster: Giant nigga cloud. Does nothing but kill people who are about to reveal answers. (A clever ploy by the writers so they can continue making up shit as they go along.

• Jim Robinson from Neighbours: In a fail attempt to hide from worldwide typecasting by starring in all known americunt tv shows and movies. Winner of the 1993 Nobel Prize and Shatner award for most over the top acting [[1]], and at least 100% likely to die of an epic lulz heart attack at any moment.

• The Russian: Has an insane healing ability. Combined grenade with Charlie to produce lulz. Stabbed his own eye to prove that he's one of the cool kids.

• Rose and Bernard: Old white guy and his bootylicious nigger wife. According to the writers, they were forced to edit out many potentially sexy love scenes. Possibly removed because, on a timetravelling island with smoke monsters and polar bears, it would be too much of a stretch to think that Bernard can still get it up.

• Frogurt: Sold frozen yogurt off the island, but denied this fact to Hurley to avoid the inevitable consequences. Got pwned by a flaming arrow. Also wore a red shirt before getting pwned to death (Star Trek ripoff, anyone?).

• Steve/Scott: Gay lovers who tried to reenact The Parent Trap on the island every episode.

• Vincent: A cute puppy dog. Jacob, God, or the Cloverfield monster hiding in a dog's body. Has magic powers to lick its own balls and never get hungry.

• Alex: Danielle's long lost hot 16 year old daughter that was kidnapped by The Others, possibly so Ben can make a vest out of her flesh because he's crazy totally normal. The first character in TV history to actually get shot in one of those scenes where somebody is pointing a gun at them and threatening somebody else that they'll "totally do it"; Keamy actually did it. What a badass.

• Penny: Almost replaced by a cardboard cutout because all of her scenes feature her staring at Desmond while being completely unimportant to the plot (she was trying to find the island, but Charles Widmore beat her too it without even trying very hard). Ben wants to kill her, probably to use her skin for his tit-vest project. Survives, sadly, to see if Desmond can predict when she'll die already.

• Matthew Abaddon: Pedophile nigger. Very intriguing character with lots of important back story, so they'll probably never mention him again. Dead.

• Christian Sheppard Shephard: Has a more religiously symbolic name than Jesus Christ. Off the island, he lets his bitch-ass son Jack push him around because he got caught drinking while performing surgery (who doesn't?). On the island, has fun by making Jack chase him off a cliff. Places bets with Jacob about whether or not he can convince Locke to do dumb shit like "move the island" and jump into a well.

• Richard: The main character of the show. Wears makeup because he's secure in his masculinity.

• Jacob: King of the island, his true face was revealed in the finale of season 5. And is a stalker and a pedophile.

• The Swan Hatch: Made by dharma to turn the characters into basement dwellers.

• Eloise Hawking: Old hag who tells Desmond to gtfo to the island or earth is pwned by 2012. Is the mother of Daniel Faraday, and will always love him. Had old people sex with Widmore. Due to go the same way as Widmore when they both get Aids together for the lulz and die. Forced the rescued survivors to go back to the island (but that's what dumb ass Jack doesn't think, thanks for the tip, Sayid.

• The Orchid: Prematurely ejaculates the sky white making John_Locke and Mr. Bug Eye get off the island, as it took 4 or 5 seasons to find out this out.

• Walt: Is actually Walt Disney, but came back as a nigger, and does creepy shit like kill Shannon, which is a good thing. John_Locke stalks him so he can be the world's craziest wheelchair pedophile. Basically has nothing else to do but tell his father to gtfo because he told Walt he killed two women as the actors were due to be killed off because they got raped.

The Numbers

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. These Numbers fuck shit up because they're cursed.

Gallery of Lost Gheys

"Mmmmmmmm! Baby!!! You gonna get ræpt æt!"

Russian guy always ensures lulz..

OMGS! Season 4 Twist!

Gay Fandom Stuff

• Triangle: Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, the hot threeway action Lost fans wish they had.
• Jate: Jack+Kate shipping. Has a knack for disregarding reality. Kate already fucked Sawyer, so this pairing fails.
• Skate: Same, but filled with filthy furries. (Hence Josh Holloway's "razor-free" stubble.)
• Julawyer: Sawyer+Juliet shipping. Canon now that the two have had sex.
• PBJ: Claire and Charlie. Most fanfiction includes crossover mpreg storylines. Total gay.
• Cocke: Claire and Locke, e.g a fifty year old man and a pregnant teenager. One of the sickest.
• Sayid: Towelhead+Pro-ana. Shannon died, but deranged fanfic authors tend to do "Ghost Sayid" stories before their mom catches them in the basement.
• Shoone: The most fucked up of the bunch, this features legal incest. Unfortunately it's canon since Boone actually screwed his sister in one episode.
• Rescued: The charcters actually do end up getting rescued sometime. But when they return they're hit with huge tax bills and decided to go back to the island to escape the bills.

Old Spock Intercedes

Following a dramatic time shift in 2250 Spock and the Romulans have come to earth in 1977 to implant red matter into your ass. This could be dangerous stay tuned!

Lostpedia

“	Desmond's ability to predict the future is actually him somehow channeling predictions from The Island or the magnetic force itself. This is demonstrated through the similarities between the hieroglyphs witnessed by Locke, which were displayed on the Countdown Timer during the system failure, and Desmond's prediction. One interpretation of the hieroglyphs Locke saw in the hatch is "She/Rises to the sky/in Flames//He/Dies." The first part, "She/Rises to the sky/in Flames/" is the female part of the sentence (it's on a red background) and the second part "He/Dies" is male and is on black. This sounds similar to Desmond's prediction about Claire and Aaron getting into a helicopter and Charlie dying in The Looking Glass. Desmond's abilities will develop and evolve as the series continues leading to the point of which he can travel through space and time at will. Because of this he will appear in other character's flashbacks and flashforwards with the knowledge he has in the present and try to stop them from coming to the island. The sound you hear between flashbacks and present event is the sound of Desmond breaking through time. The quarantine may also have been faked by Ben and the Others after the Purge, to keep the station inhabitants in their stations, and keep their various experiments running. The Monster would then be a security system meant to enforce the Quarantine, and perhaps deliver the Periodic Food Drops as well. Boone is alive and living underground with Charlie and Eko.	„
—Typical Lostpedia User, A theory on why the polar bears attacked Sawyer in the first episode.

COS claims Lost Island run by Anonymous

Proof at last! (Not shopped)

See Also

• John Locke
• Cult
• Gay
• Lulz

External Links

• Lostpedia
• Jackface The many hilarious faces of Jack