Lithuania
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Lithuania is a country in the middle of fucking nowhere (province of Soviet Union).
In short, Lithuania is a shit-hole. Throughout it's history, Lithuania has been fucked by its parliament, and the whole country is in an economical, psychological and morale crisis. Their only remaining hope is the new President... However, as the new President is a fucking woman, Lithuania is in a fail/fail situation. The citizens are usually drowning their sorrow in alcohol, or blood. Lithuania's suicide rate is one of the highest in the world. Some delusional people still have hope of finding a better life, resulting in mass exodus from Lithuania to elsewhere in Europe. Upon arrival these lucky few escapees only fail (again), infect everybody with their cancer, bring ruination to their chosen land of escape, and get raped & killed.
But nobody knows, or has ever heard of Lithuania anyway.
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History of Lithuania
Scientists researching Lithuania's history have discovered it's roots go deep into Africa. It is claimed that Lithuanians, being niggers at the time, wandered out of Africa in search of a strong elixir. They eventually found themselves somewhere near the Baltic Sea and quickly established their homes and became white in order to get jobs and be able to hail a taxi successfully.
In the middle ages Lithuania was a minutely powerful country, pwning the Huns asses time after time.
Many years later, Russia decided to attack Lithuania and take their shit. To make a long story short, Russia eventually pwned the LTU's, B& their language and told them to suck their dicks for many years to come.
But, Lithuanians being the rebels that they are, decided to stand against the Russians. However, the parliament being dumbasses, couldn't think of a better way to fight back than singing.
These singers were so terrible that the Russians decided the cons of hearing anymore outweighed the joy they got from spanking Lithuania's ass and around the year 1991, they finally wen't home.
The year 2009 is said to be the millennium of Lithuania, but, sadly, nobody gives a shit.
Due to all of that, Lithuanian language is impossible to understand. Not that this is uncommon in Eastern Europe.
National Anthem
Natives
The most common type of Lithuanians are from a city called Šiauliai. A typical Lithuanian native from Šiauliai most of the time looks like this:
- Bald head
- Cap
- Adidas (or Nike) jacket
- Adidas (or Nike) pants
- Adidas (or Nike) sneekers
- Fucked up teeth
- Fucked up voice
- And a bottle of alcohol in it's hand.
A well-known term in Lithuania which defines their locals is Forsai (the Force). Forsai are usually about 20-25 years old, and possess the same look as listed above. They enjoy beating up people with baseball bats and, as any other Lithuanian does, drinking.
Women
Lithuania is rumored to have hawt women. To this day, no evidence of this has been found. All the Lithuanian whores are drunk, raped and heavily beaten by their husbands/pimps - which is anything but beautiful.
According to the local men, "All the dum sluts is good foar is milkin' cows and buyin' me beer, ya."
However, one mighty goddess has thought that it'd be a great idea to become one of the parliament. From her promises of wildest riches and endless opportunities she has been actually ELECTED AS THE PRESIDENT OF LITHUANIA. Now, the country is even more fucked, and now it's all her fault and everybody hates women even more.
Famous Lithuanians
As you may already know, nobody really gives a fuck about Lithuania. However, there are some noteworthy Lithuanians that made a place in the state - either with their amazing discoveries or simply retarded sick fuckery.
- Drasius Kedys - Lithuanian-batshit-insane-version of Chris Hansen, a guy who shot two judges who raped his daughter. Considered by many as a great hero, likewise, considered by many a sick fuck. R.I.P. Pedobear.
- Vytautas Kernagis - desperate musician/composer and show-biz specialist who got B& by cancer.
- Mikalojus Konstantinas Ciurlionis - ancient, even more desperate musician/composer and painter. Considered one of the most famous Lithuanians on the world (because there is an asteroid named after him).
- Virgilijus Alekna - world champion discus-thrower, one of the best athletes in Lithuania, but who would give a shit about some Disc Throwing crap?
- Zydrunas Ilgauskas - a basketball player who made it into (the bench of) the NBA. What else? Well, he's got bolts in his feet.
- Tadas Blinda - Lithuanian Robin Hood.
- Hannibal Lecter - serial killer who was born in Lithuania. Oh, he doesn't fucking exist, by the way.
Basketball
The only thing that Lithuania actually can do without failing is play basketball.
scratch that, they still fucking fail at it.
Either way, if Lithuanian's aren't drunk, they're playing basketball. To be fair, they have won something, but not frequently. Even if they don't win, they still keep on fighting with faith that once they will surely win that gold medal. In fact, basketball in Lithuania is sometimes even reffered to as a second religion. It's all bullshit, however, because they just like to look at sweaty men.
Lithuania and the internets
Lithuania, in effort to keep up with the world, recently got involved in the internets. At this time, only rich people can afford such prestigious comfort.
One.lt
The most popular website in Lithuana is a social networking one, known as One.lt. It's exactly the same as Facebook or Myspace, just more pathetic, and in a language no one understands. Every god damn redneck has a One account, so that makes One sort of like Lithuania's AIDS. Just as any other website, One.lt has its haters, thus has encouraged many inside "jokes" in Lithuania.
Lithuanian Uncyclopedia
The Lithuanian hipsters recently came across Uncyclopedia, and, being the fucktards that they are, made a decision that "OMG LOL ROFL TIS PLACE IS HILAROIUS WE HAS TO MAKE UOR OWN", and so Juokopedija (Laugh-o-pedia, if literally translated) was made.
Will Lithuania ever discover ED? A few mighty explorers have, but the magic 8 ball says "Outcome Uncertain".
Lithuanian gallery
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Lithuanian footage
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Lithuanian EDiots
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