Kosovo
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Kosovo, previously a disputed southern province of Serbia, has finally decided to declare their independence. Of course, Serbia still think of them as their bitches, and Russia is with them, so there will probably be a war. Already, Serbs have begun smashing American ambassades all over because of their butthurt, but it is very unlikely that anyone will care enough to even pwn them. The rest of Europe will probably accept the new nation, if only because it is hilarious to watch them struggle - there is no way they will make it on their own economically. However, a good way to troll people who support stupid Western governments is to cry "Kosovo is Serbia!" at the top your lungs at a G8 conference, where only Putin would approve.
| — Bonk Vigurosly, Kosovian Chief Of Tourism. |
Contents |
Geography
Most of Kosovo is filled with mountains, making it easier for the European sand niggers (or Albanians in their native language) to hide during bomb raids. The winters are cold as fuck, and the summers burning hot, making it the ultimate place to move, build your shack and train your war dogs. Having a family is unwise, since they will get shot or bombed sooner or later. Sooner, more likely. So far, 2,2 million people have managed to squeeze their way into this small province - sorry, I meant Republic - despite the barbed wire that lines the borders.
History
Kosovo has been pwned by the Serbs since ancient history, and constantly ridden by war, the Albanian majority have been forced to degenerate into violent apes in order to survive. Since the 70's, they've enjoyed some independence, and most of the Kosovo Albanians in exile formed packs and crossed the border during this time. Needless to say, Kosovo was the least developed area of the former Yugoslavia. In the 80's, some nice persecution made most of the Kosovo Serbs and other ethnic minorities in Kosovo realize the need to GTFO. Since then, the Balkan wars have thankfully killed off a whole lot of the inhabitants left, but enough were obviously left to claim independence. So now they cling fast to their Albanian cousins by telling them that they will be really good friends if they give them many many Jew golds, but this is mostly in vane because the Albanians don't have any Jew golds either.
 Kosovo under Serbian rule, ca. 1980. |
 The new, independent Kosovo, not ruled by anyone - not even by the Kosovars themselves. |
Economy
If we want to say it the nice way, Kosovo's economy is weak. Actually, it is one of the poorest provinces countries in Europe. With over 50% of the population unemployed, Kosovo is Europe's lil' Africa. They are begging the rest of Europe the give them money now, as the Serbs quickly GTFO'd from the shithole. It has gone so far that Kosovo is fighting with Moldova for the title Poorest Country In Europe. However, the people are very proud of their failed ass province country, but this is probably just due to that they never went to a better country under their whole lives.
The only successful export from Kosovo are refugees, who travel along the EU and steal anything in sight, to bring it back later to the home country so their relatives can survive down there until they have collected enough money to kiss the sorry ass that is known as Kosovo goodbye forever.
- The main import of Kosovo are stolen goods, Albanians, and Foreign troops.
- It's main export are stolen goods, refugees and foreign mujahideen.
- The export of genocide, landmines, and poverty are also critical components of the Serbian economy.
- Kosovo's main industry is made of wars, pissed off commies, shitty guns, and genocide of the Serbs.
Kosovo War
It all began when the Serbian king, ex-Yugoslavian pimp Slobodan Milošević held a hate speech against Albanians at the 600th anniversary of some Serb ownage around 1000 years ago where they stole Kosovo from the Albanians. But as it is common knowledge in Kosovo that all of that is pure bullshit, they went batshit insane about the partying Serbs so they started a war to liberate themselves. So in 1996, a massive ass rape started, with everyone raping their (ex)best friends and anyone who had the bad luck to come near the place. -But- the Serbs are even more hated in the world than the Albanians, and seeing them to succeed in a fight was not an option for anybody. So the NATO went in that hell-hole of a country and began to play daddy there. The fighting ceased and the Serbs started themselves to feel the butthurt which the Kosovo-Albanians felt for so many years. The war was sorta over for now.
And after Serbias internal ass rape which became the cause of good ol' Slobodan to GTFO, Kosovo had it's first-time-ever democratic elections. And the kewl Albanians voted for Kosovo to become an autonomous province country, with 87% saying "Yes". The Serbs couldn't believe it, and became more butthurt than ever before. So they voted again, and this time there where 99% who said "Yes". So the Serbs GTFO'd forevar, and the NATO took over. Now was Serbia having a big party to celebrate the fact that they didn't have to play daddy for it's AIDS-infested war-torn Africa-poor shithole of a province.
So now the NATO had to take care of the little bastard. And it went pretty good; the death toll sank just under 9000 and the people were happy enough to dont try to an hero. But still, nobody liked the Kosovars, so even the NATO GTFO'd after some 5 years. Now after all these years, the Kosovo finally became free. The people celebrated in the way they knew best; setting their stuff on fire and getting drunk. But the Serbs -as usually- did not approve of that, so they started rioting the living shit out of themselves in Belgrade. Chillin out maxin' relaxin' all cool, setting some American embassies on fire, the regular stuff. And what is going to happen now? No-one knows.
Kosova Cyber War
Well after the war the kosovars started fighting with the serbs again in they're computers at home because they had no ammo and they got internet at last 0.2 KBps not enough to play counter strike so they hacked the serb websites but the serbs revenged too after years hacking and hacking the police decided to pwn the kosovar hackers and so they got in the jail but some started creating free vbulletin forums and some still play counter strike against the serbs and some even smelled enough to start a free software conferences and now they use Lunix.
The National Anthem
The new national anthem of Kosovo, sung by enthusiastic tourists.
In the Neighbourhood
External Links
- No Serbs in our country plzkthx.
- The latest updates on TOW as to which countries recognise Kosovo.
Kosovo is part of a series on Islam 
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