Kingdom of Loathing
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Kingdom of Loathing is a shit MMORPG, appealing largely to goths, 13 year old boys, dried-up pretentious condescending cuntbags, and your mom. Allah willing, the people responsible for this abortion will be sacrificed to Raptor Jesus.
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[edit] The Game
The game begins with the premise of An Adventurer is you! (A homage to the engrish phrase, "a winner is you") and proceeds to present the player with state-of-the-art graphics (pencil drawings) and epic adventures (repetitive clicking) through a vast continent (about 10 pages). The game is filled with a myriad of enemies (stick men and aborted doodles) and items (different types of hats and pants). The game itself is a complete fucking catastrophe based on an imbecilic premise: what if the typical fantasy elements in typical online role playing games were replaced with something wackier? OMG! Instead of using gold as currency, we'll use meat! If that doesn't sound like the funniest shit on earth to you, you're bound to hate the fuck out of Kingdom of Loathing. It is marginally more fun to play than Final Fantasy. Marginally...
[edit] Game Mechanics
The game uses lots of math. Lots of players try to work out the mechanics, but it's so complicated only the game's designers understand it.
[edit] Humor
What Kingdom of Loathing usually dishes out during the game's adventures is a bunch of cheesy "pop culture" references. Examples of many of the enemies that are fought in the game are goths, furfags, hippies, noobs obsessed with Dragonball Z, and fanboys of Final Fantasy (they even make fun of the game in an adventure zone called The Penultimate Fantasy Airship, how stupid is that?). Ironically, all of these aforementioned people probably play the game IRL.
[edit] Furries
As do all good upstanding people of the Internet, the good upstanding people at the Kingdom of Loathing loathe Furries with a bright and fiery passion, a passion that fills one's heart with hope for the future. The game goes so far as to allow you to skin Furries after killing them. You can then craft some particularly disgusting armor from their pelts. In addition to the more useful items, furries will occasionally drop a Disturbing Fanfic upon dying, which contains "A hundred pages of animals from a popular cartoon doing horrible and disgusting things to each other", the programmers will not touch this item with a ten-foot pole, and thus it does nothing, and hopefully never will.
One event in the game depicts a couple of Bugbear-Furries being brutally raped by actual Bugbears, lulz ensue.
[edit] Ascension
In order to ascend, you must become a winner. You win by defeating the boss of the game, the Naughty Sorceress. What is ascension? A really faggy excuse to play Kingdom of Loathing with new challenges. The NS13 expansion was later added, which gave two moar quests in the Kingdom. One of the extra quests is "The Quest For the Holy MacGuffin", in which you click around a whole bunch of places and get close to absolutely nothing afterwards. This is typically something that's obtained from every Kingdom of Loathing quest, but it's over nine thousand times moar time wasting. However, it is worth noting that the entire joke of the Holy MacGuffin quest is that the player gets ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OUT OF IT. Seriously, this was done on purpose.
[edit] Radio KoL
Kingdom of Loathing stands apart from even marginally enjoyable computer games by virtue of its streaming internet radio station, RKOL. There's also an alternate station called GKOL, which truly lives by the words of its motto: "We exist to give you shit!". In between 10 song blocks of artists ranging from old hippy crap like They Might Be Giants to shitty emo such as My Chemical Romance, listeners are often treated to the batshit rantings of the disc jockeys, who are all, without exception fat goth drama whores from New Jersey. What's worse, their fanboys listen to Linkin Park and keep fucking with this article, depriving it of precious lulz and making it as pleasing for the eye as looking at a goat, see.
[edit] Leads to murder?
Kingdom of Loathing is directly responsible for the cannibal murder of a 10 year old girl. I just hope they're happy, the fuckers. In all fairness though, said little girl looked like a bitch, and was therefore, asking for it.
All the same, Pedobear weeps.
More evidence: William Freund also played Kingdom of Loathing before graduating to the Something Awful forums to ask HOW DO I GOT BUCKSHOT.
[edit] External Links
- Kingdom of Loathing
- The shitty Kingdom of Loathing wiki Filled with accurate information about game mechanics.
- Kingdom of Loathing ForumThis is the KoL forums page. It is full of retarded 13 year old boys and spammers. The only good thing about the forum is that there is a "Ring of Flame" where you can flame the fuck out of anybody you please, but is only accessible to users. To make an account, your application has to be approved by an old, fat, whore-cunt.
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Kingdom of Loathing is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
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