Kiki Kannibal

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HOLY SHIT, THE MULLET IS THE REAL CULPRIT OF WTC!!11

Kiki brought breathing back!1!1!ONE!1

Where Kiki REALLY gets her hair

Kiki Kannibal is a self-proclaimed 15 year old internet celebrity and attention whore from Orlando, Florida, who is just an ugly vegan ("except for, um, fish, and I sometimes eat chicken") cunt with Barbie hair IRL.

It is noted that this thing is arguably the most attractive female on Stickam, but having looked at said website, this is really just an achievement equivalent to being the prettiest Denny's waitress.

Most of what is seen on the internets was conjured by means of Satan's own copy of Adobe Photoshop.

1 LAWLZZZ L1K3 ITZ KIKIKANNIBALLLL Z0MGZZZ

[edit] LAWLZZZ L1K3 ITZ KIKIKANNIBALLLL Z0MGZZZ

Her real name is Kirsten Ostrenga and she claims to have 'brought stripes back,' but the sad truth is that Motley Crue, Juggalos, and Muriel The Merpony (see photo) all had stripey-goodness long before she did. Her little sister is also an un-fuckable loli.

Kiki doesn't swallow, she spits

Everything about Kiki is very lulzy due to the fact that she considers herself and her fake hair to be very serious business. Her hair is especially serious business, since anyone who puts stripes in their hair, vertical or horizontal, is obviously copying her because Kiki has been doing fug-stripes for at least 100 years.

Kiki has no IRL friends, which is typical of most internet "celebrities". Legend has it that her mullet devours all subjects of friendship before Kiki can develop any social bond with them.

Kiki also believes that The Man, the government, the FBI, and about every other fucking person on the face of the Earth is out to get her and bring her down. The only two beings she does not fear are those who should be feared: Pedobear and A RAPE SPIDER.

Her h8ers are 'obsessed with' her, even though most of them simply know that hating on her will totally bring the lulz. Most of them have come to realize that just one comment or post that doubts Kiki's amazing-ness will always end in win, and so drama is brewed quite often.

On top of all of this, Kiki is also an outspoken lover of Animal.

Kiki's reaction to a troll showing the pic on stickam

[edit] Jewelry

After huffin' jenkem one time too many, Kiki decided to make profit from the stupidity of her fangirls by cutting up some plastic and gluing sparkleys to it, so as to attract the retards that call themselves her fans. She then called it jewelry, made a website for it, and tried to sell it for over 9000 dollars. She has so far sold a total of three, and the Truck Of Fail is still parked safely in her parents' garage.

[edit] OMG INTARWEBZ DRAMA

Since Kiki's parents, Cockmongler and DivineAngel, failed at raising their daughter correctly, they now try to gain all those years of childhood misguidance back by arguing on the interwebz with anyone who dare speak down on their beloved little girl. Since fighting Kiki's battles for her does not always prevail, Kiki simply blocks anyone who dares get in the way of her quest for Epic World Domination. Much like Hitler, with the exception that Hitler did not have a block button for the entire planet.

The one thing that they could not block, however, was the nude photo that somehow leaked onto Buzznet last Thursday. Kiki insisted that the government had posted the picture, because she will never own up to the fact that she is a cheap slut who was totally, 100% asking for it. And Pedobear was happy.

[edit] The other side of Kiki

At one time, Kiki Kannibal was actually a human being. Photographic proof can be found only if you look hard enough, because Kiki will not reveal the mysteries of her past as a prostatot to anyone. However, she was still an ugly little girl, so any hopes of her future should have been and indeed were dull. Speculation about her aversion to sunlight and predilection for nights filled with mass consumption of lead paint chips has recently come to the fore. Opponents of these rumors point to her extremely wide-set fish eyes as proof of obvious Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Regardless, she is clearly a retard and should be mocked at every turn. The pragmatic observer approves the likelihood of both scenarios being concurrently applicable, and the opportunity for near-endless lulzy banter remains at an all-time high.

[edit] Helping Kiki

You can help by trolling Kiki as much as possible! She gets angered over the silliest of things, like telling her that she has a mullet, that her hair is Photoshopped, that her ex-boyfriend was right, and that her parents do not and never will love her. Her AIM is kikikanniballl. The password to get her to respond to your IM seems to be OMFG LOL YOAR A FAT DYKE!

Take as many screenshots as possible before she blocks you and deletes your comments, because she is very serious business indeed.

[edit] Veganism

In addition to being pro-ana, Kiki is also an outspoken vegetarian, and preaches about how cruel we are to the animals. Unfortunately, she has not realized yet that all of her fans are either retarded or too busy fapping to care about what she has to say. This position is directly at odds with her own personal history, as her first Oreo-bortion was performed after she was impregnated by Satan, who coincidentally also gifted her with the herpes which are responsible for the sores often seen on her pasty, mirror-shattering, fat face. The coat hanger used to save the world from having to accommodate another demon baby Jesus currently resides in the Smithsonian museum of lulzy artifacts. Fortunately, since her fans aren't really paying attention to what she's saying, they haven't yet realized that she's a closet furry with a case of unwarranted self-importance.

Posted in her Stickam profile, which nobody reads since they immediately enter her room and ask for tits:

“	People need to stop hurting animals. There are only three MAIN categories on this earth scientifically. Plant Animal Mineral Guess what guys, we're in the animal section. We need to stop hurting our OWN kind. We are not in the STONE AGES ANYMORE. STOP EATING MEAT. ANIMAL RIGHTS. It's 2007! There's sooo many ways to get our protein in a healthier less heart ache way. organic vegetarian since the age of 8 years old all by choice baby!!! a passage on animal testing: animals are routinely cut open, poisoned, and forced to live in barren steel cages for years, although studies show that because of vast physiological variations between species, human reactions to illnesses and drugs are completely different from those of other animals. Today's non-animal research methods are humane, more accurate, less expensive, and less time-consuming than animal experiments, yet change comes slowly and many researchers are unwilling to switch to superior technological advances. Animal experimentation not only is preventing us from learning more relevant information, it continues to harm and kill animals and people every year Let me translate.. basically what it's saying is that animals are VERY different from humans and have different systems (nervous system, respiratory system, etc.) but not only do they cut open puppys, kittens, bunnys, mice, and so on they concentrate the poisons 50 times more than the product was originally made. Factory farms: They sped the factory farm line up 3x more. The process of the slaughter consists of the cows being pierced with a stake right in between the eyes to the brain , which instantly kills them so that they weren't alive through the rest of the process which is the skinning and hanging. They sped up the line to make more meat faster and to save money. Naturally the cows move and wail around, they're not comfortable and in an upside down position, so when they go and pierce the "bulls eye" it would hit the cow's ear or eye leaving the cow still consicous. The next step is the skinning. Remember the cows are still alive while being skinned. bascially they are mooing and wailing skinned alive. Oh but thats not all the cow is still alive people, the next step is to hang them with a BIGGG hook. Oh what a miracle.. the cow is still alive mooing, all bloody, hanging from a hook upside down suffering.	„

Kiki doesn't think the cow-leather chaps she wears when she uses a strap-on to analize her loli fug little sister make her a vegetarian hypocrite, but that's okay, it just amounts to more lulz for EDiots. That ugly, totally unoriginal, striped rat's nest on top of her head is proof enough that she loves even the most pestilent animals, giving the AIDS-ridden rodents a place to live. It's still technically up for debate the way in which she is more of an ironic champion of hypocrisy: decrying being a carnivore while calling herself KIKI FUCKING KANNIBALL or being pro-ana, yet also being a fatass. Also a contender for biggest Kiki hypocrisy is her discussion on ex-boyfriends! LOL, vegetarian or no, Kiki is still a fat ass. As of now, the leather\vegetarian hypocrisy is in the lead.