Drug

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

A drug is technically any non-nutritive substance which changes the function of the body.

Many people use drugs, psychoactive and otherwise. These people may or may not be homosexuals. Emos particularly liek drugs as a prelude to their cutting sessions and to also make themselves sound more hardcore.

People who hate drugs often claim to be "high on life". Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are lamers who have never taken a mind-altering drug. These are the geniuses responsible for the war on drugs.

Contents 1 Narcotics + Creativity = WIN 2 Why Drugs Are Good 3 Why Drugs Are Bad 4 Types of Drug 4.1 Depressants 4.1.1 Alcohol 4.1.2 Inhalants 4.2 Tobacco 4.3 Sedatives 4.3.1 Cannabis 4.3.2 Xanax, Valium and the Like 4.3.3 Opium lettuce 4.3.4 Kratom 4.4 Stimulants 4.4.1 Caffeine 4.4.2 Cocaine 4.4.3 Crack 4.4.4 Ephedra 4.4.5 Ecstasy 4.4.6 Amphetamines 4.4.7 Methamphetamine 4.5 Hallucinogens 4.5.1 Belladonna (NightShade) 4.5.2 Benadryl 4.5.3 DMT 4.5.4 DPH 4.5.5 Jimsonweed 4.5.6 LSD 4.5.7 Morning Glory Seeds 4.5.8 Peyote 4.5.9 Salvia 4.5.10 Shrooms 4.6 Dissociatives 4.6.1 DXM 4.6.2 Ketamine 4.6.3 PCP 4.7 Opiates 4.7.1 Codeine 4.7.2 Heroin 4.7.3 Oxycodone 4.7.4 Vicodin 4.8 Other psychotropics 4.8.1 Absinthe 4.8.2 Fly Agaric 4.8.3 GHB 4.8.4 Rohypnol 4.9 Fake/WTF 4.9.1 Cake 4.9.2 Bananadine 4.9.3 Catnip 4.9.4 Jenkem 4.9.5 Nutmeg 4.9.6 UPN 4.10 Fictional 4.10.1 Melange or Spice 4.10.2 Medipacks/Healthpacks/Stimpacks 5 Drugs and Wikipedia 6 High Scores 7 Videos 8 Gallery 9 See Also 10 External links

[edit] Narcotics + Creativity = WIN

Just ask William Burroughs, Philip K Dick, and every other writer worth a damn. Drugs, be they good or bad, cause you to think outside the box, and thus be creative. Because you're so fucked out of your head you won't accidentally rip off other peoples ideas and with the right ego-enhancing compounds, you will have enough self-belief to pull off that great novel that everyone's got inside them. S'true!

[edit] Why Drugs Are Good

It r a common known fact that drugs are mostly good for social settings. They can make men and women alike easy to sleep with, and they tend to have no problem blowing hundreds of thousands of hours of your life away (which judging by the fact that you're reading this, you would be doing anyway). You didn't really need them anyway. Drugs are great for laying back and not doing anything, which is great if you're in high school and won't be passing anyway, or if you plan on dropping out of college anyway because your life is really meaningless otherwise. Drugs are also good for making your shitty day great (while you're on them anyway), and they take the pain away from very minuscule happenings, such as losing your omg bf u datd so llong :(.

Drugs also make you think you're funnier than you really are, or more talented. Which is great when you're the only one in the room on drugs. While the crowd won't agree, you're the greatest guitarist or the most masterful debater in the room around you.

So go ahead, there really is no reason NOT to take drugs. Unless you're some liberal conservative (all liberals take drugs, except Hilary Clinton and her supporters) pussy with a fascist job or working on some fancy 'higher educated' lifestyle.

PROTIP: If you edit while under the influence, make sure to use the preview button before saving. This can save your username from having a string of edits in the article history of Roman Showers or other sick shit that you are expert in, you sick fuck.

Drugs give you deep insight like this fellow, who spits mean freestyles.

[edit] Why Drugs Are Bad

WUT?

[edit] Types of Drug

[edit] Depressants

[edit] Alcohol

Alcohol is one of the most common strong drugs used by humans. Cheap white cider and poof juice is what the gay emo and wigger kids drink, while the more non-gay drink lager and vodka. Real men drink gasoline, but the pussies mix it. Women prefer cocktails. There are many explanations, but mainly because they do not want to get drunk drinking alcohol, their weak inferior female bodies can't take real drinks and drinking cUtE fuNneH drinks like "Sex On The Beach" makes them cool and hopefully gets them the dick they were longing for for so long. Butthurt girls prefer mojitos, a drink made at least 100 years ago by a Mexican faggot.

[edit] Inhalants

For when you're too poor to even be able to afford real drugs, or too retarded to know who to get them from, there are inhalants, a category that pretty much covers any chemical shit that you can sniff. Glue? Obviously! Petrol? Hell yes! Spraypaint? It's like candy! Shit? You better believe it! The panties of 16 year old Japanese schoolgirls? Sure, but only if they piss pure methylated spirits.

People who work in the education sector are particularly susceptible to getting hooked on solvent abuse. It's all about stress and proximity. Look out for the tell-tale circle of blue or black ink around your teacher's nostril. If you notice this, shout, "For shame, you solvent snorting bitch!" at the top of your voice. You have a moral obligation to do this. Think of the children.

[edit] Tobacco

Tobacco is the most accessible and arguably the most enjoyable(shittiest, stop editing and take some REAL drugs sometime, faggot) of the recreational drugs. Tobacco built America, so by extension people who hate tobacco hate America. Additionally, as taxes on cigarettes go to support education, they also hate children.

There was once a man who became a powerful head of state who went on a personal crusade to stamp out smoking. As well as mandating that no one around him smoke, he banned public smoking and spent vast amounts of public money disseminating anti-smoking propaganda. His name: Adolph Hitler. In spite of his groundbreaking advances in the field of Jew extermination he is still vilified to this day for this reason.

There are many great reasons to start smoking. As well as making you feel great, studies have shown that smokers are over nine thousand times more likely than non-smokers to be cool. Also, by not smoking you are associating yourself with asinine anti-smoking douchebags such as the pussies at TheTruth.com, which funds itself primarily through gay prostitution.

You can also chew tobacco. Chewing tobacco (moar liek JEWing tobacco, amirite?) is great because it gives you magic powers like spitting yucky goop on douchebags like liberals and feminists. This makes for great IRL trolling, especially on fruity guys who insist on wearing mandals as they step in your chewed tobacco wads.

THIS JUST IN it seems Tobacco has the same shit that killed over 9000 commies in Chernobyl in the 80s. this is why pot makes you better and cigs melt your lungs. don't believe me read for yourself at nuclear niggers.com

[edit] Sedatives

[edit] Cannabis

The completely awesome and amazing cannabis was invented at least 100 years ago in 1969 and legalized in the year 1982. Some people say that God made it. Others will disagree and say that Satan did, but everybody knows that actually it was invented in Colombia, because every single Colombian is an expert on the manufacture of every illegal drug. Afghanistan is now in friendly competition with Colombia, producing 90% of the world opium and a large percentage of the world's weed.

There are two types of cannabis: Schwag is dirty shit invented on the planet Mexico - growers of this type of weed are usually scumstache-sporting spics in nigger clothes. If you like this kind of weed you are a pig and may as well smoke hay. The other type is known as dank bud (or "skunk" in the UK there is no good weed in the UK.) and it will fuck you right up (Try adding some crack into it). Retarded wigger hippie assholes like to divide this into categories that don't even exist and invent strains ('hey man I got some totally crazy northern lolrus bhudda last night') in an effort to appear like they aren't just smoking the same carpet weed shit that gets made into hemp. The best shit you can get is White Widow AK47 Purple Kush Sour Diesel. White Widow is common as fuck and is the number one cause of mental illness in the United Kingdom HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS Fuck off back to your Daily Mail you hysterical fuckhead. The traveling smell of marijuana may attract hippie liberal police officers who will pull you over, without ticketing you, so they can steal your shit and smoke it.

Prior to the 1960s, cannabis use was mainly confined to Jesus and the guy who wrote Lord of the Rings. This all changed when Jerry Garcia invented the dirty hippy by forgetting to take a shower one day, thus increasing cannabis consumption by over 9000% across the world. However, it was still difficult to acquire at this time because The Beatles were using most of it to help them write songs about walruses and glass onions. Thankfully, they broke up in 1970 so the rest of the world could enjoy it. Soon, it was cheap enough that even black people could afford it. Today, it is used by a wide variety of people, except rednecks (who prefer cheap beer,meth and dick sucking), Heath Ledger (who is dead), and old people (who are already way stoned on prescription meds). Because of the simultaneous existence of Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and Bill Clinton, many feared a shortage would arise, but thankfully Mexico stepped up to the plate last Thursday and increased production of 13 year old boys, who are known to grow weed in their closets (so their parents don't find out).

Cannabis goes by many slang terms, such as:

• nothing
• "No, mom, I'm not going to get high"
• "homework"
• "CD"
• "video game"
• "That's not mine"
• "baseball practice"
• Movie
• school project
• DVD
• watchin' the game.
• books
• "Jusy playing video games at "insert name here's" house."
• "I'm just going to the mall, bitch"
• "Studying"
• Heterosexual sex
• Homosexual sex
• Asexual reproduction
• 16 year old girls
• um ya know..."it"
• voting third party
• oh shit the cops....no wait it's cool

NB: Nobody has ever died from using marijuana. That means you could be the first!!!

Some people claim to take cannabis but don't "inhale" which is retarded because then there'd be no point.

[edit] Xanax, Valium and the Like

Easily the most widely abused type of prescription drug. Any doctor can and will give them to you if you so much as mention them or say hello. You can find these in pretty much any medicine cabinet, look for pills that end in "-pam" or "-clone." Best way to take them is to stick them under your tongue and troll message boards. Anabelle Lotus died because her wildebeest of a mother popped Xanax throughout her pregnancy, along with all the booze, dope and jenkem that goes along with the juggalo lifestyle.

Also known as the "I did WHAT!?" drugs, due to the fact they will cause you to lose inihibitions and memory much more efficiently than anything else and often lead to sex with whales(literally and figuratively), fits of emo,pwned 16 year old girls and five broken windows, burnt drapes an eviction notice and these weird bite marks that kinda resemble your mom.

[edit] Opium lettuce

AKA Lactuca virosa. Anyone who spends at least 100 years cutting off the flower heads and collecting the sap inside will get an opium-like high. Good luck finding out which of 23,000 species of nearly-identical plants is the right one, though! Check Totse for a good recipe.

[edit] Kratom

Is a plant found in Southeast Asia that will fuck you up for several hours...if, that is, you can force 15 grams of that horribly bitter putrid shit down your throat quickly. Currently it is illegal in Australia and other countries that don´t matter.

[edit] Stimulants

[edit] Caffeine

Caffeine is for the kids who can't get coke because they're gay and don't have any friends. Frequent users of Caffeine include gamers who use it to stay up all night at LAN parties. There are also a number of middle school kids who think that they can get high by taking a large number of Caffeine pills; which you can, but not without dying a hilarious death. All it takes is about the equivalent of 95 cups of coffee in four hours to hit that mark. Unfortunately, the hallucinogenic margin is very small, and even a tiny bit too much can result in coma and death. Make sure to sell some to a group of kids at the park for lulz. Since it is also an ingredient in soda, coffee, and tea, over 9000 people a year become addicted.

[edit] Cocaine

Cocaine (also called food of the gods, or coke in its carbonated, caramel-flavored form) is a popular drug from the 1980s. Usually powdered , for easy carriage in bags or devouring on doughnuts. Cocaine is perfect for you and your mom as you both have incredible skill at ingesting white substances. As opposed to in the ass, it is usually "snorted" through a tube-like instrument, such as a rolled up dollar bill, or if you are really rich you may wanna snort it up through a 100 dollar bill which really fucks you up. You have to burn the bill afterwords to make an impression. However, note that most people who are snorting the crack form have never seen a 100 dollar bill in their lives. Only a white suburbfag would not know that crack can't be sniffed. Opposed to that only a CRACKHEAD would know that crack can only be smoked. No pretty much everyone who's not a 13 year old suburbfag knows. Please, EMAC.This drug can have seriously harmful effects, including brain damage, addiction, erosion of the nose, and the need to listen to Daft Punk. For more information about cocaine, please contact George W. Bush and/or Billy Mays.

All cocaine in the world comes from Colombia. If you go to Colombia you will find that the natives live on a big mountain of cocaine, and every resident is an expert in its manufacture. This justifies dropping massive amounts of herbicide on the country from planes, which increases the price of cocaine and thus the profits of the suppliers, which helps win the war on drugs. If you disagree you hate America.

Best enjoyed when combined with hookers.

[edit] Crack

Crack is a smokably delicious form of cocaine which looks like a rock. It delivers the same effects as cocaine but the effects are stronger and shorter lasting. Crack is basically cocaine for niggers. Mediacrat does not do crack, as it is not a drug for the rich and beautiful. Whitney Houston, famous drug user, says that crack "is for poor people." stealing crack is a prosecutable offense it can result in a "nigger" popping a cap in your ass.

It was first created and distributed in the early 1980s by Whitey through clandestine operation with the sole purpose of keeping the Black Man down. Fortunately, it had the side effect of making African-Americans the single-most absolutely hilarious demographic due to their drug-induced antics when under its influence, much to the amusement of all ethnicities at a good distance from the ghetto. Ever since then, people of all races and classes have taken part in enjoying this delectable high.

Crack is popular amongst whores because of how cheap it is. That's why they're called Junkies, WTF. On the Internet, you will occasionally encounter the sort of khaki-wearing, Conan-watching fuckwit who still considers the phrase "on crack" to be hilarious. E.g., "She's running around like a rabbit... ON CRACK!!!" This is grounds for a violent permaban from your flist.

Crack is arguably the most preffered drug among niggers. Malt liquor comes into a distant second place, followed by Newport cigarettes. Niggers usually buy their crack with the white man's hubcaps, car rims and stereo systems. Unfortunately the "Po-Po" are trying to put an end to this nigger tradition.

[edit] Ephedra

Ephedra is a weight loss drug preferred by the morbidly obese and pro-ana 16 year old girls. And goths who can't get hold of speed. It's important when taking ephedrine not to vomit it up with your half piece of toast and dixie cup of water during a fit of thinspiration. Anorexic 16 year old girls may also eat drugs such as amphetamines and their lesser relatives ephedrine and arsenic as a way of avoiding actual food. They also eat laxatives, but see these as the most recreational of drugs, and mainly take them for the sheer pleasure. Anorexics generally like to boast about their laxative intake.

[edit] Ecstasy

Ecstasy is the club name for methylenedioxymethamphetamineHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Ecstasy is number one in the rave scene. Ecstasy makes you dance like a retard and participate in "glory holes", where you stick your penis through a hole in a bathroom stall and have it sucked on by a gay man, but it's ok, cause you can't see his face. You're utterly, utterly gay anyway. Everyone knows, they just have not told you, but they tell everyone else behind your back. On the bright side, women on ecstasy tend to take their tops off, providing for many boob shots and the possibility of hot sex (or lulz if the girl is fat). Makes you gurn like a retard, take your clothes off and then proceed with chewing your own face off and rubbing yourself.

Ecstasy tends to cause a feeling of epic win with the first few tries, and can even make you enjoy trance 'music'. Once the feelings wear off, all e-tards realize that the real world is actually full of Goatse and fail, rather than the utopia their drug induced delusions have shown them.

[edit] Amphetamines

That stuff you stole one time from your ADHD brother, so you could study for that exam you had the next day. But instead of studying, you spent the rest of the day obsessively cleaning your shithole apartment. Finally, the speed (yes, speed) wears off, you haven't studied, your apartment is looking good, and your exam is in 4 hours. You try to sleep and sit with your eyes wide open twitching your feet for a couple hours, you maybe get 45 minutes of actual sleep. You wake up and go to your exam and fail it because you never actually studied. Your parents disown you, you sell drugs and work as a short-order cook in bumfuck nowhere for the rest of your life.

[edit] Methamphetamine

Methamphetamine (also known as ice in countries liek dumbfuck Ass-tralia lolwut?) makes you so high that you cant find your own hands, and when you do find them, it turns out they're choking a hooker or beating up a kid. Some claim that methamphetamine is a synthetic substance cooked up in labs in trailer parks. They're lying. Meth is actually just ordinary spider eggs that need a place to gestate. Kind meth-heads, or "friends of spiders", give the helpless little arachnids a warm incubation in their noses, and when the spiders hatch, they escape through the host's pores, resulting in sores commonly called "speed bumps". These scars serve as reminders of the meth-head's kindness to God's creatures. If you see a meth-head with speed-bumps, approach them, look them right in the eye, and say "Thank you, on behalf of all the spiders". They'll understand - and if not, beat them over the head with the nearest blunt object, secure in the knowledge you tried your best.

[edit] Hallucinogens

[edit] Belladonna (NightShade)

Glory to White Jesus! Turns out, any plant which will kill you in large doses gets you high in smaller doses. Who'd a thunk it? Belladonna, also known as deadly nightshade, is a potent deleriant which contains the same wonderful magiks as jimsonweed. If you can manage to get the right dosage, rather than dying a horrible death, you will be rewarded with a horrible trip full of spiders and death secks from your favorite childhood toys. <math><math>Insert formula here</math></math>

If the author of the above has any experience with this drug, it's clear you should not use it.

[edit] Benadryl

According to TOW, taking shitloads of the allergy medicine benadryl will cause you to have hallucinations quite different from any other hallucinogen. Experts like to refer to this sensation as "dreaming while awake," since the hallucinations appear lifelike and hard to distinguish the real world. In reality, taking such high doses will give you a fucking headache, make you fall over, and dry your mouth out like a whore's cooter. It will also give you a heart attack if you take Over 9000 milligrams, and a fucking box of it costs 5 bucks.

[edit] DMT

"DMT", short for dymethyltryptamine, is the most hardcoar psychedelic drug known to man. The two forms, 5-MeO-dymethyltryptamine and N,N-dymethytriptamine, are both extremely rare. While DMT can be found in many plants including blades of grass, the crystallized or powdered forms that get you high are incredibly hard to come by and are incredibly expensive. However, if you are a chemist, you can extract enough DMT from grass to trip many balls. The effects last from seven to ten minutes. Many people who have taken DMT report seeing aliens, and when asked to describe the aliens, all describe the same aliens. The most common ways to do DMT are smoking or snorting. After people do DMT, they will forever think that they are the shit because they found, paid for, and ingested the most ridiculous psychedelic on Tegiak, when in reality EVERYONE has tripped on DMT before. DMT is a natural chemical in the human body and is what causes dreams. Every time you go to sleep and start hitting REM sleep, you trip balls for 8 hours. DMT is also released in mass quantities when one is about to die, so the easiest and cheapest way to attain DMT and trip is to kill yourself right now.

If you live in the jungle, have access to a shaman and are batshit insane, then you may like to try a refreshing beverage alternative to smoking or snorting DMT. This delicious drink is called Ayahuasca and is for those who find LSD 'a bit vanilla'. Some of it's more positive effects are the ability to see millions of Mudkips along with the likelihood of explosive diarrhea and vomit that would put tubgirl to shame.

[edit] DPH

Diphenhydramine is an antihistamine and active ingredient found in just about any benadryl they have at Walgreens. Taking between 12 and 20 can result in dreaming while awake and some fairly legit ball-trippage (seeing rocks turn into cats), but if you take it at home you'll probably just like...want to go to sleep, man. Either before or after throwing up. People who take DPH are boring losers who listen to too much Neutral Milk Hotel and read shit like Hegel.

PROTIP: Taking benadryl with acenometiphen will make you feel like you're in a storm at sea and subsequently divide your liver by zero.

[edit] Jimsonweed

Jimsonweed is basically like Peyote except that it gives you a bad trip 99% of the time. It is usually used by retarded ranchers and dirt-poor white trash who can't afford meth, or stupid hippie hikers. 9 times out of 10 you will end up OD'ing on it and end up running naked from the cops screaming about how YOU TOTALLY SAW GOD AND IT LIKE BLEW YOUR MIND MAN!

[edit] LSD

'LSD is a drug that makes you think the furry you're fucking in the ass is actually a hell-bent hare whose face is melting off. Often, it will cause users to have Vietnam war-style flashbacks and think Quasidan's penis is coming to get them. LSD may, in some cases, also be referred to as LOLSD. It also melts holes in your brain, so many doctors recommend it. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. <s>'No it doesn't you fucking retard, it was ecstasy that was shown in autopsies to melt holes in grey matter-make like Tom Cruise and DO THE RESEARCH! NO U Thats methamphetamine (Ricartes research was discarded after it was found he had used meth instead of MDMA, the twat...) pyschologist/premed here: It is ecstasy that does that. Med School attendee here, it is Methamphetamine, not MDMA. Also, disassociatives such as Ketamine (but not necessarily DXM) cause something known as Olney's Lesions, which are basically brain holes.

LSD was deemed a remarkably safe drug. It's impossible to overdose on. It does however fuck your personality. LSD users will often mistake visual hallucinations and drug induced mind-fucking as being profound, and will try to explain at length how their last acid trip influenced their life. The subsequent ranting however, contains nothing of any kind of value (not even entertainment), and quickly digresses into a description of what he saw when he looked down at his hands and realized that they weren't actually there.

LSD is known for pwning 16 year old girls, all of whom are emotionally unstable for some reason or another and thus can't handle the realness. Never, ever give LSD to a 16 year old girl unless you're going to be leaving the scene shortly after and are certain that someone will stick around to give you the gist of what happened.

LSD does not shorten your life. Albert Hofmann, the man who discovered the drug, and was a regular user, lived to be over 100 years old. He is truly an hero and ain't afraid of nuddin'. He discovered it messing around with some fungus and took 250µg(micro grams) (two times the normal dose)on the first test. He then bicycled home tripping his asshole off, and proceeded to trip out, claiming his furniture was trying to kill him and that his next door neighbor was a witch. He then said the day after was the best of his life because he could HEAR colors, and the whole world seemed to be buzzing. Truly, the greatest scientist that ever lived.

If you wish to experience LSD-like effects safely, quickly, and for free, simply lock yourself in the room where your computer is, turn off the lights, and lurk 4chan on a Thursday night. The brightly colored nonsensical pictures, flashing ad banners, cyclical logic, spam threads, and utter confusion that /b/ on a weeknight breeds almost perfectly mimics a low-dosage acid trip.

[edit] Morning Glory Seeds

It would appear you can now get fucked up off morning glory seeds. By eating 800 seeds (thats not a typo) you can produce a mild LSD LSA trip that is followed by nausea and puking your guts out. Now go have fun kids while mommy pleasures herself to your stretch armstrong.

PROTIP: Crush the seeds into a fine dust, then mix into water and take interlingually (With more than one language? What the fuck?) It means hold it in your mouth and suck on it, asshole.

PROTIP: According to your mom, the expert on holding things in her mouth and sucking, over 9000 times out of 10, sucking may lead to swallowing.

PROTIP: Hawaiian baby woodrose can give the same effect with 10 seeds, though it only grows wild in...Hawaii. But you can order them here [1] Happy puking, kids!

[edit] Peyote

Peyote is a cactus loaded with mescaline, aka shit that will make you trip balls. Indians worship this cactus and engage in ancient rituals where they drink peyote tea while dancing around a campfire and shaking their dicks to please the rain gods. It's completely illegal in the USA unless you're a licensed, card-carrying member of the Indian church (separation of church and state my ass), but you can find the peyote cactus growing wild if you ever pay a visit to the deserts of Arizona, Texas, New Mexico, etc. Should you encounter this cactus, rip the buttons out of the ground, boil them in some water or just eat them if you're lazy, and try not to vomit. Seriously, this shit tastes like death.

[edit] Salvia

Salvia is a legal psychedelic, which means it's for pussies. Salvia extracts are sold in head shops under various strengths ranging from 10x to 5000x, but the only thing these numbers really indicate is how much you're going to have to pay for the shit. All extracts of salvia wear off in like 3-5 minutes, making the drug a huge waste of time. Salvia is for losers who can't buy LSD or mushrooms because they are afraid of breaking the law and have no friends.

Salvia divinorum is still mostly legal in the US and Europe and induces chat logs like the following:

khelair (12:20): that was the highest I've been and the clearest the ah-pon have been

khelair (12:20): next time I'll communicate WITH them instead of just be a cog in their machine

neurophyre (12:20):

khelair (12:20): I'm serious

khelair (12:22): salvia requires a more freeflowing, looping surface

khelair (12:22): IN MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS

neurophyre (12:22): you should start a salvia farm

khelair (12:22): fuck THAT I need to start a CUNT

khelair (12:22): er, CULT, even

PROTIP: Chew the leaves instead of smoking and it will last a bit longer. Better yet, sell it all to some 5th graders and buy a real hallucinogen, you fucking pussy.

PROTIP Salvia will make you desire cocks.

[edit] Shrooms

All mushrooms contain psilocybin, a powerful hallucinogenic drug. It's a myth that you can only eat certain mushrooms, and that some are even dangerous if eaten. That's a lie perpetuated by anti-drug propagandist who don't want us all to find some mushrooms on our lawns and get fucked up. Look for white mushrooms that have caps, bulbs, full veils, hight of about 2-4 inches, flat caps, and attached gills. I happen to be an expert on this. these are the most potent variety of shroom.

At first the individual which devoured the mushrooms will believe themselves not to have taken enough. Therefore the person will consume even more mushrooms in an attempt to not waste the mushrooms they have already consumed. Shortly after enjoy the faggy sparkles and colors and seeing music notes flying through the air. When the latter of the mushrooms kick in it is nice to have a noose or something to hang yourself with because you most definitely will not be having the spectacular time which you originally envisioned, so enjoy. When coming down off mushrooms carry a pad of paper and pencil with you because you will want to write down every single amazing idea and goal you have to change your life.

Shrooms can also make you miss pics plz:

<+schlorp> WE SAW HABBO NEGROS AT BURNINGMAN

<+schlorp> I NEED TO FIND THOSE GUYS

<+schlorp> they were so cute

<+schlorp> they blocked a street :D

<@ajt> schlorp: did you get pics?

<+schlorp> no!

<+schlorp> i was at the time unable to operate a camera

<+schlorp> due to rampant mushrooms

<+schlorp> :<

Note: if you can still type, or operate a computer, you haven't done enough. Eat moar mushrooms, right now!

[edit] Dissociatives

[edit] DXM

DXM, short for dextromethorphan hydrobromide: a dissociative hallucinogen of morphinan structure found in cough syrups and cough gel capsules, such as Robitussin. DXM is used as an act of desperation by 13-year-olds when their moms stop buying canned whipped cream. The drug causes the user to become disconnected from reality, which is pointless because anyone who is willing to chug a bottle of Robitussin to get high is pretty out of touch with reality as it is. Shockingly there is significant evidence that regular use causes Gayness. Fortunately for them, some high-functioning DXM freaks created their own internet Zion, called dextroverse, where they can live and trip in peace while exulting their white power philosophies. The main contributer to such fuckery is a man named Rudine, who has the AIDS and likes to molest his children in his spare time. The entire community of 13 year old boys and drama whores can be observed in their natural environment at DVirc discussing such topics as "How to get high from drinking your own urine" and "ZOMG You troll I did not get raped by my father".

Some retards think it's a good idea to take Coricidin Cough & Cold, also known as CCC. What they don't seem to realize is that CCC contains Chlorpheniramine Maleate, an antihistamine which has been known to cause coma at high doses, ensuring a long, drawn-out, and care free life as a veggie. Smart people stick with Robitussin cough gels or Maximum Strength syrup, which contain nothing but 15mgs of DXM per pill or 5 ml, respectively. Robitussin regular strength is for idiots, because it only contains 10mgs of DXM per 5 ml syrup, and it contains Guaifenesin.

[edit] Ketamine

Special K in junkie language. Contrary to popular belief, Ketamine does not lower blood pressure; instead, it can have a wide range of effects ranging from hallucinations to actually enjoying techno music, much like a raver. It can come in a variety of names and packages ranging from Ketamine Animal Tranquilizer (KAT) to "special edition with strawberries". Users of Ketamine may actually become a raver after prolonged usage. Ravers may attempt to cook Ketamine in your oven while you are not looking. Ketamine is also known to cause people to feel and act like they have Down Syndrome, often sitting in one spot for hours on end completely unaware they have the ability to move, or turn off the crappy music.

Fun fact: Ketamine made House 'think' he could walk (This lasted for no more than 99 seconds, resulting in butthurt and anti-lulz) Ketamine was used by researcher John C. Lilly to communicate with dolphins, maybe because of their interesting sexual behavior; See PCP below.

[edit] PCP

Also called angel dust, PCP is used mainly by crazy niggers who feel like pwning the shit out of themselves. Causes you to hallucinate and think you're Jesus; also enables you to punch craters in that whiny bitch Earth. There is a Google Earth community specifically dedicated to finding these PCP-induced craters, but its members have grown restless since Google Earth never fucking updates. Usually, you wind up stabbing your eyes out with a fork or ripping the skin off your arm; has also been known to turn people into cannibals. Some examples of crazy niggers on PCP:

• a 17-year-old boy made a sexual advance on a 14-year-old girl after both had smoked "superweed" (here meaning marijuana dosed with PCP); when she resisted, he concluded was being attacked by a wild animal and strangled her she was a fucking bear;
  
• a man cut off one of his partner's testicles at the latter's request while both were high on PCP
  
• one chronic PCP user "branded himself by burning a cross on his chest"
  
• a 38-year-old man smoked superweed, cut off the head of his dog, and attacked a stranger on the street with a razor
• high on PCP, a man waved down a car, shot and killed a passenger, then frolicked on the freeway firing in the air before being subdued
  
• a 29-year-old man smoked a PCP "crystal joint," entered a pregnant woman's home, stabbed her, killing the fetus, killed her two-year-old child, and when found was running down the street with a knife, naked and bloody, yelling, "Hallelujah, I'm Jesus!" He later admitted that he did it for the lulz and the charges were dropped.
  
• Rodney King was high on PCP when he accidentally wandered into the venue of the LAPD's Annual Nigger Beatdown and was mistaken for one of the legitimate participants.

[edit] Opiates

[edit] Codeine

Difficult to spell and generally a bit shit, codeine is available in over-the-counter painkillers in England and Canada. These will fuck you up, but the thrill seeker must be cautious as these fuckers are laced with caffeine, as to head off the drowsiness that codeine induces. Just go get a prescription instead. Codeine is also responsible for many lulz when one watches someone who hasn't taken them for the buzz overestimate how many pills they actually need to get stoned. The reactions of this are sleepiness, severe vomiting and loss of muscle function. In the case of epic lulz, it can cause death from severe depression of the pulmonary system (you cease to be able to breathe). In the case of the latter lulz, one should get the lffs over with, quietly leave the scene after wiping for fingerprints and call as a "concerned citizen" from an "undisclosed location". To do otherwise, or any attempt to be responsible in any way, leads to being Party V& and possibly script fodder for an episode of CSI.

[edit] Heroin

In comprehensive clinical testing, scientists have found heroin to be among the safest recreational drugs available today, with no potential for addiction, no significant impairment of cognitive processes or motor skills, and no long term effects on mental or physical health other than making people like you more. First invented in 1939 by German Nazi scientists researching the semenic content of the mentally retarded, it has since become a source of false inspiration for "artists" such as Kurt Cobain, Perry Ferrel, and Your Mom.

Heroin has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for its roles in such films as "Requiem for a Dream," "Ray," and "Paigegirl Pussifies Portland."

Also basically the greatest thing ever and you will always want moar.

PROTIPShoot it, it's the only safe way, otherwise the terrorists win.

[edit] Oxycodone

Hillbilly Heroin is an expensive painkiller that's really just Percocet without the Tylenol. Its only real 'high' is intense full-body itchiness that makes you scratch until you bleed. Despite the "I was naked in a burlap sack, wrapped in barbwire, fighting at least 100 feral cats" effect, it still causes junkies to rob pharmacies to get it, even though rolling around in broken crack vials in a thorn patch would be much easier.

Rush Limbaugh's fat ass once held up five Walgreens in an afternoon to get his Oxycontin fix.

[edit] Vicodin

Along with diazepam, Vicodin is one of the most over-prescribed, under-regulated drugs in the medical field, and (surprise!) one of the most commonly abused prescription drugs. It's basically morphine in a pill and is fanfuckingtastic. Vicodin pills usually contain large amounts of acetaminophen so you cant take too many at a time without fucking up your liver. Plus, you're double fucked if you're drinking. But hey, they do amazing things with organ transplants nowadays. Vicodin is also the drug of choice for Dr. Gregory House who gobbles up >9,000 of them everyday.

PROTIP: You can use "Cold water extraction"[2] to pull the acetaminophen out and drink the rest of the good shit, allowing you to take at least 100 Vicodin without fucking up your liver!!

[edit] Other psychotropics

[edit] Absinthe

Absinthe is what Czech people and supposedly "art" fags drink 24/7 to become really really fucked-up. If you drink 4 shots of Absinthe you get really high and start to see shit that's not real, which is why was outlawed in many countries for a time. It is actually not illegal currently in most countries, although sometimes hard to find in some places due to low demand. Going to the Czech Republic without trying Absinthe would be like going to Las Vegas without gambling or to the Internet without downloading pornz. It has recently been re-legalized in the U.S. and A, where at least six brands are now available - the French "Lucid", the Swiss "Kubler", and the Chicagoan "Sirène", which is actually quite good, despite what you may have heard about American skill at making booze. The other brands can be found here. The Czech style of Absinthe is basically the Budweiser of the Absinthe world, and lighting the sugar cube on fire is bullshit that was invented for tourists; if you try to do it at home, you're just going to fuck everything up and die.

[edit] Fly Agaric

Amanita Muscaria or Fly Agaric is one of the most aromatic sweet and delicious mushrooms available on the world market. The culinary trade treasures this fungus because it is so easy to cook with, and has also been said to make bad piss taste good again! Notable users of Fly Agaric have been the Smurfs, Mario the Plumber, and Alice in Wonderland. TMZ once reported that Alice once drank Mario's piss after the 5th level dungeon, though those rumors have not been substantiated.

[edit] GHB

GHB, short for gamma hydroxybutyrate makes you feel instant uberdrunk for like an hour. It is very dangerous at high doses and can get you raped up the ass by some desperate gay rapist. Also the active ingredient in Aqua Dots.

[edit] Rohypnol

A great aid when doing a bit of raep, that is if you dont like the struggle (who doesn't?). Makes any fugly fucktard irresistible to the opposite sex. Especially useful when attempting to get a nice tight 16 year old girl. The trick with rohypnol is to slip it in their drink whithout then noticing, or else they will set big nigras on you. You should first practise on your sister, or mother. Gets extra points because they forget your face and can't rat you to the irl police - but they have reccuring terrifying nightmares and half memories, to haunt for years to come - epic win!

[edit] Fake/WTF

[edit] Cake

"Cake" was created by legendary English troll, Chris Morris, as part of his "Brass Eye" TV series (like the Colbert Report, only better). The episode in question, featured Morris posing as a journalist,then interviewing celebrities regarding what they knew of "cake". Once their moral outrage had been suitably fired up, Morris gave them a set of ridiculous "anti-cake" messages to read on camera, which they happily did.

“	One young kiddie on cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt.	„
— Bernard Manning knows that cake is SRS BIZNS

The Tory politician David Amess M.P, was so fooled by this prank, he even bought the issue up in parliament, bringing further lulz, a transcript of the parliamentary hearing can be found here. The "Drugs" episode in question can be found in full in the video section of this article.

In conclusion, you can be assured that the cake is a lie.

Bill Clinton tried it in college but didn't swallow.

[edit] Bananadine

For those REAL anarchists who like to blow shit up, vandalize stuff, and who need to get high off of household materials in order to preach their call for social change. Much like LSD, but gives you hallucinations of Charles Manson and burning flags.

Instructions taken from The Anarchist Cookbook.

It is also fictional and for dumbass 12 year olds who cant find weed.

[edit] Catnip

Catnip is what stoners smoke when they are all out of weed. It's best when you're all out of your dirty schwag weed, but it tastes like dirty vagina and burns the fuck out of your throat. But I mean c'mon! Look how happy and shit that cat is, man! That must be some good shit!

[edit] Jenkem

Jenkem or "Jenk" is the failure of the drug community. Make jenkem by fermenting shit in a bottle or jar for about two weeks. Take jenkem by opening the bottle, then inhaling the contents deeply. If you speak English you have to say "Wow, this is the REAL FUCKING SHIT, man" while doing this. Supposedly gets you tripped off your ass, makes you fall over, or whatever. Jenkem is WTF, not fake in that it was originally discovered among African children who were really getting hopped up on it. See the links on Jenkem for details.

[edit] Nutmeg

Nutmeg is not a drug, but rather a spice used in cooking that contains MDA analogs. People too poor for crack may attempt to take nutmeg for a quick high, but those people are retarded. This is because Nutmeg kicks in at least 12 hours after you've forgotten that you've taken it. Connecticut is nicknamed The Nutmeg State. Also, it tastes quite similar to candy. Incidentally, the quantity of nutmeg you would need to injest for any type of buzz is extremely close to the quantity needed to die, so it's probably best avoided. Also, due to the amount of time it takes to kick in, people often take more than they should because they don't feel anything yet. Also, the high itself is not very pleasant. You spend the first 5 hours or so bitching to yourself about how the site you read it off of was full of shit, then you just feel sick for a few hours, then the actual high kicks in, which is 9 out of 10 times scary shit that precipitates the next two stages: first is an overwhelming sense of paranoia which lasts for nearly 8 hours, then you wake up the next day feeling like you just got run over by a car. Overall not a very good drug.

[edit] UPN

UPN, not to be confused with the television network for niggers, is short for Ureaphenylnitrate, a potent yet quickly metabolized hallucinogen and stimulant. Its discovery is relatively recent (see various publications in the European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology), yet it is gaining OL notoriety in such LJ communities as stoner_girls and drugwar. Preparation is nearly trivial: The intended user accumulates approximately 1 liter of urine in a small Nalgene container (the source of the phenyl group via the naturally flaked bisphenol A); which is permitted to completely evaporate. The urea particles are resuspended in a small volume (< 5mL) of water, and another small (< 5g) amount of saltpeter is added. The resulting mixture contains a significant amount of UPN, so should be tested for specific effects using a Q-Tip on the edge of the nostril before either snorting or inserting directly into the anus for maximum effect.

While certainly not addressed in the reputable publications, it is speculated that the discovery of this drug should be attributed to the esoteric S&M babyfurs, who discovered the drug during a noble journey of self-awareness involving piss, cutting, and explosives, during some kind of hiking adventure, which makes absolutely no fucking sense, because babyfurs are justifiably afraid of the sun (it is their pervert god that judges them).

[edit] Fictional

[edit] Melange or Spice

This drug makes you live longer, endow you with psychic abilities, grant the ability to speak Portuguese, and increases the size of your penis. It tastes like cinnamon and those crazy Bene Gesserit bitches use it like crazy. It's made of sand worm cum, costs a hella' lot and is only available on the desert planet of Arrakis, also known as Dune. If you use it, make sure you use Visine so that your mom won't bust you for having glowing blue eyes.. Oh, and it can make you live forever and mutate you into a large worm. A more powerful derivative of Spice is the Water of Life, which is refined Sand Worm Piss, and can only be safely consumed by the one who is foretold in prophecy and if you are expect one hell of a trip. Mr. Miyagi of the Fifth Element, commonly mistaken as Luigi from the movie '300', once said, "Beautiful black holes eat rice in winter, for the long road ahead is not in Rock City'. Ah... what words of wisdom from Shaq in these troubling waters of golden flowers.

ATTENSHUN! Spice is a perfectly legal "drug" in most European countries. Spice is fairly cheap, easy to order thanks to the magic of the internetz and it makes everything seem pretty interesting. Including but not limited to drooling. Spice is made out of herbs, marshmallows (sic!) and flowers. It costs approximately 8 USD/5 UK pounds per gram. You need to smoke a lot of this shit, but it's totally worth it. Side effects may include smells of turqoise, sounds of green and some memorable hardcore anal pain after being lovingly sodomized. This should not be confused with the term butthurt. 'Tis not known as a sex-drug but gawdsdamnit, it SHOULD be!

AKA: Herbal Ecstasy, lame weed.

[edit] Medipacks/Healthpacks/Stimpacks

Medipacks are highly addictive, take away 10hp, and you never have enough of them. You'd kill entire alien armies, suck leprous cocks or srsly fuck it up with demons from hell, just to get your hands on you next "Pack". How they work actually noone knows, but as far as modern science can say, you have to WALK OVER THEM. Maybe the most dangerous thing about Medipacks is, that you can use them while having both hands occupied, for example while killing aliens or fapping while goatseing your anus.

Other

Idoser

This shit is FUCKING AWESOME.It sends sound beats through your brain and you actually get the effects of the drug you choose (not to mention it has every illegal and legal drug out there).IT'S ALSO FREE!!!! You don't have to bother with trying to save up a shitload of cash just for a little bit of drugs, GET IDOSER AND BE PREPARED TO HAVE THE RIDE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

[edit] Drugs and Wikipedia

For first time users who are unsure of the correct methods to inject drugs, Wikipedia is very well versed in the subject. Their article on drug injection details the many ways to insert illicit drugs into one's body. For example, did you know that women are able to insert drugs into their vagina with much the same effect as a suppository? You do now! Thanks to Wikipedia!

[edit] High Scores

• Heath Ledger
• Ripper
• L. Ron Hubbard
• Hunter S. Thompson
• Amy Winehouse
• Joseph Evers
• House
• Rick James
• W
• Britney Spears
• Anna Nicole Smith
• Pete Doherty
• Stephanie Michelle Brown

[edit] Videos

Batman on drugs

Brass Eye:Drugs (Teh Nightmare of CAKE) (part1)

Brass Eye:Drugs (part2)

Brass Eye:Drugs (part3)

Common LSD trip.

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