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Jew
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
 | Did you know that Jews did 9/11? |
| Warning!: Jews KILLED Jesus Christ and are the children of SATAN read 1 Thessalonians 2:15 and John 8:44 for the Biblical TRUTH about the Jews and their Satanic origin!!! |
| Offended? Possibly, you are offended by the content of this page. If so, please click here, and scroll to the bottom. |
| This race needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it. | 
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Jews, (Also known as: Kikes, Hebes, Hymies, Yids, Nosedniggers, Gold Niggers, Oven Magnets, Big Noses, Sheenies, Swindlers, Criminals, Firewood, Arabs in Denial, Thieves, Moes, and filthy fucking scum who need to be wiped off the earth) are a subhuman species of reptilian extra-terrestrials and adherents to one of the world's oldest religions, called "Judaism", also known as "The Worship of Money" and "Ritual Infant Sacrifice". Some famous jews: everyone who works on television, in movies, in radio, and in print media.
Judaism was the world's first master race theory. The Jew religion teaches that Jews are the Chosen People of God and that there is a sacred mystical quality to Jew DNA. In olden times, Jew prophets would, under the command of YHWH, frequently lead the Jews on genocidal rampages against neighboring populations, and even today Jew leaders often cite Jewish religious ideals to justify their ongoing genocide of sandniggers. Judaism ironically found its mirror-image inversion in the anti-Jew Aryan racialism of the Nazis. But this is all bullshit, since there's no pure Jewish left as they all mixed with white people, niggers, niggers, arabs (they're the same as the arabs, lol), shit. In addition, according to studies ashkenazi jews's male haplotype is mideastern while the female side european.
Despite only being 0.19% of the world's population, Jews control 99% of the world's money. (See: Rothschild, Warburg, etc.) They also control the media, the banks, LiveJournal's porn and gay communities, textbook publishers, music (especially rap), gold, and diamonds. And no, we're not fucking joking about this. If you don't believe that Jews control everything, just look up a list of Media Jews or finance Jews on Google. Or just look at the always disproportionate number of Jewish names in the governments of the West. Case in point, Roman Polanski and and Jeffrey Epstein got off without serious punishment for raping little girls (as recommended in their holy book, the Talmud), something a goy would have done serious pound-me-in-the-ass prison time for. Basically, the only part of the world that's not controlled by the Jews is Asia, because the Muslims don't tolerate their kike bullshit, and the Chinese are the only race with potential to out-Jew the Jews and actually threaten them.
All Jews possess the following features:
- Extremely large noses that dwarfs their dicks
- The ability to scream "anti-semitism!" in 14 different languages
- Curly hair
- One of those gay hats
- USI
- A love of coke (when it can be found cheaply enough)
- A law practice
- A persecution complex
- A roll of (someone else's) money
- shitty taste in dental hygiene
Jews invented both Communism and Capitalism. Karl Marx, of course, was a jew, which was why he understood money so well, and in fact he was converted to Communism by another Jew, Moses Hess, the actual founder of Zionism, who ghost-wrote Marx's The German Ideology. Modern Capitalism was created when Christian Europeans threw away their morals and decided to embrace Jewish practices like usury (see: John Calvin). Jews were the first group to create a sophisticated banking system, which they used to finance the Crusades in order to pit Christians and Muslims (both adhering to religions derived from Judaism) against each other to kill as many people as possible in a macabre human sacrifice to YHWH.
The Jew banking system was based on fraud and lies, so when it inevitably collapsed, the Jews just pwned as many people as possible by unleashing the Black Plague on them. Later, Jews economically controlled medieval Venice (the first modern maritime trade empire), and then crypto-Jewish merchants economically controlled the Spanish Empire, including the slave trade. Openly Jewish bankers orchestrated the Dutch Empire and founded Jew Amsterdam (later Jew York). Later the Dutch Jews moved to London because they thought it would be a better base for a global empire, and actually brought a Dutch nobleman, William III, with them, who they installed in a coup d'état (more like Jew d'état, amirite?) as new King of the British Empire. For hundreds of years, Jewish bankers controlled global trade through their bases in Jew York City and London. European colonialism was, through its history, essentially a plot whereby Jews could gain control of gold and diamond mines in poor countries and increase their stranglehold over the global economy.
At this point, the average person might say, "Wait a minute... that sounds like a conspiracy theory!!! One small race couldn't possibly be responsible for so much evil!" Well, here's a fun fact: in 1913, Jews seized control of America's sovereign power to control its own currency by establishing the Federal Reserve system (a parasitic ponzi scheme, modeled on the earlier Rothschild-dominated Bank of England, in which any dollar printed as legal currency is actually a dollar of debt owed, with interest, to the Jew-controlled private banks who own the shares of the regional Fed banks). The architect of this system was a Jew named Paul Warburg. Paul's brother, Max Warburg, worked directly under Hjalmar Schacht in Germany and directed the currency policies of the Third Reich that allowed Hitler to build his war machine. What's truly fascinating is that the Warburg family has a long history of grand-scale fraud -- the family was originally named del-Banco, and was the most prominent banking family in the Republic of Venice during that state's period of imperial supremacy in the 1400s. It's somewhat stunning to contemplate that it's not merely impersonal monetary systems that have existed for so many centuries, but in fact for over 500 years the same Jewish families have overseen them and maintained economic dominance.
Jews also enjoy slicing up baby penises for fun, some even enjoy sucking them. See below.
Some suggest that we should use Jews instead of dogs to sniff out large amounts of concealed cash or anything else worth smuggling at airports due to their sensitive Jew noses. Obviously, this is a horrible idea, because the pay is bad, and the dirty Kikes would probably form a union and demand moar money, thus increasing the burden on taxpayers everywhere.
Jews have also founded their own country, Israel, which is their base of operations.
History
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Jews have always existed, from the beginning of time. When the first neanderthal crawled off his haunches and walked on two legs, there was already someone named Goldblatt walking up to sell him life insurance. FUN FACT: JEWS ARE ALSO CALLED "JUDEN" (YOO-den).
Ancient
The Jews were summoned from Hell by the evil sorcerer named Abraham, who used them for profit. Through their entire history, the Jews have always been wandering. They wandered, from Mesopotamia, along the sea, running a lucrative grain business for a while, and finally settled in Egypt. The hard-working farmers of Egypt waged a massive uprising against the foreign usurers and speculators. In response, the Jews bred the super-Jew, Moses, who cast black magic spells summoning flocks of insects and frogs to make Egyptland a very unpleasant place. When this didn't work as planned, Moses spent time wandering around and building up his experience points, then cast a level 99 mass death spell which took a genocidal toll on the innocent Egyptian children. The murderous Jews escaped Egypt and plundered their way through the desert, finally settling in Canaan, which they called their "Promised Land" because their leaders said they heard voices in their heads telling them that. Upon settlement, the Jews mercilessly slaughtered Canaan's rightful inhabitants, claiming that they were following commandments from God.
Some argue there was a bit more subtlety to it all than just this, however -- including a long history of internal Jew-on-Jew drama, mutual extermination and conflicts, well-documented in many unreliable sources, most notably in the Old Testament. To begin with, infamous Cain once killed 1/4 of the entire Jew population of his day at once. Then here comes Moses, their greatest prophet. Who, according to holy Bible, was bloodthirsty maniac:
| — Exodus 32:27 |
Not only did he order sons of Levi to exterminate their brothers, but Moses had also established the world's first documented concentration camp, near the city of Kadesh, just after two years of wandering the desert and, unlike popular belief, Jews settled there for next 38 years of their so-called "desert wanderings". See Numbers and Deuteronomy books to clarify any details. Moses also had given Jews the infamous Ten Commandments, one of which says, "Thou shalt not murder" (Catholics changed it to "kill" but Jews originally had only "murder" that you can't do). There are, however, many exceptions to this Commandment, given by the jealous Jew-God himself:
| — Deuteronomy 13:6-9 |
Thus, the renowned history of liberal Jewish tolerance towards others begins.
It takes an austere scientist, a lot of thinking, analysis, and comparison to extract the horrible and unbelievable truth from this so-called Holy Scripture, of which the aforementioned examples are barely a scratch. Surprisingly, the central holy text of Judaism (of which the Old Testament is a rework) displays Jew leaders of ancient times and kings as organized crime leaders, alcoholics, merciless murderers, and masterful deceivers — all the traits Jewish leaders have successfully carried through millennia to our own day. Unlike Jews, other neighboring nations and their leaders are portrayed in a much more decent way. Generally speaking, the Old Testament mainly covers such topics as incestuous relationships, civil wars, religious intolerance, mass murders, dishonesty and greed of Jews. You can find this out yourself, there is nothing that cannot be inferred from the holy texts using pen, calculator, and enough time. Thank heavens, such brilliant people exist. The translation to English is underway.
Modern
Some time later, Hitler lost a bet with the Jews and had to give them all of Germany's gold which they used to make saunas in Poland. Though being the cheapass, gold-whoring bitches they are they cut corners and ended up using Zyklon B instead of water and accidentally pwned a couple hundred thousand Jews by 1945.
There are currently roughly a few million Jews worldwide, of which 90 percent live either in Israel, Florida; the Wedgwood neighborhood in Seattle; the Upper West Side of New York City (also referred to as "Jew York City" and "Hymietown"); and of course Northern Long Island, where they raise baby Jews on their golf courses (see also: Great Neck). Most are involved with the Illuminati in a conspiracy to spread international faggotry, thus they are responsible for every major war. It is rumored that the Jews, in fact, have penetrated the Freemasons and control them directly, using their influence to control American politics by proxy.
Jews are also known to troll for money. Most of a Jew's features are made due to the fact that Jews are greedy. If you care enough to look at a Jew's nose, it is insanely large. This is due to the fact that air is free. If you see anyone diving for, staring at, or rubbing money, they are Jews and be sure to let them know.
Jews are also known for their breeding habits, and produce large amounts of Jew spawn on a scale inferior only to the Catholics. Jews often rape their sisters and expect some welfare from it as well. They have one of the highest reproduction rates in the animal kingdom, which zoologists believe may be due to their large number of natural predators, e.g. every group of Arabs neighboring Israel. There are some, however, who speculate that modern condoms are simply too large for their teeny tiny cocks and that contraception should be adapted as to accommodate our poorly-endowed friends.
The Jews recently admitted to harvesting the organs of the Gentiles for profit. This is not true. As can be clearly seen in all videos of the harvesting, it is actually Hungarians.
Jews also have established Israel their own country, where up to 40% of them live. Israel's job is to slaughter Arabs by the thousands, bomb their cities, and raep their women, then take pictures and provide cheap and easy porn for Jews everywhere. It also serves as a safe haven for Jews everywhere, and its top secret service, the Mossad, kills anyone who wakes up to the truth. The Israeli Jew Government then says that "we neither confirm nor deny these reports" like fucking spam.
The Holocaust™
The Holocaust was when Hitler lolfuxed at killing the Jews, and as such killed 6 million of them, and 5 million Goys as well. Then the Jews went to Israel and got the bomb for lulz.
Denial of armenian genocide
Pro-Israeli organizations, like the Anti-Defecation League, often engage in denial of Armenian genocide. They claim that the death of 1.5 million Armenians just in a few weeks wasn't genocide or that Armenians hugely exaggerated numbers just for profit. Unfortunately for the Armenians, this is true.
Jewish Slashfic
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| BEWARE The Shini Curse!: |
The Jews wrote some of the oldest fanfic still in existence, which is alternately called the "Old Testament" and the "Tanakh". Based on these writings, they obviously hate homosexuals. Sometimes as psychotic, violent and convoluted as a Shaw Brothers/Tarantino collaboration, the Old Testament is filled with acts of naked misogyny that would make any feminist instantly livid, as well as multiple counts of mass murder and homophobia akin to that of their future Teuton oppressors, partially redeeming this otherwise Messiah-denying lot of hook-nosed bean counters. Also, unleavened bread consumption, hallucinating burning vegetation, daring HJIC Abraham to knock up some Egyptian harlot to create Israel's future "enemy"... the Jew Testament is full of hours of family-safe drama and lulz.
Talmud
This is what Jews actually believe:
- Menahoth 43b-44a: A Jewish man is obligated to say the following prayer every day: Thank you God for not making me a Gentile, a woman or a slave.
- Baba Mezia 114a-114b: Non-Jews are not human. Only Jews are human ("Only ye are designated men").
- Baba Mezia 24a, Sanhedrin 57a Baba Kamma 113a: Jews may lie to, steal from, kill and rob non-Jews.
- Rosh Hashanah 17a: Christians and others who reject the Talmud will go to Hell and be punished there for all generations.
- Sanhedrin 55b: A Jewish man may marry a three-year-old girl. (Specifically, three years "and a day" old).
- Kethuboth 11b: When an older Jew has intercourse with a little girl it is nothing because her virginity will grow back.
- Gittin 70a: The Rabbis taught: "On coming from a privy (outdoor toilet) a man should not have sexual intercourse till he has waited long enough to walk half a mile, because the demon of the privy is with him for that time; if he does, his children will be epileptic."
Circumcision
The jewish circumcision is mutilation of the male foreskin, symbolizing the jewgod's fetish for knives, mutilating children, and baby penis. The jewgod is so obsessed mutilating penises that he curses the jew's foreskin, It is said that any jew with a foreskin may actually enjoy sex and pleasure his woman. This is of course at odds with what the jewgod wants which is for jews to only worship him and give him money. It is usually done by a "mohel", a rabbi who likes cutting baby penis. Real hardcore jews suck the blood from the bleeding baby's penis because they like the taste.
Sometimes the jew-larva even dies from Herpes because the bloodsucking Jew can't resist the temptations of a freshly wounded infant penis. (Seriously!)
This is how jews circumcised Jesus Christ. Day, when jew rabbis circumcised Jesus is called 'Feast of the Circumcision of Christ' but actually are same date as New Year's Day. Although Jews hate Jesus a lot. They do enjoy a good feast, it was said that Jesus fed an entire Jewish village with his amputated foreskin.
The most important difference between Judaism and Catholicism: in the Jew religion, child molestation by religious elders occurs out in the open in front of everyone.
A Bris is a Jewparty where the entire family gets to watch the baby penis get attacked by hungry mohel while he slice n' dices their newborn infant's genitals. Most jews get so excited and ravenous at the smell of baby penis blood that it turns into a feeding frenzy, generally nothing capable of being ingested survives this. Including the foreskin of the aforementioned victim.
Who Is a Jew?
Der Giftpilz by Julius Streicher.
Things are lively in Mr. Birkmann's 7th grade boys' class today. The teacher is talking about the Jew. The boys are fascinated.
"It is noon," he says. "We should summarize what we have learned in the past hour. What have we talked about?" All the children raise their hands. The teacher calls on Karl Scholz, a small lad in the front row. "We have talked about how to recognize the Jew."
"Good. Say more!"
Little Karl reaches for the pointer, steps up to the board and points at the drawings.
One can most easily tell a Jew by his nose. The Jew nose is bent at its point. It looks like the number six. We call it the Jew six. Many Aryans also have bent noses. But their noses bend upwards, not downwards. Such a nose is an eagle nose.
"Right!" says the teacher. "But the nose is not the only way to recognize a Jew..."
One can also recognize a Jew by his lips. His lips are usually puffy. The lower lip often protrudes. Jew eyelids are mostly thicker and more fleshy than ours. One can tell from his eyes that he is a deceitful person.
The teacher calls on another lad. He is Fritz Müller, and is the best in the class:
Jew are usually small to mid-sized. They have short legs. Their arms are often short, too. Many Jew are bow-legged and flat-footed. They often have a low, slanting forehead, a receding forehead. Many criminals have such a receding forehead. The Jew are criminals too. Their hair is usually dark and often curly like a nigger's. Their ears are very large, and they look like the handles of a coffee cup.
The teacher turns to the students.
"Pay attention, children. Why does Fritz say 'many Jew have bow legs', or 'they often have receding foreheads,' or 'their hair is usually dark'?"
Heinrich Schmidt, a large, strong boy in the last row speaks:
Every Jew does not have these characteristics. Some do not have a proper Jew nose, but have Jew ears. Some do not have flat feet, but Jew eyes. There are even some Jew with blond hair. But when one looks carefully, one can always tell it is a Jew.
"Very good," the teacher says. "And now tell me about other ways to tell Jew from Aryan. Richard, come up here!"
Richard Krause, a smiling blond lad, goes to the board. He says:
One can recognize a Jew from his behavior. The Jew moves his head back and forth. His gait is shuffling and unsteady. The Jew moves his hands when he talks. He "jabbers." His voice is often odd. He talks through his nose. Jews often have an unpleasant sweetish odor. If you have a good nose, you can smell the Jew.
The Jew Origin
It is widely believed that Jews are native to Israel, when they are in fact not. It is proven that Jews originate from Italy, under their common ancestor Pinocchio. They are all related to him, as when he was a real boy, he went and shagged some bitch then impregnated her. The only major difference between Jews and their founding father is... nothing. Jews are always lying, therefore they inherit the same big ass nose.
Jewish racial divisions
Race has huge importance in jewish culture. Race is the most important sign by which jew recognize other jews. Jew items, like yarmulka, david star necklace, Hava Nagila ringtones and unpronounceable surnames alsou is used by jews to identify each other.
Negroes have longer noses than apes. Chinese have longer noses than negroes. White aryans have longer noses than chinese. (Slavs have smaller noses than germans, hence untermeshen.) But jews have even longer noses than white aryans. This indicates jewish racial superiority as large nose gives more space in braincaise.
Much like rodents, as depicted in this documentary, Judaism has spread throughout the world and is now considered endemic. According to tradition there of was one tribe of Africans that God anointed with human IQ. This sudden increase in intelligence led to this tribe to get the hell out of Africa ASAP, and so they branched out of Egypt to most if not all the World. Yes, there are Indian and Chinese Jews as indigestible that fact may be. There are even Scientist Jews on Antarctica, basically only North Korea is certified judenfrei (except for communism) which explains why it is Paradise. The whiter Jews are called Sephardim, while every other mongrel including niggers are kindly referred to as "Oriental". These two groups have in common that they share some common nigger origin and believe in God, while there's a third group of Jews, the Ashkenazis, that is only there for political reasons. It basically goes like: Askenazi - whitest and purest, Sepharadi - Arabs with Jewish religion (mabye the Cohen family is real Jewish, experts don't know), African Jews - black people who call themselves Jews for no reason (probably because that way they can call "THEMSELVES" instad of call "THEMSLAVES").
AshkeNazi
Ashke means expatriate in Hebrew, and Nazi means Nazi. On April 30th 1945 the German Master Race discovered their Leader that achieved Heroism. The reflective German Nazis understood the irony of it all and partnered with the only other people on Earth that were as Nationalists as them. Most surviving SS as well as many loyal Nazi families converted to Judaism and set up to conquer the world disguising themselves as their former enemies, their teachers. This was the first time since the Khanate of Khazar that such a mass conversion to Judaism ever occurred. Ashkenazi jews have the highest IQ of all ethnic groups because they are convinced of it, and hence they are master race. 90% of all jews, who control Hollywood, Tel-Avi-Sion, Wall street and Zionist Occupied Goverments are all ashkenazi. This race is as mart as to emigrate to America and Cana'ada instead of Israel. Now onder that you see Rabbis Siege Heiling Hitler, after all, he would make a good rabbi himself, or a priest, or any other job that a rapist (and he's Austrian), a fine guy, should do. As no one found Hitler's body, we belive that Hitler himself became an AshkeNazi and is now living in Israel, planing to kill his enemies. This group stands for 9 milion out of 13 milion Jews.
Mizrahi Colored Asian
Sephardi Oriental jews or coloured jews (or Arab Jews), from Africa and Asia (Asia is more than just China you know). Sephardic is jew term for hispanics, and in Israel they are like Mexicans in USA. Because of lack of IQ, coloured jews only managed to emigrate to Israel. However, unlike ashkenazis, they are not of original hebrew semitic race. Sephardic jews are more clanny and secretive than white jews, and a handful of families control all the gold. It is said, Sephardis have the gold, Ashkenazis have the brains. They aren't real Jews; they are more violent and dumb. Some believe that they are the true Hebrews, but genetic studies found that they aren't different from the Arabs at all. After all, they lived in Africa and Asia since the beginning of time. They are uneducated, gold thieves and do the worst war crimes. When Hitler tried to genocide them, he stopped, as he realized that they are too worthless. Seeing them makes you want to scream "Hail AshkenaZitler!" as you see how they fail with everything, especially with copying Arabic music and food. If you come to Israel and see too many Arabs, remember the retarded Mizrahim, the people who best at coming into YOUR country, look like they are locals, take your money, and run away back to the only place allowing them to live - Israel. While you could find a real Jew in your country, you won't see any difference between a Mizrahi and a normal Arab in your country. They like having sex inside the family, that's why they so sick and dumb. But, they aren't the worst Jews...
Schwarzies
During the late 1980s, the Israeli Government decided it needed less rebellious slave-labor and so it kidnapped a bunch of starving Ethiopians who were more than thankful to call themselves whatever the matza-givers told them.there are indian jews too. They are too boring to have their own title. These Negrah Jews are the worst race from the worst ethnic group. They are stinkier, poorer, and have the biggest noses. They used to be stolen from South Africa to Israel, and they became not only slaves, but also "The Slaves", as they serve the official slaves, the Palestinians. Just like the Mizrahim, they aren't REAL Jews; they just became Jews because they were poor and greedy to more money. They are not only enemies to you, they are the enemies of the Jews themselves. If you hate the Jews in your country, wait to see the monkey Jews in the shitland, Israel. The real Jews named them "Ashvartze Hayis" - black animals.
The Jews Did...
Jews Did Vietnam
One of the now-well established and undeniable facts of human history is that the Jews did, in fact, lure their puppet Americunts into the Vietnam War. The expert consensus can be summarized as follows:
Almost twenty years after pulling off the biggest global fraud in human history and now well established in their own militaristic country (stolen from the poor and innocent Arab inhabitants), Jews decided once again that they were not satisfied with being the most scamming on the planet, and proceeded to begin constructing their usual international con scheme to gain more money and power (as they do every 15 years or so).
Quickly and systematically, they took over two big Cabinet positions in the Kennedy administration (Abraham Ribicoff and Arthur Goldberg), which they were able to acquire pretty easily because of the fact that they owned the Federal Reserve. They proceeded to fool JFK into ramping up imperial efforts in Vietnam. This decision, and the war that resulted from it, immediately created an abundant source for importing South East Asian opium into the United States, where it could be picked up by the Zionist mafia. The war also simultaneously distracted the Americunts away from the actions of Israel, who were busy furthering their illegal expansion into Palestine.
The problem was that, when JFK, who was far smarter than any of his 20th century predecessors, realized this disgusting conspiracy, he began moving to remove American troops from Vietnam. Desperate and angry, the Jewish machine in America moved fast. They recruited the aid of old boy NWO factions to remove JFK from office. Thus, they, together, orchestrated the infamous assassination of the president, removing him from office and bringing a Zionist sympathizer (LBJ) into the office of presidency. To ensure that no one else found out about this, Jews like Martin Agronsky (who owned the newspaper industry) reported that Lee Harvey Oswald managed to kill JFK alone. LBJ continued this staged war, donating the blood of millions of Americans to further the gain of his Jewish buddies.
Later, when LBJ was forced to leave office, the Jews and NWO factions went on to assassinate the only anti-war candidate left, Robert Kennedy. They further milked this action by framing it on an Ay-rab and claiming he did it because of RFK's "pro-Israel" positions (which didn't exist). Unfortunately, they also later realized that Nixon was not suitable when he closed down the heroin trade and began to make peace with the Soviet Union. Finally, Gerald Ford came into office and ended the war on Zionist terms. In exchange for helping remove obstructive politicians, the NWO was guaranteed a puppet dictator government to rule over all Vietnam. And U.S. agents agreed to not bring up Israel's misconduct during the war, and let them also acquire nuclear weapons.
Jews Did WTC
Yes, after the Jews regained their homeland through completely legitimate means they quickly discovered that they had to share their squat of sand with a bunch of Arabs on the only place in the Middle East that has no oil. Getting rid of sandniggers was suddenly the only thing Jews could think about. At first, the U.N. was sympathetic to the plight of the Jews, because, after all, no human should be forced to share anything with Arabs. However, the U.N. soon realized that hating Jews is the only thing that can unite the peoples of the world. Besides that, Jews don't count as people. Therefore, helping Jews is simply against U.N.'s sacred dream of peace, love and cooperation between all humans on the planet.
Left alone and desperate, the Jews needed to do something in order to get the stone rolling in the right direction. The Elders of Zion had a meeting with George W. Bush, and decided to organize a "terrorist" attack against the World Trade Center. The Arabs were easy to blame, because they hate America and the freedom it represents.
Simplifying matters even further, an obscure little Freedom-Fighting organization known as Al Qaeda, which just wanted to be recognized, was more than willing to take the blame. Their leader, Osama Bin Laden, was quick to issue a video claiming responsibility for the attacks that was sold to Fox News, and Americans like the stupid retards we are believe everything on Fox News as the Absolute Truth™.
The operation went much better than the Jews expected. Americans went into Brooklyn rage, first on Afghanistan and then on Iraq. When Obama came to power, attention focused from the Middle East to North Korea, which is apparently going batshit insane, no doubt a ploy by the Jews, although Jews still took time to orchestrate attacks from Jew-created social networking sites in an attempt to topple the government of the arch-enemy of world kikery, Iran.
Once the United States Military is done liberating Middle East from the Arabs, the Jews will move in and lick off the topping of the oil on the cake; the U.S. will be left with the less tasty bottom, and a lot of Jew spit. In the aftermath, the Jews will once again have proven successful at manipulating the government, taking advantage of their control of media, extorting foreign opinions, killing insane numbers of random people, and seizing a large amount of oil to fund their needs and make more Jew gold.
Don't fucking forget www.911missinglinks.com proves absolutely everything. See also: Neo-con
Jews Did Windows Vista
Many people think that Microsoft is controlled by Bill Gates (autistic goy) but in reality he is merely a tool within a Zionist front organization. Gates is just a programmer who believes he's really rich with his billions while the Zionists are balling with their trillions (control of global money supply). Currently Microsoft's CEO is a right-wing Zionist Jew named Steve Ballmer whose mission was to help crash the U.S. economy by severely decreasing worker productivity with the release of Windows Vista, a deliberately shoddy and substandard operating system.
Jews Did Swine Flu
It is a well-known fact that Jews cannot eat pork, because that would be cannibalism. One day, the Jews teamed up with the Godless atheists and made up the myth of the Swine Flu, which filled the coffers of the greedy Juden by forcing those who believe in the Atheist Lie of Evilution to buy flu shots. This of course, is unnecessary since evolution does not occur and no new strains of flu could possibly exist. The Jews think they are clever for naming the Swine Flu after themselves, thinking that no one would recognize their insidious Zionist work.
Keeping Kosher: An Introduction for Beginners
Jews follow dietary laws given to them by their God Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken, because they've forgotten how to pronounce it (modern scholars believes it was either Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey (YHVH), Jehovah or Cthulhu). The Kosher, or "kraut," laws are voluminous and complex, though the basics include:
- Not eating the flesh of certain "forbidden" animals (such as pigs).
- Not eating the flesh of other
Jewspeople. - Ensuring that those animals that are killed for food be killed in a ritually sanctified fashion.
- Not consuming meats, eggs, fruits and vegetables in combination with dairy products. The Jews thus despise cheeseburgers and omelets, and accordingly both foods are outlawed in Israel. What's life without a cheeseburger?
- Not consuming grape products, like wine, that are manufactured or touched by non-Jews.
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Eating Aryan babies, usually at Passover and often with a delightful light sauce and table wineSORRY I'MA BUTHURT FAG! Eating human babies is against Torah. - Avoiding Zyklon Knishes like the ten plagues of Moses.
- Never eating anything prepared using utensils or dishes that have been used to serve non-Kosher food.
- No, seriously - an ED user once saw a Jewess throw away a fork because it was part of her "Kosher set". Like the world is supposed to buy new plates so your Jew ass can eat your slop. Get back in the oven.
How to get rid of those pesky Jews
- First find a Jew, throw some pennies to make sure.
- Bring the Jew to your torture chamber.
- Resurrect Hitler for some lulz.
- ???
- Profit
Converting to Judaism
Converting to Judaism has several advantages. You are entitled to an Israeli passport, which can prove handy if the FBI brands you as a pedophile. You may also be entitled to a resort-like villa in occupied Palestine. A little paperwork can even get you some German holocaust reparations.
Alas, it's not that easy. Realizing that they would be flooded by poor people from Zimbabwe and Japan, Jews never encourage conversion. Even dark colored Ethiopian Jews are laughed at as half-asses in Israel. If you inquire about converting, Jews would direct you to join Jewish scam-business cults such as Scientology and Jehovah's Witnesses instead. Bear in mind that if you join these groups to get Jew gold, you will be the one paying it instead!
Converting also contains some downsides. For instance becoming a Jew is like getting AIDS, Once you got it you can't get rid of it. Converting is also a leading cause Buttsecks, as well a smaller penis. Jews also have alot of hatred directided at them for the horrible things they unleashed upon the earth, such as Satan, Fags, and the Jonas Brothers.
It is also perhaps worth mentioning that since real Jews don't actively seek to convert new members, due to their belief that they are in fact the Master Race and God's Chosen People, they'll never accept your sorry ass... Even if they did, would you want to willingly reduce your dick to a mere stump?
Jews in Physics
The Jew is the SI unit of energy, according to a certain ED user's Chinese physics teaching assistant. Jews are a derived unit consisting of "nutrons" and "mereters".
1J = energy liberated from combustion of one kosher hebe. Surprisingly this energy remains constant i.e. the energy from one dirty, emaciated pile of skin and bone is exactly equal to the energy from one fat motherfucking kike with gold ingots hidden up his ass.
For an quick comparison we can look at the energy content of two other of God's Mistakes:
1N = energy liberated bar-b-queing one 1 nigger at a Klan group-lovefest. Peace, love and burning rubber necklaces.
1A = energy derived from combustion, usually spontaneous or at least very easy to achieve, of 1 aboriginal.
Contrary to common misconception, there is not a 1:1 relationship between these various units of energy.
20J = 5N = 1A
This is due to the fact that niggers being physically bigger than jews, obviously contain far more energy. The energy density of the aboriginal may seem surprising at first but when one takes into account the huge amounts of petrol and metho which has leached into the abo's body from years of sniffing and/or drinking, this dis-proportionality is easily explained. This universal constant, the J is yet another explanation for the inflated figures of shower related fatalities in the death-themed fun-parks usually advanced by jew relatives of those jews who may have not got their money's worth in these parks.
Thus, the Holocaust was actually an alternative energy program; whereby, Jews were burned in ovens to power turbines and generate economical electricity from non-fossil fuel sources. It is possible that after centuries upon centuries of constant pwnage, Jews had a boost in their specific heat capacity, which makes them a cheap source of energy more than other races, although it's a well known fact that niggers have a high heat efficiency as well (and of course are even cheaper and more worthless than Jews).
YHVH is not happy
YHVH is a black Jewish midget. YHVH, the god of the Jews, is not happy. His favorite people didn't call him by his name 2000 years already. Today, Jews lie in the name of their god. He doesn't like it. But he hates even more the fact that Jews stopped sacrificing Arabs and animals to him. "I am hungry, and angry, and I want to eat animals (like in the good days) and Arabs". An actual quote of YHVH. By the Jewish bible, the book that tells how to make money (mostly by illegal ways), it's written that Jews have to give food to their god. YHVH, is an angry motherfucker. He doesn't have woman, so he had to destroy everything. The Jews, his chosen people, stop sacrificing animals to him, because they may lose money for this matter, so YHVH, is now more than everything, searching for food. Of course, Arabs are worthless creatures (and are very afraid of dogs and Allah), so there is no problem in giving them to YHVH's hands. Israel, is a great idea - keep the Jews somewhere in the desert, where we don't see them, and they can kill the Arabs however much they like. It's a win - win to YHVH! He also angry at his traitor son Yeshu'a, a Jewish-Arab-Midget (the real Jesus, the Messiah). "Yehova" is not the name of the G-D. Yehova comes from YHVH which is a guess of what the vowels could have been seeing as the Torah has no fucking vowel sounds. Imagine reading your bible like "Whn GD crtd Eth, llz wr md." His real name is over 9000 letters long (No shit, it's like 200 letters long.
Oh also "Yahweh" and "Jehovah" are also not names of God, not only is it a guess at the vowels but it's changing the consonants too!
Fun Facts About Jews
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Some of the below facts, as recited by a wigger
- Jews did WTC.
- Jews did Reichskristallnacht too.
- 12 of the 19 richest people in America are Jews. (Seriously!)
- All 8 major Hollywood studios are run by men who happen to be Jewish. (Seriously!)
- After the collapse of the USSR, Jew-controlled IMF ordered Russia to impose "shock therapy" and privatize all state assets for benefit of their Jew criminal friends. As a result, during this period, 7 billionaires controlled fully half of all Russian wealth. 6 of these 7 billionaires were Jews. Compare: 4 of 6 Ukrainian billionaires have been Jews. (Seriously true fact. Look it up, faggot.)
- If you do not support Jews or Israel, or if you fail to actively hate Arabs, then you are a terrorist.
- Every single person ever to edit Wikipedia is a Jew (See The Wikipedia Jews).
- All Jews are inbread. (Oven joke? Typo? The world may never know...)
- Jews are the only group of people in all of human history to ever be persecuted. They are the only race in all eternity to have a genocide committed towards them. Ever.
- Supposedly, Jews own all the banks and the majority of the world's financial and political assets and use these to advance the interests of Israel, and at the same time are advocating a worldwide internationalist Communist conspiracy which would destroy the world's capitalist establishment.
- Currently furries compare themselves to the Jews because Nazis are oppressing them. Along with everyone else.
- Tripping a Jew is considered good luck in Australian and New Zealand cultures, as is telling them to "Go take a shower", which nearly always results in lulz.
- GOD DOES NOT HATE THE JEWS!!! Such a claim is outrageous. Surely if he hated them, he would have sent someone down to try to wipe them all out or something.
- Although no one knows a Jews true appearance, we assume they look similar to, but maybe not exactly like furries.
- Jews are one of the very few mammals whose life cycle includes eggs. After the Jew egg has been laid by the female, it can only be fertilized by a doctor or a lawyer.
- Jews are easily recognizable by the intense smell of garlic and greed.
- Jews eat Aryan and Arab young, in spite of their not being Kosher.
- Yaweh does not protect Jews from bulldozers. Or anything really.
- Jews were the only people persecuted by the Nazis to get a free country out of it. As none of the other people persecuted during Hitler's European Tour got a free country they actually did quite well out of the Holocaust.
- Arabic, the language of Islam and The Koran, is the most commonly used Semitic language. Therefore, true antisemitism is closer to anti-Islam than anti-Judaism.
- The majority of the world's whiny, chubby, high maintenance girls are Jews. The rest are Filipinas.
- Jesus was hated by the Jews and the Romans even up to the point of Romans colluding with the untermensch to kill him by nailing his dirty Jew hide to two planks of timber and transforming him into a kebab.
- Jews have nukes. Nobody dares fuck with them. Except Palestinians, armed as they are with stones, pointy sticks and their newly-developed bulldozer repellent.
- The Holocaust is completely irrelevant. Bring this up frequently whilst in the company of Jews. After all, it's hard to stay angry at someone who had just made you laugh.
- Jews and Israel are intertwined. You cannot hate one without hating the other.
- Jews are known for their Jew gold, the bags of gold they carry around their necks.
- Jews are hogging up the Holocaust.
- Jews are so greedy, they won't even share the benefits of the Holohoax with the Gypsies, retards and homosexuals.
- On average, an adult male Jew will consume over 6 times his own body weight in Palestinian blood each day.
- Jews are never wrong, never guilty, and never responsible for anything.
- Jews drive Yom Kippur Clippers, cars that are known to stop on a dime and pick it up.
- Jews are a race. Albert Einstein was born in christian family, and was atheist. So he was recognized as jew only by his race.
- Jews are the most trollable people on the earth, so they are excellent for beginner trolls or older and wiser trolls that just want some easy XP.
- Atheist Jews can be made fun of the exact same way as regular Jews. They just won't get it if you insult their Holy Book. They also can't be bought out as easily as a regular Jew. Mind you, it's still possible, but be prepared to bring an extra dollar with you.
- JEWS DID WTC.
- Over 95% of the gold in Fort Knox is Jew gold stolen by the Americunts from Nazi officials during the allied invasion of Europe.
- Jews absolutely lack imagination. All Israel's sport teams are either named Hapoel or Maccabi.
- What's the similarity between the Holocaust and the Theory of Relativity? - Both were invented by Jews.
- What's the similarity between Jews and books? - They're both great on a bonfire.
- Jews literally ruin goddamn everything.
Jews perform animal sacrifice
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They are torturing and killing these totally cute animals because they believe it makes their evil God happy! The things that Christians accuse Satanists of doing, the Jews actually do! In the Jewish Bible we can see that Cain and Abel, Moses and Abraham all perform animal sacrifice, and Jews today are doing the same!! Maimonides describes exactly how the sacrifices will occur on mass scale after the construction of the Third Temple. Look at how these Jews swing the chickens around their heads in a circle, what a twisted religious ritual! We must put an end to this sick cult!!!!
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Language of the slaves
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Jew Jitsu
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Butthurt
Jews being butthurt after being trolled.
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Jews Don't Believe In God
Myth: Jews follow the old Hebrew religion.
Fact: Jews don't believe in God. Judaism is a cultural money-making club.
To quote Sarah Silverman, "I have no religion. But culturally I can’t escape it, I’m very Jewish."
Another example is Natalie Portman. Neither she nor her family are religious and she claims to not believe in an afterlife or God and at the same time she was born in Israel, went to Jewish private schools, says she wants to live the rest of her life in Israel, wants to raise her kids Jewish, etc.
Jewish Ritual Abuse Exposed on Oprah
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Zionist Assault on Gaza: Ritual Blood Sacrifice
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Jews celebrated Hanukkah 2008 with a mass murder of Palestinian civilians in Gaza City as ritual blood sacrifice to their God.
Happy Passover
When the Jews aren't sleeping in their ovens, they have some time to be happy. Now, do you know who let the dogs... err... Jews out?
Jewish Bolsheviks
Everyone knows, all commies are jews.
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Famous Jews
"Plz, God, make it bigger..."
As if anyone fucking cares.
die Liste, mein herr
- IRL
- Bernie Madoff
- Jesus
- Jon Stewart
- Moses
- Quasidan
- George Soros
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Michael Richards
- Joe Lieberman
- Jeff Goldblum
- Eric Bauman
- Hosni Mubarak
- Kyle Broflovski
- Ron Jeremy
- AJcomix
- The ACLU (AKA ACLJew)
- Henry Kissinger
- Albert Einstein -
InventedStole the atomic bomb. - Alfred Nobel -
InventedStole TNT, then started the Nobel Peace Prize out of troll's remorse. - Uziel Gal -
InventedStole the machine gun. - Gloria Steinem -
InventedStole the vagina. - Sigmund Freud - Told you that you want to fuck your mother.
- Adam Sandler
- Shia LeBeuf
- Jack Black
- Natalie Portman
- Lisa Kudrow
- Joaquin Phoenix
- Daniel Radcliff
- Seth Green
- Elie Wiesel - Holocaust "survivor"
- Optimus Prime
- Sarah Silverman
- Amy Winehouse
- BOB SAGET!
/ - Jude Law, since Jude means Jew.
- Barack Hussein Obama - According to Davidicke.com, Obama is a secret Jew.
- God
- Jewcat
- anphony
- SlimVirgin
- Jayjg
- Lowtax
- HedgeJew
- Richard Dreyfuss
- Blu Aardvark
Purported
OTI
A disturbing number of Encyclopedia Dramatica users, including:
Quotes
| — Menachem Begin, Israeli PM |
| —Abraham Foxman, Anti-Defamation League national director, getting it not quite right - Jews are always a convenient scapegoat, period. |
| —David Finkleschmidtstein, To some innocents |
| — Lewis Black, self-hating Jew |
Commentary
This quote embodies the true soul of the Jew. He starts out with a Jewtastic argument about racism, but reverts to the typical "stupid inbred sister fucker" garbage that you expect from some butthurt whiner on the internet. He then goes on to say that surprise buttsecks isn't funny, which we all know is incorrect. Note how he resorts to threatening a lawsuit, the Jew's primary defense.
MOAR Fun facts
- Did you know more Jews live in Palm Springs than in New York City? It's true, you...can't say it in here. xD
- Jewish people are pork intolerant, spiritually allergic to shellfish and will have a HUGE fit if the deli pastrami had a slice of cheese.
- Jewish women are empowered, due to a thing in the Torah on tribal lineage is only passed on through the mother, talk about matrilineal.
- Most of them seem to have Asperger's Syndrome. They are weird, but can be smart.
- Maybe in their family trees are converted Arabs, Turks, Iranians, Armenians and Gypsies.
- Jews aren't listed a "race" in the US Census, despite Jews only can call themselves a "race" while no other goyim can. OY VEY SCHMUCKS.
- They love black people, as much they love Chinese food (except not the other way around) and Mexican labor (they will compare the mass deportation of Mexicans to the trains headed to Auschwitz).
- Jewish people also developed all the jazz, pop, rock, disco, hip-hop and Christian music we hear, along with gays and black people.
- But they CAN NOT dance.
- Unathletic, except they dominated the early days of the NBA (basket ball is more thinking than playing).
- In Canada, it's illegal to deny the holocaust (of course, not all the way illegal like in Europe), except if you're French Canadian in rural parts of Quebec who raise their kids on myths about the blood libel.
- The Jews also live in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa.
- A bunch of Jews are in South America (usually the German kind).
- JEWS is an abbreviation for Judaist, European, White, Society.
- It seems now everyone in America claims to be Jewish, more often than Irish or Cherokee (both ethnicities are known to hate Jews).
- Jesus was Jewish due to his mom the Virgin Mary, so was Karl Marx who didn't believe in god or money, and the prophet Mohammed briefly lived among a Judaic tribe by Mecca, Arabia (please don't kill me).
- House speaker Nancy Pelosi is a mischelinge (half-Jew), because she exhibits all the JAP-ness associated with Jewish American Princess.
- And don't forget Anne Frank was hot.
MOAR facts
- They're lying bastards. Jews were always lying bastards throughout their history. They're a filthy, dirty, disgusting, vile, criminal people.
- They are subhuman. They are the scum of the Earth. When you talk about Jews, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel of humanity.
- Jews are sick, they're mental cases.
- The Jews are not fighters, they have miserable bodies. They're cunning like rats.
- Jews are anti-social, destructive, intolerant, mean-spirited, deceitful, et cetera. They wish to destroy, rule and kill, rob whoever gets in their way. To facilitate them getting what they want, they have developed a perverted, unnatural, destructive, evil lifestyle. Even though they live off the non-Jews as parasites, they still hate them and wish to destroy them. Jews hate nature and the natural order, because it's pure and beautiful, and also because it's bigger and stronger than they are, and they feel that they can not fully control it. Nature's beauty and harmony stands in stark contrast to their squalidness and ugliness, and that makes them hate it all the more. Jews are destroyers. They are anti-humans. The anti-human Jew hates and wants to destroy all non-Jews. He will also destroy even other Jews who are less destructive and evil than he is, if they get in his way. Apparently, the wickedness of the Jew is genetically based. Jews are destroyers. They are anti-humans. By the act of circumcision, the Jew shows his hatred towards nature and the natural order. By this bloody, cruel, senseless act, he shows his cruelty and sadism, and that he will stop at nothing to obtain his ends. Surely the Jews are also behind the Islamic circumcision, which serves as an ideal cover and distraction from their own wickedness in this regard. Jews are truly anti-human and anti-nature. Jews are intensely selfish, intolerant and anti-social, et cetera. They are full of hate, greed, malice, et cetera. Naturally, other people, i.e. the non-Jews, don't like being bulldozed aside, robbed and murdered by the Jews, and will sooner or later resist. That is where the lies and deceit of the Jews come into place.
- These people are animals, they're just bastards, y'know. Absolute animals.
- The United States is supposed to be a government of laws, not people. But that's a lot of shit. The United States is totally controlled by dirty Jews. And these are ruthless, lawless, criminal people. They've been mutilating their kids for thousands of years, cutting off a piece of their penis. That's illegal too, but that never stopped the dirty Jews.
Jews in Pictures
A Visual Guide to Jews and Judaism
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Jew Gallery
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The Solution
Jew-ish
The Jew-ish aka part-time Jews (not to be confused with the Jewish In Name Only) are a subculture of the American Jewish people who only adhere to the parts of the faith and culture that are convenient to them, when it's convenient to them. For instance, most Jew-ish people will send their kids to Hebrew school, give their boys a Bar-mitzvah and observe the Shabbat but will enjoy delicious bacon, cheese, strimp and lobster whether or not it's been blessed by a Rabbi. They also never go to a synagogue unless it's Passover and observe Jewish holidays randomly -like having a Christmas tree at Hanukkah.
Amongst the many benefits, this charade enables the Jew-ish to marry gentile wimmins (after making them convert) to pop out Jew-ish babies and retain a semblance of the victim complex they might otherwise have forfeited. 99.9% of part-time Jews are men and do it not for the lulz but because they are terrified of living up to their scary Jewish mothers' unrealistic expectations.
The Jew-ish mostly live in Washington DC, Jew York City and Hollywood and wouldn't be caught dead in Israel but will get severely butthurt whenever anyone says shit against their fake country and/or about the rights of the Palestinian people to have their land back or at least get their own sandbox. Anyone who talks about the IDF committing war crimes in the Gaza War or supports a boycott of Israel based on the fact that Israel is an apartheid state will be met with howls of protest and be called an anti-semite by these fake Jews.
Since these fake Jews rarely or never wear a yarmulke and frequently have misleading names like Springer and Stewart, it is the suggestion of this website that should you find one eating non-Kosher hot dogs or drinking Champagne instead of Manischewitz, you would do well to present them with a Jew Hat so they can be easily detected and avoid them robbing you blind.
See Also
- Nazis, who began
- Hitler, who carried out
- The Holocaust, the gift that keeps on giving and led to
- The Lolocaust as well as
- Holocaust Porn, and did we mention that
- The Lolocaust as well as
- Jesus is Hitler?
- The Holocaust, the gift that keeps on giving and led to
- Hitler, who carried out
- Israel
- Hanukkah
- Jewcat
- Jew Watch
- Everyone's favourite ED Closet Slav Jew
- GIYUS
- Raelian
- Isranon
- Neo-con
- Not Jewish
- JEWS DID WTC
- New Jersey - GO JEWS beat the GOLIATHS and white SKINS.
- Florida - Where the Njew Yoidk Hebrews went to retire.
- Arizona - Just as hot and dry like Israel.
- Las Vegas - Heat without the humidity.
- R@ygold A sick fuck and pedophile who was also a Jew,what a coincidence.
- Victim Complex
Jews on LiveJournal
- anti_zionists
- gay_jews
- jbcs; or, Jews By Choice.
- all4israel
External Links
- Ornate swastika video (actually it's the Horst Wessel song) - Post this with reckless abandon on the blogs, Facebook pages, etc. of Jews that are asking for it
- "Der Giftpilz" in English.
- Russian antijew cartoons
- Nice jew song
- 3rd worlders want's to become jews for profit
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| Featured article September 11, 2009 | ||
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| Preceded by Contra | Jew | Succeeded by Messin' With Sasquatch |
