Japan

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Typical Japanese citizen

Adaptable and self-effacing, a Japanese will blend into almost any environment.

Japanese Used-Panty Vending Machine

Actual Japanese underwear. Srsly, WTFF?!

Japan's old PM, Koizumi, hard at work making Japan more fucked up.

The country currently known as "Japan" (from the Spanish japon, meaning "Happy Fun Jap World,") is an island chain located in Asia (West of America). They've got the world cornered on nonviolent crazy (the Middle East has the world cornered on violent crazy). Despite having been destroyed over the years by Godzilla and a variety of other gigantic monsters (and being nuked for teh lulz), Japan has always heroically risen from the ashes. It is currently the main source of things like bondage porn not featuring ugly people in latex, hentai, anime, tiny cellphones, and, in an extraordinary example of genetic drift, your mother. National sports include kancho, panty pulling, Bug Fighting, and throwing oneself in front of a moving train while exclaiming, "I told u I was hardcore."

Japanese like to vacation in Hawaii. That's not funny. They really do. I'm not joking. But they don't crash their planes there anymore if that is what you were asking.

In keeping with the cultural tradition of teeny, tiny things, the people of Japan are very small. They are also absolutely adorable and no matter what kind of disgusting porn they come up with, they will still be our precious little rice-cakes.

Like other citizens of Asia, Japanese men have small penises and all Japanese woman have small breasts. Any Japanese woman you see with normal or large breasts has implants and that's a fact. Another similarity is Japanese women have dyed brown hair, have bangs some 10 inches in length covering their foreheads (which they also use to tentacle rape themselves), and are completely submissive to White men, even though all Japanese are racist against every other race (including other Asians). The only women who are not totally submissive are the terrifying Ganguro girls.

Pedophilia is not only accepted in Japan, but also highly mandatory. Circa 110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. Legally the age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually Japanese girls lose their virginity at the ripe old age of the 2nd trimester after conception. The ugly ones survive until about 13, which is when they suddenly become attractive to Japanese men and tentacle monsters. This, in addition to the fact that the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, means that Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. Scat fetish is also popular. It is traditional for Japanese men to nose-bleed when sexually aroused, a tradition they had tried to export outside Japan through Anime. The reason Japanese people have such messed up fetishes is because normal porn is pretty much illegal. Actual sex has to be censored, and you can't see certain parts of the genitalia for both sexes.

There are more than 10,000 7-11 locations in Japan. The Japaneses really like Slurpees! Unfortunately the Japanese work 12-16 hour shifts and their businesses open at 9am and close at 5pm, so they can't buy any.

In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products. Mexicans have also migrated en mass to Japan and can often be seen doubling as sex dummies in vomitous kinky pornography, that strangely includes the Mexican's favorite accessory, leaf blowers, in ways you don't want to know about--that even Japanese porn stars find unpalatable.

The businesses of Japan, unlike the rest of the world work for market share instead of profit (this tactic is pretty much like Microsoft). This is why prices are so high in Japan. But teenage girls are able to overcome this because they sell their used panties and sweat, which grown ass perverted men and teenage boys purchase through vending machines.

The Japanese car industry is reportedly growing rapidly due to their Car Elf technology. They have actually genetically engineered small elf-like creatures that power their cars. Therefore, the cars do not need gas, but only the semen that is created daily by the ritual bukkakes performed before the car is entered.

Back in the day, when a person was disgraced, or otherwise deemed it time to die, they would kill themselves via ritual seppuku. Truly a man's death in which a person would grab his japanese sword (katana) by the blade, then slice his belly horizontally and pull out his own guts, and when the pain was finally too much, his defeater-in-battle or friend (pending the situation) would decapitate the person. And for the truly manly, some would wrap paper around the sword to purposefully make it less sharp. In contemporary times, Seppuku has gone the way of the dodo, and has been replaced with Chuoside.

In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories.

Little-known Fact: Little Red Riding Hood was Japanese and partial to the nutz.

1 What the Japs have brought us
2 Kancho
3 Japanophiles
4 Japanese Language
5 Jap Dads
6 Japanese Tourist Instructional Videos
7 Japanese Music
8 Whaling
9 Education
10 World War 2
11 A recent Limit Break
12 How To Troll
13 Gallery
14 See also
15 External Links

[edit] What the Japs have brought us

As we continuously search for some answer as to why those crazy Japs even exist in this world, we have to consider the things that they HAVE brought us. Number one: 4chan...come on...they brought us our entire purpose. And of course, /b/ - ammunition in the war against fail. Number two: Hentai. Where else would newfags go to jack off? Number three: Sumo wrestlers...now seriously...what else is there to lol at on a Sunday morning? And last, but certainly not least...lulz in general. There's nothing more fucking hilarious than a Japanese man. Or, in that fact, a Japanese person in general. (lol, public)

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

There's always this too. Shown on a report by Japanese TV once. True story.

We can also bring to the table the stuff those losers and newfags enjoy, such as anime. But truly, we here at encyclopedia dramatica barely even count that shit as something to lol at. Making it something as a positive? LOL

CONTINUE TO DISREGARD, STILL SUCKING COCKS

>THE RECORD FOR BIG EYES, look down.< Held by Daiki Yamane. Unfortunatly his face was damaged and therefore de-valued.

[edit] Kancho

yeah.

Kancho is a Japanese term, which when taken in context in Azrael's stories of man-boy-love translates to "enema." He fears returning to the USA because of all his fans waiting to kancho his ass. Only he and his ex know what The Octopus is, and he is not telling. He also admits on his blog that he spends most of the time at his job asleep. Kancho is a sex move that gets the Japanese off because stimulating the erogenous zone that gay men enjoy.

Instructions

Clasp hands together
Extend index fingers so they are pointing outward
Ram up someone's ass
Sniff your fingers
????
Profit!

The "game" was featured on the popular Anime Naruto, helping to spread its popularity. There is even an arcade game based on it, in which players are rated on how hard they can jam the finger-shaped controller into the prosthetic ass.

[edit] Japanophiles

Every cosplayer ever

The purest form of faggotry.

Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even (especially?) the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.

Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.

Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.

The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."

[edit] Japanese Language

Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Super Metroid fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony.

[edit] Jap Dads

YOU BRING GRATE DISHONOR ON OUR FAMIRY YOU MUST BE PUNISHED

Notorious for working long hours as well as being mean drunks, Jap dads regularly stumble home from the sake bar to discipline their ungrateful children who have dishonored them. All Jap dads look like Mr Miyagi and punish their children mercilessly by forcing their sexual fantasies on them, like Kancho. This is why tentacle rape and scat fetishes are so prevalent in the Jap culture.

On June 21st 2007, drunk Daddy manta ray killed the baby manta ray daughter after she shamed his family. Shortly before the killing, videos of her surfaced on the internet involving a funnel and some eels.

Jap Dads are all salarymen, who are all wannabe weeaboos in three-piece suits. They practice karoshi, the ancient art of dying from hard work. (A favorite karoshi technique is to work for 48 hours straight, and then stumble into a subway, rest on a pole, and accidentally poke one's tummy with one's umbrella. It evolved after the Meiji Restoration, which no weeaboos have ever heard of, because samurai had gotten tired of committing seppeku.)

[edit] Japanese Tourist Instructional Videos

[edit] Japanese Music

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.

[edit] Whaling

A Japanese man being denied delicious whale.

Japan's favourite pastime, other than bukkake.

Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whaling in Australian waters, because they're not too keen on foreign countries killing an endangered species in their territorial waters for some reason.

Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese Youtubers and their sympathisers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of - in hilariously broken English - through the medium of Youtube comments and tl&b;dw videos. It would appear that Australia doesn't care about whales at all - they are just big kangaroo-killing racists, who want to destroy the Japanese culture(If only...) like they did to the Aboriginals, and they need to be sent back to the Death Railway.

How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters amounts to racism is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.

Lulzy Youtube quotes:

“	FUCKIN POMMY! POMMY is prisoner's descendant. The anti-whale fishing is a stupid religion. The anti-whale fishing is an important business of barbarous POMMY. Mean POMMY is isolated in the world. Let's exterminate all dirty POMMY. GOOOO TOOOO HELLLLLLLLLLL!!! POMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!	„
—pommybuster, not realising that "Pommy" is slang for "Englishman".

“	aussies,dont you remember that many of you are ,i say, anglosaxon. anglo saxon, as its name shows,are from saxen in germany. u guys were just the same mother fuckers til brits tried to imitated and tried to become french. but genes remains. u r still as mother fucker as klaus.	„
—yahahahihi, who knows this because of his anthropological learnings.

“	Australia has too many Australians and Australians are destroying the environment of precious Australia. It is the same as a kangaroo. A kangaroo and Australians had better kill together. It is better to? kill both Australians with a kangaroo.	„
—774a00.

“	hi Nazistralian Harpooning aussies	„
—okinawa4649, in your waters, harpooning your d00ds.

And the best one of all:

“	If I am stupid in ignorance, you are a hypocrite of the know-it-alls.	„
—ABURATANUKI.

Australia responds

“	Lawl STFU.	„
—Australia

[edit] Education

“	Don't worry about it. I'm a chinese and had lived in Japan during 2005-2007. Most of Japanese people are pretty ignorant about the foreign countries, especially about geography. When I asked them "Do you know about the relationships between China and Korea ?", they replied, "Well...Ah ah ah ! Korea is a country located in China ! Kimchi is good ^_^" yes, they think that Korea is in China and that Koreans are one kind of Chinese. And in my experiences, more than 80% of Japanese people think that all Hong Kong people can speak English, and that Singapore is the richest country in Asia. Some of them think that Europe is the name of a country. haha, but they are innocent nice people.	„
—MingDasTrax

[edit] World War 2

After having buttsecks with Hitler, Empiror Horihito sent his troops into Manchuria because they refused to eat sushi or buy Tamagochis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Chinese to death.

President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Horihito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbour and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyota's and Pocky on the Harbor.

Roosevelt got really pissed off, so he built a couple of fucking huge jizz bombs and dropped them on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which completely bukkaked the top of Mount Fuji.

BOOM!

Japan surrendered, and to this day millions of Japanese climb Mount Fuji to commemorate the hugest fucking bukkake splash in history.

[edit] A recent Limit Break

In the Akihabara district, or electric town in Weaboo a young Japoman named Tomohiro Kato decided, like the rest of us, that there were too many Japanese people out there. After posting on 2chan he rented a partyvan, drove it into the crowd, and then stabbedted 6 men and one woman.

[edit] How To Troll

Post a picture of a nuclear explosion with the caption "pwnd".
Post a picture of Japanese internment camps with the caption "pwnd".
Post a picture of the Japanese brutally torturing Chinese POWs with a tl;dr text talking about how they refuse to acknowledge WWII atrocities committe by their nation (they really hate this one).
Post a low-res picture of Japan being ejaculated upon my multiple high-res penises.
Post images detailing the ~~US Military's~~ US Department of Foreign Oppression's strategy in the South Pacific during WWII and again, with a tl;dr text, detail how the Japanese failed to achieve any of their key strategic objectives (e.g. sinking US aircraft carriers early on).

[edit] Gallery

		Most popular product in Japan.	Made in japan and sent straight to Michael Jackson's house.
It's like saying hello in Japanese.		Have a piece of that bread bitch.
		Nothing is quite as satisfying as shitting one's bikini.	String them up!
Rape- in Japan, it's like saying hello!	Japan censors harbl because it hates faggotry.	Typical Japanese couple.	Japanese love ~~weird~~ fucking watermelons.
	A typical example of how Japan views foreign nations.	One of Japan's many engaging pastimes.	Japs have small penis and pedos love it!
Typical Japanese dinner.	Typical Japanese video game design.	Japan breaks the intrawebs.
Japanese girls accepts your date	Is it paradise?	How the Japanese reproduce.	Is that a fake hand?
Who needs a big dick when you can have a big stache	Japanese toilet training	Typical Japanese X-Mas Present	In Japan, eggs come in loaves.
O RLY? ASIAN STYLE!	Remember Pearl Harbor.	Japan is full of sick fucks.