Reverend Jacob K. Reist
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
"Reverend Jacob K. Reist", (AKA Jake Vigil; AKA Jacob Arturo Vigil; AKA Tom Newton) is an Internets troll who was attacking Anonymous and Project Chanology on behalf of his mommy who is a Scientologist in Albuquerque. He mostly used very lame JewTube tech, and is a failed Paul Fetch wannabe. Even Jesus would be so disappointed by Reist that he would facepalm at him several times and then hang himself from all the stupidity.
However, not having a life of his own, he has renamed himself Tom Newton and now runs an anti-Anonymous blog [1], whch is doomed to failure, just like all his other projects.
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Convicted Child Molester
Jacob K. Reist's previous life consisted of getting nearly every single person to hate his guts on Ubersite [2], where he began every post with the endearing words, "Dear Losers,". It may seem to intelligent people that Jacob is a fan of Spider Jerusalem from the Transmetropolitan graphic novel series and has little creativity of his own, especially in light of the poor quality of his YouTube videos.
Also, Jacob runs the Google group, AHA! American Heretic Association [3], not to be confused with this other site [4] run by a guy who posts under the name "jedidiah". The inability to find an original name for his own group, again displaying Jacob K. Reist's lack of originality.
Reist claims to be the editor-in-chief of American Heretic Magazine, though an Internet search does not show any such magazine in existence.
Church of Scientology Has A New Child Molester
Possibly seeing the total lack of success of Paul Fetch, Reist decided to take up the cause of defending the Church of Scientology from the legions of Anonymous. Another explanation of Reist's inspiration from Paul Fetch that Reist is simply in denial.
The Reverend (though it is unclear exactly what church he is a "reverend" of) Jacob K. Reist began his attack on Anonymous by claiming ownership of one of the icons representing Anonymous and offering it for sale on the Internet [5] with the asking price of $10,000,000! (lolbaleeted) Since he can, apparently, rub two brain cells together and spark a thought, he decided to open a Cafepress account [6] and sell shirts, hats and other dumb shit with the logo on it, possibly in the hopes of raising the money one dollar at a time.
Opening several YouTube accounts, many of which ended-up getting closed, Reist began uploading several videos which were rambling and repetitive, much like Reist's mentor, Paul Fetch. Whether this was a joint effort or he just did it on his own, Reist is convinced that he is destroying Anonymous' efforts to bring-down the Church of Scientology and he may be anticipating some sort of substantial reward for his efforts.
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Reist claims that Wise Beard Man is the leader of Anonymous. Further, he has accused him of being not only against the Church of Scientology, but against all religions.
In a pathetic attempt to display some sort of talent and originality, Reist posted a video claiming that even Barack Obama opposes Anonymous.
However, he does often claim that he is doing this for the LULZ and he may be doing it simply to be an asshole and to get the attention that his mother never gave him when he was a child.
Ultimately, the Reverend Jacob K. Reist appears to be just a lonely man out to carve a name for himself on the Internet and failing at each attempt.
Quotes
| —Reverend Jacob K. Reist, dividing by zero |
| —Reverend Jacob K. Reist |
| —Jacob Reist, thinking that spelling in all CAPS will get people to believe what he says |
| —Jacob trying to make money |
| —Jacob K. Reist, kissing Church of Scientology's ass |
| —Jacob K. Reist, posting 2 years ago on The Big Pharaoh |
| —Jacob on driving and having less anal sphincter control than a toddler |
| —Jacob Reist, now without bacon. |
SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY
Trivia
- Posted a review on Amazon.com that nobody liked [[7]] under the name "J. A. Vigil" (Jacob Arturo Vigil), allegedly hailing from Texas. After this article was posted to ED, Reist went and changed his username to Anonymousisfail. So, it is likely this child molester has AIDS.
- likes to brag about posting stuff in the Urbandictionary.com [[8]], where he is identified as coming from Denver, CO.
- In a recent video on YouTube he was writing on a Canadian Dollar left handed.
This also adds Canada as a possible residence.
actually The Reverend have AIDS to three preschoolers.
External Links
- his Cafepress page where he's trying to cash-in on Anonymous' fame by selling crap at grossly-inflated prices. Only morons will buy anything from him anyway. Wait, only Scilons would buy it. Same thing. Flip-side: Pretty cool to sell that expensive shit to Scilons, and it would be hilarious to see one of those bumper stickers or license plate frames on the road.
- [9] his newest blog, where he tries to link Anonymous to CP and racism. As a result of his idiocy, he is now the target of Operation: Scum-Sucking Vacuum[10].
- Tom Newton his new alias, which fooled no one.
ANONYMOUS DELIVERS!
