Islam
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Islam is kind of like the Mormonism of Arab religions. Islam was created by a crazy guy who thought that his religion was a continuation of Judaism and Christianity, apparently thought of as the third and final in the trilogy. And being the 3rd in the trilogy, it is the most shitty piece of crap out of the three (think Spiderman 3 or The Matrix Revolutions). Formed by the "prophet" Muhammad at least 100 years ago, Islam may well be an honest continuation of God's word, that is if God is a giant asshat. Islam is primly suited to guide humanity to certain death through the magic of blowing up airliners over the Atlantic Ocean or ramming them into buildings with full force. Muhammad, who was a notorious pedo, married a 6-year-old girl and had sex with her when she was nine.
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[edit] WTF is Islam?
Like old school Christianity, Islam is all about repression, genocide, S&M, the oppression of women and general misogyny, and Jihad. Unlike its pedophiliac father, Judaism, Islam preaches tolerance and love, and never lashes out, not even against the occupation of Palestine.
Early on, Islam suffered a schism in much the same way as 4chan did; Islam is now divided into Sunnis, who believe something stupid, and Shiites, who believe something that's stupid in a slightly different way and who mostly live in Iran. Islam also requires all Muslims to all become an heroes which is quite common in the middle east with bombs exploding left, right and center.
[edit] Muslims
Muslims are a funny type of people similar to Jawas, except that they live by a ridiculous backward religion. Although many of them feel it gives their life a purpose all it clearly does is prove how stupid and ignorant they are. It has been postulated that people convert to Islam because they are totally incapable of running their own lives and miss the good old days in the hugbox with mum and dad running their shit with an iron fist and a lot of rules. The majority of Muslims clearly believe the world is against them (hence extremists such as suicide bombers) and obviously feel that their way of living is the only way. In their free time they like fapping to the Koran, making bombs, beating their wives, shooting shit with ridiculously out of date guns, and killing as many infidels as possible.
Since Muslims cannot have sex, drink, do drugs, or even hang out, they are left alone to think of plans to bring revenge upon the infidels. In fact, Muslims invented fencing (the art of poking people with long, stiff sticks) as a way to release sexual energy, because they aren't allowed to have sex with anyone but goats and their butt ugly wives. Srsly, they wear those veils for a reason.
Muslims must pray an excessive amount of the time to Allah because he's such a huge attention whore. They often use their religion's prayer time as a way of getting special treatment, the likes of which followers of other religions (religions which don't fly planes in to buildings) would never get. An example of this would be Muslim students expecting their courses at university to be moved to another day during Muslim holidays, all so they can recite religious gibberish in their chittering monkey accents for a daft amount of time. "DERKADERKADERKAMUHAMMADJIHADDERKADERKA".
[edit] Muhammad
Muhammad was part Jesus, part Genghis Khan, and part Hitler. He was often credited for uniting the middle east through the spread of Islam but it was mainly because of his policy of conversion or death to those he conquered. He started his life as a merchant but soon figured out that selling people bullshit was a lot more profitable than selling dates and Slurpees. He wrote some emo poetry about his conversations with God in his LJ and added tons of buddies looking for stupid arbitrary rules to run each and every aspect of their lives. With this magic book, the Koran, he was able convince a bunch of retards that he was God's prophet. Then he did what any other man would do when he gets that kind of power: acquire a lot of worthless sand and kill lots and lots of people. He was also popular with the ladies as he had 23 wives, some of them loli. Mohammad also enjoyed getting blowjobs from little girls.(fucking pervert)
[edit] No Pix Plz
The Koran states that no pictures are ever to be made, drawn or otherwise published of Mohammad's likeness. The reason generally given is that Mohammad made this demand because he didn't want to be idolized like Jesus was - stuck on a cross. This turns out to be a mistranslation. What Mohammad wanted was for no drawings of his likeness to exist so that they couldn't be put on wanted posters. Srsly. If Mohammad's caliphate enemies didn't know what he looked like, they couldn't hunt him down and stick *him* on a cross. Since Mohammad is now long-since dead and gone, it's a clear sign of how enlightened Muslims are by not dropping a simple, selfish act of self-preservation by their brave leader that obviously had jack shit to do with the "Word of Allah".
[edit] LOLJIHADU
Muslims are required by their religion to IRL Troll with what they call Jihad. They are known to generate serious lulz and get worldwide media attention by blowing themselves up next to Jews.
How to Jihad as recorded in the Koran:
- Pray to Allah and smack the wife around one last time.
- Strap bomb to self.
- Stand around Jews and/or infidels.
- ????
- Profit!
After dying, Muslims celebrate with 72 virgins in paradise. They get to smoke all the shisha they like, drink beer, eat Falafel, couscous, and other inedible foods, and hang out with tons of hot bitches in burkas beyond the gates of Heaven.
[edit] "Suicide Bombers"
Thought by many terrorists to be the heroes of Islam, these deluded wretches are known to explode near Americans, Brits, and you. The truth of the matter is entirely different. Being the Middle East, the people of this land have had their collective asses handed to them since Alexander the Great. Over the centuries, the locals evolved a biological defense mechanism that causes them to explode in a burst of blood, piss, bone shards, and self loathing. Some theories state that all it takes to cause a Muslim to set off is a sudden, loud noise. Surprise parties are forbidden in Islamic culture.
This theory is further supported by the fact that Arabs are not intelligent enough to use explosives.
[edit] Islam <3 Rape
The Koran clearly states that every woman is asking for it. According to the prophet, a woman can be justifiably raped for the following reasons:
- Talking to a man she isn't married/related to
- Looking at a man she isn't married/related to
- Disagreeing with a man about liking the Rolling Stones
- Comparing Moohamed to any teddy bear other than pedobear
- Showing moar than 5 square centimeters of skin
- Not staying in the kitchen
- Not making you a fucking falafel
- Taking off her fancy dress after Halloween
- Thinking
The Middle East is currently competing with Africa to become the rape capital of the world. Therefore, it is the best place for a sick fuck, a /b/tard or anyone seeking man points to go and get sum surprise sex. In Islamic Arabia, the RAPIST is the victim, whereas the raped victim is the actual offender, and the woman will get not only jail time but also 90 lashes (The video of which you can request a copy of for further fapping). And if she tells anyone, especially the old media, she automatically gets 110 more lashes (A total of 200) while the worst you might get is five years in a Saudi prison getting sand pounded forcefully into your butthole.
[edit] How To Deal With Islam
As a result of its constant IRL trolling, Islam has attracted negative attention from the leaders of the Western World. However, due to its global uncentralized nature, simply building concentration camps and incinerating the fuckers isn't going to work. Therefore, we have conceived of a cunning plan. First of all, we have to nuke Mecca during Ramadan. Since Muslimfags have to make a pilgrimage to the city at least once during their lifetimes, they will have to visit it even after it has been bombed, or at least visit the rubble.
Herein lies the genius of the plan. The ruins of the city will actually be radioactive. After the Muslimfags have made their pilgrimage, they will all die of radiation sickness, as Mecca will have been turned into something resembling a gigantic roach hotel.
[edit] Stereotyping
Muslims are universally believed to be violent insane intolerant fuckwad jihadist murderers. Some argue that the media doesn't do enough to document all the good things that Muslims do in the world. But those people are dead wrong. In fact, the media has never reported anything of that sort and probably never will.
Muslims also get a bad rap because they are currently at war with at least a dozen countries in the world including the USA and their allies. For people living in these countries it is common knowledge that all Muslims are evil terrorists that deserve to have their oil stolen from them due to the fact that they believe in a false god, and blow shit up because of that god.
Again, this kind of stereotype is totally unfair, because some of them do it for the lulz.
There are over 1.5 billion Muslims in the world, and this guy:
...isn't a terrorist. The rest of them all are.
[edit] A Typical Butthurt Muslim
The following crapfest was left on this page by a camelhumping vandal. Be sure to visit his user page and leave him a message.
| —Butthurt camel fucker |
Summary
[edit] Videos
Muslim Man Kills Daughter For Not Wearing Hijab
Ahhh, You can Smell the Justice!
Religion of Peace, Indeed!
[edit] More Videos
- Ezra Levant - Attempting to Backraid the Canadian Human Rights Commission
- Some crazy Arab shit
- A helpful introduction to the basic tenants of Islam
[edit] Text of an Ancient Islamic Scroll
Tl;dr: Islam is about raping goats and turning your anus into a rudimentary bong.
If everyone's here
And I'm surely am dead,
Then please listen up
Don't go jihading instead!
Of my daughter Khadijah
I order this mission:
That your clitoris be cut off,
In step with tradition.
That you also be married when you turn eleven,
And if you are being bad, then it will be seven,
And your husband must waive
The red sheets in the morning
As proof of prior pureness,
Or you'll face a stoning!
To my wife Mufeeda
Of the beaten, veiled variety:
I ask you be beaten
To the fullest entirety!
You might ask me why
I will answer here forth--
A woman is nothing
She is but two cows' worth.
And as a cow deserves
To be beaten into submission,
Therefore, you as well
Shall endure this condition.
Don't worry, my wife,
Did you not know me as kind?
Therefore, I ask
That the law be in mind--
The beater must note
According to sharia, indeed,
You can beat women senseless
But stop when they bleed!
To my first son Masood--
I heard that you're gay.
Needless to say,
That did not make my day.
Therefore I order you dragged through the streets,
For all your blasphemous and sickening deeds,
Then I order you shot
As you cry for your life.
How dare you be gay?
You dishonor our tribe!
To my next son Ahmed:
My suicide belt
Bring a blast to the Infidels
That they never have felt!
Sneak into Israel
And hopefully kill
As many infidels
As in Allah's will!
To my son Nawaz,
I leave you my cash
Under the camel's crap--
You will find my stash.
With it, go to Pakistan,
Where in the Madrassas,
You'll learn to hate Americans
In all of your classes.
Specifically, in chemistry you shall be taught
All the poisons and virii which humans have wrought.
And it you shall let loose on American soil
A chemical weapon that surely will spoil
Those arrogant infidels' ignorant lives!
Score one for Allah, for each one who dies!
To my youngest son Abdul-
My AK-47.
May you kill many Christians
And get into Heaven!
Faisal, my brother
For whom I have pride,
I have bought you a Jihad pass
Your choice worldwide!
You have your choice of countries,
There you'll fight with AKs or stones,
For our brothers have turned all these lands
Into a terrorist war zones.
Iraq, Turkey, and Pakistan,
Algeria, Philippines, Afghanistan,
Chechnya, Yemen, Kashmir, Palestine-
Everywhere those pesky unbelievers are dyin'!
And to my cousin Isa
A lover of travel,
I leave you a vacation
So you can unravel.
Also, take time to observe with great pride
The progress of 1400 since our religion's arrived:
Saudi Arabia, Syria, Iran, to name few,
All wonderful spots to vacation for you!
Then there's my old, one legged uncle Hajju
Who lost his leg while jihading the Jew
To you, I leave my nice walking stick
So you can now hobble around lookin' slick
And if you find a cartoonist who drew one of those pictures
Use that walking stick to kill him according to our scriptures
That walking stick has, on top, an embedded knife
Stick it in him and end his blaspheming life!
Then there is my beloved great uncle Eijaz
Two teeth, no shoes, and great hatred he has
For Christian, Jew, gay, and Baha’i,
Europeans and Americans, he hopes they all die!
And Israelis, specifically, he cannot stand
He wishes to slaughter each last one with his hand.
To Eijaz I leave my copy of "Elders of Zion"
It's like a hate-filled drug that you can get high on.
A historical truth about the wrath of the Jews
Kill them all - young and old - no time to loose!
To my sister Aisha
Of impeccable merit:
Take our mother's long veil
So now you can wear it!
It hides all your body and shows just one eye
And if you undress it, then you should die.
Moreover, if any deodorants or cosmetics
On you are found
I demand that you stoned to death
While buried half in the ground.
You may think me harsh
Bu this be our law
Blessed be Allah
He hasn't a flaw.
And finally to my female cousin Inas
I love you, but you have brought shame upon us!
Last month you had sex with a man from the city
You say you were raped, and if so, that's a pity
But now the family's honor is stained, and our custom is clear
I call for an honor killing for you, my dear.
A male member from our tribe that is noble
Will cut your throat for being so ignoble,
And if from this "rape" it appears that you're with child
We'll make the punishment a little more mild:
We'll wait nine months till the time after birth
And then we'll stone you buried half-way in earth!
Don't think of this as cruel, no, it's sublime -
It's just like Mohammed did in his time!
Mohammed, as you know, was Allah's Prophet, of course
And, indeed, what a glorious man he was -
While preaching peace and coexistence, he killed every man, woman, and child
Who found his rantings just a little bit wild
He married a six-year-old, no doubt the wedding was merry
He waited whole three years before popping her cherry!
He raised women's rights and now they live so well
Covered in black burqas in a sweltering hell
In court, their word is half that of a male
How happy they must be under that veil!
They can't keep their kids if they have a divorce,
Which is the husband's choice, since the man's better, of course.
Yes, Muslim women live better at Mohammed's behest
I wonder why two-thirds are said to be depressed...
I wish all my family joy and farewell!
I have left a fair will
From what I can tell.
I've been a good Muslim--one can suffice,
Thus, I'll meet you all one day
In paradise!
There, with seventy two virgins I'll be
And they never age beyond thirty three!
They're light-skinned and blue-eyed and their breasts are shapely,
And I get to screw each and every, for free!
There, alcohol flows,
And you're allowed to partake,
But you never get hangovers
When you awake
And what's most amazing--
This I'll admit--
Is that I actually do
Believe in this shit!
-The author has chosen not to sign his name to this rhyme / because he wishes to live out his time / without some crazy Muslims from near or afar / cutting off his head with shouts of "allah u ahkbar!"
[edit] Muslim Dating Services
Most i-slam dating sites show "people" in burkas under the woman section, therefore it's impossible to confirm their true gender before marriage, however there are some exceptions, like these liberal girls gone wild!
You need at least a 16,66 dollars muslima membership to be able to contact Gongo [1]
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 Gongo is desperate for some halal love and has teh fear of Allah |
 a palm is fine too, she doesn't have the fear of Allah :( |
 Twink Boys are also women craving halal love, ahd would do well to fear Allah |
[edit] List of Famous Muslims
- Osama bin Laden
- Barack Hussein Obama
- Saddam Hussein
- Cassius Clay
- Cat "Yousukk Iswallow" Stevens
- Prince
- Dave Chappelle
- Borat
- Ben Stiller
- Jesus
- Lew Alcindor
- ODB
- Happy Negro
- Mr T
- Samsara
- Malcolm Little
- Your mom
[edit] Galleries
MOOHAMMED GALLEREE!!
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I'd rather furka if she wears a burka
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A Gallery of Peace and Tolerance
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[edit] External Links
- Every muslim should be a terrorist
- laughingatislam.com
- ZOMG!!!111 MOOSLIM LIT!!!111 FOR FREE!!!111ONEONEONE
- Anti-Islamic Myspace Page
- Archive of the Denmark cartoons of Mohammad that started a new jihad
- jihad leader trying to pass off as a popular myspace whore
- Networking site for Muslims and vast repository of burqa porn
- Attack Plans of Qaeda on Denmarks Soil
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Tro0 Muslims Countries & Peoples Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama Infidels & Islamic No Nos |
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