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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Goronchev.

“	My penis is so big it reachs from A - Z on the keyboard!	„
—Goronchev

Any insults or criticisms made toward this user will immediately be argued in an eight-minute long YouTube video where the word "destroyed" will be used at least 30 times.

Goronchev (aka Smugfag, MrThreePercent, Ron Lamp, Andy Ross and "Two-Tug Ron") is a 27-year-old, short, skinny, racist, balding, homosexual, steroid-abusing Angelino pedophile attention whore, who has fucked up abs, and is a bitch with an impossibly small, concave dick who lives with and works for his parents dad (Mom died of Cancer - lulz) as a Virginbus technician. Smugfag realized that the only way he could make friends IRL would be to make extremely shitty tl;dw videos of him talking about his scripted-out sexual fantasies which he likes to pretend are true. He also think that the internet is serious business.

Some would argue that he is the greatest troll known to Anon, if that same person were retarded and used the length of someone's ED article as a measure for how much said person had managed to troll sucessfully (which is probably a fairly good idea)

Smugfag is exactly like every other camwhore on the internets, only he receives the vaunted ability "Intellectual Checkmate", despite the fact that noone understands what it is. He hates Jesus and makes claims saying that God created gay people for him to have a meatswing with.

Contents 1 Season 1 1.1 Kbob08 Controversy 1.2 P-P-P-Powerword! 2 Season 2 2.1 ED is Racist? LOL WUT 2.2 A Winrar is You 3 Season 3 3.1 He destroys ED... again 4 SEASON 4? 5 Not Gay 6 Things Smugfag has claimed to have done 6.1 Say Something Worthwhile 6.2 Pedophilia 7 Goronchev is Bothered by Hypocrisy 8 Myths About Goronchev 9 Dr. Anonymous Weighs In 10 Smugfag appears on Fox 11 Los Angeles.... 11 ...but was it really his debut? 12 Goronchev Haet Anonymous :( 13 Gallery 14 External Links 15 See Also

[edit] Season 1

Smugfag appeared on 4chan in June of 2007 when a video of him was posted on /b/ in which he claimed victory over the "misc. section". Paranoid baby Anonimii ceased fapping to delicious caek long enough to gangraep his Youtube with negative feedback, video responses, and mash their keyboards to produce spam comments (Consisting of DESU DESU DESU in natural /b/tard fashion). As things turned out he was actually attacking the Misc. section at bodybuilding.com. Smugfag's attack on the Misc. section described his "intellectual checkmate" of Misc. by "using them like a condom" [1]. /b/ was slow to realize that they were not his target and initially believed this was an insult, albeit a hilariously inept one, and this explains the initial fury of /b/. [2]. Even after the mistake was discovered, the attacks continued as his smugness made him an instant hit with /b/tards, who enjoyed making fun of his balding head, childlike voice, and ridiculous claims about his sex life and intellectual abilities.

After Goronchev was suspended he continued with his spurious claims as MrThreePercent (Named after his penis size, which is 97% smaller than average). He began to make moar videos about the imaginary groups of beautiful women driving miles across the continent to harness his man-meat [3]; this is how he compensates for having a small penis, and being a basement-dwelling hermit.

He also obsesses about his body, despite the fact that he has a perfectly round, balding, childlike head. [4]

On a Stickam session June 21st, 2007, Smugfag admitted to having a bestiality fetish, and a particular fondness for horse cocks. He also claimed to have an 8 and 3/4 inch penis, which he refused to show on camera because he's a lying piece of shit. During the session, he claimed to be talking to two German girls who had had sex with her uncle's horse at his farm, and another who apparently licked her own clitoris on camera. Since the Stickam session was friends only, pics or it didn't happen applies. Smugfag notably said that 4chan would pay thousands of dollars to view the horse sex videos. This is the first known time Smugfag has acknowledged /b/.

[edit] Kbob08 Controversy

A YouTube user named Kbob08 used to plague Goronchev with video responses. Once upon a time, ALL of Kbob's videos were video responses to Goronchev with the exception of his very first video which was just a retarded blob of fail where he showed his bad taste in games. One day, feeling daring, Kbob decided to flame Goronchev using a video response. This prompted Goronchev to man the harpoons and ended their relationship. Goronchev thoroughly "skewered and exposed" Kbob in a video response to a video response for his video, or some shit nobody cares about. Kbob deleted all Goronchev-related videos when TwinsanityNtranced was bashing on Kbob about being an attention leech.

As a tribute to their once strong gay relationship, Goronchev still keeps his Kbob related videos uploaded for lulz at the expense of his internet stalker. This victory by Goronchev only served to increase his already inflated ego and HUEG sense of unwarrented self-importance.

The war on Smugfag eventually faded into nothing as Smugfag disappeared slowly from the internet and /b/ moved on to newer targets.

[edit] P-P-P-Powerword!

Smugfag's name is Andy Ross? Oh the wonder of Facebook. This was discovered by "Some faggot on youtube," as Goronchev puts it.

[edit] Season 2

Then in October, he returned! Based primarily in his revived Goronchev account, Smugfag immediately declared war upon 4chan, 420chan, and all the other chans. He declared that he was chargin his lazer after a year of sleeping with his head on his cock and his cock up his ass, he awoke from his slumber with revenge points upwards of 9000.

His first move was to declare his superiority over /b/ and his empire over YouTube. In his words, "Season 2" will be a massacre of /b/ and he will avenge the old goatse /b/ accidentally mistook for him, simply by the equal full-body condom size.

He later admitted his mother is dead. "This was probably suicide caused by the realization that she had given birth to such a grotesque creature instead of letting the doctor falcon punch her when he revealed that the baby might have a hazardous amount of smug cells," Dr. Anonymous states.

[edit] ED is Racist? LOL WUT

ITV, faggots complain about ED.

“	I have the eye witness testimony, the videos, and the pictures to back me up on that	„
—Goronchev talking about his voyeurism

“	And here's their stance on rape, and you can find this in their article on rape. Just go into their search engine and type in rape, and you'll find it.	„
—Goronchev @ 3:54

“	My penis is above average in size.	„
—Goronchev @ 7:17, likening himself to The Giver

STOP. 'BIG ASS WORDS AHEAD IN THESE VIDEOS'

Goronchev is Moar Racist

“	I have a small penis	„
—Goronchev @ 7:13

“	I Am Very Good At Shit Talking	„
—Goronchev talking about his Love Of The Smell and Taste of Shit, and The Challenge of Talking with it in your Mouth

Here is a list of facts from this video.

• Smugfag has the ability to read Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  
• After 20000 times he finally succeeded at not laughing when saying: Nigga or alternatively, Nigger is a term of endearment for the half-ape, half-human creatures devolved from chimpanzees who eat fried chicken, watermelons and collard greens, write songs about raping white women and stealing welfare checks from invalid grandmothers so they can pretend they bought those plastic spinning hubcaps they stole from other niggers to pimp out their stolen 1974 Cadillacs. Niggers are lazy, dumb, and most of all, they smell even after taking a shower.
  
• The only thing smaller than a Jew's penis is a negro's "To Do" list
  
• The only thing on a negro's "To Do" list is a Jew's small penis
  
• Jews did WTC
  
• Someone whose primary source of income is performing menial chores around the house has time too precious to waste on ED.
  
• Even the intellectually superior can sometimes miss the point.
  
• Smugfag has won teh internets.
  
• smugfags ego is longer than long cat.
  
• To make thing fair for Goronchev I have included what he has to say on the matter.
  
• He says he is not 27 years old but 15 years old.
  
• He says that he is not a gay paedophile but a paedophile and a gay.
  
• He say he pretends to rape girls 10 years younger then him, not to just have sex with them.
  
• He says his that his IQ is 26 instead of 25.
  
• He says he like dog ass not horse cock.
  
• He says that not all girls hate him if say count the ones who don’t know him.
  
• He says that he work for and lives with his sister not his parents.
  
• He says he did not beat down 30 guys at once he raped more than 30 boys over the last year.
  
• He says he does not have a sister, but reveals it on a video about who brett keane is, and have no relation to the video. Which is where the incest jokes come in.

TL;DR: Smugfag needs to learn English, satire, and the basics of a wiki.

[edit] A Winrar is You

Lulz, guess what? When every other video site doesn't work out for you and your support and views have become shit, what do you do? That's right! You make your very own website! Actually, you have a friend make your very own website. Actually, you have your friend make a channel for your very own website. Actually, you have your friend create a channel with your name on it for a corporate website and call it yours. YAY!!!

[edit] Season 3

OH NO GUYS, GUESS WHO!? Yep, Goronchev. After claiming in his last ED video that he wasn't going to make a new video on ED because we "are not worth his time" he makes another 7 minute video DESTROYING ED, LoL! I can't wait for Video 3!

[edit] He destroys ED... again

Another "Intellectual Cockmate". Yeah, the comments, responses, and everything are disabled.

Disregard the fact that he's already won "Dipshit of the Year" award for getting a hat with his fucking YouTube username on it, which automatically is the biggest example of fail. In this video, Ron intellectually checkmates himself by stating that ED selectively targets minority vloggers. He says verbatim that AND I QUOTE "They will hurl racial epithets at minority vloggers, but I've never seen them do that to white vloggers...They most certainly do NOT treat all equally". This is stupid on so many levels that's it's tough to know where to begin. First of all, anybody that's been on YouTube longer than 2 minutes will notice that it has about 5 minority vloggers, total. Secondly, hurling racial epithets at a white person is about as effective as fighting fatness with cheeseburgers. Third, you're reading an article that "targets" a white vlogger right fucking now. Fourthly, he repeatedly states "they leave people's phone numbers and addresses up for days" without realizing that Encyclopedia Dramatica is a wiki. Also, he says "what's gayer than a man trying to find another man's address?" which means that every single man on Earth who has ever tried to get a friend or family member's address is gay. His dad has probably tried to find someone's address at least once, which means he is gay...he may also have tried to find the address of someone in his family, which means he's an incestuous fag. Smugfag "personally" thinks that racist jokes aren't funny. He obviously believes that his opinion of comedy represents everyone's on the planet. If Smugfag doesn't think it's funny, it isn't. Also, is that enormous zit on his lower cheek bothering anyone else? srsly.

0:50-1:01 - Goronchev looking back on the good old days. 6:29 - lol What friends?

TL;DW VERSION: lols, look at the fuckin Eazy-E hat and chain. Also he has a fancy accent.

Plus: lewolsolz 0 friends.

[edit] SEASON 4?

An e-battle appears:

Smugfag Vs BigAl.

The following was copied-pasted from BigAl's deviantart page.

*Click to collapse* *Click to expand text* 0

[edit] Not Gay

As mentioned previously, Goronchev is rather insecure about himself. One of the major insecurities he faces is his sexuality. While one can clearly determine from his steroid body suit and overall personality that he possesses traits similar to that of a typical fudge-packer, Goronchev uses his incredible wit to lie about it. Why else would a self-proclaimed heterosexual feel the need to constantly validate this point to random people on the interweb? (See:Gorgeous George)

“	I LOVE VAGINA & BREASTS, and I'm straighter than a laser (Hopefully, that will reduce the number of gay perverts after me)	„
—Methinks Goronchev doth protest too much

“	my dick is actually just long enough for me to get my tongue on it without too much effort	„
—Smugfag, remarking on his favorite activity.

Smugfag apparently has a girlfriend, and states that according to HOTorNOT, she is a 10/107.1/10*. 10/10 on the fugly scale is moar like it. It is possible that she's MTF.

To keep with his denial of his homosexuality, Goronchev likes to make videos talking about how he had epic sex with various lolis and how they really enjoyed it. All of his totally true sex stories are usually humorous, which is strange because sex is only hilarious when it involves clowns.

Using THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION, Goronchev took his heterosexuality to new heights of faggotry. Women and men everywhere can now laugh at his pathetic deviant sexual fantasies, upon which they told him to STFU and GTFO and he was subsequently chased back to his hugbox to escape the evil internet whores.

*HOTorNOT uses a regulation system that accounts for half of the graph, making the results seem bigger than they actually are. Smugdyke is really a 3.5! Lulz!

On February 27th, 2008 at approximately 10:15 PM EST, Goronchev was spotted in the CAM or GTFO chatroom of Stickam.com. At this time, he openly made a challenge towards a female member concerning his superiority over females in giving oral stimulation of the penis. This further supports Goronchev's quest in proving that he is not gay.

[edit] Things Smugfag has claimed to have done

• Be fitter than the entire US marine corps[5]
• "Nearly killing a hardcore thug"[6]
• Beating up 30 guys at the same time [7]
• Getting job offers from YouTube [8]
• Intellectually check-mating us [9]
• Had sex. Like, more than once. [10]
• Having a "larger than average penis". Seriously. [11]
• Made disguisting sex with BigGayAl, his no.1 internet lover [12](DISREGARD THAT THEY HAD A LOVERS QUARREL AND ARE NOW IN INTERNET BATTLE MODE)

[edit] Say Something Worthwhile

Goronchev thinks using words that he thinks are big will fool people into believing that his childish insults are insightful arguments. These "arguments" make up half of his videos, in which he also brags about his 1337 skillz, IRL.

When hes not spewing insults, he states the obvious.

This guy is deep!!!

[edit] Pedophilia

Recently, Goronchev admitted to raeping kids.

His words, not ours.

“	I really jack off with 11 year old boys while ABBA is playing in the background...	„

[edit] Goronchev is Bothered by Hypocrisy

Goronchev is bothered by, and Intellectual Checkmated by Hypocrisy.

Clearly, as he is bothered by hypocrisy while at the same time practicing it, he has only one option.

AND IT DOESN'T END THERE. IT DOESN'T END THERE. Goronchev haet Hypocrisy even moar:

The video Goronchev doesn't want you to see. The proof of his Gay Pedophilia:

hes a sicko

[edit] Myths About Goronchev

Myth: "Goronchev doesn't work for his parents" This one is false. Goronchev actually caught his cancer from his dead mother (Lulz, Smugfag haets when u insult his condition). So because he is a sex slave to his father, he stays there and works.

Myth: "Goronchev actually had sex this one time" This is also false. He is a ginger and they only reproduce by mitosis, not meiosis. So scientifically it's impossible if a woman were to say, be lured into his hive, he couldn't do much more than maybe show her his dildo.

Myth: "Goronchev is NOT a gay pedophile" This one is also false. We have the pictures, videos, and eye witness testimonies to prove it. Click here to see it.

Myth: "Goronchev isn't sick" The fact of the matter is that he is. He is suffering from leukemia and is slowly but surely losing his hair. Without his hat he looks like Frankenstein/That Bald Rapist in Prison. Though he said we cannot remove him from the internets, his cancer will surely can.

Myth: "Goronchev has a dick" This one is empirically untrue. Looking at his blog we see that he used a dildo to fake his penis length. Obviously, pics or it didn't happen.

Myth: "Goronchev cares about black people" This is not true. Lets look at a few quotes from his posted youtube vids:

“	A half ape, half human creature devolved from chimpanzees, who eats fried chicken, watermelon, and collared greens, write songs about raping white woman and stealing welfare checks from grandmothers...Niggers are lazy, dumb, and worst of all smell after taking a shower...Jews are a subhuman species...Jews did the World Trade Center attacks...I have no penis	„
—Smugfag

Myth: "Goronchev haets us" Not true, look at this quote:

“	Everything here is true, I approve of it, and I really am a gay pedo	„
—Smugfag/Goronchev

[edit] Dr. Anonymous Weighs In

“	From an entirely psychological standpoint, all of his arguments just go to show how intellectually and physically inferior he feels to other people, as demonstrated by his need to go out of his way to try to outperform the "best" he can find at everything. "I want to feel good about my body. Who is the strongest guy I can outperform?" USMC Recruits. "I didn't say I could outperform the entire USMC. I just went to the USMC recruiting station and did 26 pull-ups; more than any of them could do." Not that he had any intention of actually *joining* the USMC, just needed to reassure himself that he was physically superior than everyone around him. As a note... Recruits? "Recruit" is military terminology for "a civilian who will soon be joining the military." I.E. He beat a bunch of guys straight off the street, who had not been to Boot Camp yet. They were likely fresh out of HS. To address his need to defend his phallic aptitudes: when you defend your PENIS by citing a statistic, it just shows how insecure you are about it. Yes, every guy gets insecure about how long or thick his PENIS is at least once. Totally normal. But to say, "My PENIS is ABOVE average" is just stating that either: 1. I believe everything my girlfriend says to me. 2. I looked up average PENIS size on the internet and compared mine to it. 3. I stood in the men's restroom and checked out people's dicks. I admit to doing #2- mostly because I know you can't place much faith in #1, and #3 will get you beaten up. If 4.25" is 'average', then 'above average' is anything above 4.25. Even 4.26. Whoopty-fucking-doo. Congratulations, smugfag. On one further note; you said, and I quote, "just because you perhaps can't get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse doesn't mean it's that way for all of us." Now, what the fuck? Does this statement provide that fallingcryss, MagicalSexZebra, ae16weirdo and the rest of those beasty bitches were found in Tijuana whorehouses? Furthermore, his need to go out of his way to put everyone he meets into "intellectual checkmate" just further demonstrates his intellectual inferiority complex.	„
—Anonymous

[edit] Smugfag appears on Fox 11 Los Angeles....

Goronchev was recently on Faux News to discuss cyber-bullying and Anonymous. He is now an "expert" on cyberbullying. Smugfag gets about 9 seconds worth of face-time. He earlier promoted his television premiere on his Jewtube and suggested that perhaps the Fox people would post the rest of his interview on the website.

Remember bulling is rabbit on the internets.

In one of his videos bragging about this incredible feat, he claims that he was "chosen" do an interview, despite the fact that Fox asks people to call in to be screened for these interviews.

WARNING: SMUGFAG IS THE LEADING CORRESPONDENT ON FOX NEWS FOR CYBERBULLYING. HE WAS ON THERE FOR 16 SECONDS (9 SECONDS SPEAKING), EVEN THOUGH HE SHOT OVER 1 HOUR OF FOOTAGE THAT FOX NEVER USED. HE IS BETTER THAN YOU FOR BEING ON FAUX NEWS. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE NEWS? [13]

LOL removed from youtube for cyberbulling [14]

[edit] ...but was it really his debut?

YOU be the judge:

1) Watch the smash-hit of summer 2007, "Anon vs. Faux News" again [15]

2) Pay particular attention to the leet haXXor in silhouette at 1:45, 1:57 ("they get what they call 'lulz'..." NOTE THE SMUG PRONUNCIATION!!!) and 3:02

3) EYE SPY BASEBALL CAP AND COLLARED SHIRT! - official uniform of the International Association of Smugfags, as shown in his armada of motherfucking YouTube videos.

4) Watch the 2008 cult classic "Brett Keane interviews Goronchev" (only the first 30 seconds, it's a fucking epic a la Battlefield Earth otherwise) [16]

5) Note this delicious nugget of dialogue:

• SMUGFAG: Rupert Murduch is all over this sweet, young, tight ass, yes indeed.
• KEANE: So what exactly is the Fox News going to be doing with you, bro?
• SMUGFAG: Yeah, well here's the deal: we already did a thing. You may not know this, but...

In conclusion - it's him. Amirite or amirite?

[edit] Goronchev Haet Anonymous :(

Goronchev, noticing his subscription count is failing, as well as the fact that shitty youtube profiles get as much views as him, has decided to leech off Anon's popularity like one certain faggot recently.

Goatse is more interesting that this 17-minute long video rant.

Overall, his video reeks of defense mechanisms a 12 year old on the playground could spot out. Such as "I NOT GHEY, UR GHEY FUR TRYING 2 DOX ME". The other alternative in his mind is that "OMG THEY TRY TO KILL ME, I HAS GUNS", but fails to realize that doxing is for lulz. He curses in weird places in order to seem "mature", but anyone with a brain can see through this.

So, in conclusion, Goronchev has jumped the Shark literally in this video [17] and even brags about it on his shitty websites. So, INTELLECTUAL CHECKMATE GORONCHEV.

[edit] Gallery

Intellectual Checkmate is now a meme.		HOLY SHIT! IT IS!
Fgt is losing his hair lol.	Dressed like a geisha (Moar liek GAY-sha, amirite?)	34 on Smugfag	VICTIM
Smugdyke, Smugfag's 10/10 MTF "girlfriend"	Smugfag: Uses people like a condom.	Goronchev using a dildo to fool people to believing his dick is hueg.	Yeah...
Supergay!	The losing black piece fits him so well.	Hitting on the ladies again with your A-Z scale huh?	Shopped version of Smuggod.
RESEMBLANCE.

[edit] External Links

• Smugfag's Official Website
• Smugfag's MySpace
• Smugfag's OTHER MySpayce Lol private
• Smugfag's Stickam
• Smugfag's OTHER Stickam made to hide from anon
• Smugfag's 3rd Stickam profile made to hide from himself
• Smugfag's YouTube
• Smugfag's OTHER YouTube Lol suspended
• Spoof YouTube created by a /b/tard Suspended
• Smugfag's "secret" account. Posing as anonymous and failing at it.
• Smugfag's LiveVideo
• yourvision.magnify.net LOL CHECK THIS OUT: his failed video site
• Goronchev's Gayspot He intentionally left comments enabled for people to flame, because he gets jewgold from google for each visit. Make sure you use an adblocker.
• Smugfag's Community College, made of fail and AIDSDidn't go to College, OH LAWD!
• Whining about High School Lol private
• [18][19][20] Smugfag declaring war on various chans ZOMG Private? How are we going to stroke your e-peen now???
• Smugfag on FOX11 NEWS He calls himself a 'victim'.
• Where he hides when people piss him off

[edit] See Also

• TheSockDetective
• MrFetch
• Unwarranted self-importance
• Internet tough guy
• Not Gay
• Lolcow
• Asking for it
• GreenTeaGirlie
• Kbob08
• Ugly
• Pedophile
• Failure
• Idiot

	Intellectual Checkmate is part of a series on YouTube
	Visit the YouTube Portal for complete coverage.

Intellectual Checkmate is part of a series on the *Chans

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