Intellectual Checkmate
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit User_Talk:Goronchev.
| —Goronchev |
| Any insults or criticisms made toward this user will immediately be argued in an eight-minute long YouTube video where the word "destroyed" will be used at least 30 times. |
Goronchev (aka Smugfag, MrThreePercent, Ron Lamp, Andy Ross and "Two-Tug Ron") is a 27-year-old, short, skinny, racist, balding, homosexual, steroid-abusing Angelino pedophile attention whore, who has fucked up abs, and is a bitch with an impossibly small, concave dick who lives with and works for his parents dad (Mom died of Cancer - lulz) as a Virginbus technician. Smugfag realized that the only way he could make friends IRL would be to make extremely shitty tl;dw videos of him talking about his scripted-out sexual fantasies which he likes to pretend are true. He also think that the internet is serious business.
Some would argue that he is the greatest troll known to Anon, if that same person were retarded and used the length of someone's ED article as a measure for how much said person had managed to troll sucessfully (which is probably a fairly good idea)
Smugfag is exactly like every other camwhore on the internets, only he receives the vaunted ability "Intellectual Checkmate", despite the fact that noone understands what it is. He hates Jesus and makes claims saying that God created gay people for him to have a meatswing with.
[edit] Season 1
Smugfag appeared on 4chan in June of 2007 when a video of him was posted on /b/ in which he claimed victory over the "misc. section". Paranoid baby Anonimii ceased fapping to delicious caek long enough to gangraep his Youtube with negative feedback, video responses, and mash their keyboards to produce spam comments (Consisting of DESU DESU DESU in natural /b/tard fashion). As things turned out he was actually attacking the Misc. section at bodybuilding.com. Smugfag's attack on the Misc. section described his "intellectual checkmate" of Misc. by "using them like a condom" [1]. /b/ was slow to realize that they were not his target and initially believed this was an insult, albeit a hilariously inept one, and this explains the initial fury of /b/. [2]. Even after the mistake was discovered, the attacks continued as his smugness made him an instant hit with /b/tards, who enjoyed making fun of his balding head, childlike voice, and ridiculous claims about his sex life and intellectual abilities.
After Goronchev was suspended he continued with his spurious claims as MrThreePercent (Named after his penis size, which is 97% smaller than average). He began to make moar videos about the imaginary groups of beautiful women driving miles across the continent to harness his man-meat [3]; this is how he compensates for having a small penis, and being a basement-dwelling hermit.
He also obsesses about his body, despite the fact that he has a perfectly round, balding, childlike head. [4]
On a Stickam session June 21st, 2007, Smugfag admitted to having a bestiality fetish, and a particular fondness for horse cocks. He also claimed to have an 8 and 3/4 inch penis, which he refused to show on camera because he's a lying piece of shit. During the session, he claimed to be talking to two German girls who had had sex with her uncle's horse at his farm, and another who apparently licked her own clitoris on camera. Since the Stickam session was friends only, pics or it didn't happen applies. Smugfag notably said that 4chan would pay thousands of dollars to view the horse sex videos. This is the first known time Smugfag has acknowledged /b/.
[edit] Kbob08 Controversy
A YouTube user named Kbob08 used to plague Goronchev with video responses. Once upon a time, ALL of Kbob's videos were video responses to Goronchev with the exception of his very first video which was just a retarded blob of fail where he showed his bad taste in games. One day, feeling daring, Kbob decided to flame Goronchev using a video response. This prompted Goronchev to man the harpoons and ended their relationship. Goronchev thoroughly "skewered and exposed" Kbob in a video response to a video response for his video, or some shit nobody cares about. Kbob deleted all Goronchev-related videos when TwinsanityNtranced was bashing on Kbob about being an attention leech.
As a tribute to their once strong gay relationship, Goronchev still keeps his Kbob related videos uploaded for lulz at the expense of his internet stalker. This victory by Goronchev only served to increase his already inflated ego and HUEG sense of unwarrented self-importance.
The war on Smugfag eventually faded into nothing as Smugfag disappeared slowly from the internet and /b/ moved on to newer targets.
[edit] P-P-P-Powerword!
Smugfag's name is Andy Ross? Oh the wonder of Facebook. This was discovered by "Some faggot on youtube," as Goronchev puts it.
[edit] Season 2
Then in October, he returned! Based primarily in his revived Goronchev account, Smugfag immediately declared war upon 4chan, 420chan, and all the other chans. He declared that he was chargin his lazer after a year of sleeping with his head on his cock and his cock up his ass, he awoke from his slumber with revenge points upwards of 9000.
His first move was to declare his superiority over /b/ and his empire over YouTube. In his words, "Season 2" will be a massacre of /b/ and he will avenge the old goatse /b/ accidentally mistook for him, simply by the equal full-body condom size.
He later admitted his mother is dead. "This was probably suicide caused by the realization that she had given birth to such a grotesque creature instead of letting the doctor falcon punch her when he revealed that the baby might have a hazardous amount of smug cells," Dr. Anonymous states.
[edit] ED is Racist? LOL WUT
ITV, faggots complain about ED.
| —Goronchev talking about his voyeurism |
| —Goronchev @ 3:54 |
| —Goronchev @ 7:17, likening himself to The Giver |
| STOP. 'BIG ASS WORDS AHEAD IN THESE VIDEOS' |
Goronchev is Moar Racist
| —Goronchev @ 7:13 |
| —Goronchev talking about his Love Of The Smell and Taste of Shit, and The Challenge of Talking with it in your Mouth |
Here is a list of facts from this video.
- Smugfag has the ability to read Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- After 20000 times he finally succeeded at not laughing when saying: Nigga or alternatively, Nigger is a term of endearment for the half-ape, half-human creatures devolved from chimpanzees who eat fried chicken, watermelons and collard greens, write songs about raping white women and stealing welfare checks from invalid grandmothers so they can pretend they bought those plastic spinning hubcaps they stole from other niggers to pimp out their stolen 1974 Cadillacs. Niggers are lazy, dumb, and most of all, they smell even after taking a shower.
- The only thing smaller than a Jew's penis is a negro's "To Do" list
- The only thing on a negro's "To Do" list is a Jew's small penis
- Jews did WTC
- Someone whose primary source of income is performing menial chores around the house has time too precious to waste on ED.
- Even the intellectually superior can sometimes miss the point.
- Smugfag has won teh internets.
- smugfags ego is longer than long cat.
- To make thing fair for Goronchev I have included what he has to say on the matter.
- He says he is not 27 years old but 15 years old.
- He says that he is not a gay paedophile but a paedophile and a gay.
- He say he pretends to rape girls 10 years younger then him, not to just have sex with them.
- He says his that his IQ is 26 instead of 25.
- He says he like dog ass not horse cock.
- He says that not all girls hate him if say count the ones who don’t know him.
- He says that he work for and lives with his sister not his parents.
- He says he did not beat down 30 guys at once he raped more than 30 boys over the last year.
- He says he does not have a sister, but reveals it on a video about who brett keane is, and have no relation to the video. Which is where the incest jokes come in.
TL;DR: Smugfag needs to learn English, satire, and the basics of a wiki.
[edit] A Winrar is You
Lulz, guess what? When every other video site doesn't work out for you and your support and views have become shit, what do you do? That's right! You make your very own website! Actually, you have a friend make your very own website. Actually, you have your friend make a channel for your very own website. Actually, you have your friend create a channel with your name on it for a corporate website and call it yours. YAY!!!
[edit] Season 3
OH NO GUYS, GUESS WHO!? Yep, Goronchev. After claiming in his last ED video that he wasn't going to make a new video on ED because we "are not worth his time" he makes another 7 minute video DESTROYING ED, LoL! I can't wait for Video 3!
[edit] He destroys ED... again
Another "Intellectual Cockmate". Yeah, the comments, responses, and everything are disabled.
Disregard the fact that he's already won "Dipshit of the Year" award for getting a hat with his fucking YouTube username on it, which automatically is the biggest example of fail. In this video, Ron intellectually checkmates himself by stating that ED selectively targets minority vloggers. He says verbatim that AND I QUOTE "They will hurl racial epithets at minority vloggers, but I've never seen them do that to white vloggers...They most certainly do NOT treat all equally". This is stupid on so many levels that's it's tough to know where to begin. First of all, anybody that's been on YouTube longer than 2 minutes will notice that it has about 5 minority vloggers, total. Secondly, hurling racial epithets at a white person is about as effective as fighting fatness with cheeseburgers. Third, you're reading an article that "targets" a white vlogger right fucking now. Fourthly, he repeatedly states "they leave people's phone numbers and addresses up for days" without realizing that Encyclopedia Dramatica is a wiki. Also, he says "what's gayer than a man trying to find another man's address?" which means that every single man on Earth who has ever tried to get a friend or family member's address is gay. His dad has probably tried to find someone's address at least once, which means he is gay...he may also have tried to find the address of someone in his family, which means he's an incestuous fag. Smugfag "personally" thinks that racist jokes aren't funny. He obviously believes that his opinion of comedy represents everyone's on the planet. If Smugfag doesn't think it's funny, it isn't. Also, is that enormous zit on his lower cheek bothering anyone else? srsly.
0:50-1:01 - Goronchev looking back on the good old days. 6:29 - lol What friends?
TL;DW VERSION: lols, look at the fuckin Eazy-E hat and chain. Also he has a fancy accent.
Plus: lewolsolz 0 friends.
[edit] SEASON 4?
An e-battle appears:
Smugfag Vs BigAl.
The following was copied-pasted from BigAl's deviantart page.
From my point of view, Smugfag is using fans to beat up BigAl and his rants against him. Which means Smugfag is using them like a condom. If Smugfag is so great at pwning, then why does anonymous, BigAl, other bloggers and hilarious parody videos exposed him on what he really is. Intellectual Checkmate, goronchev. Goronchev is a big pussy who acts tough on "video" only. If we were to find him suddenly, we can surround him, even if he can beat us all, over 9000 more will replace us. There has been more women on youtube who actually hate goronchev himself. Goronchev is only exposing bigal because he is a nerd that needs beating up because BigAl is standing up to some big dildo named Goronchev who cannot get the point. Awww It's alwwwright, smuggybaby.
Ahhh....E-Drama.
Can't live with it, uhhh.....THE END
Seriously, there has been a SHIT load of E-drama on Youtube.
Spax3 vs GuardianEarth
Cloud8745 vs KoiKitsune
Me vs Goronchev
Darkness vs Gamingpalooza
No matter who it is, the situation is always the same.
Person 1 hates Person 2 for some reason, so to get even, person 1 posts his/her hatred about this person for the world to see.
I have tried to remain neutral in all of these pointless battles, even the one between me and goronchev. I tried to ignore it....and we all know how THAT went.
Regarding ALL of these quarrels, I don't care who's innocent, guilty, bad, good, because as far as I'M concerned, we are ALL guilty for getting involved.
BUT...let me make one thing clear..
IF you have a personal army grudge with someone, don't fucking post it on youtube and make it everyone's problem.
If it is personal...KEEP IT THAT WAY.
This e-drama shit only happens because personal grudges become public problems that get EVERYONE involved and fuck EVERYTHING up.
Yes, i helped Guardian. Why? Because he is my friend and i trust him more than everyone else in the Spax situation.
I don't care who started the Koi/Cloud thing...they are both my friends, and i want it to be DROPPED.
As for goronchev, if he truly had a fucking problem, he would of fucking told me. He did what he did just for publicity, and that's fucking pathetic.
I only got involved in the Darkness thing for ONE bit because Gamingpalooza would NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE(Bawww, leave me alone, all you care about is the readers)- Chris Crocker style.
You think THAT shit is bad? You think THAT shit is CLOSE to being E-drama?
Try getting in MY shoes with some of this crap.
I got attacked by MY OWN fans for hating Naruto
I got attacked by MY OWN fans for hating Goku
I got attacked by MY OWN fans for disliking Lucario
I got attacked by MY OWN fans for them choosing Goronchev's bullshit story over mine, even when they never even heard MINE at the time.
I got attacked by MY OWN fans for making a video other than a rant. (Youtube is gay).
Call me selfish, but i believe that THIS is more E-Drama than the shit i see on a constant basis.
Stop the fucking drama....Solve your own disputes between YOURSELVES!
This has been brought to by the Internets Drama Corporation.
Just so you know, I have no intention making bigal look like a idiot, it's goronchev, I edited this article because it's goronchev-releated. So lulz to you all, /b/rothas. Anyway, make a article about bigal if you want, in before personal army. HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
Goronchev came on our internets in 1989, revealed on stickam tonight, when the internet was boring.
2005 is when he had phone sex with his future girlfriend. Too bad that's for loser.
Goronchev never knew what a troll was. A newfag back then.
Goronchev likes go to food hunting, still living in the stone age, aren't you?
When he could of just said "Getting out to get some food", because he can't speak normally.
He was also in rape prison for unknown nights, must of had a great time with naked niggers.
Add Goronchev on Skype, see this is really him.
His latest stickam chat video uploaded on magnify was a fan fiction story, where pretended to talk to everyone, either that, it was on private chat, no knowledge of a free active chatroom without my knowledge. I was on, and nothing was happening, because smugfag's cam was off, and a few people were there, at least that other guy up above, talked him and pwned him well.
Often he visits /b/ which he believes he is a /b/tard. Trying to make us look bad, huh, smugfag. ;) This was mentioned in his over 9000 min chat.
http://au.youtube.com/user/wolf102286 A fanboy of goronchev, who likes to cause e-drama, who wants to suck his cock Raid him.
Now on stickam, he continues to spurt out more racist slurs like niggertown. Not niggatown.
He's also wearing a shitty unknown blue hat. You always wonder if that anonymous hat stealing person did the deed?.
Plus, he does all that squinty eyed expression every time he does in his other videos. Which is annoying, and should get some sun.
He is irritated that he had no camera handy, when his girlfriend wanted a clit-piercing. Another lying misadventure from Smugfag.
He always wants to impress everyone by saying sexual things every time. And normally, he's hard for him to say any words without considering anything sexual.
He's a lazy fuck, and has no driving license, and must use buses like a old lady.
That's all I got for today.
He's a talker, not a typist. lolwut. Because he's a lazy fuck.
Just a note, try to at least view his stickam and hopefully his video in the near future to expose him so much more. Like what I'm doing, putting stuff he says and does on stickam, hurr.
[edit] Not Gay
As mentioned previously, Goronchev is rather insecure about himself. One of the major insecurities he faces is his sexuality. While one can clearly determine from his steroid body suit and overall personality that he possesses traits similar to that of a typical fudge-packer, Goronchev uses his incredible wit to lie about it. Why else would a self-proclaimed heterosexual feel the need to constantly validate this point to random people on the interweb? (See:Gorgeous George)
| —Methinks Goronchev doth protest too much |
| —Smugfag, remarking on his favorite activity. |
Smugfag apparently has a girlfriend, and states that according to HOTorNOT, she is a 10/107.1/10*. 10/10 on the fugly scale is moar like it. It is possible that she's MTF.
To keep with his denial of his homosexuality, Goronchev likes to make videos talking about how he had epic sex with various lolis and how they really enjoyed it. All of his totally true sex stories are usually humorous, which is strange because sex is only hilarious when it involves clowns.
Using THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION, Goronchev took his heterosexuality to new heights of faggotry. Women and men everywhere can now laugh at his pathetic deviant sexual fantasies, upon which they told him to STFU and GTFO and he was subsequently chased back to his hugbox to escape the evil internet whores.
*HOTorNOT uses a regulation system that accounts for half of the graph, making the results seem bigger than they actually are. Smugdyke is really a 3.5! Lulz!
On February 27th, 2008 at approximately 10:15 PM EST, Goronchev was spotted in the CAM or GTFO chatroom of Stickam.com. At this time, he openly made a challenge towards a female member concerning his superiority over females in giving oral stimulation of the penis. This further supports Goronchev's quest in proving that he is not gay.
[edit] Things Smugfag has claimed to have done
- Be fitter than the entire US marine corps[5]
- "Nearly killing a hardcore thug"[6]
- Beating up 30 guys at the same time [7]
- Getting job offers from YouTube [8]
- Intellectually check-mating us [9]
- Had sex. Like, more than once. [10]
- Having a "larger than average penis". Seriously. [11]
- Made disguisting sex with BigGayAl, his no.1 internet lover [12](DISREGARD THAT THEY HAD A LOVERS QUARREL AND ARE NOW IN INTERNET BATTLE MODE)
[edit] Say Something Worthwhile
Goronchev thinks using words that he thinks are big will fool people into believing that his childish insults are insightful arguments. These "arguments" make up half of his videos, in which he also brags about his 1337 skillz, IRL.
When hes not spewing insults, he states the obvious.
[edit] Pedophilia
Recently, Goronchev admitted to raeping kids.
His words, not ours.
[edit] Goronchev is Bothered by Hypocrisy
Goronchev is bothered by, and Intellectual Checkmated by Hypocrisy.
Clearly, as he is bothered by hypocrisy while at the same time practicing it, he has only one option.
AND IT DOESN'T END THERE. IT DOESN'T END THERE. Goronchev haet Hypocrisy even moar:
The video Goronchev doesn't want you to see. The proof of his Gay Pedophilia:
hes a sicko
[edit] Myths About Goronchev
Myth: "Goronchev doesn't work for his parents" This one is false. Goronchev actually caught his cancer from his dead mother (Lulz, Smugfag haets when u insult his condition). So because he is a sex slave to his father, he stays there and works.
Myth: "Goronchev actually had sex this one time" This is also false. He is a ginger and they only reproduce by mitosis, not meiosis. So scientifically it's impossible if a woman were to say, be lured into his hive, he couldn't do much more than maybe show her his dildo.
Myth: "Goronchev is NOT a gay pedophile" This one is also false. We have the pictures, videos, and eye witness testimonies to prove it. Click here to see it.
Myth: "Goronchev isn't sick" The fact of the matter is that he is. He is suffering from leukemia and is slowly but surely losing his hair. Without his hat he looks like Frankenstein/That Bald Rapist in Prison. Though he said we cannot remove him from the internets, his cancer will surely can.
Myth: "Goronchev has a dick" This one is empirically untrue. Looking at his blog we see that he used a dildo to fake his penis length. Obviously, pics or it didn't happen.
Myth: "Goronchev cares about black people" This is not true. Lets look at a few quotes from his posted youtube vids:
| —Smugfag |
Myth: "Goronchev haets us" Not true, look at this quote:
| —Smugfag/Goronchev |
[edit] Dr. Anonymous Weighs In
| —Anonymous |
[edit] Smugfag appears on Fox 11 Los Angeles....
Goronchev was recently on Faux News to discuss cyber-bullying and Anonymous. He is now an "expert" on cyberbullying. Smugfag gets about 9 seconds worth of face-time. He earlier promoted his television premiere on his Jewtube and suggested that perhaps the Fox people would post the rest of his interview on the website.
Remember bulling is rabbit on the internets.
In one of his videos bragging about this incredible feat, he claims that he was "chosen" do an interview, despite the fact that Fox asks people to call in to be screened for these interviews.
WARNING: SMUGFAG IS THE LEADING CORRESPONDENT ON FOX NEWS FOR CYBERBULLYING. HE WAS ON THERE FOR 16 SECONDS (9 SECONDS SPEAKING), EVEN THOUGH HE SHOT OVER 1 HOUR OF FOOTAGE THAT FOX NEVER USED. HE IS BETTER THAN YOU FOR BEING ON FAUX NEWS. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE NEWS? [13]
LOL removed from youtube for cyberbulling [14]
[edit] ...but was it really his debut?
YOU be the judge:
1) Watch the smash-hit of summer 2007, "Anon vs. Faux News" again [15]
2) Pay particular attention to the leet haXXor in silhouette at 1:45, 1:57 ("they get what they call 'lulz'..." NOTE THE SMUG PRONUNCIATION!!!) and 3:02
3) EYE SPY BASEBALL CAP AND COLLARED SHIRT! - official uniform of the International Association of Smugfags, as shown in his armada of motherfucking YouTube videos.
4) Watch the 2008 cult classic "Brett Keane interviews Goronchev" (only the first 30 seconds, it's a fucking epic a la Battlefield Earth otherwise) [16]
5) Note this delicious nugget of dialogue:
- SMUGFAG: Rupert Murduch is all over this sweet, young, tight ass, yes indeed.
- KEANE: So what exactly is the Fox News going to be doing with you, bro?
- SMUGFAG: Yeah, well here's the deal: we already did a thing. You may not know this, but...
In conclusion - it's him. Amirite or amirite?
[edit] Goronchev Haet Anonymous :(
Goronchev, noticing his subscription count is failing, as well as the fact that shitty youtube profiles get as much views as him, has decided to leech off Anon's popularity like one certain faggot recently.
Goatse is more interesting that this 17-minute long video rant.
Overall, his video reeks of defense mechanisms a 12 year old on the playground could spot out. Such as "I NOT GHEY, UR GHEY FUR TRYING 2 DOX ME". The other alternative in his mind is that "OMG THEY TRY TO KILL ME, I HAS GUNS", but fails to realize that doxing is for lulz. He curses in weird places in order to seem "mature", but anyone with a brain can see through this.
So, in conclusion, Goronchev has jumped the Shark literally in this video [17] and even brags about it on his shitty websites. So, INTELLECTUAL CHECKMATE GORONCHEV.
[edit] Gallery
Dressed like a geisha (Moar liek GAY-sha, amirite?) |
34 on Smugfag |
||
Shopped version of Smuggod. |
|||
[edit] External Links
- Smugfag's Official Website
- Smugfag's MySpace
Smugfag's OTHER MySpayceLol private- Smugfag's Stickam
- Smugfag's OTHER Stickam made to hide from anon
- Smugfag's 3rd Stickam profile made to hide from himself
- Smugfag's YouTube
Smugfag's OTHER YouTubeLol suspendedSpoof YouTube created by a /b/tardSuspended- Smugfag's "secret" account. Posing as anonymous and failing at it.
- Smugfag's LiveVideo
- yourvision.magnify.net LOL CHECK THIS OUT: his failed video site
- Goronchev's Gayspot He intentionally left comments enabled for people to flame, because he gets jewgold from google for each visit. Make sure you use an adblocker.
Smugfag's Community College, made of fail and AIDSDidn't go to College, OH LAWD!Whining about High SchoolLol private[18][19][20] Smugfag declaring war on various chansZOMG Private? How are we going to stroke your e-peen now???- Smugfag on FOX11 NEWS He calls himself a 'victim'.
- Where he hides when people piss him off
[edit] See Also
- TheSockDetective
- MrFetch
- Unwarranted self-importance
- Internet tough guy
- Not Gay
- Lolcow
- Asking for it
- GreenTeaGirlie
- Kbob08
- Ugly
- Pedophile
- Failure
- Idiot
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