Indie
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Originally short for independent music, the term indie can now, apparently, be applied to several things, like music, film, Morrissey and even software. Indie is also a subculture characterized by an obsession with indie music or art, the lesser-known the better. Indie scenewhores hunt for shitty music that nobody else knows about, because knowing of and listening to music that's completely unheard-of obviously makes them better than you. Most likely they will find this music far away from conservative eyes. The desire to be indie can appear in almost any genre of current music, but most often makes its presence known in emo and punk communities as well as on LJ and other internets sites. 100% of indie music is made by pasty, talentless white guys who think they are revolutionizing the world with their shit.
Normally prancing around in the night club, indie scenewhores dress like tramps and grow their hair really long. Please do not be encouraged to give them money. They are not poor or deprived, but merely have a mental disorder. It is best to tell them to contact the Salvation Army or Samaritans for clothing and counseling. It is often hard to distinguish between a female indie scenewhore and a male indie scenewhore. It is also best to conclude that guys with the medium length layered hair are fags. They have it because it makes them an INDIVIDUAL and because every other indie fag does, because Bright Eyes looks soooo stylish. They also frequently use the word "sellout", as a way to BAWWWWWWWWW! and sound cool as they do it.
PROTIP: Indie can also apply to games.
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Indie Is Totally A Genre
Many pretentious fucks would proclaim that indie is not a genre of music but an attitude or some crap like that. This is a lie. The truth is that all indie bands sing about toasters, wear Chuck Taylors, stand around looking "random," make vague historical references in order to seem intelligent, frequently use the term post-modern, and have at least one member playing a fucked-up instrument like an electric accordion so they can be "different." Along with spelling "color" with a "u", realizing that indie is a genre is one of many things British people do to piss Americans off. Another is putting Oasis in said genre (why not? Oasis are shit too).
Indie subgenres include:
- Riotgrrl - Possibly the stupidest name of a genre of all time (Grrl, get it? GET IT???), combines the crappiness of punk with the stupidity of feminism. Also played mostly by girls, and everybody knows that silly girls can't play rock music! So stop it already!
- Post-punk revival - A revival of a shitty, minimalist genre from the 80's that no one cared about. Examples of post-punk revival bands include, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, Interpol, ETC. You can usually hear this drivel on the radio, or in a gay porn flick about Thai ass fuckers living in the center of the Earth. Although Bloc Party would like you to believe that their music belongs in various high art indie flicks
Do remember it's not only the music, but it's the people too: indie kids are smugfags who hate everyone who isn't like them; they will embrace any kind of shit music. What a bunch of boring bastards.
Ex-Chav Indie
It is likely that when Chavs grow out of being cuntish urbanites, they become cuntish arrogant indiefags. This is an event that is usually triggered by over exposure to MySpace whores. The transformation is a gradual process that takes place in the following 4 steps.
- 1 - The Chav transforms from wearing gray pajamas and fake gold chains to wearing slightly baggy jeans and pink and blue stripy smart-casual shirts.
- 2 - The Chav hides his collection of R&B and Rap CDs under his bed.
- 3 - The Chav ceases to pointlessly hang around outside McDonald’s on a Saturday night - this is replaced with an indie trip to the cinema to watch a poofy film about a gay bank robber (probably staring Ben Stiller ).
- 4 - The Chav is no longer a Chav. He is now a qualified Indie.
The reaction from onlookers usually remains the same after the transition.
When the subject is a Chav, the reaction is 'What a Cunt.'
When the subject is an Indie, the reaction is 'What a Cunt.'
Seminal Indie Bands
- Pixies - Has a girl bassist. Noisy rants about space and incest from the guy who shot John Lennon. The inspiring force behind Nirvana and Sonic Youth.
- Radiohead - A shitty, whining loser band, for people who would really like to think they have good and unique taste in music just because they realize Coldplay sucks, but can't bring themselves to listen to anything that's not pretty and properly pop. The fans are all cunts that believe Radiohead to be "experimental" and "avant-garde".
- Animal Collective - boring acid head white bread midwesterner music that tries to stand out by incorporating vaguely jungle nigra sounds so they can claim to have "African influences"
- My Bloody Valentine - A detailed musical sex diary of two ugly gingers in Dublin during the 1980's. Naturally, this makes indiefucks worship them. They pioneered Shoegazing, a genre of music that only fags enjoy.
- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Has a wailing hag as a singer, also a carbon copy of no wave band "Teenage Jesus and the Jerks" which is headed by the most retarded person in American history, Lydia Lunch
- Modest Mouse - Their only claim to fame is having stolen Johnny Marr from his own personal retarded projects. Their fans are too busy bitching about how they went downhill. Their fans are right.
- Muse - Radiohead songs with guitar solos and shitty vocals, so naturally they outsell their superiors.
- Fleet Foxes - Remember Napoleon Dynamite's uncle who wanted to go back in time to the 80's? This is a band comprised of people exactly like that, except they want to go back to the 70s because marijuana was cheaper and being a hippie didn't just mean you bought a tie dyed shirt at Target and people were more impressed by unoriginal acoustic jamming (due to the aforementioned abundant cheap marijuana.)
- Moldy Peaches - Ever try to record a song on your computer for a band you were in Last Thursday with horrible results? If so, you may have been in the Moldy Peaches. Famous for having one of their shit songs in a shit movie; they basically capture the whole shitty 'underground indie' movement: horrible songs recorded in a shed. The liner notes of their only album admits it.
- Joy Division- A harbinger of the shitstorm of miserable goth poetry to come, this was punk for punks who couldn't even make friends with other punks. Sounds like a cheap Jim Morrison wannabe singing to an even cheaper primitive drum machine. Most famous for the lead singers tragic death.
- The Gossip - Has a horribly fat bitch as a singer 'Beth Ditto', who once said in an interview she doesn't wear deodorant because punks don't wear deodorant and she is a punk! Then she complained about Hot Topic not stocking clothes her size. She is horribly obese, stinks, and worse, gets naked at shows. She also sings about feminism. Wat.
- Sufjan Stevens - Makes songs that sound so compressed and minimalistic they sound more like Mobile phone ringtones than actual songs. Also looks like the retard from Rain Man.
- Slint - Slint's music is called 'math rock' because it uses 'compound time signatures'. Not interested? Neither was most of the rest of the world, but indie kids will repeatedly try to talk to you about Slint's time signatures. If you actually listen to a Slint song you will realize it sounds like Indie's attempt at heavy metal: a lame, watered down, intellectualized version of what was dog turd in the beginning. Slint are also responsible for post-rock in the same way that Trent Reznor is probably in a large way responsible for the dire modern angst-rock fad: thanks a lot, guys.
- The Smiths - The Smiths contain not one but two huge indie fuck-head icons - Johnny Marr and Morrissey. Marr, the guitarist, was praised for writing rhythm guitar parts any retard could come up with (wow chord sequences!!) but then playing them with a hundred guitars so you just get a synth-esque orchestral mush in the background of any Smiths song. Wow, that's talent! Morrissey is basically responsible for making it cool for Indie kids to whine, which allowed emo influence to slowly creep into the genre, which finally resulted in emo/indie shit such as Fallout Boy and My Chemical Romance. The Smiths themselves, while nothing in shittiness compared to these bands, were just samey boring 80s pop music with pretensions towards art and plenty of allusions to homosexuality. Emos don't actually listen to The Smiths; the fat middle-aged mothers of emos do.
- Sonic Youth - Sonic Youth make shitty noise by sticking screwdrivers in their guitars and having a woman singer, and then call it avant-garde so it appeals to art college kids that desparately want to fit in and stand out at the same time. Only heard on college radio by deaf listeners. They also say that they listen to Alice Cooper and Frank Zappa but everyone knows that's a bunch of bullshit. Did I mention they like Noise?, a genre that IS ACTUALLY JUST LOUD, SHITTY NOISE? Also, you can't miss an art faggot who claims they are there biggest admiration/infulence. One lulzy game to play is thus: find an indiefuck that insists that Sonic Youth are better than X for never selling out, then kindly remind them that they are only avant-inspired alt. rock because the record label wouldn't let them perform actual avant-garde music.
- Pavement - A lame rip-off of a post-punk band called The Fall who taped all their music with shitty equipment. Since Pavement, Indie kids have learnt to basically choose a famous band and rip them off. And also to use shitty equipment. It is seriously seen as beneficial in the indie community to use equipment that produces poor quality recordings, probably to cover up poor-quality music.
- Candle - Some whiny jackoff who has a band name but is really only one guy. His music sounds like a cross between the sound of one taking a shit and vomiting at the exact same time. You may think that sounds cool, but in reality being subjected to this shit may qualify as torture...or baby fuck.
- The Cribs - Notable for stealing the master indiefuck Johnny Marr from Modest Mouse, and also singing predominantly about how scensters suck, therefore alienating their own fanbase.
- Elephant 6 - Not a band but a "collective" of bands (indie kids also tend to be communist cunts), Elephant 6 took queues from Pavement by basically producing rip-off bands. Of Montreal are Elephant 6's rip off of The Kinks and The Beach Boys (though more recently with dance music influence because the singer takes it up the ass); Apples In Stereo are a very very shitty watered down version of The Beatles in their psychedelic phase (Strawberry Fire is practically the same song as Strawberry Fields); and Neutral Milk Hotel are shitty regurgitated folk music with naff trumpet solos.
- The White Stripes - Sometime last Thursday, some skinny 40-year-old hipster and his wife/sister failed to learn how to tune or play their instruments. They recorded a bunch of cacophonous screaming and indiscriminate drum-bashing to a music video of Legos masturbating and were an overnight success.
- The Arctic Monkeys - since their arrival on the music scene they have done nothing but fuck up the minds of every child that was before noted as musically retarded. As once this charming, overly indie band arrived, all of a sudden these once confused and lost children felt they had found God's gift to their ears. Henceforth, the Arctic Monkeys became their saviors, and (of course) the 'best band in the world' leaving the indiekids to walk around the world like they owned it in their sexy pointy shoes. Arctic Monkeys are a prime example of a band that just won't fuck off. Also, their record company tries to take their albums down when they are placed on the internets.
- Hellogoodbye - Sometimes confused between emo and indie, basically they combined the worst of both worlds, they are a lame bunch of gays who think they can make people think their straight by singing love songs, Forrest Kline is a complete and utter gay! Basically they are a very crappy 'indie' band, they should be banned from touring playing on the radio and television, one of the worst bands of the moment.
- Beck - Some rich art school kid with the vocal range of a 80 year old chain smoker. Apparently he raps too. Also a second generation $cientologist.
- Bright Eyes - Remember that time where you got bullied on the playground? Conor Oberst got bullied more. Remember that time where you tried to hang yourself in the shower stall of your dormitory? Conor Oberst tried that and failed - twice. Remember when your uncle made you give him a blow job while you were going through a car wash? Nobody could hear Conor Oberst either, but he cried longer and harder. Bright Eyes exemplifies all there is to hate about indie and emo music. But, if you dare question his "aptitude as an artist" to anybody between the ages of 15 and 30 be prepared for a stroll through living hell. We all know sounding like you have cerebral palsy when you sing is deep AND hip, as Bright Eyes has sculpted the woeful, pissy singer facade quite well. To quote another indie band, (NO WAI) Cursive, Bright Eyes can be summed up in simple lyrics, "Well here we go again, the art of acting weak,fall in love to fail to boost your CD sales". Strange, the two bands come from the same label, Saddle Creek, which is about the most obnoxious thing to come out of Nebraska since... oh wait, it's the only thing to come out of fucking Nebraska. Ever. Jesus fuck.
- Death Cab for Cutie - If you've ever wondered what your friend's fat little brother would sound like if you gave him a record contract and a recording booth, this could be it. Take a look at lead singer Ben Gibbard and tell me he does not look like Corey Feldman from when he was in that movie Stand By Me. He is in competition with Conor Oberst for the worst childhood prize. As for the actual music, they have better things than the ultimate sap song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark", which is apparently about some fat kids girlfriend becoming an hero.
- The Decemberists - While their lead guitarist was in a guitar off with Stephen Colbert, this does not keep from the fact that their ultra-literate pretentious douchebags who whip out even the most obscurest of vocab words to impress their fans. Who, in turn, use said vocab words in attempts to impress others, which in turn results with their asses getting beat. And Accordion is the worst instrument of all time.
- The Mars Volta - This piece of shit "progressive rock" excuse for a group of total assholes raping instruments have a talent for pissing people off in ways emo bands have failed at doing for years. They combine shitty riffs with a filter making the guitar sound as if one were getting raped in the ear by Michael Jackson and a sandpaper condom and a singer that may as well be Michael Jackson raping your ear with a sandpaper condom, as his incoherent squealing is comparable to what I imagine would be Jackson jacking off on a microphone trying to record an emergency siren. This predictability goes on for ten minutes per each track on any given album by then. Forget the meaningless, opaque lyrics, you can't understand them (and not just because half the time they're in some random, incomprehensible dialect) and forget the sudden key, tempo, and style changes; you'll be busy burning the record by the time those kick in.
- The Microphones - White noise with a hint of craptacular ambiance, that supposedly tells a story throughout their entire albums, but fails to keep the listener interested when the first 5 minutes of their album Mount Eerie is static and bongos. Literally. It sounds like you're listening to a scratched CD.
- Mirah - Super Jewbag (Mirah Yom Tov Zeitlyn - oy fuckin' GEVAULT, I was not lying.) indie woman creature whose songs are just screaming to be put on a soundtrack for the next big indie film, which will stop being big once the indiefucks who go to see it realize that it's gaining popularity and thus losing it's novelty. At least all her shit doesn't sound similar. Sort of like if you tripped acid and woke up on a steam powered paddleboat being fucked to consciousness by it's captain. That's different too.
- Editors - PROTIP: Editors come from a totally unknown town called Stafford, in the middle of the shittest part of England. If they wanted to be "indie and small-time and obscure" they would've stayed there, surely? No, they pretend to be from one of the biggest and most well known cities in Britainland. The band that one pimply desperate-to-be indie girl you know is always listening to on her Ipod while she sits on the bus (as she looks out the window and wishes she could be more like Juno). The one that only she knows about, and prides herself on that fact (despite the fact that they're not nearly as obscure in England as they are in America). Go to their Myspace and just attempt to argue the fact that all their songs don't sound the same. No srsly, do it.
- The Strokes - The Strokes are not indie. The Strokes are Car Commercial Rock. The music that they play in car commercials.
- The Boredoms - Like Sonic Youth only they speak Wapanese. The most overrated Indie band in history. This band is only listened to by weeaboo retirees and Azn indiefucks. Most of it is just a bunch of shitty guitar playing accompanied by stupid noises that sound like monkey's in heat for an attempt at being original. AND OMG THEY LYKE HAVE TWO DRUMMERS! Therapeutic music for those with Asperger's syndrome and the deaf.
- The Postal Service - An electronically amped version of Death Cab for Cutie. It's pretty much the same fuckin' band with the same singer, except far more coked up.
Sort of sounds like if you took a Super Nintendo and forced it to have sex with Death Cab For Cutie.This is EXACTLY what happened: see picture on right. Also, "We Will Be Come Silhouettes" was also in a car commercial, so technically they are no longer indie and fall into the same genre as The Strokes. Also the song "Such Great Heights" was in an insurance company commercial. Or a delivery commercial. I don't know i forget. They're a faggot electronic band, ok? - Arcade Fire - A Canadian quintet of at least 100 people whose over 9000 rotating members are obviously trolled in high-school. Their gimmick is to prove that they are musically virtuous by swapping instruments (the tambourine-player sometimes plays the triangle, the male who plays drums becomes the lead singer and the guy who was playing the "My First Casio" vintage keyboard maniacally strums the four remaining acoustic guitars while the others (Jesus Christ, there are at least 100 people onstage) furiously dance Quaker-style to the at least 100 violins. As a result, you can't hear a goddamn thing. Their excuse for making shitty music is having recorded one of their albums, Neon Bible, in a chapel. They refuse to sing in English. Like Arctic Monkeys, they should've stopped after their one good song, and like Pavement, they made their career by ripping off an earlier band (The Polyphonic Spree: there are so many of them onstage and they all dress the same, so they're more like a cult than a band).
- Vampire Weekend - Possibly the worst indie band of the moment. Why they are so famous, no one fucking knows. Their music and lyrics are shit, and their music videos are cheesy, convoluted, and predictable. WHAT MAEKS THEM SO GRET IZ THE SPEZIAL SYNTHY SOUNHD TEY USE TO MEKE EVERY SONG SOUND EXACTLY THE SAEM. You can tell a load of rough Chavs are going to go to their gigs for a fight and fuck, probably each other, and some stupid little young teen girl will go there and enjoy the music and be crushed in the mosh pit. A fucking awful band, no one likes them, they should get off the air. Fucking gay indie band.
- Interpol - Another one of these highly derivative acts from America, a band which found no fame in the states, came over to England for mercy and sadly got it; these guys are without a doubt one of the most boring and worthless bands out now, but they will soon be gone as there is only so much people can put up with. Prove annoying also when a Joy Division or Editors song comes on the radio and a thick indiefuck says "is this Interpol?".
- Metric/Soft Skeleton - Imagine feeling so fucking low you want to top yourself, manic depression setting in and your out of prozac/ecstacy; this is a day in the life of singer/songwriter Emily Haines from her two indie bands, the Soft Skeleton and Metric. A typical tuesday night for Emily is getting alcohol poisoning and masturbating to Clive Owens. This is all related though because her songs are inspired by her oppressed lifestyle. The days she takes heroine she writes for Metric and the days she has a hangover she writes for SS
- Hollow everdaze- Shitty poormans 80's 'shoegaze material a bunch of little kids who ride kangaroos to school how the fuck did a band this bad actually have listeners that think theyre so cool because they have that shoegaze sound the genre died because it was shit you pieces of shit.
"Indie" can also refer to:
- Indiana Jones, who sucks ass.
- A term used to describe the musical tastes of people who listen to emo but are still in denial.
- *N Sync because they were on a minor label. (tell the indie-fucks)
- Steps (see above)
- Jews WHO REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AS THEIR SAVIOR
- Post-punk
- Ryan Long
- Anybody who makes relatively excellent Mixcds
- Your mom
Trolling Indiefucks
An indiefuck is easily trolled by presenting to them some sort of media of whatever shitty fag band on a form of mass media. The proper procedure of trolling an indiefuck is illustrated below.
External links
- Pitchfork Media - The Indie Rolling Stone
- The Indiefucks Community
- Another Indiefuck community
- Some insightful reviews of indie music (Spoilers: It's all shit)
- People who think there cool, but fail (WARNING! Massive Indie Fags that will blind your eyes!)
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Indie is part of a series on Music |
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