Insane Clown Posse
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Contents |
The Band
Simply, the Insane Clown Posse are a posse of clowns who are insane. Although the exact mental illness is unspecified, an educated guess would be a combination of Asperger's Syndrome, Tourette's Syndrome and barely repressed homosexuality - the latter manifested in a flamboyant drag act with heavy application of semen-based makeup culminating in the symbolic ejaculation of Faygo, a cheap soda brand, over a crowd of eager teenage boys. In a press release Joseph Bruce, the band's founding member said that a number of their band members and fans are declared homosexuals and, though he mentioned no names, he added "it's the ones wearing clown makeup".
ICP rose to fame after Disney kicked them off their record label, Hollywood Records. Disney claimed this was because of "explicit" lyrical content, but it was more likely because they didnt want a bunch of rebels like Insane Clown Posse associated with their fine family entertainment. They were there-after funded by a genuine independent record company owner in order to boost their 'sellability' to the masses. The band, supposedly, comes from Detroit, and as a result, thrive like a locust swarm in the suburbs where more privileged white teenagers and grown men and women can pretend that their lives are shit.
Music
Insane Clown Posse's violent rap message, extreme behavior, extreme halitosis, and extensive merchandising range are all the things your mother warned you about clowns with mental health issues, and as such are adored by the [Bullshit|downtrodden misfits from the bottom rung of society]]. While few of these fans have ever had it as tough as Violent J (gay) in his suburban neighbourhood, they nonetheless identify with the profound wisdom they find in the lyrics of their songs such as "I'm a freak show coming to your house, Standing at your porch, chewing on a dead mouse", "Your nuts we want your nuts, Please, oh please, fuck dirty butts (sluts)" and of course "You-know-what-I'm-sayin'? I walk into a bitch's house, walk up to they Mom, grab 'em by the face and say 'Fuck off!'". Saying fuck off to mothers, dirty butts and chewing a dead mouse are some of the many important aspects of day to day Juggalo life.
Please see the talk page for a transcript of an IRL freestyle that ICP recorded and put on their album, Bizaar (2001).
The Anti-juggalo Rap. The only rap worth listening to
| —acdcking123456789, who obviously obtained his GED |
Howard Stern Radio Show
In order to understand the mentality of a Juggalo, one must first look at exactly how committed to their violent message the leaders of this notorious gang are. An example of the fearless nature of the Insane Clown Posse was captured on video in 1998 after an interview on the Howard Stern Show.
- Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope participate in a captivating radio interview about their genuine badass nature and the frequency with which they commit violent acts and go to jail because the police are always trying to lock up the clowns. Someone calls in and refers to the group as wiggers which Violent J objects to on racial grounds. As a member of the wegro community he is outraged.
- Haters continue to phone in about how much they think the group sucks after the main interview, and they return in to the studio with the typical macho swagger of men wearing make-up. An uppity nigger calls in and makes the ridiculous assertion that ICP are in fact merely imitating black people with their original rap stylings. Tough words follow, and the Posse invite him to come to the studio for a free ass kicking, Posse style.
- A wild negro appears, who works for the show and challenges them on behalf of his primitive race. Despite all the evidence pointing to the fact that they are visibly shitting their pants at this point, it is of course some cunning ruse, possibly to buy time to get their hatchets. Or meat cleavers. Shaggy 2 Dope rocks in a chair saying nothing at all while Violent J suddenly remembers that he can't go to jail today and decides that he doesn't want to fight anymore and wants to be friends.
The negro community may have won this round, but the YouTube comments from Juggalos assure that this man would have been killed had they fought.
Marketing
Although a completely terrifying underground serial killer movement, Insane Clown Posse/Hatchetgear/Twiztid/Psychopathic Records, manage to sell vast amounts of family friendly clothing, footwear, books, stickers, patches, energy drinks, action figures and even board games to people looking for ways to assert their individuality.
Although ICP asserts the above, it certainly couldn't hurt the chances of your immortal juggalo soul ascending to Shangri-La to stay tuned to their YouTube Official Marketing Channel, radio show, MySpace clone and plethora of other media. Besides, all true Juggalos know that you can only kick a person in the ass or balls in officially licenced Hatchet shoes. The ability to paradoxically hate the mainstream while spending your entire paycheck on official manufactured goods because a man dressed as a fucking clown told you to in a fake news report further displays the complex duality that is the Juggalo mind.
Juggalos
Although fans of ICP come in various different shapes and sizes (but only one colour, white) they collectively suffer from a mental illness known as Clown's Syndrome. Clown's Syndrome is characterised mainly by deliberately dressing to get attention, then acting like they don't want it. Juggalos are deeply paranoid about people who are not dressed as a clown or people who don't buy or own official ICP merchandise. Juggalo's refer to them as "haters" because they asume that if you are dressed like a clown noone should ever laugh at you.
| —Psycho610, helpfully explaining what the mysterious white substance around his mouth is. His brother is the only other person present, suggesting that incestous bouts of fellatio are central to having Down's for the Clowns. |
| —Psycho610, shaking a dog, presumably his own. Perhaps it wasn't his brother's money shot after all. |
So much win.
Juffalo Moshpit
Juggalo Characteristics
In spite of their desperate attempts to become carbon copies of the band members of ICP, years of inbreeding has created some minor diversity, allowing all Juggalos to be placed into one of four categories/subspecies.
Juggalos
The male Juggalo (Juggalus retardus) is the most common type of ICP fan. Clown makeup, as well as displaying how awesome you are also works to mask the major acne issues that Juggalos tend to have. However it is likely that wearing makeup all day is the main cause of the acne in the first place, which explains why, when well into their twenties, Juggalos are either still dressed like clowns or covered in weeping, pus-filled sores.
In youth, Juggalos often rebel against 'The Man' in their unique form of protest by saying "fuck" to their parents or school principals and even, in areas where their peers do not administer a mandatory beating for such behaviour, occasionally dressing like a clown and going to school. Due to their accelerated life-education through the teachings of Insane Clown Posse, many feel fit to leave school early, opting instead for a life of cheap drugs, getting angry at anyone who doesn't like the same bands as you and trying to father a child in vain. In the non-Juggalo, or hater world, this places their entire subculture on the same intellectual level as children, which perhaps explains the appeal of becoming a Juggalo to those beyond teenage years with serious mental retardation.
Juggalos form the backbone of society. Their lack of formal education or goals in life outside the compulsive accrual of every stitch of official ICP merchandise they can get their hands on means that their employment prospects are on par with illegal immigrants, ex-convicts, the mentally retarded and sex offenders, although many Juggalos are a combination of at least two out of the aforementioned competition, with the exception of illegal immigrants due to the Juggalos' rich Aryan heritage. However, despite these stigmas, Juggalos have a broad range of employment opportunity in many fields.
Service Industry
- Eating utensil sanitizer
- Peepshow booth glass cleaner
- Amateur tattoo artist
- Fuel Transfer Technician
- Grease trap cleaner
- Outback Steakhouse busboy
- Breaking rocks with other rocks
- Refuse collector/disposer
Military
- Bullet catcher
- Human shield
- Minefield early-warning system
- Prisoner of war
Medical
- Viral testing guinea pig
- Downs Syndrome study specimen
- Specimen for the study of ape behavior
- Organ donor
- Bedpan washer
Juggalettes
The precise mental gymnastics that allow Jugalettes (Juggalus syphilus) to reconcile both the instruction to hate "haters" and being the obvious object of hate in all Insane Clown Posse songs are unknown, but it is assumed to be mental retardation and extremely low self-worth as opposed to any complex logic. The largest form of Juggalo, Jugalletes are invariably morbidly obese, and, as breeding programs have shown, this problem in addition to their cheap drug addictions, means that they are unable to sucessfully produce live offspring.
As illustrated in the above video, their inability to give birth to anything living does not deter Jugalettes and Juggalos from copulating anyway, as the dead body of a Juggalo child, or "ninjette" is an important bargaining tool while haggling for official merchandise and donations via official Juggalo media. Mentioning the dead child is usually sufficient for T-shirts, medallions and CDs, but for any other goods the corpse presumably has to be mailed to Psychopathic Records along with a self addressed envelope.
Nazi Juggalos
The Nazi Juggalo (Juggalus hitlerus) wish to eradicate all black people, presumably to cover up the rightful expropriation of their music and culture by ICP. Despite the general harmless nature of Juggalos outside of the Internet, a manufactured subculture which appeals to people who are white, believe WWE Wrestling is real and have no friends occasionally attracts the genuinely insane.In February 2006, one brave Juggalo, jakejekyll decided to take affirmative action with regards to the homophobic lyrics of the ICP and entered a gay bar in Massachusetts attacking three people with a hatchet while shooting at them. Despite many years of audio training from listening to ICP, Jake's victims all survived - whether it was because he had used an actual hatchet instead of the correct weapon, a meat cleaver as illustrated by Psychopathic Record's 'Hatchet Man' logo will remain forever a mystery. During his short time as a fugitive from justice thereafter, Jake did however manage to teach himself how to use his gun correctly in Arkansas, killed a police officer, his much older lover, and finally killed himself. However, the fact that he was in any way involved at all has been called into question by some Juggalo truthers.
| —FuCk U FuKeRs, looking for some answers and agreeing with a previous statement about haters concerning the fuking of them. |
Although members of the master race, not all Juggalos are racist, but the fact that they are all white means that really mentally ill people dressed as clowns blend in perfectly until they actually commit a hate crime. Posthumously, Juggalos absolve their dead of all crimes, in effect employing a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on all subjects, including attempted massacres. As witnessed from postings on Jake's MySpace(mirrored), his fellow Juggalos firmly believe that Jake is now in Shangri-La, perhaps with 72 300lb Juggalette virgins as his reward.
Furry Juggalos
Despite Violent J's penchant for the casual ingestion of mice, Furry Juggalos (Juggalus lolwutus) have no problem with rodents if it involves scavenging venues after the band has left to find dead rats they can stuff their cocks in. The prevelance of Furry Juggalos is a quite a suprise to scientists, not so much because of the band's homophobic stance, but because neither Violent J nor Shaggy 2 Dope have as yet instructed their fanbase to fuck eachother dressed like chipmunks (yet). This is indirectly a vindication of the majority of the Juggalo's blind adherence to the teachings of ICP for their own safety, given that these rare signs of independant thought from Juggalo indoctrination immediately lead them to something that is, if not more, then certainly equally as retarded as dressing up like a fucking clown, except without the courtesy to pay Psychopathic Records for the privilege. It is likely at some point in the future, hatchetgear.com will be stocking ICP fursuits to empty the wallets of this demographic as well. The most famous furry juggalo is Blazger.
Beliefs and customs
Most juggalos believe that they will one day go to a better place, known better to them as the 'Shangri-la.' They also believe that playing a gay game of cards will help them ascend to this so called 'heaven.' Instead of saint peter to judge you however, you have a jack in the box, also called the riddle box. Juggalo's often have trading cards known as jokers cards, it just so happens that the jokers cards are named after their pathetic albums.
Language and Gestures
In the unlikely event that you should completely miss the fact that the person standing next to you is dressed like a fucking clown, there are other ways to spot a Juggalo out of his natural habitat. Common phrases include:
- "Juggalo For Life-a-low"
- "I'm down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground."
- "Dudes, really, stop using my makeup, yours is in the caboodle."
Online Juggalos use abbreviations such as MCL (Much Clown Love), along with other clever variations.
Despite their weight making it difficult to use elevators without sweating, let alone scaling walls, many Juggalos consider themselves to be ninjas. This is perhaps a reference to their ability to sneak cookies from their parents' cupboard despite being forced to diet ahead of life saving liposuction.
For appropriate responses to this strange language, please see below.
The Gathering
(1:30 Note the contrast of enthusiasm between the dancer on stage and the crowd members)
Once a year, any Juggalo who is anybody descends for four days on some unfortunate region for a clown convention-cum-Lollapalooza event known as The Gathering of The Juggalos. Highlights include:
- Taking drugs and drinking while dressed as a clown
- Sex while dressed as a clown
- Littering while dressed as a clown
- Listening to music performed by rappers dressed as clowns while dressed as a clown
- Buying merchandise to allow you to dress as a clown while dressed as a clown
- Watching greased up, middle aged men in spandex grapple with eachother while dressed as a clown
Needless to say, the inevitable violence which breaks out between people dressed as clowns is hilarious.
Shangri-La
With their sixth album's release, ICP revealed that the Dark Carnival is, in fact, a complete and separate version of Christianity in which it is believed that god has bestowed upon the Juggalos their own private Juggalo heaven called "Shangri-La", which was actually a fictional heaven from some book by James Hilton. (this favour is most likely due to their extreme holiness and tendency towards morality). In this "religion" it is also assumed that the images associated with ICP album covers are agents of god who judge everyone upon their death. Unfortunately, this is no joke and is actually believed to be the truth by a select few every juggalo. With this, finally someone has brought into light the obviously true fact that god gives preferential treatment to fans of Psychopathic Record bands. Also, ICP members are all prophets put here on Earth like Jesus to spread their holy messages; upon death, they shall rise again. These are all infallible truths that you would know if you had read the Bible. This is scientific proof that all Juggalo's are really fucking stupid.
In a fantastic display of individual thought, many juggalos converted in order to remain "down with the clowns." The results, as expected, were staggeringly retarded. This comes as no surprise, considering the obvious association with Christianity in their lyrics:
| —It wasn't an axe, it was a meat cleaver |
Persecution
| —Rev. JimmYDead, because a song about stirring kool-aid with your penis deserves to be a fucking hymn. |
| —The Revenend of Ozark Mo, on his harrowing shunding ordeal were there vosise wurr nt hurd for looking like a retarded mime in a school |
| —No, it isn't, actually. |
The petition can be found here. Unfortunately, due to the religious persecution of "haters", for a time the accepting of signatures had to be stopped altogether as some people were vandalising and generally not taking their campaign seriously. Currently, signing is re-enabled, allowing anonymous comments. Additionally, in Monroe County, the local police force has taken to considering Insane Clown Posse fans as a large gang.
Eminem, another uppity wigger, describing how to maturely handle a dispute between a fellow recording artist.
Juggalos Online
Rather than using expensive filtering software like rival cult The Church of Scientology, a Juggalo's movements online are generally limited by rigorously enforced ignorance about the Internet or computers in the Juggalo's quest to keep it real by refusing to learn anything from aged 13 years old onwards. For the most part, Juggalos exist in their own Psychopathic Records manufactured corner of the internet, hopping from official site to official site. However, since it is essentially just a mouse operated TV, and Psychopathic Records has an advertising channel on it, many Juggalos can also be found on YouTube, battling "haters" and watching advertisements for more ICP merchandise.
Typical YouTube Juggalo SerialKillaC
Notice the aura of badass that emanates from his potato-shaped head every time he finishes a sentence about the great juggalo army slaughtering all the haters and he lets his jaw drop down and jut forward, producing an instant ass-kicker image (not to be confused with looking like a retarded carp). What an awesome guy. I want to be his friend.
For an interesting dialog with SerialKillaC, please see here
Juggalos and Juggalette's Myspaces
The Myspace of a Juggalo and Juggalette can easily be identified by an extreme amount of faggotry.
The Myspace will typically be covered in pictures of weed and The Hatchetman. The typing style will always be similar TO THiS. WHERE EVURY WURD iS SPELT RONG AND THERE iS EXSESSIVEEEE US OV TiLDES AND OTHERRRR KEYBOARD SYMBOLZ AND ALL LETTERS EXCEPT THE i'S ARE CAPiTALiZED!
Juggalos vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica
Rarer still than those who have the mental capacity to make YouTube accounts, some Juggalos, with their insatiable desire to be persecuted by "haters", bashed their heads on their keyboards enough to stumble upon Encyclopedia Dramatica. Unbelievable as it sounds, they managed to take offense to this very article!
Some Juggalo activists are so advanced, they have become 1337, as ED found to its cost:
* devil|is|back-not-here- has joined #ed * windblown` has joined #ed * verus- has joined #ed * er[0]nbcn has joined #ed <fag> hey tfo <Sluttycat> lolol <zewb> lol <Sluttycat> SOMETHING LOL IS GUNNA HAPPEN <JailBait> =o <PedoSeal> i can feelz it [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] * er[0]nbcn has quit IRC (Killed (darkcube (go away))) [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] [devil|is|back-not-here-:#ed PING] [windblown`:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] [verus-:#ed PING] <zewb> JUGGALOES * devil|is|back-not-here- has quit IRC (Quit: devil|is|back-not-here-) * windblown` has quit IRC (Quit: windblown`) * verus- has quit IRC (Quit: verus-) <PedoSeal> hahahahahaha <Jmax> lol
However, most Juggalos still fail the internets.
For moar info on Insane Clown Posse, see here.
People who ICP hate Irrationally.
For some reason or another, Icp has picked fights with pretty much every one in the music industry. here are a few of the "victims" of their "hate"
- Eminem
- Kid Rock
- Korn
- Sharron Osbourne
- Ozzy
- Rob Zombie
- Disney
- Rage against the Machine (For Calling ICP Poser fagots and saying they have never felt real pain.)
- Tool (same reason as Rage against the Machine)
- System of a Down
- Carson Daily
- Limp Bizkit (For not sucking nearly as bad at what is, more or less, the same type of music.)
- Coal Chamber (Probably the most irrational of them all, as they replaced ICP at one of the Ozzfest Concert in a decision that was far beyond their control.)
Trolling a Juggalo
Since the cornerstone of being a Juggalo is to attack "haters", it is necessary, for the survival of this species, for as many people as possible to annoy them. If you are a normal person and reading this (unlikely as that may be), you probably do not listen to Insane Clown Posse and have no idea how to piss off Juggalos. In The Art of War, Sun Tzu teaches us to "Know thy enemy". Since we don't want to waste time getting to know Juggalos, here are some key comments you can cut and paste into their journals that are guaranteed to annoy them, allowing this exotic species of the lower class to thrive on the internet. All Juggalos are Internet tough guys, so don't feel threatened by their threats. Some of these might not make sense to you, they will get pissed:
- Shaggy does not write his own music.
- When nobody is around, Violent J likes to put strawberries in his cereal milk and stir it so it turns pink.
- Billy Bill likes it in the ass
- The Dark Carnival is retarded.
- "The dollar tree Dropped Faygo soda for Stars and Stripes because even the dollar store has Quality Standards."
- Eminem is hot.
- Do you use Sea Breeze?
- Where do you keep your nail polish remover?
- Mimes are cooler.
- Fred Durst is the greatest white rapper there ever was.
- I want to have Rob Zombie's babies.
- There are only 50 states.
- "Hatchet-man" carries a meat cleaver, not a hatchet you fucking moron.
- ICP aren't clowns. They are retards playing in make-up (jugglo code for dried semen).
- Their music is worse than John Cena's entire career.
- Violent Gay loves to feel up Abdullah the Butcher's titties.
- Only fags and women wear make-up, and they're definitely not women.
- Mention that all the fans are secretly rich kids.
- Take the Abbreviation of Insane Clown Posse (ICP) and change it into other words that will most surely get them butthurt and pissy, use your imagination!
- Their greatest song is "Burnin' Up." This is fact.
Juggalo Quotes
| —A Juggalo presumably talking about the TV show, Heroes |
| —Juggalos calling for tolerance of their religion/race/species/disorder |
| —Random retard Juggalos walking to their cars and calling for a mating session after an ICP concert. |
Looks like they have another job a head of them.
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External links
- ICP official site Faggotry abounds.
- Livejournal's Anti-juggalo community
- Religious tolerance for Juggalos Troll for good LULZ (Update: EPIC WIN)
- Epic Failure Juggalette Dyke's Poetry Page Please Troll
- 13-year-old wannabe juggalo
- Typical Juggalette Myspace Whore
- PROUD JUGGALO PARENT, WAIT OH SHI-
- ANOTHER JUGGALO PARENT
- Pregnant juggalos? Oh noes...
- Akasha Black, prolific semen-receptacle, breeder, and the kind of white trash that gives wiggers a bad name
- scroll through all the galleries and receive photographic proof that all Juggalettes are fat ugly sluts, and that most Juggalos need to put down the pipe
VIDEO:
- Frontline: The Merchants of Cool - PBS special showing juggalos in their natural habitat (chapter six).
- ICP's MTV commercial (to prove how "hardcore" and "underground" they are)
- ICP brings you closer to God
- ICP recruitment commercial
- LOL JUGGALO
- Inbred Juggalettes demanding attention
See Also
- 6699
- Anabelle Lotus
- Jokawild
- Juggalette420
- JuggaletteJenny
- Kid Rock
- Porn Clown
- Tammyslut
- TsimFuckis
- Wigger
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Insane Clown Posse is part of a series on Music |
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