Hippy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Dirty hippies should have died with their idols at the beginning of the 1970s, but at least 100 years later they smell worse, take harder drugs and listen to worse music. When the mud orgies called Grateful Dead concerts were finally quieted by the death of Jerry Garcia, the hippies latched onto Phish.
There are hippy sub-groups in almost every group of social misfits. Polys, furries, ravers, con_geeks, all have sizable numbers of hippies in their midst.
Contents |
[edit] Hippy Politics
Hippies have absolutely stupid political ideas hollow to any logic. Since hippy philosophy is very shallow, nobody actually notices that their ideas contradict each other. They always complain about the government, but they have yet to realise that they are too lazy to get jobs and they live off of the government's welfare money.
Hippies usually adopt pet causes and stick with them for lengths of time. Popular causes are environmentalism and veganism. These pet causes take control of every aspect of their life, which is why hippies are dirty ("if it's yellow let it mellow", irregularly bathing schedules, etc) and their food tastes bad ("meat is murder").
Hippies always want you to waste your vote on some long shot candidate, like Dennis Kucinich. Since hippies are unable to participate in a normal political system by voting like this, they are forced to resort to activism to further their pet causes.
Since all hippies are stoners, they are all about legalizing it (but they don't mind when other civil liberties are infringed upon, as long as they aren't the civil liberties of Zapatistas or black people).
[edit] Quotes
| —Eric Cartman |
| —Fenriz, Darkthrone |
| —Damn near everyone |
[edit] Anti-hippies
Anti-hippies are a type of hippie that have drastically different tastes in music and imagery, but generally keep the same shitty politics and ideologies. Contrary to what the name may suggest, anti-hippies are not rich, snobbish Republicans with radical right-wing views and wipe their asses with money. These people are generally known as douches.
Although anti-hippies are the complete opposite of hippies on the hippie-spectrum, their presence is just as terrible. Despite sharing some similar qualities (far-left ideologies, love of weed, and sometimes listen to the same crappy alternative rock and heavy metal), anti-hippies hate hippies with a passion. If you ever come face-to-face with an anti-hippie, distract them with the new Cannibal Corpse CD to make your escape. Despite famous anti hippie leaders such as Brock Days efforts in exposing hippies for what they really are; small numbers of hippies can still be found in large cities such as L.A. and around small towns in sparsely populated areas in California.
[edit] Famous Hippies
[edit] Janis Joplin
A fat, unwashed slut of a woman with nasty long hair. She finally rid the world of her own presence by eating handfuls of every drug imaginable. Nuff said.
[edit] Jesus
Jesus was a hair farmer, ate organic food, wore sandals and a robe and coined the phrase "turn the other cheek". In short, many consider another Jesus the first deluded hippy. He and his deluded band of dirty hippies went around preaching unrealistic bullshit and generally caused a lot of trouble. Just like a dirty hippy, when he got called on his shit he had nothing to say. When he did say something, it was some "spaced out" diversionary double speak. Pilate: Are you the king of the jews? Jesus: Your words not mine. Pilate: According to locals wishes, hey, time to nail ya to a post.
[edit] Jimi Hendrix
First nigra Hippie. Great guitarist, somewhat over-rated by fanboys like Quasidan. Chose to associate himself with freaks like Joplin and choked on his own vomit after eating too many drugs. Or alcohol (likely Old English or St. Ives, certainly some type of 40 oz.). No real matter or difference.
Songs like Purplehaze "reveal" his sexuality with the line "Scuse me, while I kiss this guy." Or sky. But no one really gave a damn. Ever. Srsly.
[edit] Jim Morrison
A skinny alcoholic who wrote horrible epic failure poetry. He was picked up as a singer by some actually talented musicians. Rock stardom got him laid, stoned, fat, and finally dead, but still way fucking better than you.
[edit] The Beatles
They did not start off as hippies but became hippies when Bob Dylan first got them totally baked. They then began writing songs about fucking in the street and beating people to death with hammers
[edit] Frank Zappa
Despite the common misconception, Frank Zappa was not a hippy. He, in fact, loathed hippies and all their stinky, Marxist activities. Dedicated many of his early albums to exposing hippies for what they really were: whiny, middle-class white kids with unwashed hair, disgusting clothes, bad taste in music and a blind hatred for not only all that their parents' generation represented, but also the everyday use of brains and/or showers.
[edit] Timothy Leary
Discovered the benefits of eating LSD at least 100 years ago.
[edit] Robert Anton Wilson
Helped start Discordianism, which started off as a religion for hippies and somehow became a religion for nerds
[edit] Hunter S. Thompson
Was the coolest fucking person on the planet after Aleister Crowley and at least 100 other people. He briefly became popular and an old meme after he introduced his head to a handgun recently and kids on the Internets Wikipedia'd him so they could pretend they knew who he was the whole time.
[edit] Simon Posford
He is to blame for starting psytrance and encouraging white hippies to stink up Goa, India with their shit alien music.
[edit] Noam Chomsky
Exxxtrem-leftard. Oft quoted pseudo-intellectual speaker, whereby proving that you say batshit crazy things and keep your tenure.
[edit] Jerry Garcia
A man famous for smoking a lot of Weed. He was also known to play shitty jams on guitar, but it's not like anyone ever recorded that fucking shit, not even bootlegged. Not even the biggest hippies could be stupid enough to be into his lame fucking psuedo-folky bullshit amirite?
[edit] See also
- Gather
- Retro
- Sebastopol
- Austin
- John F. Kennedy
- Food Not Bombs
- Charles Manson
- Vietnam War
- Menstrual painting
- The Keeper
- Liberal
- Communism
