Hellsing

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This page contains spoilers — Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT ALUCARD DIES!!!11!


Don't believe it? Turns out it was that fucking catboy!!!1
Knife pwnage
Knife pwnage
This is pretty much what the whole series is about.
This is pretty much what the whole series is about.
Major is drop-dead gorgeous!
Major is drop-dead gorgeous!
A must have for Schrödringer fanboys everywhere.
A must have for Schrödringer fanboys everywhere.

Myth: This is a beautifully drawn anime with a well-developed intriguing plot and character growth and no furries whatsoever. Religion is realistically portrayed and this series is not at all goth or emo. Guns are all normal-sized.

Fact: Religion amounts to a bunch of random namedropping and a Catholic priest who can throw hundreds of knives at people in milliseconds. Guns are bigger than most army trucks.The villains are baby-eating Nazi vampires.

A creation of someone's sickening imagination, probably driven by a mix of depression, gayness, and LSD mixed with rubbing alcohol. A script was not involved in the creation process. Interesting details: One of the few anime series that actually looks painful (knife licking, knife through neck, fork in eyes, etc.) The good guy is made of blood, is immortal, and can turn into a big, black, eye-covered blob. The "master" figure is confirmed as a female in episode 10.

As of sometime last Thursday they were making a remake of the OAV that is supposed to pwn the original 13 episode series. The new OAV follows the manga more closely than it's disowned counterpart. Really, though, it's just the same thing with more knives and over 9000 people getting stabbed.

It's being done by Koreean sweat shop children under the supervision of Disney and is complete and utter crap. Coloring is being done by a trained pack of Scottish Terriers who throw bucket-loads of color at once at the papers, making all the colors missmatch or otherwise make absolutely no sense.

They did it for the lulz.

Also Seras gets raped by zombies.Twice.

Before Hellsing, author Kouta Hirano used to make his living off of beautifully drawn hentai such as this.
Before Hellsing, author Kouta Hirano used to make his living off of beautifully drawn hentai such as this.

[edit] Main Characters

  • Alucard: A lame Vampire with a great big shit-eating grin perpetually on his face. HIS NAME IS "DRACULA" BACKWARDS OMG SUBTLETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11!!!!!!! There is perpetual fan debate over whether or not he is Dracula himself or Dracula's son like in Castlevania. It was later proven by /x/ that he lives in a whores's closet and frequently induces assraep. He was also raped as a child by a fat hairy turkish sultan who looks like a nigga.
  • Seras Victoria: A 16-year-old slutty cop who gets turned into a vampire. Becomes Alucard's servant after she gets a harcore anal rape from him in volume one. Has boobs the size of Seattle on a stormy day during the second coming of Christ. SPOILER: OMFGEH SHE BECOMES A REAL VAMPIRE IN VOLUME 7 AND GOES BATSHIT INSANE!
  • Father Anderson: A Catholic priest who stalks Alucard. Also has a bad case of shit munchies. Uses hax paper to stick his enemies to the wall so he can buttraep them. He usually loses because he needs MOAR lubricant. SPOILER: HE DIES IN VOLUME 8.
  • Luke and Jan Valentine: Two guys who brought pwnage upon Hellsing. They did it for the lulz. Everyone was like "OMG WTF HAX!"
  • Captain Pip Bernadotte: The leader of some group of mercenary hookers, wants to have buttsecks with Seras. SPOILER: OMG HE DIED IN VOLUME 7 AND SERAS BECAME A REAL VAMPIRE!

[edit] Rating

  • Action: 23 Stabbin' n' shootin' n' 'splodin', usually to a single person and all at the same time.
  • Lulz: 3 Almost five minutes worth, mostly people getting violently murdered for no reason, which under certain circumstances can be extremely funny.
  • Furry Gayness: 1 there is a were-dog thing near the end. (5 if you count the catgirl werewolves in the manga).

[edit] Gallery of Hirano's Wonders

It is a little known fact that Hitlol deeply enjoyed raeping catgirls in his spare time.

AIIIIIIIIR

Perfect anatomies.

Alucard started his career as a homeless Michael Jackson impersonator.

JUST RELAX, AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE BEING RAPED.

Math is not important when you're a vampire.

Baby eating Nazi vampire.

Image:pikajewsprite.gif Hellsing is part of a series on Anime.

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