HelenBaby

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX

ANAL

ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT

GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX
GAY SEX

ANAL

ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT
ALL NIGHT

HelenBaby fails hard at life; being the total lolcow that she is (emphasis on cow), this whore can not even give an intense blowjob session after making sammiches. I mean, WTF, rite???

There are MANY things that can be picked apart, and each of them shall be covered. From drama to simple self-trolling, they shall all be listed here.

DO NOT WANT!!!

Kinda feel bad for that DS's touchscreen, doncha?

1 Fucking HUGE
2 The Trollbait
- 2.1 Quotes of the tl;dr Variety
3 24, acting 12
4 The Failure at a glance
5 OMG POKEMON EEE
6 Not as witty as she thinks
7 See Also
8 Gallery
9 Stalk
10 External Links

[edit] Fucking HUGE

Anyone want to tell her that that pole's weight capacity is 400 lbs? Yeah, me neither.

THAT'S A HUGE BITCH!

[edit] The Trollbait

HelenBaby (more commonly known as HB, short not only for HelenBaby, but also her more deserving nickname, HugeBitch) is a winrar in that she is a Pokémon-loving, Sonic the Hedgehog-fapping, Nintendo DS-playing, talented artist. Whats moar; she is Wapanese, and an overall lifeless loser. Add a pinch of furry beyond fapping to Sonic and sprinkle it with a dash of emo and overall fucktardery, and you have HelenBaby- she is the very epitome of the Lol-cow. Everyjournal she writes involves her ranting about her obsessions that are entailed by being a Wapanese furry fangirl. As if she couldn't fail at life any harder, the whore can not shut up about food. She will ~~occasionally~~ always put too much detail when blogging about the food she eats. Considering how fucking fat she is (See images at upper right), this comes as no surprise)

[edit] Quotes of the tl;dr Variety

“	Afterwards we went to a really nice restaurant. The prices were excellent! I ordered a pizza and garlic bread with cheese. The garlic bread was amazing, the cheese on it was real mozzarella, and totally morish! Then we went to Quincy's, which is kinda like a pinky, gothy market place. I bought 'men's' pocky xD. Which is actually quite nice, probably the nicest flavour I've tried so far...[EDitor's note: Probably because it's the closest thing she'll get to 'tasting' a man] Next on to the anime shop, where I bought my lovely Amy Rose plushie <3 Gawd knows why but next we went to the museum ololol. I'm not really a museum gal... at all. But it was ok, mainly because of the company ^^ Plus it reminded me of the Animal Crossing museum, teehee. Me and a couple of the lads played a few rounds on the DS. It was a good thing I brought both of mine along as not many people had brought their's ^^ I whipped some serious ass at Mario Kart... but lost quite badly at Bomberman >.<	„
—HelenBaby, journal of March 30th, 2008

I honestly wish I was making this shit up.

“	If you're reading this Michelle, I want to say thank you so much hun, its so cute! I especially love the flower on her head, reminds me of the new hedgehog Pokemon Shaymin, who is already one of my faves <333...Went to the DS:London meet on Saturday. It was okei, even though I did lose pretty badly on Bomberman and Mario Kart >.<...My Pokemon Pearl Pokedex is on about 200 atm, and growing I can honestly not remember when I've been this fanatical about a game then remembers the summer of 2006, stolen by Animal Crossing : Wild World	„
—HelenBaby, journal of April 15, 2008

“	Torture Garden was well cool! No where near as crowded as most clubs (they were deliberately choosy about who they let in). Everyone was really friendly, and we saw many amazing outfits... the best bit for me was playing Trauma Centre ^^ I wanted to take heaps of pics, but photography wasn't allowed inside >.< Did make sure Hannah took a pic of my nurse's outfit though, seeing as my friend Blue Leader said 'pics or it didn't happen' xD [EDitor's note: She has a friend who calls himself Blue Leader? More like BLUE BALLS LEADER AMIRITE]	„
—HelenBaby, journal of May 4th, 2008

Wow.

“	I feel like partying! Seeing as Tommy's still got exams, Ez's busy entertaining, Han and BL live too far away, and I couldn't be bothered contacting anyone else, I'm going to spend tonight getting drunkied on Kronenbourg and talking to BL on MSN Miiight play Pokemon abit, [EDitor's note: more like WILL play Pokemon all night long] also xD. (btw BL stands for Blue Leader. He's my latest BFF xD) Hoping to go see Blueboi [EDitor's note: Blueball's, you mean] on Saturday, also ^^. He doesn't live too far so it shouldn't be a problem. As for 100Furs? I really want to get started right away! But I'm STILL in the planning stage. Want to make sure I have enough motivation once I get started to see it through... Can't give a time yet when I'll begin posting the pics in the series (I hate making promises I can't keep). [EDitor's note: Nobody cares]	„
—HelenBaby, journal of May 22nd, 2008

“	It is with great sadness that I announce that I'm abandoning my 100Furs project Why? I've realised its abit too much for me. [EDitor's note: Wasn't she just talking about hating making promises that she can't keep?] I've hardly had time to talk to my friends, or my new honey Blue They deserve better than this! [EDitor's note: No, they're probably enjoying themselves quite a bit without some fat whore bothering them. And it seems she found herself a Pudgy Pusher! He's probably QUITE the catch, right up there with Dick Cheney]	„
—HelenBaby, journal of June 15th, 2008

“	The guys from Summer of Sonic are holding a convention in London. Apparently its going to have arts and games and allsorts! I've been waiting for something like this to happen for years, its absolutely perfect for me! You can bet your arse I'll be there! [EDitor's note: Why wouldn't she be? A convention full of fellow knuckle-dragging mouth breathers who all continue to worship Sonic even at the age of 30? She fits in perfectly.]	„
—HelenBaby, journal of July 7th, 2008

As you can CLEARLY see from this collection of delicious copypasta, not much needs to be said about her...because she says it all herself (this is where the self-trolling comes in).

But for your sake we'll say it anyway....

[edit] 24, acting 12

HelenBaby is hilarious in all these respects, but it should also be noted that she's an actual honest-to-god fan of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. While this EDitor admits that it takes all kinds to make a world, he also feels the need to point out that anyone who listens to a woman who claims that whining about how she told her last boyfriend to leave her house and then cried about it all throughout the rest of the song is good music is either tone-deaf or simply just hasn't quite mentally matured past 13 years of age.

However, considering that her entire dA journal list is filled with her "OMG DS WITH THE LADS EEEEE" shit, it seems far more likely to be the latter of these two possibilities in her case. The truly sad thing is HelenBaby claims to be a supporter of æ. One would assume in that case that in knowing of the lulz that can be had, one would make at least subtle attempts to not fail at everything, but sadly, this is not the case.

[edit] The Failure at a glance

When HelenBaby is not fucking herself with pocky or her wiimote, she is often on dA making shitty pictures that nobody cares about or making journals that, again, nobody cares about. This usually involves drawing pokemon that nobody cares about, furries that nobody cares about, or just shit nobody cares about in general. Her art is usually rabbit girls with huge, nipple-less tits and teeth large enough to chew through a damn redwood tree with. When it isn't, it's general furshit, usually involving girls with pencil-thick legs and watermelon-sized guts, often invoking thoughts of "how the fuck does she keep her knees from giving out underneath her?" Her coloring scheme is very reminiscent of Crystal-For-Ever in that it sucks shit; it involves massive amounts of dodge-and-burn rape, and liberal use of the smudge tools. It also is reminiscent of Crystal-for-failure in that her anatomy is complete shit. But that topic has already been covered.

[edit] OMG POKEMON EEE

It should be noted that HelenBaby has an obsession bordering on self-destructive with pokemon. Actually, it IS self-destructive. Reliable sources inform us that she hasn't always been a human walrus- but after the release of pokemon, the transformation began. If you-the reader- could not determine this from all the copypasta above, may I suggest an eye exam?

[edit] Not as witty as she thinks

Just for the sake of lulz- wait, let's put up the reference here first.

“	O snap, guise, I'm finally on ED!!! My article was written by the non-so Anonymous, self-styled Captain 'ED Commando' ; Cretard of Heresy. You may have heard of him. They call him 'the cancer'. Well, they may not refer to him as that now, seeing as he's donated to ED... Actually, He did a better job on my article than I was expecting. Certainly not as crap as his contributions to Crystal-for-ever's article (who he's completely obsessed with btw). On it, in addition to a load of tl;dr unfunny crap, he posted up an email he himself wrote to her, mentioning twice during it that he doubted she would reply, then stating in his commentary at the end 'it remains to be seen what the response shall be'. Somebody reported him to the DA mods, and he's trying to make out it was me. Well, I'd like to see some evidence because I sure as damn hell think I'd remember doing something like that... So, yea, anyone want to add some genuine lulz to my brand new ED page gush, please go ahead : [link] Lets aim for 'Article of the Now', folks! I could really do with the DA pageviews <3	„
—HelenBaby, trying not to cry

QUICK! HIDE THE DRAMA!

Shortly after this article was put up, HelenBaby, apparently rather butthurt and trying to smile through her tears, put this journal up, presumably in an attempt to reassure herself that people are not laughing at her, but rather with her. This, as any experienced EDiot will tell you, is quite common among victims of the trolling. Nobody quite understands what she's going on about here, but from the self-important jabbering, it's clear that she does not do a very good job of hiding the butthurt. She further proves the point of this article that she is as much an attention whore as any deviantartlet furfag sonicophile fantard with her screaming desire to have MOAR PAGEVIEWS PLZ. You can also see, from careful studying of this fine specimen of her attempt at lulz, that she is extremely unfunny in her attempted use at trollspeak. Research into this reveals that this is because she is a loser with a very boring personality, or, more accurately (and as has been gone over before in the past), a total fucking failure and should just end it all once she is done feeling butthurt by this article (That will take quite a while).

One may argue that her feelings of butthurt are directed at one person in particular but in reality, as any experienced troll will tell you, it's just the shock of realizing that dying in a fire is much more preferable than continuing her sad existence.

[edit] See Also

[edit] Gallery

Gallery

HelenBaby's attempt at artwork and lulz. Failed at both.

Her finest work ever.

HOLY SNIP SNAP SNIZZLE! I've seen this sort of shit before somewhere!

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

Lol Lion King trace.	Lol 101 Dalmatians trace.	Gay emo furry? What is this faggot tree?	Looks strikingly familiar to a character from Batman.
Lol Helen can't draw nipples.	Obviously traced Articuno.	LOL moar Lion King tracery?	Fapping in the dark.
Every furfag's wetdream, ever.	LULZ FAIL!	Firefox symbol trace?