Heath Ledger

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

“	"Ledger, who also stayed out of the sun and fasted to perfect the role of a pale, starving junkie, admits he had no longing to try hard drugs before making Candy, and now he'll never go near them."	„
—Heath Ledger, on poetic irony.

“	Apparently he wasn't joking about those pills.	„
—Christian Bale

This article might contain an hero.

Wikipedia vandalism for the lulz.

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM

MY FACE IS FUCKING DELICIOUS!

We were looking forward to the new Joker.

BATMAN:1 JOKER:0

Heathcliff Andrew Ledger (more like Heath Dedger, amirite?), known on 4chan since last thursday as Keith Ledger (April 4, 1979 – January 22, 2008) is was a homosexual Australian actor, most noted for his ass-ramming antics on Brokeback Mountain. That movie was only the culmination of a career in professional faggotry, starting with his first ever role as a gay cyclist in the TV series Sweat. He then went on to further success jabbing men with large sticks in the action hit A Knight's Tale.

He grew up rich and beautiful, which no doubt led to his now an heroic addiction to hookers and blow. He was one of those actors who believed the best way to get in the mind-set of a self-destructive character is to follow their example. So to prepare for his role as a serial-killer clown in the upcoming Batman movie he decided to kill a bunch of people, starting with himself.

The cause of death was a wicked self pwn, claimed to be an overdose of prescription drugs. However, death by stingray has been all the rage in Australia of late. An overdose of AIDS is another potential cause. His last words are reputed to be "LOL BRB SUICIDE."

1 Early Career
2 Career
3 Life as a confused Hollywood heartthrob
4 Buttsecks Boogaloo and Controversy
5 Death
6 The Internets React
7 The Fresh Prince of Gotham
8 Yahoo Answers
9 RIP Heath Gallery
10 See Also

[edit] Early Career

Young Heath began his acting career at a young age playing the leading role in Peter Pan. Traditionally, the role of Peter Pan is reserved for a female, but Ledger landed the role with his teachers citing his effeminate and often eccentric behavior making him "More ladylike than the rest of them." After an early graduation, he moved to Sydney with his "Girlfriend" and "Best Friend" (fag hag and lover, respectively), where he landed a role as a gay cyclist. After a few television appearances and a few handjobs to producers, he made it to the big time.

[edit] Career

10 Things I Hate About You (1999) - Played a bipolar badass Australian with a habit of smoking in class and a soft spot for good girls and poetry.

The Patriot (2000) - Ironically played a Redneck South Carolinian Patriot. With an Australian accent.
A Knight's Tale (2001) - Another ironic role where he played a British peasant who risks his life for his love of wrestling men to the ground, horses, and long wooden sticks.
Lords Of Dogtown (2005) - Ledger learned how to ride a skateboard.
The Brothers Grimm (2005) - Adopted a new European accent, as opposed to the Aussie drawl he retained in "A Knight's Tale" a few years back.
Brokeback Mountain (2005) - Introduced the practice of strap-on 'pegging' to his wife, the nerdy fat girl on Dawson's Creek. Eventually moved on to full-blown sexual encounters with other men.
Casanova (2005) - Violator of Virgins, who in the end falls in loves and starts playing wingman for his BFFL.
Candy (2006) - Admitted himself to a drug rehab facility to get in the mind of actual drug addicts, slowly moving up to the hard stuff and needles.
The Dark Knight (2008) - The new Joker is a psychotic sadist with intentionally sloppy clown makeup and a heavy supply of prescription medication. He also knew a magic trick that could make a pencil disappear. I hate to ruin the ending, but something tells me that this Joker's not going to be in the next sequel.
The Imagination of Doctor Parnassus (2009) (Was Filming)

In the movies, superheroes are created by accidental science experiments, and geniuses go mad through mental breakdowns caused by psychotropic substances. However, IRL, Heath's drug overdose simply resulted in dying alone.

PROOF!

[edit] Life as a confused Hollywood heartthrob

How do I got sleep?

His striking good looks and Australian accent quickly earned him the badge of "heartthrob" in old media outlets. (Actually more like "Heart not throbbing", amirite)? This led to extreme confusion and ironic decisions on the rising star's part. As a result, he swayed between outright gay with the occasional stint of dating women. For instance, he gladly accepted a role where he gets his ass pounded in Brokeback Mountain, but ends up dating and impregnating one of the girls he met on the set. He left her shortly thereafter and ended up moving in with Jake Gyllenhaal. Afterwards, he decided to hit the bachelor scene in the SoHo district in Manhattan.

[edit] Buttsecks Boogaloo and Controversy

Why So Exploitable?

Heath is perhaps best known and loved for his role as the gay cowboy in the Academy Award-winning film Brokeback Mountain. Despite widespread praise for his portrayal of a gay man, critics argue that Heath's character is not really a 'cowboy' at all but, instead, a rape-crazy ass pirate.

Of note here is, of course, the disconcertingly minimal foreplay and shocking absence of lubricant. Studies show that, as the rectal mucosa provides little natural lubrication, a lubricant (such as a personal lubricant) is most often required or preferred when penetrating the anus. Leading scientologists agree that an insufficient amount of lubricant can make anal sex especially painful or injurious, given the vulnerability of the anal tissues. Damage is more likely if intercourse is forcible or aggressive; if alcohol or other drugs have dulled sensitivity; if communication is poor; if technique is clumsy; or if you just spit on your fat cowboy cock and ram it right in without much warning.

Despite the high risk of injury when fucking without lube, Heath still pounded Jake Gyllenhaal's ass into this. Clearly, when Heath wants to rape someone anally, everything goes right out the window.

Meanwhile, prominent gay activists have publicly suggested that next time Jake Gyllenhaal should consider safer alternatives to Heath's Ledger.

"The true cause of Heath Ledger's death"

[edit] Death

According to the Zionist media, the confusion of his sexual preferences, compounded by the pressures of society and the media, led him to OD on sleeping pills. However, the actual cause of death was an an axe to the head. During the filming of The Dark Knight, Christian Bale caught a glimpse of Ledger's business card. As Bale looked at the card, and saw its slightly off white coloring and its watermark, he was instantly filled with murderous rage and jealousy over Heath's superior card. So he invited Ledger over to his apartment, where he lectured Heath on how Huey Lewis and the News' song "Hip to Be Square" was not only a song about the pleasure of conformity and the importance of trends, but a personal statement about the band members themselves. Bale then got naked underneath a see-through plastic overcoat and butchered Ledger's head with an axe.

Apparently Keith Ledger fanfic is all the rage.

To make things moar embarrassing for Ledger, Bale moved the body to Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment, his former party pal. People magazine reports that "They were hooking up, but neither were particularly interested in making it exclusive."

As for what drew the two together, says the source, "They had a bond that was based on partying, and they had the same tastes in partying... like, in terms of where they liked to hang out in New York, what time they would want to go out. They just had the same sensibility."

Without question and beyond doubt, Ledger was supremely fucked up, as he was described as being charmed by Olsen, who made him laugh as he would scarf down a big meal.

"Mary-Kate made him laugh a lot," an eyewitness recalled.

After Ledger's death, an entire news network was created so that people may ignore IRL things, and watch continuous updates as to his career, and the circumstances surrounding death. This news network used to be called CNN.

The truth of his demise.

[edit] Official Report

"I wish I knew how to quit you..."

Like with every breaking story, Faux News was on the scene immediately. The following is taken from Faux's web site, written by Brian Williams:

Gay penis puffer and star of the epic butt cowboy screenplay Brokeback Mountain Heath Ledger was found dead in his ratty ~~Australian~~ New York apartment yesterday from what police say appears to have been a fatal overdose of semen and cocaine suffered at an orgy comprised of some 20 men and at least one hermaphrodite. Upon noticing Ledger was dead, the participants fled the scene and continued the orgy at another location. When asked about Ledger's untimely death, his mother, Ethel's only comment was, "At least Hollywood will no longer be subject to movies with faggots wearing nothing but chaps and cowboy hats prancing around outside and waving their penises before they suck each other off."

[edit] When You Hire Stupid People, Don't Expect to Live.

January 24th 2008: Masseuse, rocket scientist and forward thinker Diana Wolozin got to Ledger's apartment 2:45 p.m. to give Ledger a healing massage. After wandering around the apartment for about 15 minutes she went in and set up a massage table nearby Ledger.

After shaking Ledger and thinking he might be dead she did what any smart Masseuse would do: She called all the way to California to Mary Kate Olsen four times before calling 911 on Ledger's cell phone.

[edit] Economic Impact

Since Heath was responsible for 75% of Australia's GDP, over 9000 points were lost on the Australian Securities Exchange market 5 minutes after his death was announced. The market rebounded, fortunately, when more cheap Chin goods flooded the country.

[edit] The Internets React

[edit] Wikipedia reacts

Blake Yardley reports his death. [1]

[edit] Christianity Teaches Love God Hates Fags

Fred Phelps immediately declared victory over the evil faggots and proclaimed his desire to dance on the Brokeback Mountain homo's AIDS infected grave. This led to copious amounts of butthurt from the gay community who loved to fap to his picture.

It would have been a true quest of lol if Phelps and the gang had actually attempted to picket the funeral of a celebrity; apparently they has sum security or somthin'. Also, the funeral was held in Australia, making the legality of picketing a funeral there and the cost of flying the whole family there an awesome waste of time and money.

RUH ROH.

[edit] Facebook Lulz

Taken from the Facebook group dedicated to this article, LOL HEATH LEDGER!:

“	WoW ' i know you guys are 'TRYING' to be funny but if you really think about it ... your not ... your jokes are lame ... To poke fun at someone you'd prob make fun of them fallin down the stairs or a booger hangin out of their nose, not b/c their dead.... i didn't know & don't really care but i would never make fun of his death & wether or not you knew him, its still pretty gay that this is how you guys get your shits and giggles... So, when one of you lame'os die i'll make sure that when your friends are posting blogs about you and how 'cool' you 'though' you were, i'll be sure to make a lil group that says " Good Riddance to the Fag " and talk about how most of you could never get laid by a real woman in your lifetime ... & how you use to jerk off to gay porn and that your death was just a favor that god was doing for us b/c you were just a waste of space that he got rid of before someone else did . . . Funny Huh - maybe i should write a sitcome? ... Fuckin cock bags"	„
—Connie Henderson, on spelling and grammar.

[edit] MySpace Lulz

This message was sent to the ED MySpace in response to this article: what a load of cunts you are.

"Now lets be fair for a moment. Im a male who appreciates many a lol. I have made fun of the deceased in the past and i have definitely made too many gay jokes in my time.

However this being said...

There are certainly no lols or 'lulz' to be found on your shitter of a website. Its absolute fucking wank. Made me cringe x 10,000.

All the jokes about Heath ledger on the home page- just made me furious, you cant make jokes about someone who has just died- at least give it a week! And come up with better lols then just calling him a 'faggot' or a 'bum-sucker' or whatever.

I don't know if your trying to be 'taboo' or what, through the material you have placed on your website- but its not fucking funny! I didn't laugh once and i just thought how sad and pathetic anyone who writes or endorses the website must be. The website pretty much encompasses all ridiculously unfunny, fat, nerdy Americans. I bet whoevers reading this right now is a right fucking nerd as well and gets absolutely BULLIED like shit at school- or when you went to school. Thats whats made you so ridiculously insecure and makes you wanna write all that fucking shit.

GO GET SOME FUCKING SELF-RESPECT AND GET SOME FUCKING HERITAGE YOU FUCKING UNCULTURED COUNTRY OF FUCKING IMMIGRANTS. Your whats ruined this planet. Seriously.

please only reply to this message is your under 20 stone."

Yes, because only Americunts edit this article. No Britfags allowed!

[edit] The Fresh Prince of Gotham

Heath's final role would later be related in this song...

Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I liked to take a minute Just sit there son I'll tell you how I became the menacing Joker of Gotham.

Well no idea where I was born or raised An Asylum was where I spent most of my days Spazzin' Out, Schitzin, Laughin' all cool And all digging my way out with a stolen tool When a couple of guards Caught me out of my bed I stabbed them in the face and now they're kinda dead Broke out of Arkham and Gotham's where I went, They found nothing in my pockets except knives and lint,

Evening Commissioner

I just wanna be the guy who's fun and feared, And if I may say, I really dig the beard Everyone points and call me delirious, But I just laugh and ask, "Why so serious?"

Well I broke out some cell-mates, and set them free And told them they were all just freaks like me If they wanna destroy Gotham, theres just one plan, It's obvious the only way is: kill the batman

I destroyed half of Gotham by two or three, And I yelled to the batman, "Come on, hit me" Looked at Gotham, as it all laid in waste, Come on, batman, Lets put a smile on that face.

[edit] Yahoo Answers

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080810155339AANmx98

"He died a few months ago. I suspect you already know this and are doing whats commonly known as 'trolling'. You deliberately posted this question looking for a reaction. Very sad." - Some fat bitch

"do you live in a cave? heath ledge has been dead since January." - Worlds most epic pun!

"He didn't go, what an Ass." - I know right!

[edit] RIP Heath Gallery

{{cg|Memories... scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind|heathgallery|center|

An Ledger, an hero...

Heath's been using Brand X

Heath + Ledger = Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger's last words

so delicious	A scene from Brokeback Mountain.	What happened?! Your circuit's gone dead! Give me a status report!!	The inventor of the Heath Bar, The one thing this faggot actually did right.
He never told us!11!111!7	Why So Dead?\	Drugs, I Couldn't Quit You.	Good night sweet prince.
Suicide? I think not.	IMDb sensitivity	BRB nap	The death of grunge.
Heath didn't know how to quit, now hes dead.	An actor, an parent, an hero	Artist's rendition of the unfortunate incident.	Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.
	The dangers of method acting, courtesy of 5 minutes in MSPaint.		I can has naptiem now? zzzz.
The newest Joker toy!