The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Haruhi is an animu that crosses and redefines many genres in such creative fashion. Or, in English, it's all over the place without knowing what it really is, and nobody can understand it. Despite this, a majority of hardcore anime fans are fat, ugly, social rejects obsessed with cute which cannot resist the appeal of a skinny exasperatingly outgoing girl with friends that's secretly the center of the universe I wish to be a little girl. In addition, it is some weeaboo shit that nobody really cares about except cask-strength faggots and career masturbators who will be riding the virginbus forever. It's well-documented that Anonymous both loves and hates Haruhi with a passion. Bringing up Haruhi in 4chan's /a/ (or even /b/ some days) can spark a flamewar. Nothing too epic, but good practice, nonetheless. You can also pwn silly theism vs. atheism drama debates on /b/ by spamming pictures of Haruhi.
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Plot
The story centers around a 16 year old Japanese schoolgirl named Haruhi (which is Japanese for "Mary Sue"), who is like God or Alien Overlord Xenu or something and created the world last Thursday. So basically, the other characters have to keep her from getting emo or else she'll destroy the world again with giant robots. To that end, the characters do everything they can to eradicate the drama around her.
So basically, Haruhi thinks that there's like a ton of cool stuff going on when there really isn't, but she could conceivably create all sorts of cool shit, but doesn't because she doesn't know she has the power to begin with.
To help keep herself out of her insane boredom stemmed from the typical Japanese life of a high schooler, Haruhi snorts a shit ton coke every day and creates the SOS Brigade aka the Hitler Youth(srsly, THEY WEAR ARMBANDS AND GOOSE STEP), first recruiting the actually normal (and only human), "Kyon" to join her in her crazy and disillusioned escapades to find more retards dumb enough to join her. She next finds Yuki Nagato, a bookworm who seems to be a mute or invalid as she never talks and almost seems like she can't hear for shit, since she's always got her head stuck in some science fiction book or other (probably Dianetics). Next is Mikuru Asahina, a time traveler from the future and more importantly the main source of fanservice for this anime. She is either hated greatly, mostly by girls, or shamelessly lusted after by basement-dwelling, pasty-faced fucktards and perverts who are too secluded from society to go out and enjoy the presence of a real girl now and then (as if a girl could stand being around them to begin with). Lastly, the mandatory "bishounen" of the series is Koizumi Itsuki, an esper who is extremely daft and flaky. It's best not to talk too much to him if you are a guy; he might try and make a move for your dong, if you know what I mean.
Perhaps the most retarded thing about it is that in the first run of the show, all the episodes were out of order, which was done in an attempt to be "deep" and "interesting", like that movie Memento, but it fails horribly.
Aside from that, there's a whole bunch of stupid Japanese pop culture references that only otakus would get. And everyone dances in the end credits, prompting legions of wapanese (and even real Japanese) to crappily imitate it to the point where you are required to know it at some anime conventions.
It has however, some lulz if you can laugh at "moe" bitches being molested by sociopathic Haruhi. Out of this come many flamewars of butthurt weaboo's who are offended by Haruhi acting too "cruel".
Fanservice
Because nobody can understand the plot, the creators threw in tons of fanservice. It's basically at the point where Haruhi : fanboys :: Ouran : fangirls. Some argue that the two animu are the same thing in parallel universes, since they have the same protagonist, except that in Haruhi all the girls are hot and all the guys are losers, and in Ouran, all the girls are dykes and all the guys are losers.
The "Season 2" Drama
Once upon a time, the people that produced this animu said they were going to make a second season, and for more than two years they didn't give a release date. But because the studio is full of greedy Jews, they decided to bait their fucktarded audience again and again with shitty calendars or supposed previews to squeeze out more money. This works because the audience will swallow up everything the Jews give them while in the meantime, they produce new crappy shows nobody actually watches.
As you may have picked up already, Kadokawa Shoten and Kyoto Animation, the company and studio behind the Haruhi anime, are known to be masterful in the art of trolling. However, fan pressure for a new season would not let up, but a release date for the 10th volume of Haruhi was nowhere in sight due to the creators obviously jacking off to their own drawings of Mikuru. Kadokawa and Kyoto knew they couldn't keep trolling the same way, but they were royally fucked because they didn't have enough to base the second season on. Deciding to go on with their epic trolling schemes they then attempted to confuse and piss off everyone further by making 2 jewtube web series that were based off two spinoff mangas that noone had ever fucking heard of.
Soon after they produced much rage among their rabid fanbase by announcing a new Haruhi "TV anime" for April, which was thought to be the second season. Of course, everyone who isn't a moron would be skeptical about this, since this wasn't the first time those geniuses trolled. But Haruhi's retarded fanbase obviously couldn't see through this, which made them rage even more when they found out the truth. It was revealed to be a rebroadcast of the same shit, just to produce more money. Rage and Drama ensued, and weeaboos across the globe committed suicide by shoving countless pocky down their throats. What they didn't know however, is that the new anime contained new episodes that were supposed to be in season 2. So just as soon as everyone smart would have given up hope, they would have missed at least one of the new episodes they so dearly wanted to see. GG Kadokawa, GG.
Endless Eight
Haruhi fans thought now the wait was finally over and they would finally get what they believed they deserved. But as if they hadn't learned before, they still couldn't figure out that Kadokawa and Kyoto still had a few lulz up their sleeve. On June 18, 2009, the new episode "Endless Eight" aired. On June 25, "Endless Eight" aired. On July 2, "Endless Eight" aired. On July 9, "Endless Eight" aired. On July 16, "Endless Eight" aired. On July 24, "Endless Eight" aired. On July 31, "Endless Eight" aired. On August 7, "Endless Eight" aired. That's right, "Endless Eight" deals with a time loop, and while it was solved pretty quickly in the novels, Kadokawa Animation Studios has had 8 episodes air going over the EXACT SAME EVENTS, albeit with very minor changes. All in all, brilliant trolling. It was 8 fucking episodes long, and it was once thought that it could make up the rest of the series, but that's not all. You see, they tried to make the viewers believe that the anime version of endless eight was going to have a different, and even more incredibly bad ending. So to fool the viewers, they put these paper airplanes in the fourth episode to make the viewers think that Haruhi would stop BAAAAAWING and finally let time continue if they flew some paper airplanes. I'm not kidding you. PAPER. FUCKING. AIRPLANES. But instead they gave us the best trolled ending ever.
At the end of the last episode of Endless Eight, instead of basically saying "I don't know what that bitch wants, I give up" like he always does, Kyon gets out of his seat and yells "I HAVEN'T... FINISHED MY LIST YET!" at the top of his lungs. It's as incredibly cheesy as it sounds. Then Haruhi turns around and is like "lolwut?" Then this incredibly inappropriate victory music plays as Kyon screams at the top of his lungs like a faggot about how he hasn't finished his homework, and that the SOS Brigade members should all do their homework with him at his house. The funny part is that he does this in a way that sounds like he's preparing them for battle like Leonidas or some shit. Completely caught off guard, Haruhi switches to RAGE mode, backs Kyon into a fucking corner, grabs him by the collar and screams "I'M THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF! I MAKE THE THE ORDERS! YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!". Then after a pause she gives in and decides to go with them. Then Kyon wakes up to see that his choice somehow made Haruhi end her 500 year summer repeating streak; but unfortunately, for the fans, he still didn't get laid. Yes, apparently homework is SOOOO GOOD that it will make you stop repeating the summer for 500 YEARS. You know what? I'll take their word for it, BRB JACKING OFF TO SOME HOMEWORK.
Former Haruhi Anime Director Speaks Out
At some random weeaboo faggot farm, the former director of the Haruhi anime decided to speak out against Kadokawa and Kyoto Animation's epic trolling. He then proceeded to BAAAAAWW about how they were actually planning this ahead of time while he was still there, and if he was there he would have never let this happen. Kadokawa, now laughing their asses off, couldn't hide their troll faces, so they sent their representative, Serious Cat, to say the following:
MOAR Trolling
Recently, the makers and shakers behind Haruhi have recently announced that "something is going to happen"...literally. But apparently it's SO BIIIG that it will involve interviews with some of the voice actors of the series. Some speculate a movie, others speculate another season. All we know is that there is GOING to be more trolling involved, and it will SURELY be epic. So check this section for actual content in the next couple of weeks or so. Either way, anyone who is still loyal to the Haruhi anime, and is currently waiting for a comeback, is obviously a fucking moron. They gave us a list as follows:
| —Newtype Magazine, on how you should obediently buy their crap |
Haruhi Webseries
These two webseries that were based on those spinoff mangas that noone had ever heard of before were known as "The Melancholy of Haruhi-chan Suzumiya" and "Nyoro~n Churuya-san".
Nyoro~n Churuya-san
This series is about a deformed autistic azn girl named Churuya who spends her day smacking her mouth full of smoked cheese while saying Nyoro~n all the time, and it is also about a similar girl named Ashakura who spends her time stalking Kyon waiting for the perfect time to spring out and rape him.
The series is so bland that it takes the most hard core ADD ridden Haruhi fan to conquer their disorder to watch a whole episode. Bullshit, anyone with an IQ of at least 100 would stab their eyes out less than half way through a single episode of this. The storyline for each episode is so bad and poorly thought out that it makes you wonder if they hired squirrelking to write it. Despite this, it is still much funnier than the original show.
Nyro~n Churuya-san brings new meaning to the phrase "THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS."
The Melancholy of Haruhi-chan Suzumiya
The more watchable, yet some argue less funny of the two series. Take Haruhi, chibicise all the characters, try to parody the the original writing, and you get this. It tries to be funny, and succeeds a few times, but mostly fails because most of the episodes make just about as much sense as a gaiafag conversation, and most of the episodes lack a lot of structure.
Characters
Haruhi - Hyperactive, sociopathic, bisexual Lord of All Creation. Was formerly the the Pink Ranger of the Space Power Rangers and likes to rape Mikuru. Causes some weaboos to be butthurt because she isn't "omfg nice and friendly".
Kyon - Narrator. Hates everything. Faps to pictures of Mikuru (Who doesn't?). Also homophobic.
Yuki - Alien. The polar opposite of Itsuki. Can fuck up people using hax. One of the only reasons to watch the show.
Mikuru - "Cute, tiny, and extremely well-endowed." Also a time traveler, but who gives a fuck?
Itsuki - Esper. He is a successful troll that can't stop fucking smiling, and is gay for Kyon.
Asakura - Short lived character. She tries to kill Kyon for the lulz, but fails and dies in the process. In Haruhi-chan she dies almost the same way, but resurrects as a chibi and gets a complete personality overhaul.
Emiri Kimidori - Comes to the SOS brigade, asking them for help, claiming to be Computer Research Society president's girlfriend. This however, is bullshit, as anyone who has a life knows that people attached to a computer will never get a girlfriend, and the story confirms this by saying that the computer research president never had a girlfriend to begin with, leaving her entire existence a mystery.
Tsuruya - Most noticeable minor character, yet nobody has a clue who the fuck she is. She works as a drug dealer down the street. Laughs like a fucking moron.
Kyon's Sister - No one knows her real name, all we know is that she is Kyon's little sister. She doesn't show up in the plot too much, but that sure doesn't stop Haruhi's annoying fanbase from obsessing over how "UBER KAWAII DESU" she is.
Computer Research Society President - He gets blackmailed into giving away his best computer by Haruhi, while suffering the humiliation of having to set it up for her. With his pride and dignity down in the trash, what does he do? What any respectable human would do of coarse, turn into a giant bug thing and kick some ass!
Sunou Mori - A maid with a very minor role in the story who works for the agency. However in Haruhi chan, she does all sorts of crazy shit with Arakawa for unexplained reasons, because apparently its supposed to be funny.
Mr. Arakawa - A butler (who's probably gay) with a very minor role in the story who works for the agency. However in Haruhi chan, he does all sorts of crazy shit with Sunou Mori for reasons said above. He also has a route in the Haruhi-chan Japanese eroge (pronounced arrow-gay) for people with a creepy gay and/or old person fetish.
Haruhi videos, including the ever popular Hare Hare Yukai dance (ZA WARUDO INCLUDED)
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Quotes
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See Also
External Links
- Best Haruhi community ever!
- IIIchan's Haruhi board. Beware, faggotry may ensue.
- Haruhi's wiki.
- Another Haruhi wiki, but not as good.
- Another bad Haruhi wiki. Just how many of these are there?
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The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is part of a series on Anime. |
