Miley Cyrus
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
In the beginning, there was Billy Ray Cyrus, a country singer who had a dream to become famous by his own merit. However, he soon discovered that he sucked balls. So he decided to exploit his daughter and turn her into an icon for pedophiles, thus granting him fame and fortune and giving birth to Miley Cyrus as we know her.
Miley Cyrus is a famous jailbait sex symbol/tween millionaire pop star that earns more money than what most people will ever make in his/her lifetime. Her primary fan base consists of middle-aged pedophiles and underage girls who want to be Miley. Her manager is Billy Ray Cyrus, who also doubles as her father and primary molester. They frequently perform acts on stage together to sold out audiences across America. A major vehicle of Miley's fame is her recording career, where she has sold over 9,000 albums to pedophiles and their victims.
But really, all you need to know about Ms. Cyrus is that she is a teen skank who will one day end up being the next Jamie Lynn.
Hannah Montana
Hannah Montana is Miley's less hideous alter ego, similar to Garth Brooks' Chris Gays persona. (It is also known that the Hannah part of Miley has mind controlling powers similar to Oprah Winfrey's). The Hannah Montana character originally began as a role playing fantasy between Miley and her father, where she pretended to be blonde, sluttier, and therefore somewhat less repulsive. However, Billy Ray soon had an earth shattering brainstorm and figured that the character could be sold to other molesters in the form of live performances and printed media. Since then, Hannah Montana has become a household name, more popular than all previous child pornography icons, even the Olsen Twins, JonBenet Ramsey, and that girl from The Big Comfy Couch.
The whole thing is pretty much the only reason Disney is still broadcasting. Back in 2006, Disney debuted the show Hannah Montana. The show is about Miley Stewart, a 14-year-old girl from Tennessee living in the asshole of the universe. Basically, she's really this pop (they say rock, however wrong and demeaning that is to actual music) star, but keeps it a secret so she can live a normal life. The way she does this is by just putting on a wig, and it actually manages to trick people. Miley even dates a person who also lives a double life. Because she's such an insecure whore, she actually has friends that don't just clusterfuck her for the lulz (at least, not in any of the television episodes. However, it is shown on DVD versions of the show. Stupid concept, right? Any 13-year-old girl would disagree. But don't worry people! Miley will eventually have a fantastic sex tape that we can all enjoy. It's only a matter of time.)
Billy Ray Cyrus: "Ohhh I got a lot of favorite childs"(sic)
New Miley Cyrus DVD: 15 dollars
Tub of Vaseline: 3 dollars
X-large box of tissues: 2 dollars
Look on the cashier's face when you buy them together: priceless
The Concerts
Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus concerts generally consist of thousands of prepubescent girls, pedophiles, and the occasional rapist. Tickets to these concerts are so expensive that many moms have to whore themselves out to get their daughters tickets. Of course the venues are always a giant clusterfuck of 10-year old girls and creepy old men feeling them up. Concerts are generally extreme epic failures that consists of Miley going on stage with her molester of a father, followed by her running off stage and reappearing as her dumb blonde alter ego (as if we didn't know that they were the same person). Her songs are horribly lip synched as her thousands of fans go insane in one massive Hannah Montana orgy. To further prove that she is nothing but Disney's fucktoy, her programs are filled with advertisements for shitty Disney games and other faggots like The Jonas Brothers.
"7 Things" music video director Brett Rattner talking about Miley's core audience:
Internet Photo Scandal
Last Thursday, several Vanity Fair photos taken by Annie "Jew" Lezbowitz (whose photography ruined many stars such as John Lennon) surfaced on the internets of Miley in provocative poses, resulting in many epic lulz. In this series, Miley is striking several suggestive poses, laying on her father's crotch and is even topless covered in a sheet. Now Disney is in panic mode once again with one of their major stars in a risque photo scandal. The photos were reminiscent of the almost identical Vanessa Hudgens scandal that had occurred the year before, except that in this case, it was an A-list celebrity, someone cared, and she continued to have a career. There was also some drama about lesbian sex and shopped pregnancy rumors. In other words, Miley is just like every other Disney female star - a WHORE. Expect to see photos of Ashley Titsdale on the internet with her putting a gun up to someone's head or some other shit like that. Worse thing the Tizz is getting a rhinoplasty for get a new nose that is rumored to shoot AIDS. [1]
Of course, after the Vanity Fair scandal Miley promised that it wouldn't happen again, but 3 weeks later she released MOAR whore-ish pictures. As if we haven't seen enough already through her MySpace photos.
Some people are now looking forward to her future sex tape, which will come out once her show is over. Hopefully, it won't be filmed in that awful night vision mode.
"She's really not pretty that picture makes me sick isn't the point to shooting photos like that is to take pretty pictures?"
After news broke out of Miley's photo scandal, the teen pop star claimed to be extremely embarrassed about the ordeal, insisting that she was only doing the photos for fun and that she can't accept that she is a sex symbol. And has said "I’m not getting my kit off for anyone!" IRL, everyone knows it has something to do with her fugly, gay looking boyfriend Nick Jonas. However, most parents with children who are fans of the slutty teen have already had to confront their children about the ordeal. Miley has said that she will never make a mistake like this again and that she has learned her lesson. This, of course, is bullshit, and everyone knows that she only apologized so that Disney wouldn't fire her.
Hubbard Montana
Of course, you have to search for "Pedobear Platinum", rather than
Much like a 40-year-old pedophile offering school children a ride home and candy, John Travolta is luring innocent Miley to the Church of Scientology. It is possible that Miley is being targeted by Travolta for the role of "Commodore's Messenger" when L. Ron Hubbard is reincarnated. Commodore's Messengers are teenage girls who served Hubbard hand and foot, fixing his shower, dressing him, and catching the ash from his cigarette and I'm not even joking. For Anonymous' point of view on this please see [2]
Controversy
Miley Cyrus has caused her fair share of drama on the internets and IRL.
On multiple occasions, photos have been released of Miley in her underwear or showing off her bra. This was a dream come true for pedos everywhere, but not so much for parents of brats who idolize the slut (most of which are 8 year olds who live off the internets and shitty music).
Don't forget her YouTube B.S.. [3]
In the most hilarious Miley-related controversy to date, a shooped photo of a J-14 magazine article appeared, claiming that Miley was pregnant. A particularly lulzy version of the rumor claimed that Nick Jonas was the babydaddy. Upon the rumors being released, over 9,000 fangirls everywhere ran to defend their precious role model (see comments on this article). This made them easy targets for trolls. Even after the rumor was disproved, trolls continued to piss off fans by insisting that the debunking was fake and she was, indeed, pregnant (see trolling type #1). Some even went so far as to impersonate her (see the comments of this article).
A much less lulzy drama outbreak involved Miley not wearing her seatbelt in a scene of her Best of Both Worlds Tour Movie. At least 100 newspapers and magazines bitched and moaned that by not encouraging seatbelt safety, Miley was becoming a bad role model for their children.
Will she ever stop taking slutty pics? Luckily for you, probably not. TrainReq, a hacker who claims to have hacked into Miley's phone and gotten private pictures, recently posted them for the whole internet to see. Allegedly, the pictures were meant to be sent to Nick Jonas(She apparently doesn't know he likes ghey buttsecks). Nothing new, but this time there were actual n00dz. Pedophiles everywhere simultaneously combusted at the site of Miley's clean, virginal, Christian, and most of all underage titties.
Due to all of these incidents, stars like Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez Jonas are being groomed to take over as Disney's primary money source.
The Undeniable Fact That She is an Asshole
Miley's father, and I QUOTE: "Approves".
Miley has balls enough to get on international television and try to convey how hard her life is as a role model, despite the fact that she just happens to be a multimillionaire before she is out of her teens and just recently dated one of The Jonas Brothers. Some argue that she cannot be considered a role model when she poses half nude with her father and does nothing for the world, other than be the biggest media/Disney whore on the face of the earth. Only if Miley would do something that is useful to society besides sitting around bitching about how bad she has life as a child star would it be possible for her to be an actual role model. Hopefully she'll turn out like the other media/Disney whores. As of now, Miley Cyrus is merely an asshole.
Recent news from TMZ reports that Miley and her father are trying to weasel out of their obligations to Hannah Montana, by being unmanageable on set, showing up late and otherwise giving their best Lindsay Lohan impression all without the drugs, booze and lesbian sex with ugly girls. This is all because Miley is getting older and wants to be recognized as a serious artist. It is also reported that Miley is dating a 20 year old underwear model named Justin Gaston, and there are some rumors that they are sexually active. A 16 year-old and a 20 year old, What can go wrong with that?
Radiohead
The loli wanted to meet Radiohead because she felt she was entitled to, even though Radiohead didn't feel like it, and they declined. Bawwwing ensues, and while on some Disney radio show in the company of two brown-nosing hosts, she states that she'll "ruin Radiohead", despite the fact that Radiohead can crap out masterpieces at roughly the speed of light, while Miley has only ever created piles of shit.
And then Jamie Foxx came out of nowhere with this gem:
The Future of Miley
According to a reliable news source, "at current usage levels, Miley Cyrus will be drained dry of entertainment value by 2013." Dr. Justin Canty from the Institute for Sustainable Cyrus Use predicts that unless we cut back on our Miley use or alternative sources are discovered, our society that has grown dependent on it will collapse, and humanity will be reduced to "roving tribes of barbarians constantly searching and fighting and scouring the landscape for the last remaining Hannah Montana source." LOL WUT.
"Don't break my heart, My ache breaky heart" + Britney Spears (Disney whore) = Miley Cyrus (redneck Disney whore)
Miley's Plot to Murder The Children of America
Miley Cyrus has her own snack bars, because she is so talented and deserving. Little do some people know, that her super duper healthy snack bars are actually tainted with Salmonella. This discovery was made last thursday, the 19th of March, 2009. A highly reputed scientist explains the effects of this snack bar as:
| —Doctor C. Mongler |
No one knows why Miley Cyrus would want to kill the only brain dead members of the public (besides pedophiles) who watch her show. This
might be part of some sadistic urge, or a precursor to an upcoming sex tape, which makes no sense but the tabloids want nothing to do
but make unwarranted allegations and claims against such an undeserving, talented, young actress. Kill the bitch.
Miley's Unquenchable Thirst for Penis
Here it is, as expected. For your viewing pleasure:
Miley Cyrus giving a blowjob. It was as if her almost nude pictures weren't enough. Some say that the alleged photos are fake because MILEY CYRUZ WUD NEVER DO NETHIN LIEK THAT!1 1!1 !1 Heart breaking to Miley's fans, but the sheer consequences of being unable to notice the dude's dick you are sucking is taking a fucking picture of it. Oh it's gone!!
Keep the uncensored picture hosted on various websites for great justice! Too late BALEETED!
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS!
Sign Of The Apocalypse
Miley "Deep Throat" Cyrus has officially been declared the 4th sign of the Apocalypse (after AIDS, New Atlantis, and Bush). This will lead to:
- The Second Coming of Jesus (aka: The Rapture)
- Race War
- Jesus leaving: "It totally sux cox here!"
- Billy Ray Cyrus blaring one hit wonders from the heavens striking down cases of the worse mullets known to man.
- The Mullet Depression
- 1/2 the population converts to Scientology in 2049
- Scientology perishes in 2050
One brave soul tried to stop this future epidemic of doom by ending it all and going out with a bang. He tried to pull a 9/11 and crash into a Hannah Montana concert. Plan:
- Write note to mommy.
- Get duct tape, handcuffs, and rope (lulz no gun).
- Masturbate
- Hijack plane
- Repeat Step 3
- ????
- FAIL
When questioned by authorities he simply stated, "I did it for the lulz." NOW GO FINISH THE JOB!
Death
It was announced last Thursday on Digg that Miley Cyrus died in a horrible car crash.
| —Official News Report |
Other sources say it was a rumor started by somebody who "...apparently hasn’t spent a lot of time in school", but everyone knows that it is trufax.
Unfortunately, the death rumor was proven false when it was announced that Miley was still alive and dating a 20-year-old pedophile.
Hannah Montana Banned from Disney
Last Thursday, Disney showed paid subscribers an episode, "No Sugar, Sugar", about Miley's gay best friend catching the diabeetus. Parents started shitting bricks furiously, and Disney decided to pull the plug on the episode. Also banned was an episode titled "One Night In Montana" where Miley made a sex tape with some random guy on the street.
Will she blend?
Lets find out:
Miley offends AZNs
Last Thursday, Miley Cyrus was at a party, and before getting gangbanged, she posed for a picture where everyone but the AZN dude made slanty eyes, so they could be cool like him. The picture leaked, and some "Asian American advocacy group" got butthurt. This is one of the first times AZNs bitched about any sort of butthurt in the media, as most of the time, they like the stereotypes the media has created of them being intelligent, and the model minority, nail salon owners, the enemy in every war movie before 9/11, and jizz loving temptresses in every weeaboo's fantasty.
| — |
| —Perez Hilton, being an even bigger faggot than usual. |
| —Margaret Cho - no, not the cool Cho, wrote a TL;DR poem about how butthurt she is. |
| —Miley Cyrus |
| — |
Miley is preggers guize!!1
Last Thursday, some emo faggot on UStream, Dfizzy, got bored with his pathetic life and decided to put his 1,000 minions viewers to use. He got them to Twatter the phrase "#MileyIsPregnant" over and over and over AND OVER again, until it became the #1 trending topic. Lulz was had as this actually had people believing the lies TRUTH.
Mickey was not very happy about this, as you would suspect. The folks who give young Slutty her paycheck got butthurt and decided to call Twitter and demand that it be removed. They found out that most of the Tweets came from UStream, eventually found Dfizzy, and demanded that he be banned (he fought for his rights and got unbanned in 30 minutes).
The queen of all media faggotry, Perez Hilton, decided to take credit for the topic, resulting in the phrase "#DFizzyOwnsPerez" becoming the #1 trending topic until Perez got butthurt and called Twitter as well.
All of this happened while Twitter-whore Miley was fast asleep. She never commented about it due to the fact that it was probably true, and it was probably by that diabetic Jonas Brother.
Teen Choice Awards 2009
If lurid Vanity Fair pics weren't enough, Miley performed her new song Party in the USA by appropriately exiting a trailer and then pole dancing on top of a ice cream cart labeled "Miley's Ice Cream". Must be a secret code for pussy. On another note, many have compared her slutty performance to that of Britney Spears' "Gimme More" video. Unsurprisingly, Slutty's response on her Twatter account to this was, "For all the people calling me the 'next Britney' THANK U. I couldn't ask for a better compliment :)" Goes to show you that she really is the whore that people make her out to be.
Wait...there is another
In the same day Miley was named worst celebrity influence of 2009 on a internet web poll. Her younger sister has gotten attention for wearing a slutty Halloween outfit. Gaze into this picture and prepare to heave.
Gallery
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See Also
External Links
- A site with so much potential, yet so much work left to do. Go forth and make it lulz worthy.
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Miley Cyrus is part of a series on Whores. |
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Miley Cyrus is part of a series on Music |
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