Gundam Wing
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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SIEG ZEON.
Introduction, Forward and Zeonic Charter
Greatings brave citizen of Zeon, I am Rhamba Ral and I will now inform you of your enemy, the Earth Federation.
Yet more animu faggotry.
Much like DBZ, most anime fans have been at some time hooked on Gundam Wing. Especially if they claim to be a “Gundam Fan”. “GW” is essentially the abridged bastardized edition of the anime “Mobile Suit: Gundam, Heroes of Zeon.” Which is itself a painfully long Mecha drama that centers mostly on whiny and incompetent Federation emo boys, their commanderspedophiles, raging dykes, and some pimp named Bright Noah (Great Murderer of the crew of the Zeon Ship "Yukon" whose backhand apparently outranks everyone anywhere ever (Zeonic intelligence believes he was actually punished by commanding a giant Flying Daycare). Instead of something interesting, this series is all about teh gay pacifism, or more commonly known as: Federation Policy Alpha. Five teenage boys, Federation Standard Pilot age, who run away from their creepy old owners, Federation Noblemen, and detest blowing things up with the ugliest giant robots, Federation Architects are notoriously impracticable idiots that aren’t from Evangelion. It seems the only good character in the show is Ramba Ral with his sexist remarks, and his arms which are fire breathing dragons.
The creators of the show were so unoriginal that instead of using names, 60% of the Gundam BOIS's names are numbers. Duo = two in Mexican, Trowa = three in English, and finally, Quatre = 800 in 300. In fact, the other two Gundam pilots have number names too - Heero is derived from the Japanese number "one", and Wu Fei's name has the symbol for the number five in it, so not even THEIR names are very original. The show recycles 2 frames per second shots of toy robots swinging weapons with obviously recycled sound bits that fit no particular situation, yet they are masked by the unimportant context for which said action is warranted.
An Heero Yuy
This character is a suicidal emo who fails to kill himself no less than three times. He is either in love with, or hates, Relena Peacecraft(more like Failcraft amirite?)... a whore whom he repeatedly threatens to murder but never actually does. Heero's most famous line is "I'll kill you" said in a total monotone because he doesn't have a personality. His gundam turns into Starscream, and has a ridiculously hax beam rifle. Federation Traitor. Status: Killed In Action against our ace, Char. His inferior Gundam Class Mobile Suit was defeated by our superior Zaku II Custom.
Duo Maxwell House
The only actually interesting character, Duo is like what a /b/tard in a mech would be like. He calls himself the god of death, wears a priest outfit, fucks shit up at random for no reason, makes stupid jokes, and has never had a haircut. He's gay for Heero if the fangirls can be believed. He's also retarded. His gundam is a giant nigger with a light saber on a stick as a scythe. Duo is highly sexy and perverted and it is believed that you have not lost your virginity until you have met duo!!, Also he loves to suck heero's cock. (Note: Traitor of the Zeonic front, currently pending execution)
Not Trowa Barton
An emo with bangs over 9000 feet long that cover one eye, so he can fight without the handicap of depth perception. Like most Japanese RPG characters, his motto is "...". He doesn't even know what his real name is, and his famous line is, "I have no name. If you must call me something, call me noname." Everyone says he's an amazing pilot, even though all he ever does is plant himself in one spot and spam his machine gun until he runs out of bullets. His gundam is bright red and orange for camouflage, and gradually adds more and more ridiculously huge gatling guns as the series progresses. An incompetent pilot that relies primarily on ammunition based weapons rather than superior Zeon designed beam weaponry. Also, he's a circus clown.
Quatre Rabarre Lobster
A pacifist emo fag who pilots a giant death machine. His motto is "we shouldn't be fighting at all!" Quatre is a blond haired, blue-eyed Arab with 19 sisters, all of whom are more manly than him. He becomes cool when he goes crazy and tries to kill everyone, but sadly comes to his senses when Heero fucks up his shit in a Mercury. He also has 40 sweaty men who look like actual Arabs, call him Master Quatre, and do whatever he says. His Gundam is designed with heavy armor since he's to retarded to get the fuck out of the way. This poor excuse for a Federation pilot is in no way related to our lost but beloved nation son, Garma. Rumors of sexual encounters with each other are complete Federation lies.
Wu-Fei
This character is the most ridiculous of them all. Boasting to be the most powerful with the motto “You WEAKLINGS!”. Early in the series he scares away a pack of Infant Federation Pilots that surrounded him by yelling "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU WEAKLINGS!!!1one" He is also is super stereotypically Asian: His real name is Chang. His Gundam's arms are terrifying dragons that bite and breathe fire. During his mission to kill Treize Khushrenada he sees that Treize has a sword and wants to duel him. Wu jumps out of his gundam wielding a katana. After losing to Treize Khushrenada he becomes emo and calls himself weak for the rest of the series until he meets with his sensei in outer space.
Char Aznable/Sex Marquis/Milliard Fillmore
Hero to the Principality of Zeon. He demands your utmost respect. His mobile suit is any Zeon built mobile suit with a red color scheme, as red is the national color of the People of Zeon. Disobeying the orders of Char will result in the punishment of your forced viewing of any one episode of Gundam Wing.
Fan Fiction
Gundam Wing Final Battle is a fine example of the typical Gundam fan's writing ability. Also, it pretty much sums up the plot of every Gundam Wing episode evar.
Notable Zeonic Mobile Suits
-Zaku I- Outdated upon initiation of our war against the Federation but still superior to then current Federation "Ball" Mobile Suit.
-Zaku II- Superior and most mass produced Mobile Suit of any space faring empire. Zeon's pride, it is more heavily armed than any Federation Mobile suit, including the fact that it uses an axe instead of a pathetic sword.
-Gouf- THIS IS NO ZAKU, BOYS. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ZAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
-DOM- In an effort to show that our strong nation is as fashionable as it is powerful we've designed this mobile suit with fashionable bell bottoms.
-Z'Gok- Many pilots ask "why the Apostrophe, Rhamba Ral, does the Z mean anything?" and I say, after killing them on the spot: "Only a Federation Spy makes the mistake of not assuming every Z stands for Zeon, because every Z does, even now I've been Saying 'ZEON does!' and that's what Zeon is, it does".
-Gelgoog- At this point the war was going so well against the Federation that we ceased giving our Mobile Suits cool and scary names and instead opted to consult a series of pre-schools for naming our most advanced Mobile Suit.
Rating
- Action: “OMG! It’s a Gundam!” *dies* X49
- Lulz: 1, when the main chick dies
- Gayness: somewhere between Naruto and buttsex.
- Mecha: -5 The movie version wasn't much of an improvement either. The only difference was that they gave the characters fairy versions of their Gay-Bots
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Gundam Wing is part of a series on Anime. |
