Gundam Wing
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Gundam: A show that focuses on giant robots blowing the mortal shit out of each other! Along with DBZ, most anime fans have been at some time hooked on Gundam Wing- Especially if they claim to be a “Gundam Fan”. Every Gundam series looks good on paper, or the DVD case, but when you actually sit down and start watching it you realize it's just a series focusing on teens with raging hormones, stupid arguments and lacking the constitution, nay, the lust, to use their mobile suits properly.
What is the proper use of a mobile suit, you ask? Why, random destruction and mayhem of course! Why else arm the fuckers with cannons that can wipe out continents and commit genocide at will?? It's a goddamn shame that emo soldiers are piloting every single one. Every single one, goddammit. Doesn't that remind anyone of something else? There isn't one single homicidal character who needs to do what must be done in any of the Gundam series. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YAZAN GABLE IS.
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Mobile Suit Gundam
However, much like every great anime, every series needs to be "modernized" or "re-edited" to become "hip" with today's kids: such is the case with Gundam Wing and most recently Gundam Seed. Gundam Wing/Seed are essentially the abridged bastardized versions of the vastly superior anime “Mobile Suit: Gundam.” "MSG" is a painfully long Mecha drama that centers mostly on whiny and incompetent boys, their commanders, and raging dykes.
TL;DR: In MSG, the people living in space colonies (The Zeon) want their freedom and the Earth Federation won't allow it.
This concept of Space Colonies Demanding Freedom From Earth pretty much serves as the frame of every single Gundam series and subsequent knockoffs (Wing, Seed, etc etc) to date.
Bright's Discipline
One of the few saving graces about Mobile Suit Gundam is that some pimp named Bright Noa's backhand outranks everyone anywhere ever. Very much like the great men of old, Bright's palm knows no prejudice. He's known for slapping the taste out of pacifists' mouths. Every animu should feature Bright and his heavy palm to slap the shit out of annoying characters and remind them that violence cures anything- especially faggotry.
| —Bright, casually informing all of you of the secret of maturing |
GANDAMUU WINGUUU
Not only were the creators of Gundam Wing lazy enough to steal Mobile Suit Gundam's story, but instead of using regular names like Goku, Shinji or Cloud, 60% of the Gundam BOIS' names are numbers. This is absolutely nothing like Dragon Ball Z and its tendency to name characters after foods. Duo = two in Mexican, Trowa = three in English, and finally, Quatre = 800 in 300. In fact, the other two Gundam pilots have number names too - Heero is derived from the Japanese number "one", and Wu Fei's name has the symbol for the number five in it, so not even THEIR names are very original. The show recycles two frames per second shots of toy robots swinging weapons with obviously recycled sound bits that fit no particular situation, yet they are masked by the unimportant context for which said action is warranted.
An Heero Yuy
This character is a suicidal emo who fails to kill himself no less than three times. He is either in love with, or hates, Relena Peacecraft (more like Failcraft, amirite?). She's a whore whom he repeatedly threatens to murder but never actually does because he fails so hard. Heero's most famous line is "I'll kill you" said in total monotone because he doesn't have a personality. His gundam turns into Starscream, and has a ridiculously hax beam rifle.
Duo Maxwell House
The only actually interesting character, Duo is like what a /b/tard in a mech would be like. He calls himself the God of Death, wears a priest outfit, fucks shit up at random for no reason, makes stupid jokes, and has never had a haircut. He's gay for Heero if the fangirls can be believed. He's also retarded. His gundam is a giant nigger with a light saber on a stick as a scythe.
Not Trowa Barton
An emo with bangs over 9000 feet long that cover one eye so he can fight without the handicap of depth perception. Like most Japanese RPG characters, his motto is "...". He doesn't even know what his real name is. Trowa's famous line is: "I have no name. If you must call me something, call me noname." Everyone says he's an amazing pilot, even though all he ever does is plant himself in one spot and spam his machine gun until he runs out of bullets. His gundam is bright red and orange for camouflage, and gradually adds more and more ridiculously huge gatling guns as the series progresses. He is an incompetent pilot that relies primarily on ammunition-based weapons rather than superior beam weaponry. Also, he's a circus clown. No shit.
Quatre Rabarre Lobster
A pacifist emo fag who pilots a giant death machine. His motto is "we shouldn't be fighting at all!" (See Amuro Ray, above) Quatre is a blond haired, blue-eyed Arab with 19 sisters, all of whom are more manly than him. He becomes cool when he goes crazy and tries to kill everyone, but sadly comes to his senses when Heero fucks up his shit in the Mercurius. He also has 40 sweaty men who look like actual Arabs, call him Master Quatre, and do whatever he says. The 40 muscular brown men serve the one femmy little white boy. All is well in the world. His Gundam is designed with heavy armor since he's too retarded to get the fuck out of the way. His Gundam's weapons, unlike everyone else's lightsaber/ huge gun weapons of death, are two regular swords that somehow explode when he throws them.
Woofie
This character is the most ridiculous of them all. Boasting to be the most powerful with the motto “You WEAKLINGS!” he is also is super stereotypically Asian. His real name is, in fact, Charlie Chang. His Gundam's arms are terrifying dragons that bite and breathe fire. During his mission to kill Treize Khushrenada he sees that Treize greets him with a a sword in his hand and wants to duel him. After losing to Treize he becomes emo and calls himself weak for the rest of the series until he meets with his sensei in outer space.
Sex Marquis/Milliard Fillmore
He wears a bucket on his head so he won't have to look himself in the mirror. He has long blonde hair, and he actually fixes Heero's gundam for him, just so he can blow it up again. Later, he reveals that his true identity is Millard Fillmore, Relena's brother, and proceeds to stalk her for a while, then decides to drop a huge battle ship on the earth. He doesn't pilot a gundam, but instead goes through several high performance stupid giant robots. Zechs ultimately trades the Tall Goose in for the E-peyon, a red thing that looks like a devil and doesn't even have any guns, just a dominatrix whip.
Fan Fiction
Gundam Wing Final Battle is a fine example of the typical Gundam fan's writing ability. Also, it pretty much sums up the plot of every Gundam Wing episode evar.
Rating
- Action: Between 0 and 1. Nothing is more exciting than watching Heero wipe everything out in one shot.
- Lulz: 1, when the main chick dies
- Gayness: somewhere between Naruto and buttsex.
- Mecha: -5 There never really is any substantial robot-rape anywhere in the series and this works to Wing's detriment. The movie version wasn't much of an improvement either. The only difference was that they gave the characters fairy versions of their Gay-Bots
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Gundam Wing is part of a series on Anime. |
