Guild Wars
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Guild Wars is a hardcore structured PvP MMORPG that Arenanet decided to mainly market as a casual PvE game. Because making these two groups play together is a good idea.
Effectively dead since 2008, the games PvP is now structured around a skilled playerbase of 15 people, causing guild battles to be uneven (minimum of 16 players required), and championship matches to contain players from the same guild on opposite sides. The company who created Guild Wars, Arena Net swears that they will keep Guild Wars servers open for as long as even one person is playing. Speaking of this eventuality as though it is a distant reality, this declaration has further proven that Arena Net is staffed by monkeys who shit their pants.
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Classes
- Warrior - You can axe,sword,hammer fellas to death, but srsly though, you suffer from low self-esteem. Muscle-bound men in tight ass armor love you long time.
- Ranger - Other than the fact that you wield a bow with unlimited arrows, you can order a variety of animals to rape your enemies. If you happen to love rangers you are most likely a fag whom runs around with your dick up your ass. Rangers are in fact homeless. If you happen to meet one irl (which is unlikely since you never left your computer), kick them in the nuts and see if they are able to block it.
- Elementalist - Use magical powers to kill people with fire. Also the most energetic class.
- Monk - Bald midgets who are always on your team (if you luv random arenas) that heals like a bitch. If you ever see more than one monk on the enemy's team, pull the plug and watch porn. If you ever have a monk on your team, quit the game and go suck a dick for it is most likely that monk will never heal your faggy ass. If you ever play a monk, be prepared by bending over and getting bitched at by teammates and enemies. But wait ! You don't always have to heal your allies, you can cast the infamous Ray Of Judgement/Jesus beam/Ion cannon or summon God's punishment on your targets and earn even more bitching by your allies. Are you running a monk in PVE? If you are then congratulations, not only are you actually wasting more time on your life than necessary, you have become the baddest bad-ass in the game.
- Necromancer - By far the most fucked up of all characters, you have over 9000 sexually transmitted diseases, despite the fact that you have never been laid. You cut yourself in order to cast spells and hexes to damage your enemies. And hopefully if that actually kills someone(or something) you can insert your dick into that corpse to make zombies(?!) or wells full of revolting shit. Necromancers are emofags very much like you who think My Chemical Romance, buttsecks and bleeding wrists are awesome. Their dresscode is so indescribable, its like fashion for transvestites. No matter how you look at Necromancers, you will picture sick fucks in your mind having shit down your eye sockets and cutting themselves while they do it.
- Mesmer - Mesmers are good looking people whom wear masks to hide their identities(gayness). They operate by thinking out loud in order to screw n00bs up real good. People whom play mesmers are usually veterans, so you can tell instantly that they have no life. Mesmers are really smart, for the fact that wearing a gay-ass shirt with a pair of pants(thank god), will make them impervious to all damage despite realizing that everyone is fighting a war on terror. All male mesmers have a mouthstache and a charming smile that'll make all the boys and girls want to get into their truck for free candy. Despite looking like the sexiest, and smartest whores of the sex industry, all female mesmers are traps. Female mesmers actually big,fat,hairy,men whom cross-dress and most likely furries whom would gladly wear strap-ons and prey upon all their next unsuspecting victims.
- Assassin - Narutards that can teleport and kill you with daggers. The shit part is, even though Assassins wield a pair of fleshlights/dildos and dresses like a skank they are still able you knock you the fuck down and fuck you up real good. If you ever play as an Assassin, you have a Narutard fetish, suffer from smalldick syndrome and is most likely to die alone. Note that all female assassins are flat, skanky trap and male assassins are pussy deflectors. Ninjas have already earned a bad reputation thanks to Naruto and Assasins in guild wars successfully tore another orifice and made ninjas even more awesome.
- Ritualist - Pot smokers that Commune with the dead to get their help in battle. They make ghost-whores, coffins of shit to break, and STDs for your weapon so you can share the fucktardery.
- If you are still as poor as fuck you might be able to afford this game Nightfall, you can play as this exotic class from the rich land of Elona. But seriously, who wants to play a game full of niggers in a subcontinent recently plagued by AIDS caused by Satan? Sure, you get new skills but that only concludes that you have no life and barely enough money to afford a decent game.
- Paragon - Spearchuckers that throw spears at people and shouts at people to make them fight better.
- Dervish - Man-in-a-dress-wielding-a-mother-fucking-huge-sycthe. That's right, you get to wield a scythe and wear a hood which makes you cool. But in truth, despite having a sycthe, you can't knock anyone the fuck down. Srsly. Makes the game ever more realistic. Despite trying to look like one bad-ass-motherfucker through that outfit which looks like a dress, you are a bedwetter,virgin,coward,luser, etc. etc..
Problems with Guild Wars
- Despite what fanboys will tell you, there is no strategy involved in playing. Being successful at Guild Wars involved looking up a build at GuildWarsWiki or PvXwiki.
- The game is a bitch to play unless you have every campaign and expansion.
- Setting up a party is like trying to convince the pope God doesn't exist.
- Everything you do is so that you can kill moar things. Therefore, if MMOs were to be 20-year-old women, Guild Wars would be a loli.
- All female characters in the game are actually men.
- The PVE plot is always the same: you start off as a noob, grind and help people, see shit happening, fail to solve the problem, fight demons and douchebags, and end losing to an Anonymous wannabe.
Unicode Support
Guild Wars has full unicode support. Therefore, creating guild names and spamming local with alt+021325 is highly suggested, to make sure the Jews know their place.
Gaile Gray
A community manager for Guild Wars who looks like a horse, srsly. She is also known as Whale Gray because her weight is OVER 9000, and also Faile Gray for obvious reasons. She also seems to throw temper tantrums on community websites when people complain about the shitty balance changes made to the game. She is no longer the community manager and has stepped down, but the amount of people to give a shit is really none.
While s/he was community manager, s/he mastered the art of spewing out endless bullshit and lying at every opportunity. To date, every statement s/he has ever made has been a lie, but narutards and ugly fat chicks still believe everything s/he says.1
Gaile Fatass is now Support Liason and uses her GM powers to ban whoever she wants from the game at any time. Her banhammer powers even extend into the official Guild Wars Wiki, which fails more than the game. She also helps two ass pirates named White Wasabi and Fall avoid bans in return for sucking her dick and kissing her asses. Since she took over support, Gaile converted ArenaNet into a Nazi training camp which perma-bans players for simply logging in.
1It is unknown whether or not Gaile is male or female. She has boobs that hang to the floor, but also has a dick for white wasabi to suck on. To be safe, refer to Gaile as "it".
Guild Wars 2
Arenanet announced Guild Wars 2 a while ago:
Guild Wars 2 will be the same as Guild Wars with a few exceptions:
- You can jump.
- You have one slave instead of 3 heroes.
- You can jump.
- You can play as multiple, original races, including charr, white basketball players called Norn, Asura, and some things that were born from a tree.
- You can jump.
In addition, gracious owners of base Guild Wars will be entitled to exchange their years worth of wasting lives over claiming 'achievements' for some useless GW2 titles that don't affect gameplay or make your character better in any way.
Guild Wars vs World of Warcraft
There are a few notable differences between Guild Wars and World of Warcraft:
- World of Warcraft doesn't suck ass.
Typical Guild Wars player
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Title Maxers
Like any true MMO, Guild Wars has titles that can be gained by grinding the game into the dirt with a minimum of 1000 hours, such as being drunk for 10,000 minutes, standing on lucky rings for over 300 hours, and grinding the same dungeon over and over until your cock falls off, which is a good thing for anet since their servers are running more while its a F2P game.
One could possibly have more fun reading the bible cover to cover than trying to get these shitty achievements. These people have no lives.
Whenever a player is in a major town, the names of players that have never had sex show up in chat, stating that they have wasted their lives gaining a title that does nothing.
An easy way to troll these basement dwellers is to pm them and tell them to go outside, get laid, or get a life.
Trolling Tips
1. Go to http://www.guildwarsguru.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=213
2. Start New Thread
3. Copypasta this:
[build prof=Warrior/Elementalist][Glyph of Essence][Frenzy][Eviscerate][Executioner's Strike][Phoenix][Rush][Lion's Comfort][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Warrior/Elementalist][Glyph of Essence][Frenzy][Backbreaker][Crushing Blow][Phoenix][Rush][Lion's Comfort][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Monk][Echo][Arcane Echo][Arcane Mimicry][Arcane Thievery][Arcane Larceny][Diversion][Power Drain][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Monk][Echo][Arcane Echo][Arcane Mimicry][Arcane Thievery][Arcane Larceny][Diversion][Power Drain][Resurrection Chant][/build] [build prof=Ranger/Mesmer][Apply Poison][Archer's Signet][Concussion Shot][Distracting Shot][Pin Down][Hunter's Shot][Troll Unguent][Dryder's Defenses][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Monk][Shadow Form][Deadly Paradox][Heart of Shadow][Dismiss Condition][Infuse Health][Gift of Health][Signet of Rejuvenation][Signet of Devotion][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Monk][Shadow Form][Deadly Paradox][Heart of Shadow][Dismiss Condition][Infuse Health][Gift of Health][Signet of Rejuvenation][Remove Hex][/build] [build prof=Warrior/Necromancer][Sever Artery][Gash][Distracting Blow][Sprint][Riposte][Deadly Riposte][Healing Signet][Grenth's Balance][/build]
or this:
[build prof=Dervish/Monk][Onslaught][Rending Aura][Rending Sweep][Rending Touch][Sand Shards][Shield of Force][Signet of Mystic Speed][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Elementalist/Necromancer][Glimmering Mark][Glyph of Lesser Energy][Glyph of Restoration][Glyph of Sacrifice][Glyph of Swiftness][Grasping Earth][Ice Prison][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Mesmer/Paragon][Visions of Regret][Ancestor's Visage][Aneurysm][Arcane Conundrum][Arcane Echo][Arcane Larceny][Arcane Mimicry][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Monk/Ranger][Peace and Harmony][Purge Signet][Purifying Veil][Rebirth][Release Enchantments][Remove Hex][Renew Life][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Necromancer/Assassin][Contagion][Dark Bond][Dark Fury][Dark Pact][Death Nova][Deathly Chill][Deathly Swarm][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Paragon/Dervish][Focused Anger][Hasty Refrain][Hexbreaker Aria][Holy Spear][Inspirational Speech][Leader's Comfort][Leader's Zeal][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Ranger/Elementalist][Burning Arrow][Charm Animal][Choking Gas][Comfort Animal][Companionship][Concussion Shot][Conflagration][Resurrection Signet][/build] [build prof=Assassin/Mesmer][Flashing Blades][Golden Fox Strike][Golden Lotus Strike][Golden Phoenix Strike][Heart of Shadow][Horns of the Ox][Impale][Resurrection Signet][/build]
4. Explain why it's good
5. Flame users who criticize
6. Get banned!
7. ?????
8. PROFIT!
In-game trolling tips
Before you read the further notes, one clarification should be made- due to the fact that Guild Wars players are usually leftovers discouraged from buying World of Warcraft by the monthly fee which they cannot afford, entire community has already fallen into state of permanent internal trolling, complete with periods of total obliviousness. For that reason extracting lulz from trolling in-game community proves to be harder than in other MMORPG games since the players are fully capable of trolling themselves on a daily basis.
Chat trolling:
- Usual occasion for this type of entertainment relies on the flow of inexperienced/new players. You can find these lying around all over Pre-searing Ascalon(GW Prophecies), Shing-Jea monastery(GW Factions) and Kamadan(Nightfall). Sole action of honest commenting on retarded posts should be enough to ignite a shitstorm.
- Pre-Searing Ascalon, due to its detached and hermetic nature, is full of players who prefer to remain in that one place forever as it is the only place where they can actually get anyone to talk with them. For that reason this section of Guild Wars resembles a forum, only this time cybersex receives graphic dimension. Use your knowledge gained upon trolling usual forums. Same effect, only enriched with a 3D hint on what your casual trolling might be causing on the other side of tubes.
- Visit American districts and unleash any topic regarding religion and politics.
- Spam trade chat. As it is usually the only way for most people to sell their shit, this action makes people unhappy as their advertisements are kicked out of the chat box.
- Claim that you want to buy an armor from other player. As soon as such claim gets stated, people all over the area will shit themselves while trying to educate you on how buying armor is completely irrational (GW armor binds on the player for whom it was crafted), in effect becoming vulnerable for usual chat trolling techniques.
- Remind them that the only reason for their presence in this game is their inability to afford World of Warcraft.
- Find crowded areas and spam that you are selling a super rare item for less than 1 plat. When everyone trips over themselves trying to trade you, walk away and watch the angry butthurt reactions.
Team trolling:
- While on mission, pay attention to the minimap. It is useful to determine the location of enemy, as well as drawing marks such as further route. Now use your awesome MS-paint art skills and draw some meaningless shit on the minimap! For maximum effect try to scribble all over it up to the point of making entire map impossible to read. Bonus points if it becomes the only reason for failing entire mission.
- Do everything that disables people from claiming elite skills from fallen bosses (players will usually inform the team that they want to claim this or that skill while on mission).
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