Hamster
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Some see hamsters as cute little domestic pets. Some see very, very poorly. Hamsters are often kept in classrooms but the sinister truth behind these creatures is that they are the prime instigators of bestiality and are oft found burrowing into the rectum of a furfag.
Rumor has it that Goatse first started out with these fun little furballs before evolving into an anus capable of swallowing Rosie O'Donnell whole.
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Internet Tough Guy Hamsters
Hamsters are fucking dangerous!!!
Yes that's right, hamsters can kill. A Japanese man died after a bite from his pet hamster caused anaphylactic shock. The complete fucking pussy was pwnt by repeated bites from the animal which gave him Super AIDS and caused a fatal bout of asthma. So watch out for these brutal motherfuckers as they may one day deem it fit to bite your throat open when you sleep.
LA Times News Story from 1997
- "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
- "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again,so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
- At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
- Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
See Also
Hamster is part of a series on Bad things to happen to animals
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Basic Concepts
Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse |
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Opposing Concepts and Causes
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BestiLOLity in Action
Poeticirony • Crusadercat • Darkhorseman • Dracoguard • Esachasa • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins | |
Why We Don't Have Nice Things
Alcohol • Alisa Kuzmenko • Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Camrose Cat Killers • Chevy the Therapy Dog • Cheyenne Cherry • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • "Mudkips" the cat • Bonsai Kitten • Japanese Bug Fights • Heaven • Kenny Glenn • Travis the Killer Chimp • Tyler Weinman • Marvin Morvan and Alex Teniola |
