Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] The species-dysmorphic
If furries were hardbodied 19-year-old girls in bunny suits, there'd be no need for an article here. Furries are, in fact, the opposite: people who are out to ruin the fun of wearing costumes for sex for everyone.
This is what happens when kids are raised by Disney cartoons depicting animals with love interests, constantly told to play with talking teddy bears, or play the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles RPG to severe excess. The furry subculture can also be viewed as the product of an unholy miscegenation of hick and nerd culture, much like HIV is thought to have developed as a result of humans fucking chimpanzees, since animal fucking is a popular hick pastime and anime is a staple of nerd civilization.
Furfags are disturbing due to the intricate, full-body suits—known as fursuits—every furry will eventually build one and most will only have sex with them on, often while using tickling furshampoo. Furry artwork tends to species-blend and be overtly sexual. Furfags claim to be born the way they are but they're actually just delusional and chose to be furry to fit in with someone, as every other subculture has rejected them. packetgrinder theorizes most furfags are simply run-of-the-mill fags who are too grotesque to convince others to have anal sex with them unless their flabby zit-covered bodies are completely cloaked in a 50/50 cotton-poly tiger costume. It should be noted however, that after a hard night of drinking, a young woman in Santa Cruz was conviced to actually let a furry stick his zit ridden cock in her vagina. Fortunately, she came to her senses once he began to make cat noises, and left the son of a bitch with blue balls. A month later after battling the psychological trauma from the ordeal, she committed suicide. Unfortunately, the furry went on to claim more victims, but ended up dead after trying to carry out a vore fantasy involving a fox, a cow, and one very unfortunate chicken.
Some furfags may claim that they have nosexual interest at all, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a giraffe suit when no one else is watching. This is a lie since all furfags are drawn to sexual perversity regardless of their species. furfags really only say this kind of thing when they are threatened with death or when they have found a new victim for "surprise yiff". Either way, if a furfag ever tells you they're celibate, you should shoot and run just to be on the safe side.
Furfags claim that their "furfaggotry" is a innate part of themselves. Sometimes they claim it's a "totem animal" in order to give themselves the same legitimacy that druids have in D&D. Sometimes they claim that they were actually an animal in a previous life, and have been reincarnated. Sometimes they claim that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE a lycanthrope, who can magically transform themselves into a real, actual animal. Sometimes they claim that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE an actual animal with the magical ability to turn into a socially maladjusted loser.
Naturally, these innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always (99.9999% of the time) take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers, bears, oh my), or rife with dark symbolism (snakes, ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furfag's "human nature". furfags who claim, say, a banana slug or an anchovy as their totem animal are almost non-existent, but only because they haven't found a way to anthropomorphize them for their sick sexual fantasies...yet. The only known examples of such furfags, in fact, are the furfags who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially maladjusted outsiders even within the furry community (and if that doesn't make you flinch, nothing will); and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph.
We all know furfags fail at life and should all become an hero, but they're also hypocrites: On 7chan someone posts a human artwork of a hot woman in a furry thread and a furfag says, "ugh, humans are so ugly, especially when they try to look like us. GTFO with that noise. Talk about a fail at life."
[edit] History
- In the beginning, God created all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds of the air, Adam and Steve, and those little plastic anuses that detach from the bottom of soda bottle caps. And the LORD did look upon his creation, and smile, for it was good.
- And it remained good right up until Steve decided he was really a nine-tailed dick-nippled fox deep down in his perverted little heart.
- And Satan went unto Steve, and verily, he did say unto him "Behold, oh Steve! If thou dost but tap thy Crypt Rats, thou might slay this Fox; and take of him his skin to be thine own; and make of it a Suit of Fur; and then might thou know the little animals right in the ass to thy sick heart's content."
- And Steve did as Satan told. And Steve did yiff and scritch all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds in the air, and Adam, who was dressed like a panda, until all were very verily sore.
- And the LORD did look upon this, and smile, for while it was not strictly speaking good, He's a bit of a sick fuck sometimes, just like the fucking furfags.
- Even the great comic minds, The Goodies tackled the subject in the early 80s, shortly after that their show was cancelled!
- In 1986, the Internet introduced furfags to the mainstream with T.H.E. Fox on Compuserve
- ????
- And the Lord did PROFIT!
Last Thursday, some scientists theorised that furfags are a genetic throwback to an earlier phase of human evolution. However, it is as yet unclear as to when it was a necessary human survival trait to be proficient in humping fat sweaty motherfuckers in fursuits.
[edit] How to Become a furfag Tutorial
In the late March of 2006, a tutorial depicting a satire tutorial about 'How to Be a Furry' was made and uploaded. While receiving praise on deviantArt by non-idiot members of the site, both furry and non-furry, it has received criticism on livejournal by butthurt furfags who don't know the subtle art of having a sense of humor, the most notable whiner being xydexx, as seen here.
[edit] Conflicts with furfags
(note: starting these conflicts are epic win)
The furfag subculture is not without its detractors, as it centers around giant six-breasted twelve-cocked shitting dicknipple cartoon sex. Furfags are frequently mocked and featured on Something Awful and the Portal of Evil, where the worst of the worst are showcased and ridiculed. This leads to cries of fursecution, and often furfags compare their detractors to Hitler and act as if being made fun of is equal to the plight of the Jews, which does little to help their credibility. The totally unwarranted victimization of the furry community often leads to cutting and cries of "leaving the fandom, afk".
Scientists have long theorized that furries are so repulsive that there is no way they could stand even each other. Although furries have attempted to present a united front, this theory was recently proven to be true by the discovery of this shocking video of two furries in the wild:
[edit] Reverse Trolling
Furfags, the "victims" of trolling for many fucking years, have sometimes attempted to turn the tables on their tormentors.
On February 10, 2005, a furry calling itself omghi2trolls became operational, adding several people who are apparently trolls. omghi2trolls was supposed to be a parody of omghi2furries, but the "joke" failed miserably when the owner of omghi2trolls deleted his journal on the same day he created it.
In April 2004, Postvixen created biteycircusflea (in reference to Eat All Furries mainstay Singing Circus Dog) and friended several known trolls in the hopes of being return-friended and allowed to see all the deep dark secrets in whatever friends only entries they might have lying around. When a group of Internet detectives outed him, he swore up and down that he really wasn't trying to hide, REALLY. Since his journal entries as biteycircusflea were about as TL;DR as his usual ones, this might even be factual.
[edit] Furry Holocaust
[edit] Wikipedia drama
Since so much of furry existence revolves around the internets, many of wikipedia's admins are furfags, such as: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, and Wwwwolf. There is also Xydexx. These furfags have made it their goal in life to make sure that web sites, including Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involves making approximately eleventy gazillion edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that doesn't fulfill the need for alpha-wolf dominance, also the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry fandom" in the first place is one of the many, many, many infinitesimally trivial points being bickered over between Xydexx and allegedly-cooler heads in the various articles' talk pages. Why? Because certain furfags want to deny that furry has anything to do with sex. There is one yiff pic in existance that doesn't resemble this and they found it and put it on their yiff article. Obsessively denying the relation between sex and furfags on wikipedia is likely the result of furry-style castration.
[edit] Furry "Art"
Furry art is quite frequently amateurish and focuses on bizarre sex acts and interspecies mating. Often characterized by a tenuous grasp of anatomy (pictured, left). There are a few professional artists squandering their talent by drawing fox-cat-goat women having sex with horse-men with several penises. For some of the most disturbing examples of furry art do a Google image search for Doug Winger, Chanta Ra.or kemonoarts Seriously.
It's a well known fact that some furry artists take great pride in their "art", some even going to such lengths as creating paysites containing their material, or in some cases, buyable art CDs. Of course, noone wants to pay for drawings, so the material from these paysites/CDs is often ripped and rapidshared, resulting in the full, unleashed fury of the artists (that is, if they happen to be enormous faggots, which they more often than not are). Prime examples of such behaviour are Jeremy Bernal, who will go to extreme lengths to prevent his stuff being distributed (he has even done so for very small sites with a tiny amount of users), and the Japanese artist Tojyo, who stopped producing art altogether after his doujins and CDs found their way into the tubes of the internets. So remember kids, to stop the more 'talented' furfag artists from turning a profit, rip and upload that shit for GRAET JUSTICE. We just may get some of them to quit the fandom FOREVAR!! (Or at least 5 minutes.)
It's also a well known fact that much furry "art" is merely Rule 34 of beloved childhood icons.
Furfags have also expanded their scope, venturing unabashed into the realms of music in the form of the
[edit] What "Furry" does not mean:
[edit] What furfags say "Furry" does not mean
The term furry does not imply lycanthropy, vampirism, sexual preference, sex, age or fetish of any kind. It is a completely generalized term and does not even reflect upon the animal or being to which the person identifies with or to.
"Furry" is not to be confused with an "anthropomorph" or "anthro-evolution", which combines the physical attributes of humans and other animals (often with the human features dominating the animal features).
Just because a chick has a cameltoe does not make her a furry.
[edit] What Non-furfags hear
YIFF YIFF SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH YIFF YIFF FURSONA YIFF YIFF CHANGE MY DIAPER SCRITCH SCRITCH YIFF YIFF OMG FURSECUTION!
[edit] Harmless and Consensual
This tactic rarely works.
[edit] The Solution
Obviously, furfags are a blight on the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises and drawing art that even your mother wouldn't love. Nothing will stop them, so, there is a solution that allows them to continue their twelve-dicked horse costume lifestyle whilst contributing to society: all furfags need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TV's for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies, as it's one of their fetishes, lulz.
Remember, just like witches and homosexuals, if you do not dedicate your life to end the existence of furries, you are one of them.
Hence, the appropriate WH40K copypasta regarding the correct mindset when dealing with furries:
| —Anonymous, on furries. |
[edit] Going Public
In an attempt to give furfags equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public.
[edit] Nigra/Furry Incident at Otakon 2007
During the Otakon anime convention, some bitch in a fursuit wandered into the 4chan Aftermath, a mini-convention of /b/-tards outside the main doors of the Baltimore Convention Center. According to witnesses and the heroic Nigra himself, somebody shouted "Holy shit, it's a furry!" At which point the valiant /b/rother spun around and yelled: "A furry?! Where?! Oh, FUCK", charged the furfag whore, and hit her with a ghetto blaster without hesitation. Witnesses claim he "barely hit her" but the mental image of a girl in a fur suit with the mask twisting around is extremely lulzy. Otakon staff told the Nigra to stop playing music and "drawing attention to himself," at which point he crossed the street and did a victory dance to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The police later contacted the furry, and when she took off her mask her "expression was priceless." No arrests were made, probably because she described the assaulter as "a tall white male dressed in a suit and an afro." And no one ever listens to furries.
[edit] SEE THIS NICE LITTLE JINGLY JINGLE? YA HEEYAH?
A quick Lurk reveals that BraveStripes AKA Ahrend Plays that shitty Second Life His user name is Tyger Okumura, It is not yet known where he fags around just yet, You can help ruin his Second life for potential lulz!
[edit] Famous Furs That Furfags Love
- Sonic The Hedgehog
- Meeko, the raccoon from Pochahontas
- Lola Bunny
- Krystal, duh
- Nearly every character from Tiny Toons.
- Brandy Harrington, from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
- Pikachu
- Yin-Yang-Yo
- Petunia
- Renamon
- Gadget Hackwrench
- Minerva Mink
- Rita, according to 4chan, everyone is furry for this AIDS infested fox
- Fox McCloud
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[edit] External Links
- Forum where furfags pretend to be SEKRIT SPAIS (LOL HAXXD)
- [1] hahahahahahahahahahaha!
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Furries and You!
- Someone discovering the truth about furfags
- A pathetic furry counterattack on the above video
- Documentary on furry fandom in vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mention yiffing)x
- If you have an Amazon.com account flame the fuck out of this book now
- Guide to better yiffing
- A real-life furry
- confurvatives Are you sexually attracted to cartoon animals?Do you have a really punchable face? And are you an arrogant, rich, right wing bigot who thinks you should be afforded tolerance and respect while having nothing but bitterness, intolerance and hatred for your fellow man? Then confurvatives is the community for you!
For the love of God, PLEASE TROLL ASAP!
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- FurreFace Furry Facebook (NEEDS TROLLING NOW!)
- DeviantArt
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furfags before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- often shows the phycological implications of furfags
- furry reaction to this page We are not joking about furfags. You are the most fucked up bunch of basement dwellers that have ever existed in the history of forever. Stop ruining my childhood faggots.
- furfags prepare for Furluminati takeover of federal governemnt
- True Collector's Items
- San Francisco furfags
- Furries: The other white meat
- Furry Wiki (WIKI VANDALISM? YES PLEASE) now so butthurt they blicked tor exit nodes
- [2] PROOF OF THEIR EVIL LINEAGE
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Furry is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
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