Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
Freemasons
Freemasonry was invented Last Thursday in Scotland by the Knights Tampons, a bunch of 40 year old pedos who rode around horse back with 9 year old boys and were killed by FRENCH people for the lulz, because they circle jerked to furries and got answers from a magic 8 ball called John teh Baptist. The movement is enforced by Westlife as a conspiracy by a wide variety of groups, both conservative and liberal. It was a particularly popular source of drama in the early days of Usenet, but its appeal amongst drama queens is sadly fading.
It is a lamentable fact that most people will have heard about the Illuminati conspiracy from Tomb Raider: Lara Croft. Their symbol is supposed to be the pyramid with an eye (aka. "The All-Seeing Eye") which is a symbol on the back of the U.S. dollar bill. This actually has origins derived from the Egyptian eye of Horus, which is a hidden Decepticon cover up that it's true origin of Lucifer's Eye. They worship Lucifer as the God of light and that God himself is evil and Lucifer is fighting for the good of man. They trick their subordinates into taking witchcraft oaths on their Bibles or other religious texts. They also are forced to swear foul oaths on their bodies and forefathers. It is a secret cult which has a hand in all religions (except for Islam, because as we all know, they are currently trying to pwn each other) and has control of the world system to force the old world system into their own dictatorship believing it is the utopia of the world.
They are well renowned for performing sodomy on little boys, bondage sex, promoting their profound love for niggas and wearing ghey hats. They worship furrys and perform fellatio rituals on them to gain special powers. Hence they are known also as the Furluminati. Their lodges are usually located near hospitals and churches, so that they can easily get blood for their rituals.
Which goes to show how they've pwned the world. It's nifty too that the phrase at the bottom of the pyramid symbol translates to "A New Order of the Ages".
The Illuminati pwn everything in the world and control the markets and blah blah blah. Their farts are the winds of prospects and their crap the glory of gods.
Job's Daughters
A sect of the Freemason meant for girls under the age of 21. An ED insider was in this group IRL and has first hand top seekrit inside info to divulge to all loyal EDiots.
Did you know?...
- Job's Daughters meetings are extremely fucking boring?
- Inside the rule book (from 2000) it states that you will be kicked out if pregnant, unless of course you are related to the father.
- Standing in the street in one of the white robes they force you to wear makes bystanders shit their pants, especially if you are with the entire group?
- All the members are extremely creepy female versions of Ned Flanders?
- All the members were obsessed with "The Rocky Horror picture show" and it's fucking lol to see a devoutly religious teenager singing "I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania"?
- No 16 year old girls give a shit about the Freemasons and therefore Job's Daughters has almost no members?
The Secret World Government
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The world today is ruled by a secret government that guides the world in the right direction:
- The money is kept in Switzerland, and that is why that country has been neutral for so many years.
- The power base of the organization is in England, where all evil has originally came from, Including Americunts.
- The religious base is obviously in Italy, where there is a guy with a fish head hat, telling you how to live your life.
- The military, aka NATO, is kept all over the world, and is paid for by the Americunts.
How we are pwned
Since right after we are born, we are taught to always obey orders and to work hard for our living. We are forced to go into schools and listen to years of brainwashing from teachers who are paid by the governments. After that we go to college where they brainwash us some more to become a part of the money system. We then graduate (become gradually indoctrinated) and become the pwned sheep that we are. Of course, these institutions are all made of industrial-strength fail, since this article wouldn't be here for you to read (and wouldn't make sense to you anyway) if any of that crap actually worked.
They keep us under their control with fear: Fear of hell, fear of hunger, fear of nature, fear of guns, fear of police, and fear of what other people will think of us.
We are constantly bombarded by subliminal messages from everywhere, urging us to consume more, eat more, drink more and fuck more.
The Cell phones has been invented so that the government will know exactly where we are, all the time. The cities are flooded with surveillance equipment, and they spray chemicals with specially engineered diseases to keep our number down.
There are two ways out:
- Drop out of the system completely, and go live somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
- Become an Hero.
Masonic Conspiracy True Believers
The Scottish rites
 A Freemason initiation. |
 A typical mason's wife. |
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 Kody and Mason in a scene from the rom-com Randy Blue. |
 Perry Mason, lawyer |
 Mason Storm, actress and model. Probably not a mason. |
 Mason from Dead Like Me. |
 Masons' not so secret meeting place. |
On the Net
- alt.illuminati
- Straight Dope Pyramid Symbol Explanation
- Killuminati
- Is Jay-Z a Freemason?
- Conspiracy Archive
- [1]
