Fanfiction.net

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

~~No moar Rule 34~~ ~~Proceed, this is relevant to my interests.~~ I said stoppit.

FanFiction.net is one of many pus-filled boils on the tender ass-cheek of the internets. This site is a battle-ground between Animu fantards, yaoi Nazis, furfags, emo fucks, and 16 year old girls.

Founded at least 100 years ago, FF.net is Fictionpress.com's men'ally retarded buttbaby with Griffindor Tower. Oddly enough for a fanfiction site, much of its content has little or nothing to do with its source. Perhaps there were a few, somewhere along the way, but they were quickly overtaken by Naruto/Inuyasha yaoi x-overs.

Gifted with an exceptionally retarded fanbase, FF.net manages to have the world record for most entries with spelling errors and 1337speak. Like its counterpart DeviantART, FF.net actually slows and in some cases retards the creative process, meaning many competent writers will often be stuck doing slashfic while soaking up all the mindless praise and slowly forgetting hough two yous homonyms. It is interesting to note that many shitty DA artists have accounts on FF.net.

The Stories

Being an amazing website, FF.net is a oasis of creativity. Even though there are literally tens of categories to fit your story in (only a handful of which ever get read), all fanfiction follows a set number of readers.

Yaoi

Yaoi creaters are mostly girls that have absolutely no life what so ever. And are very very alone, they trully need to get some fucking attention in their lives. However, this method of attention garnering is extremely effective, as many of the pairings you will see on the site will be impossible to forget without serious brain-injury (such as the countless ghoul/human pairings in the Fallout section), thus haunting you until death. Yaoi is the infection that leeches and drains on the minds of innocent browsers on FF.net.

A typical yaoi fanfiction writer

Horror

These stories are just not scary. Nope nope nope, not scary, never. When they’re not just ripping off Silent Hill, they’re just random scenes of "brutal" violence. It is not unusual to see a member of the Insane Clown Posse pop up somewhere.

These stories often contain vampires, because what’s more frightening than an emo dandy almost raping a bunch of characters not interesting enough to care about, slapping a bunch of run of the mill blood and gore and calling it original.

Tragedy/Angst

Or, emo emo bawwwwww! These are most often frequented by cutters who not only write both deep prose and poetry ripping off Evanescence, but often combine the two to create one massive lump of gay shit.

Suicide stories are not uncommon, with the surprisingly chipper author’s note saying "I almost tried suicide 1ce but now I no its not the answer lololololol." Authors that specialize in this genre can take even the most cheerful, outgoing character and turn them into a fermenting jug of emo jenkem.

Action

Really just an excuse to have a story 97 chapters long with an average of 100 words per chapter and a cliffhanger at the end of each one. Also! Notice! How! All! The! Characters! End! All! Of ! Their! Sentences! Like! This!

Romance

For those too cowardly to do yaoi. Contains some of the clumsiest descriptions of human interaction you’ve ever seen, possibly because authors in this category are mostly over forty and virgins.

Spiritual

Very rarely observed in the wild, the authors in this category feel the need to share their beliefs with everyone else, usually by clumsy self-insertion and poor dialogue.

Note that all the entries are Christians, other religions have the good sense to stfu or face Guantanamo.

Western/Scifi/Crime/Family/Friendship

These are completely unused categories. If you see someone post in them, it’s usually a mistake.

General

This is for the shit that’s too bland to even be romance. Usually stories about the main characters stubbing their toe and then going to buy batteries at Kmart. These stories are read by no one.

Poetry

Rivaling DA in pure artistic failure, poetry is most often shit that they wrote while not paying attention in English. Typical subjects include rain, cutting, depression, cutting, existential shit, and how the blade of a knife feels so cool against your hot skin and how crimson blood is as it mars your pale flesh. And cock.

Crossover

The ending to every piece of crossover fanficton EVAR.

What’s somehow more derivative than a story using someone else's characters? A story using someone else's characters and a plot lifted from yet another person’s work, of course! Most crossovers include Harry Potter, Twilight, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Naruto, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings and Sailor Moon. This is usually done for the sake of a yaoi pairing that wouldn't be possible otherwise.

On April 1st, 2009, the site's admins finally caved to bitching by its members and decided to take all the crossovers and separate them from the other fanfics, making it all the easier to find the most fucktarded crossover fics. Investigation into the matter has uncovered some truly disturbing crossovers:

And that is merely the tip of the shitberg.

The Authors

The authors of FF.net comes from all around the world, yet there are only a few variations, because the only people who prefer fanfiction over original fiction are utter fucktards.

The tuff chick

She rites badass! Fiction and she will pwn ya internets if ya fuck with her. Has the spelling abilities of a retarded baby monkey, your average DA user or a blind puppy with no legs.

The DA migrant

This person has come to FF.Net for one purpose alone, to make fanfiction that validates their yaoi otp/fancharacter ripoff/shitty fantasy concept. Usually starts out saying “this is my first story, plz bee kind thnks” but turns into a rabid snarling bitch when you dare besmirch her mighty craft. Besmirch I say!

The creepy yaoi girl

This is the fangirl that writes nothing but stomach-churning, obsessive yaoi between two characters that have no canon backup. Be wary of this one, because they’re just so batshit they can bite your scrotal sac off through the internet, they just have yet to figure out how.

The hyper grrrrl

Running from the ages of 16 to…16, these authors are known for their run-on sentences and their ability to make you want to kill everyone, evar. They are often Suethors as well.

The Suethor

Once spanning horizon to horizon of myriad fandoms, this author has become endangered what with Microsoft spellcheck and brass knuckles dropping in price. Nearly all of them were 13 year old girls, the remaining 5% were sad basement dwellers with otherkin dreams.

Note: it is usually impossible to tell between a Suethor and a really good troll. See My Immortal for further information.

Emo

Really doesn’t deserve a category to itself, since they are only doing it for the attention, not the lulz. Will post fanfiction with chapters hitting the triple digits, each one containing an Evanescence or Taking Back Sunday song. The easiest author category to troll, possibly all that wrist slitting means they have no backbone.

Actual aspiring authors

These are few and far between on the site. If they actually claim to be aspiring authors, they're probably lying.

On the off chance you DO find something halfway decent on the website that was volunteered for, the writer has long since left to do something useful, leaving unfinished work in an attempt to emulate Robert Jordan. Due to the constant influx of shitty fanfics onto the site, any reasonably well-written material found will be buried under countless layers of shit.

If you find a somewhat skilled author that is still active on the site, there are a few things you can do (after promptly ensuring that you aren't dreaming or completely wasted):

Tell them that they're wasting their talent on contributing to the cesspool that is the literary equivalent of diarrhea, and that they should try straining their fandom-addled brains into coming up with an original work.
Encourage them to write scathing reviews of other people's badly written works. Let them discover how delightful doing it for the lulz is when they see the inevitable whiny replies and fail attempts to flame their own fics (in the form of reviews) are.
If their manner is similar to that of a pretentious tartlet, test the waters by posting some scathing critique of your own and see how they react. Sometimes these authors think that being able to write half-decent fanfics makes them Internet-famous, and will fly into a nerd rage, providing some lulz for your trouble.

Comments/Reviews

lolwut

Much like DA, reviews are not allowed to include any actual criticism, or it will be counted as a flame. Naturally, this greatly retards the creative process; when people only tell an author how much they loved their Naruto/Inuyasha yaoi x-overs, they get no idea what aspects of their writing should improve. Therefore the author becomes stuck in a vicious circle, writing the same shit over and over again with their fan's hands firmly on their e-penis.

Ideally, a review is two sentences long. The first sentence should be used to offer a generic compliment, and the second should refrence a specific part of the story to prove you actually read it. Unfortunately, a significant number of reviewers still fail to provide the latter.

Typical responses:

Fancharacters

Over 9000% percent of all stories contain fancharacters, or characters from the show/book/movie acting like complete dipshits.

While many writers carry an avowed hatred of FC’s, those same authors are often guilty of the same damn thing. This has created a tense environment, with many in the fan Gestapo ranks ready to fire the moment someone screams “SUUUUUE!”

The fancharacters, like all fancharacters, are mostly carbon copies of existing characters with much greater powers and a traumatizing background.

Fancharacters are also the tool of the discriminating troll. See: Tara Gilesbie , the most well known of them all.

Also, Fancharacters are known as "OC" (own character). I suggest you don't read this kind of story (IF YOU CAN AVOID IT!)

Forums

The forums are the real reason any EDiot should go to FF.net. Like any forum, serious discussion of a topic is extremely rare. Instead, there is a vast amalgam of fangirl talk, 7331, and asspies. The posts rival IMDb’s forums in sheer stupidity, spelling errors, and butthurt. Technically, it’s a lot like IMDb’s forums because instead of confining topics to things, y’know, concerning writing, they allow people to post about the subject itself, leading to flame wars and bouts of E-Tantrums that last for at least 100 posts before the site admins shut them down.

Some very lulzy examples here here, here, here, here, here and here

The current highest posted-on Harry Potter forum is Undesirable Number One, verging on 22,000 posts (of which at least a quarter are [1]). It is run mainly by the admin and a moderator, Mrs Claire Potter and [2]. In an effort to stop self-righteous thirteen year old girls from molesting their pride and joy of a forum, the two moderators constantly put down the members to keep them in their place. For the full article on this forum, see Undesirable Number One

Two prime examples of why we embrace their Genocide.

No moar Rule 34?

Last Thursday, the FBI discovered the single largest cache of kiddie porn in the western hemisphere. Unsurprisingly, it was FF.net. When threatened by the FBI party van, FF.net quickly dumped its cache of NC-17 fics and child porn into Michael Jackson’s dumpster, while decoying people with the WTC.

This caused the largest wave of pedo butthurt that has been seen in years, many sobbing greasily that they were going to contact the government about how the first amendment applies to Harry Potter twincest. They all got a ride in the party van.

This probably led to the formation of its bastard ass-baby Adult Fanfiction.net, a site proud of its pedos, and is even more time-wasting than the original.

Creative Process

1. Begin the first chapter with a pointless disclaimer saying you don't own *insert fandom here* because you think it will actually provide any sort of protection from copyright law, when really it doesn't and makes you look stupid (as if you didn't already look stupid by writing fanfiction in the first place).

2. Pick yaoi couple.

3. Write emo suicide.

4. Write horrible sex scene.

5. ????

6. PROFIT! (and hopefully reviews which consist of nothing but praise typed by sticky fingers)

"Beta Reading"

Recently, the site added a feature called "Beta-Reading". This allows authors to read and criticize the works of other authors before they put their stuff on the site. Unfortunately for trolls, one does not simply lulz their way into this Mordor. To become one of these, a member must have been a member for at least a month, posted 5 fanfics onto the site OR written at least 9,000 words, and fill out some crappy form that designates what shit you're willing to read. Essentially, one has to establish themselves as a member of the site. To get lulz from this requires patience and probably actual writing ability in order to lure potential lolcows in so they can be milked.

Note: Casual lulz can be milked by simply wafting through the sea of applicants. In fact, a drinking game can be created; take a shot whenever you see the misspelling "grammer" in the same context as "im rly gud at spellling."

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