Fallout
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| When you're in the vault, you are not a Fall Out Boy |
| — Butch |
Fallout (aka Fagout or Failout) is a cult game series set after the good ol' 50's U.S. of A.. The intelligent and courageous Americans of this time decided the communist citizens of China needed to be taught a lesson and fired every nuclear ICBM in their arsenal at the commies. However, China got the same idea and fired their ICBMs at the homeland. Soon, every country with nuclear weapons joined in just to feel important. Africa, the only continent without nukes, was the only place to escape unscathed. Sadly, they were too intellectual to exist without intervention from western civilizations and died out quickly. Some people survived this apocalypse by hiding their families in "Vaults", emerging only over 100 years later. The first game casts you as one of these Vault dwellers. You are so pure due to the awesomeness within the Vault; you can barely walk, taking every step in a side to side stagger. Unable to walk in diagonal lines, you are a social outcast and you are spat upon by even the foulest inhabitants of the Wasteland.
Contents |
Fallout 1
Fallout I looked like a pile of brown and gray shit. The creators had no fucking clue about science, and figured that a nuclear war would destroy every plant on Earth forever, even though Chernobyl has a fucking forest around it. You can walk around in a radioactive area and be totally safe from radiation poisoning DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. RADIATION WOULD ONLY BE AROUND IN WATER SOURCES LIKE WATER TOWERS. The combat is Final Fantasy with no spells and guns. You take turns firing potshots at each other. The level up system is no better as it is completely unbalanced. The first few levels are complete ass because anything can kill you in one hit. However, as soon as you level up enough, it becomes way too easy.
The one upside to this installment is you can savagely murder children and take their money. The downside to this upside is that every last person will try to kill your child-murdering ass. In the UK version of the game, all the children are removed, so Brits had the one good thing about this game completely removed.
Fallout 2
As the first one wasn't bad enough, Interplay decided to come back with another game, this time with more bugs and issues without a patch, Yay. If you have played this game, and compared it to the first game, you may ask yourself, whats the difference? The answer is nothing what so ever. The graphics and feel is now been upgraded to Diablo 2, but the skeleton of the game is still FF: Tactics. Same perk system, same Attributes, some new skills, NOTHING INTERESTING. The story still is maintained in what they like to call a "Fallout Universe". Even with all the patches, there are over 9,000 bugs, all substantial to gameplay, and render it unplayable.
The one thing that they accomplished last game, was b& during this installment, for "portrayal of children in violent games". Thank you, censorship.
However you could get laid in this game and drive a car too. Hell, they even trolled Scientology as well, through an in-game faction known as the Hubologists. Unfortunately, all of the mentioned new features only makes this a better game by a very slight amount.
Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel
..Not to be confused with Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel
After releasing two games in the main series, it was time for a spin-off and as a result came Fallout Tactics. The graphics are improved upon from the previous games (You can now play in a screen resolution besides 640x480) and now the game focuses more on combat, with cumbersome squad controls, and a revised semi-real time combat system. Of course, if preferred, the player can switch back to the tedious old turn-based system of the previous games, now with a boring-ass long wait time, while the AI makes it's move. There was also an editor included, which no one has ever figured out how to use. Oh, and you can't bang hookers and kill kids, like you could in previous games.
Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel
..Not to be confused with Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel.
Following the release of Fallout Tactics, Interplay head honcho Herve Caen decided that it would be a great idea to produce a crappy Diablo knock-off as the next installment in the series instead of focusing on the development of Fallout 3, which was at the time known as Van Buren or some faggy German shit like that.
Needless to say, nobody bought BoS (more like PoS, amirite, lol) and Interplay went bankrupt. For some reason, everyone at Interplay kept working, despite being evicted from their office and going without pay for at least 100 hours.
Fallout 3
Fallout 3 is the most recent release from Bethesda Softworks, proud makers of the crappy games, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and Morrowind. Bethseda basically slapped the Fallout name on to the game, added guns, and added a futuristic setting. This was all to hide what the game really was: Oblivion 2.
V.A.T.S.
Viagra Assisted Tactical Sperming allows the player to target vaginas/anuses/holes in an enemy while time has stopped. This enables you to do critical damage to the enemy or shoot the gun out of their hand when you ejaculate. Most of the time the player will just shoot their heads to try to end the fight faster which isn't fun at all. V.A.T.S. is percentage based, so if your weapon is a piece of shit and your weapon skills suck ass, then you will miss consistently. If you do make contact and kill your enemy, they will be decapitated in the most spectacularly gory way ever as a way of thanking you for putting up with V.A.T.S.' non-removable slow-mo.
Don't even try to use melee weapons though. Bethesda decided to make V.A.T.S. in melee FUCKING USELESS. Not only can you not target a specific area on the enemy's body, but every time you decide to V.A.T.S. with melee you will hit them once and then use all of your AP like a person with a very high I.Q. waving your laughably ineffectual weapon at nothing.
S.P.E.C.I.A.L.
Having been around since the first game, S.P.E.C.I.A.L. is a character creation/leveling/skill system that borrows heavily from another system known as G.U.R.P.S.. Originally the game was indeed going to use G.U.R.P.S., but Steve Jackson Games, the owners of GURPS, thought that the game was much too violent for their wimpy faggot company that they decided not to let Interplay use it. When the player first creates a character, they can apply stat points to different attributes. For example you make a character with low intelligence and watch him grunt his way through the game's conversations,low charisma, but very high strength and endurance. With Fallout 3, Intelligence is the number one skill to level up, as apparently being smart equals moar learning. You can also choose to specialise in three skills which range from essentials (Skill with big-ass guns), to useful (Steal), to just plain useless (Outdoorsman).
Actual Gameplay
Characters
Fallout 3 has a fuckton of characters, most just spout TL;DR shit and only want to show you their skill at catching your shotgun shells with their faces, keep that in mind the next time you are faced with a moral decision in this game.
- Dad: After you murder your mother, good ol' dad abandons you in the vault because of personal issues. He even leaves you a note describing in detail that he fucking hates you. Because everyone set their S.P.E.C.I.A.L intelligence to 1, their character sets out to find him. Dad honorably sacrifices his life to save his only child.
- The Overseer: Dad's decision to GTFO makes the head nigga in charge rage, and he decides to kill everyone in the vault. After having a civil chat with him, you then depart the vault.
- Butch: Leader of the Tunnel Snakes and a total Internet Tough Guy. In the chaos of the vault escape, he is in dire-straits and asks for your help because he hates bugs. Your character promptly tells him to fuck off as it proceeds to gang-bang his mother with 4 other radroaches. In the unlikely event that you let this 'badass' loose on the Wasteland he lives up to his gang leader status and becomes a hairdresser.
- Sheriff Simms: Seeing alot of ethnocentric leader figures in this game? Lucas Simms took advantage of the post-apocalyptic scenario, in true black style, to steal some fine-ass threads and a sweet gat in order to reign supreme over the poor, innocent white folks in Megaton. A natural uppity coon, he confronts you at Megaton's gate and makes you his bitch(doesn't matter if you're a guy or not).
- Mister Burke: Megaton's closed, but it would seem Mister Burke had other ideas. The character that everyone wanted to be upon first meeting him. As the story progressed, Simms decides to arrest him and interrogate him for any useful information. Burke reminds Simms that black people cannot amount to anything, before streaming a torrent of lead in his face. Seriously. This guy is a fucking badass.
Fallout 3 DLC
Bethesda has released five content packs for Fallout 3. Each one is nothing more than a few more items, achievements and bugs. They also have plans for retail releases for each pack for those too poor to afford internets (But Mothership Zeta will only be on the up-and-coming Game of the Year Edition, the cheap bastards). All of the expansions will come to PC and Xbox first which has caused much butthurt among PS3 ownewrs.
Operation Anchorage
The first Fallout 3 downloadable content pack takes place as a virtual reality "military simulation" in the main game where the player character is stripped of their equipment and is forced to use the replacements provided. Based in Alaska, you are a military grunt set with the task of liberating Alaska from it's Chinese invaders with your fellow soldiers who are all fucking stupid and cannot kill a thing on their own. This DLC isn't worth 10 dollars, so don't buy it. It is boring and short, requiring you only to shoot stuff and blow up stuff. The only good thing about this is afterwards you get an indestructible and fucking awesome suit of armor, and another suit that is basically invisible when you squat. However, this armor was stolen from Metal Gear Solid 4. Sony is writing a lawsuit as you read this.
The Pitt
Literally the worst program ever made, there were so many bugs in this that it was taken off the Xbox live market place to be re-released. Once it was playable, all that there was to offer was more 'moral' choices (if you call picking between two dicks a moral choice, not to mention it was the same thing as in the tenpenny tower mission and in oasis ) the area of Pittsburgh itself, now a huge slave complex. Not recommended for puchase, though it isn't as bad as Anchorage, as you can return any time you want and unlock more crappy retextured items.
Broken Steel
After the developers realised they fucked up the story when they had three radiation immune characters that SHOULD have gone in your place. Also, the fans were BAAAAWING that they were too fucking stupid to read that the game has a definite end. They needed a plot device to continue the story so they decided that exposure to radiation just puts you to sleep for 2 weeks (Bethesda continues the grand tradition of shitting on science) .Extends level cap to 30, breaking the game's difficulty into tiny pieces and adds new main and side quests to the main game. Sadly, they are all about shooting people with guns with the good guys therefore screwing people who like having decent stories. Of course after reaching lvl 30 enemies 3x better than behemoths will start spawning regularly, forcing yourself to OD on stimpacks and use 3 mini-nukes. However, these enemies are weak as hell and can't kill shit. They only take 3 nukes because they have insanely high health.
Point Lookout
You take a boat ride to Hickville, Maryland. The boatman, Tobar, is revealed to have a brain fetish (not an ED joke. This is fact), and takes a chunk of your brain out. The DLC itself is surprisingly decent. If you're looking to buy one of the DLCs, this is the only one that will give you more than 5 hours of gameplay, plus you get to shoot hillbillies with a double-barrel shotgun while wearing a confederate hat, and completely trip balls after taking drugs. This is one of the lulziest moments in gaming history because you get to see the corpse of your dead mother and a message saying, "If I had a baby that ugly, I'd abandon it too!" Also, the northern hillbillies have developed southern accents because Bethesda could not find a real hillbilly in the north. They obviously never looked in southern New Jersey.
Mothership Zeta
Related to the crashed recon craft, your Pip-Boy picks up a signal from there. You arrive and get abducted for the alien's anal experimentations. After the buttrape, you meet up with more prisoners of the loveship and form an uprising. Here, you meet quite an ensemble of other confused abductees, such as a possibly psychic and demonic little girl, an Old timely astronaut that drops dead immediately, a cowboy that only wants to shoot aliens, a pussy medic that only serves as a healer and cryonade factory, and a samurai that speaks no Engrish. After going killzone on all the extraterrestrials, you can use their ship as your own personal shit-storing station. Too bad your space house doesn't have a fucking bed and 70% of the ship is rendered unexplorable. The characters are all boring and exist only to be shot in the face and looted for unique armor. The weapons are weak as a cripple's kicks. In fact, a revolver from the 1800's beats Alien shields made in 2277.
Also, you find a tape saying the aliens started the nuclear war. This proves Bethesda does not give a shit about their games' own plots and themes (Mankind always screws himself over and as to rebuild). The next game will change the opening speech from, "War. War never changes," to ,"War. War never changes...UNLES ALLEENS ATTAK LOL!"
Fanfiction
Found here, read for lulz: http://www.fanfiction.net/~nikopimp69
See also
 |
Fallout is part of a series on Gaming |
| Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
