Failfags

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

The Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S) is an collection of people whose ancestors, ideas, dreams, thoughts, lives, family, friends, creeds, race, nation, religion, or otherwise human-made organization was, at some point in time, pwned by The Man. Throughout history, members of this organization were permabanned IRL by fist, cock, sword, siege weapon, guns, and other omghax, but today, members of this organization are maintained by government stipends to give the impression that The Man is a caring and compassionate destroyer of worlds.

[edit] Who Is The Man?

• Christians: PowerWord: Christ compels you for under 8999.
• Adolf Hitler: The forerunner of Modern Win. Hitler was prophetic in his understanding that the Jewish menace would become a global problem one day in the near future. The stars tell us that one day, he will return as Mecha-Hitler and complete his holy mission.
• Pre-War Germany: It took an entire planet to bring them down!
• George W. Bush: The father of Modern Win.
• America
• Jews
• Mossad
• Israel
• The British Empire
• Western Europe (not France)
• White People
• Corporations
• Jesus Christ
• Henry Kissinger
• People who look old
• Bilderberg Group
• Trilateral Commission

[edit] Who is a failfag and why?

• Soviet Russia: While their most enduring impact on the world was long-term conversion of China to a Communist state, Soviet Russia raided 24/7 for phat purps, but didn't farm for money to repair their gear, so they quit the game forever.
• Marx: The father of Modern Fail whose technical rants on population statistics inspired millions of failfags everywhere that the poor can be mobilized into a weapon for equal rights, making him no different than any religious crusader before him.
• Post-War Germany: These faggots got pwned by a 40 year-old wall. Hell, even the Mongolians kept trying. Chin up!
• Teenagers: This demographic is regularly reminded that they can't do everything they want, forcing them to go onto the tubes with a webcam and fap to furry art suppressed sexuality as a way to rebel against their parents.
• Africa: The premier historical case study of Epic Fail, only recently topped by Marx.
• Feminists: These things aborted so many future criminals that the eventually killed off their own political power base that elected them into power to begin with.
• Conspiracy Theorists: Professional The Man stalkers.
• Muslims: A group of people who haven't gotten the memo that The Man always wins. Passionate, but stupid. Like an enraged bull or a college student at a WTO protest.
• Aborted babies (They can't whine)
• PETA: The militant forerunner of the future Democratic Beastiality Party of America. Their spouses rights are trampled on excessively by things The Man needs, like comfortable shoes or food. (IT ARE FACT: In PETA's entire history, not one member has volunteered to be a test subject for experimental chemical trials.)
• Furries: You know that ugly, red-headed step-cousin in your all-white family that's Black and everyone is afraid to talk about him? Replace all-white family with the Internet, and that's the role of a Furry.