Fable 2
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Fable II (more like Gayble JEW, amirite?) is Peter Molyneux's latest overhyped and underwhelming mistake in which an immortal, morbidly obese cookie-cutter hero, is immersed in a rushed and under-developed world of of unchallenging linear faggotry, nagging wives with +1 to herpes, and an endless barrage of smudgy pastel-colored bullshit and treasure rusty necklaces. As advertised, the player can "choose his fate" as long as it involves hair dyes, shit nobody cares about and not killing children. It is set in an era reminiscent of the late 1600s or early 1700s, thus giving the player a unique chance to dress like a complete faggot.
Development
| —Peter Molyjeux |
| —Game Developers |
| —Peter Molyjeux |
| —Game Developers |
| —Peter Molyjeux |
Cool Story Bro
You begin the game either as a little boy or girl, who lives as an orphan with their hawt loli sister. Chris Hansen shows up and interrupts your ur wincest when he asks you to "have a seat over there" and proceeds to read your chatlogs. Some blind bitch from the previous game, who obviously didn't see you getting V& on National TelevisionLOL, tells you to buy an unexplained music box, which you do for no apparent reason, establishing early on that lazy uninspired developers gave up on trying to make a coherent Fable story line.
TL;DR
- Your sister gets pwned.
- U "FFFUUUUUUUU"
- You grow up, get fat and get herpes.
- You get meet a fat chick, a nigger and a faggot.
- You do some shit nobody cares about.
- There's a dog somewhere in there...
- your dog gets pwnd and you epically defeat the villain with aforementioned faggy music box from which Pedobear jumps out. Then the game ends.
If you managed to play through the entire shitty game you are finally rewarded when your family dies. If you had a baby and not a toddler, your baby will not resurrect along with your family. Implying that babies are not people, and super late term abortions are awwwwrrrriiigggghhhhttt.
Subtle hints of liberalism in this game trying to "corrupt" our youth everywhere!
Characters
"The Hero" - You, who has decided to play this train wreck for some unfathomable reason. Starts with +10 to trade in value at GameStop.
"Theresa" - The hot sister of the hero of the last game who was left permanently blind after Lucien came in her eye.
"Lucien" - Builds The Spire where he uses to anally rape the world, and charge his musket or some shit.
"Rose" - The hero's dead hawt pedo-bait loli sister... Good for some necro-wincest. (double points!)
"Hammer" - Some fat chick with thunder thighs.
"Garth" - The only in-game nigger. He has +1 to stealing your bicycle, can't swim and is afraid of your dog. However, is a intelligent, well spoken black man. (remember, this is a Video Game, and is purely fantasy.)
"Reaver" - A literal flaming faggot with a mouthful of cock and a colon full of astroglyde. Likes to sleep with Andrew.
"Dog" - The hero's dog. He is the most well-developed character in the game. Finds vespene gas and shit for you to dig up and doesn't afraid of anything.
"Barnum" - TL:DR Takes pictures of children such as your hot loli sis. He thinks he has great business ideas (CP!) but he's a fucking big-nosed failure and always 404s. He needs you to help him with his CP collection because he's B&.
"Rex" - Shown at the beginning of the game buttsecksing a stray dog with a sword, he makes your loli sis STFU, sword fights you and calls you nutter then runs off into the ghetto streets of Bowerstone Old Town.
Reaver Speaks
List of Character Builds in Fable 2
Choose your fate:
- Fat
Gameplay
Fable II's gameplay is unique in that, where many games would have you simply smash a single button to beat all of the opponents in the game, Fable II makes you smash three. The game's rather low difficulty increases if the player manages to travel back in time and play as a 4 year old.
Fable II also includes the ability to marry the game's NPCs and have children with them, thus allowing the player the ability to reproduce at a rate that would make even Mexicans blanch. Unfortunately for many people playing this game, this is about as close to getting pussy as they will get, since even hiring a prostitute would entail them turning off their Xbox long enough to leave their mother's basement in order to spend her Social Security money on a lady of the night.
Fable II also offers multiplayer capability, but who knows why anyone would be able to bear playing this game in the first place, let alone alongside one of the 13-year old boys who lurks on Xbox live.
Even if you did have the stomach to play it, good luck getting through the first quarter of the game, because the entire game is buggier than a Mexican whore's cooch. Thanks to only having about three testers for the whole game, who were no doubt coke-snorting, beer-chugging frat boys, pressing any button at any point could potentially corrupt your game or possibly cause your Xbox to kill itself. This apparently doesn't stop the many basement virgins from playing it.
Gameplay method 2, Electric Boogaloo (Doin' It Wrong)
The player can pwn the exceedingly deep and well-thought-out Fable universe by buying some properties and leaving his console on overnight (no need, it tallies up even when you're not playing) thus generating enough gold (and red ring of death karma) to buy everything in the game, control the media and DO WTC.
Sensing opportunity, Lionhead developers decided to make the best equipment in the game easily purchased at any store, thus negating the need to program cool or useful weapons into the game, while simultaneously alleviating player motivation to explore, complete quests and search for better gear.
Downloadable Content
Knothole Island, yeah moar like Buttsecks island (lulz)!! buy this shit otherwise Lionhead island will give your mom a nice facial. The DLC give playas moar time to jack off to faggotry color schemes and to obtain Moars tits and experience for there little Nigger characters.
Two different versions of the same shit= Jewdum way...amirite?!1!!
Microsoft plans to use all of the money made off the DLC inorder to build more countries in various parts of the world for their dictorial agenda. MORON that story later, Bro!!!
Unreleased Orgy Mini-Game!!!
How do I fucks wife?
According to Google, the players of Fable II cannot even get laid in a video game. Such a lulzy tribute to nerdom and the inability to engage in relations even with imaginary people is perhaps the game's only redeeming quality.
It's been discovered that in order to fuck wives, or anyone. You need a book as to learn how. Promoting the sex-education agenda which is un-American.
Gabriel Moonstone (tooken from Gayble Jew Forums): Yes I would like to know how to have sex in Fable 2 if anyone on here could send me a PM please I haven't fapped since I logged onto here to type this!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU forums of faggotry
Google thinks otherwise Faggot GTFO and stop being a Pedo!!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^
This is why Google is a bad invenshion. - Lulzcat
Alignment
There are four primary alignments in Fable II.
- Good: Pretty basic stuff, you go around saving people, kissing the ass of people who don't deserve it, donate to the temple of light, or play lots and lots of music.
- Evil: Being evil is easy. I mean really easy. Getting evil points can include such menacing activities as stealing pies cooling over a window, jaywalking, leaving the toilet seat up, looking at people menacingly, or leaving a shitty waitress less then a ten percent tip.
- Corruption: Corruption is some new shit The Fable designers thought was a good idea, and couldn't come up with a better word for it. Being corrupt is all about cheating on your spouse, eating pie and meat, oversleeping, drinking beer, hire prostitutes or overcharging on rent. However, polygamy or using condoms does nothing for your corruption. Thus this game is anti-Christian.
- Pure: The opposite of corrupt, retaining pure points requires eating vegetables, keeping rent low, and overall being a douchebag.
Apparently because of copyright laws and crap, Fable couldn't just use Chaotic and Lawful alignment from Dungeons & Dragons and save themselves a bunch of time.
There is also alignment meters involving mind and body, rich and poor, hostile and friendly, allowing even more customization of your character.
Jim Profit turned out to be evil and pure.
Weapons
Fable 2 is notable for it's variety of assorted weapons (because who needs magic when you can have GUN?!) Like any good RPG, the most time consuming and difficult to obtain unique weapons are fucking terrible compared to the plain weapons that can be bought at any store. Such weapons can include..
- Swords: PUSH BUTAN, RECEEV BACON. You'll be having to hit the same button quite often because the game is deep as fuck.
- Hammers: If you're too poor to afford a good sword. And the only reason you're too poor to afford a good sword is because you've been earning corruption.
- Crossbows: Used by Injuns, briefly before smallpox.
- Guns: Guns are necessary because sometimes your wife just won't STFU.
You may augment your weapons with a half-assed selection of shit nobody cares about.
List of Enemies
Some enemies you'll find in this game are:
B&its: Angry basement-dwellers who were forced outside after being B& from 4chan. Their furfag leaders sport deerheads.
Assassins: Assassins are fucking annoying flip around to avoid damage AZNs and won't even suck your cock after you join their guild. Kekekekekeke
Pirate Ghosts: Not to be confused with Ghost Pirates, these fucks cause chasms, use telekinesis, block like Jesus, and do all kinds of cool shit you could do if you were playing a better game.
- They're not Pirate Ghosts Jim, they're ghost pirates. Pirate Ghost would suggest that a pirate died and became a ghost, but a Ghost Pirate is a ghost that later made a conscious decision to be a pirate..
- No, Patricia, then they are Pirate Ghosts because they're the ghosts of pirates!
- You're wrong Jim, because there were no pirates in Colorado! So these must be ghosts that decided to become pirates after the fact!
Trolls: Continuing with the well-established theme of shit, these aptly named enemies successfully troll you with shoddy game mechanics and broken hit detection.
Banshee: As if one nagging wife wasn't enough, you are forced use your domestic violence skills against yet another annoying woman who refuses to stay in the kitchen and starts shrilling about equal pay and sexual harassment in the workplace. She summons all her little aborted fetuses to flank your ass while she inhales deeply and weezes.
Beatles: The only enemy that was a british rock band sensation from the 1960s, convinced your mom to drop acid.
Spire Guards: President Obama's rule and massive brainwashing has unleashed an almost endless supply of his black panther minions to lurk in the paycheck-advance/liquor stores. Easily distracted by booty, fried chicken and shiny rims larger than 20".
Hollowmen: These are the returned souls of zombies that were killed by /k/omandos in the first zombie apocalypse. They're not at all plagiarized from the show Bleach, hurpdurp!
Werewolves: They have some technical name. But nobody fucking cares. They're furfags, and kill you with a yiff attack that can corner you and go in infinite rounds of social isolation and bestiality fantasy.
Shadow: Shadows are wiggers that emulate other enemies. Only they're much more annoying as it's fucking dark in the levels they appear in and you're playing a shitty game.
Critical Reception
Fable II has been largely received positively by critics, with some even assigning perfect scores to the game. Obviously, these reviewers have either never played a video game, had their children write a review while they were busy snorting coke off of an underage hooker's stomach, or received sexual favors from Peter Molyneux to encourage them to give the game a good rating.
| —everyone |
| —YMCA |
| —Anon |
| —You |
External Links
- Lionhead Studio's website.
- Things Fable II players do when they get bored playing. Sadly enough, "stop playing and go outside" is not a popular one.
lolBAWWLEETEDlol tranniesGONE- Fable 2 has its share of bad fanfiction.
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