Evildoer Korea
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Officially The Workers' Paradise or Koryo for short, is by most standards the best country in the World, and the only country where taxes are inexistent. The official currency is the Marlboro 20 pack, so even if you don't smoke, you should take a lot of cigarettes to your carefree vacation.
The Capital, Pyongyang, has been ranked the Cleanest, Safest, most ordered City in Asia for the last 6 decades consecutively. Additionally it boast the lowest crime rate of the region, and homicides are almost inexistent. Instead of the depressing, robotic, traffic lights you'd find in any other bustling metropolis, in the Capital of Paradise beautiful ladies wave colorful flags to direct traffic and every night the people vote to shut down electricity so as to appreciate the star-spangled sky. Healthcare, Education and lifelong employment are rights ensured to all Koreans who have their Dear Leader to thank for, generally by building tall monuments to belittle foreigners with.
But not all in the PDRK is urban hype, to the Northeast stretches the pristine mountain range that gave celestial birth to the Dear Leader, and while the area is closed to any foreigner, journalist or not, due to its sacred Geography; the State informs us that in the region beautiful ski slopes abound where workers spend their paid vacations drinking hot chocolate at their chalet. The State also informs us that the pictures of what would look like Concentration Camps in that same area as seen from Google Earth are actually shopped, another Western lie, and that in fact those pictures are of a FEMA camp near Anchorage, Alaska. But not to worry, the Dear Leader wants to win our affection and is already planning the destruction of the FEMA Alaska KZs with his mighty Typo-Dong.
Due to the combination of a Stable Government, NO Taxes, NO Crime, Healthcare benefits, Clean Cities, and Untouched Nature, but somehow chilly winters, International Living Magazine has ranked North Korea as the number 2 favorite expat destination, after Cuba.
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Relationship with the West
Not to be confused with Good Korea (or Gorea for short), Evildoer Korea is a founding member of the Axis of Evil and currently the United States's main acquisition target in east Asia. Evildoer Korea is valuable in the United States' Manifest Destiny 21st century plan as it provides diversity to what would otherwise be an all-Muslim list of acquisition targets.
OK, Cuba isn't Muslim either, but it's really very small and most of the inhabitants already live in Florida. It's really just a rogue territory of the United States, anyway. Both Cuba and Evildoer Korea are on the list of countries to spread democracy to.
On July 4, 2006, North Korea launched its taepodong ("tapered penis") missile, which immediately got pwned. The U.S. responded by taking North Korea off its MySpace friends list. Quoting an unnamed top-level official, "Man, not cool. I told him not to fire that shit, so why does he always gotta be such a drama whore?" In retaliation, the U.S. launched a giant fucking rocket into orbit, just to show who's boss.
On October 8, 2006 (in America time, not theirs), Evildoer Korea reportedly conducted an underground nuclear test. Although the rest of the world had already unfriended Evildoer Korea, China had not-but that changed in an instant. However, the poor saps in the UN fail to realize that Evildoer Korea is a friends only country-meaning that, thanks to China, the world has probably pwned itself. Way to go, commie bastards.
On May 25, 2009, North Korea announced that it had conducted a second nuclear test prompting outrage from countries all across the globe. The announcement came just after geological sensors in South Korea detected an artificial tremor. South Korea at the time was mourning some old guy who died, and thus was even moar butthurt than usual. According to the Russian Defense Department, the blast yield of the second bomb was between 10 and 20 kilotons, comparable to the size of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of WWII with the added irony that Hiroshima is the closest Japanese City to North Korea's Nuclear Capable Missile launch sites. When asked for the rationale behind such a provactive gesture, Mr. Kim simply responded, "I did it for the lulz". Rumor has it that North Korea's Nuclear weapons testing is actually a highly advanced form of IRL trolling.
After the Japan shit bricks and South Korea went into RAGECON 2 the Kim decided to take the IRL trolling to another level after Obama and the [UN] filled his mail box with moar letters of condemnation, Crazy Kim decided to dig up the 56 year old Armistice that more or less ended the Korean War, and burned it infront of the world announcing "Do something about it, try and stop me, I'll set off one in Seoul or Tokyo because bitches dont know about my nukes" later added "We will wipe out one third of the Japanese population for the lulz".
This immediately caused the U.S. to go from DEFCON 4 straight to DEFCON 2, whilst the Pentagon started to take North Korea has the glorious nation it is and draw up plans on having to deal with a third war, with Clinton and Obama saying they aren't to accept A north Korea with nukes. Meanwhile in Japan, The nips have gone into total rage mode and so far have stated they want nukes so they can just nuke North Korea their selfs since the U.S. keeps pussy footing around North Korea and the U.S. is all talk and no action so they can just Nuke Pyongyang their self instead wait for the U.S. to sit idle while Tokyo get nuked. Whilst all this was going on, Crazy Kim started to set up another Taepo-Dong 2 to test just to spit in the the UN, Japan, and the US's faces, and should launch by June 10th if everything goes well and North Korea hasn't leveled Seoul yet.
New news, Japan intelligence has found that the Dear Leader is planning to top off his recent lulz-spree by launching a 4000 mile range missile at hawaii, 4500 miles away... on the FOURTH OF JULY. Everyone knows that nothing of value would be lost, but the idea of an attack on american soil is one that would cause the middle-class whores of the states collectively shit their pants. This is clearly an attempt to break the all time IRL Troll record, currently held by Hitler and his 1940's attempt to cure the world of it's severe case of jewdom.
The Next Dear Leader
Kim Jong Il (know to his people as THE GLORIOUS MARVELLOUS AMAZING, GOD LIKE LEADER OF THE DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF NORTH KOREA, OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME I JIZZ AT THE VERY SUGESTION OF A THOUGHT ABOUT YOU, AAAAAAAAGHH, KIM JUNG IL, I WANT YOUR BABIES), is indeed Ill and has designated his youngest song Kim Jong Un to be Paradise's next leader after the cancer eats what's left of him and 8 thousand whopping cranes deliver him to Valhalla.
The Dear General who just turned 25 and has demonstrated a dedicated Fireworks Enthusiasm, will inherit a small arsenal of nukes. Some Conservative Extremists who can't understand Jesus' doctrine of peace, would point out that having a spoiled teenager who likes fireworks having total control upon a country armed with nukes might render the West Coast in deeper shit than it already is, but of course this is to be dismissed as the Right Wing Paranoia that it is.
Geography
Evildoer Korea is immediately north of Good Korea and south of China, limits with Russia to the northeast, on the top half of a peninsula that is west of Japan. It has water on both sides, and is probably a convenient place for throwing things into China, or to Vladivostok. It may also have some good surf beaches and shit, but we can't say for sure because they haven't been letting whitey -- or much of anything, for that matter -- into the country. That includes food, information, or even decent TV programming, which leads for a pretty anti-lulzy lifestyle.
People
Millions of folks live in Evildoer Korea, but none of them make Samsungs or Kias. The government is too busy being evildoers, and the citizens are too busy starving to death or being shot in the head by government officials to be doing much of anything.
When the poor peasants do come out of their starving stupor, they often get together in small groups of seven and a half, usually with a small pack of kimchi, and try to cross the border into Gorea, but mostly end up getting caught by the border guards because they talk too loudly while eating kimchi, then get sent back to Evildoer Korea for torture.
Standard of living
Contrary to the lies told by the capitalist-pig media in the West, North Koreans enjoy the highest standard of living of any country. Here is a real-life depiction of a typical day in the DPRK:
Note how North Korea is so awesome that their guitars don't need strings to play music, and that they are clean when they work.
Government
Economy
Any productive activity is expressly forbidden by the Constitution. Healthier North Koreans must drill constantly for massive parades while the rest starve near unfarmed fields and abandoned factories.
North Korean Animu
No summary required, lulz guaranteed!
Thus proves that North Koreans are furries who confuse Americunts with Star Fox.
Cities that are knee-deep in shit
Did You Know?
- That North Korea is not actually run by Mr. Kim Jong-il? It is still run by Mr. Kim Il-sung, Jong-il's deceased father. And the entire country still worships him like a god. Srsly. Look it up. When Kim Jong-il has to sign off on legislature, he has to sign it as Kim Il-sung. Crazy ass gooks.
- In fact, defectors who were in powerful position within the oligarchy say that Kim Jong-il actually assassinated Kim Il-sung and made himself the de facto leader of the country. They argue that Kim Il-sung, who was almost died due to his age and his habit of excessive ingestion of high-cholesterol foods and ceaseless intercourses with his personal vaginas, someday realized that he has no chance of winning against the capitalists. He decided to give up the fight, and when he almost typed GG, announcing his defeat, his son came and horrified that he can't enjoy what his father had fun with. Then he killed his father and succeeded the throne, and the war is not over.
- That Evildoer Korea is possibly the shittiest place in the entire universe to live in? At least you can leave other countries that are generally known to be shit, such as Zimbabwe or America.
- If citizens look a foreigner in the eye they will be kidnapped and totured for life (actually true). The only exception is Chinese, since all the Azns look same.
- Kim Jong Il is a rapper? Most famous for this particular tune:
- My name's Kim Jong! The US is Wrong!
- Continue foreign aid, or taste my dong!
- Gots mad flo, when I eats my foe!
- Capitalist pigs are what I overthrow!
- Your ass I'll roast, the US is toast,
- TAEPO-Dong-2 CAN REACH THE WEST COAST! (The AzN nigga is from east side after all)
- My name's Kim Jong! The US is Wrong!
- More like Kim Jong-ill. Amirite
- That 90% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the advanced stage do not survive? Ruh-Roh Kim.
- Though torture may be widespread in North Korea, it's carried out only for the Lulz. Example:
If this video disturbs you at all, you should either grow a pair, or GB2 crying at your Ipod.
- Behold. The infamous vid-spot by Apple Inc., currently banned in the USA and Japan featuring the Dear Leader:
- That in North Korea they have the "Dearest Leader Facts", since the "Chuck Norris Facts" are totally banned. Actually, the "Dearest Leader Facts" (and the "Dearest General Facts", since the only 'leader' of North Korea is Kim Il-Sung and he's still ruling the country, Kim Jong-il could not officially appoint himself the Fuehrer, but only a General) are taught in north korean schools. Here's song about our Dearest General. [1] While the song itself is musically superior than most of American shitty pop tunes, the lyric of the song is what's lulzy. It tells us that Our Dearest General can teleport, just like his father, and killed a horde of imperialists single-handedly, protecting people from capitalist scums. While international society should be grateful for the General's efforts in slaughtering Americunts, too bad the song is in moonspeak, and we can't share the lulz.
Mr. Kim is in trouble
Mr. Jong Il Kim is in trouble with the UN. The UN says that he is not allowed to import any more caviar, wine, and European chefs. He is also no longer allowed to import any more thirteen year old Chinese and Russian concubines. This was Japan's idea because they hate Evildoer Korea. Mr. Kim is expected to starve to death without these basic supplies.
- Kim Sings Wocket Man
Tiny Kim Adventures
Why hasn't Kim Il Jong been taken out? If you live in Korea; deep down, you know you love this guy. From his kidnapping of a South Korean director in order to make Pulgasari (socialist giant monster furry porn)[2]] to his kidnapping and brainwashing of Japs in a plan to make them zombie spies on their home country (instead of just using spies), the world delights in his plucky antics. Kim is a cartoon super villian brought to life and it makes the world just that little bit more magical to see him pwn millions. watch the "Dear Leader video" to see him in all his mighty glory!
Oh and what happened to those Japs he kidnapped and sent to spy on Nippon? After they returned to Great Leader with the latest animu, they were welcomed with open arms. After years of international diplomacy, Kim gave in and agreed to send their ashes and those of Jap soldiers who fought on the side of South Korea during the Korean War back to their families.
Most of them.
Lol!
Recent Arrest of two American Journalists
In the recent arrest of two Nitedstates journalists (azns), Current TV journalists Laura Ling and Korean-American Euna Lee decided to really fuck shit up on planet earth after crossing the DMZ to paridiso North Korea. North Korea's government, which is on the fucking edge of the edge, just found their awesome alibi to kill the shit out of a few tens of thousands of people. Great Job!
Luckily for the young journalists, Bill Clinton had Yellow Fever and decided to take a private pleasure trip to North Korea with the objective of freeing them from their forced labor to give him a double dose of hot azn poontang. All Slick Willy had to do was grease up Kim Jong Il's TAEPO-DONG, and they were all back on Al Gore's jet fucking like bonobos before sundown.
Links
- A totally reasonable analysis of 20th century Korean history
- A completely truthful and unbiased comparison of the United States and North Korea
- North Koreans are told that Kim Jong Il can control the weather! srsly
- A look at upper-class North Koreans in the North Korea TV Show: "The Elevator Girl"
- North Korean news agency provides lulz to the masses
- A look at a middle-class North Korean family in the North Korean Drama: "Crimson Persimmon"
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Evildoer Korea is related to a series on AZNS. |
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