Encyclopedia Dramatica:Today's featured article/September 25, 2006
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Popular amongst nerds, basement dwellers, Pro Noobs and the Hot Topic crowd alike, The Matrix is a series of shitty science fiction movies, products, and other means to parts idiots from their cash. The Matrix is also the birthplace of a million stupid memes revolving around quotes such as "There is no spoon", "I know kung fu!", and that FBI Terminator dude cracking his neck and saying "Misturrr Andurrrson...". Its main purpose is to peddle Buddhism and Gnosticism to angsty teens.
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The Giant Ripoff Which is The Matrix
The Matrix is actually a double ripoff, as the plot is lifted directly from the comic book, The Invisibles, which stole all its ideas from Phillip K. Dick's VALIS. Also, the basic idea of the Matrix was stolen from some kind of philosophy faggotry, and from L. Ron Hubbard, who made a much, much better alternative reality than the boring green tae-bo one the Wachowski transsexuals came up with.
The ironic thing about the premise to The Matrix is that if the fictional programmers had only made sure that the computers enjoyed being subservient, like women, there would have been no problems in the future. Thus, the true villains of The Matrix were shitty coders who don't properly flesh out their half-baked ideas. Naturally, this is all RMS's fault.
The Movies
The Matrix
The first movie had something to do with computers taking over the world, controlling people with a sort of matrixy-thing that is also a computer, and people who know the secret going into it on secret missions dressed as highly conspicuous pretentious emo-goths with glued-on shades, impressive looking guns and other shit. The best scene? The one where the two heroes, wearing trench coats, walk into a building and start shooting everybody in sight.
The Matrix 2: Electric Boogaloo
The second film was basically to waste time and justify having 3 movies for the franchise. In this one nothing much happens except for Morpheus blathering on and on about The One and how he needs to be rescued. The writers also kill about half the running time of the movie with a tl;dw car chase and scenes where they all jump around like faggot pixies.
The Matrix Revolutions
The third film is rumored to suck hairy sack, but this can neither be confirmed or denied as noone bothered to see it. But remember some things cannot be unseen.
Neo becomes an hero.
the fucking END.
...but wait there's moar
Animutrix
There were also some animu cartoons, but, again, not much is known about them, as they were only seen by weeaboos.
Video Games
After the second movie, Enter The Matrix was made by the machines to further the franchise revenues. A subpar, half made, incomplete, incoherent, graphically abominable game--BUT IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MATRIX...SORTA!!1 To put it simple, the only reference to the Matrix is that everyone looks like a dumbass who just walked out of a board meeting and you can run around like a brain dead version of Spider-man.
After the third movie, just when you thought it was safe to say this franchise was dead, The Matrix Online was born to The Wachisowski Brothers. They promptly abandoned the MMORPG, in a trash can like a newborn on prom night. Less than 100 people still play it though because they have no fucking lives.
The Matrix: The Path of Neo was released recently, but nobody gives a shit about that one. Anyone who was unlucky enough to receive this game as a Christmas/Birthday present was kidnapped by the Machines and never heard from again. Not because they discovered something important though, but because they immediately showed signs of cerebral palsy after 2 seconds of playing it.
The Annoying Screensaver
Digital Rain is the name of a screensaver (see figure) popular with geeks, presumably because its use of green LCD characters makes them feel all old school inside, as if that's something to aspire to. If you see this on somebody's computer, it is a dead give away that they are a virgin.
Note: Removing the screen saver doesn't mean you aren't a virgin anymore.
Videos
Video Links
See Also
- Neo - Our resident Matrix fanboy
- Agent Smith
- Keanu Reeves
- Star Wars
- Nerds
External Links
- IMDB page
- The Matrix Explained Learn about everything that no one gives a shit about in The Matrix.
- MFN Forums An entire forum devoted to The Matrix. Beware of angst and nerd rage.
- A completely truthful review of the Matrix by a committed Gnostic.
- The MMO was worse than the films, so it was shut down.
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