Encyclopedia Dramatica:Quote of the Now/Display/September 2008

Ok, so some people will come here and wonder what separates a drunk from a Real Hardcore drunk. Lets dispel any myths and clean up any misinformation that may have crept into the collective consciousness.

To start off, Ill use myself as an example because I know, unequivocally , that I am a Real fucking Hardcore drunk. I think, by now, you all know this as well.

To be a true drunk, one must have the constitution to handle a work night of ultra heavy drinking, but still arrive at work on time and ready to go, despite the living hell of a legendary hangover, then come home in the evening time ready for another round. One must carry on what appears to many as a normal, productive lifestyle. In fact, a Real Hardcore drunk must actually lead a productive lifestyle and keep shit straight, you know what Im saying?

To be a Real Hardcore drunk, you must realize the obvious efficiency that comes with hard alcohol over beer. While beer is a connoisseur's beverage (in some cases) and is quite enjoyable, the sheer % of alcohol in hard stuff cannot be ignored. Further more, if you mix a drink and dont finish it, its still very much safe to drink and recycle the next night thanks to the sterilizing qualities of the high alcohol content. For example, not that I cant afford to pour it down the sink, but I am now happily sipping on last night's gatorade and vodka, freshened up a bit of course with new booze and gatorade.

One must learn to use modern technology and conveniences to help reconstruct blacked out nights in which dream sequences are all that remain in the conscious mind of the event. Learn to use phone logs, email, journals and forums, and the recollections of more sober friends to help figure out what really happened. And be amused by this!!

One must not be afraid to embarrass oneself in front of coworkers and friends. One must not allow shame or established social traditions to taint your merry making one iota. It is OK to live your life how you please as long as the only damage you cause is to your own organs, not someone elses'. If you become violent or vehicular while drunk, you simply hand over ammunition to sober conservatives who say getting intoxicated is wrong. DONT do it. Its hard enough to live in peace side by side with closed minded fuckheads anyway. Dont make it any worse for us all.

To be a Real Hardcore drunk, you absolutely HAVE to show up at all the free booze/open bar events that many employers sponsor. You have to show up and order top shelf booze all night, get hammered in front of the HR managers and office management team, senior partners, whoever, and not be afraid.

A Real Hardcore drunk will frequently skip a meal so that the alcohol has less competition in the stomach when drinking time comes. You will find that you can save yourself a couple bucks, get drunk faster, and generally complete the task more efficiently if this strategy is used.

A Real Hardcore drunk finishes up at the bar(s) with friends, clearly doesnt "need" more booze, but then staggers into the local liquor store and still pulls off a liquor sale even though a lesser man/woman would get denied for obvious heavy intoxication.

A Real Hardcore drunk is not ashamed at spontaneously hanging up on drunk dials, randomly vanishing from bars and party scenes, or otherwise doing socially unacceptable things due to extreme drunkenness.

A Real Hardcore drunk must know that the things he/she says when super hammered really ARE from the heart and not some drunken fairytale. It is true, we sometimes regret what we admit or say when drunk, but think about it... you really DID mean it. It was in your head. You thought it when sober but didnt say it. The booze just lubricated your tongue and caused you to spill your guts. Its one of the world's best truth serums. You DO NOT really know someone until you have drank heavily with them.

These things are all real and all true. They are some examples of what really being a drunk is about, but certainly(and obviously) not all the things that define someone truly down for the cause. Also, you kids out there... I dont speak for everyone, but I speak for me. Its not the wisest lifestyle if you care about your health and wish to avoid eventual disease or harm. I would be a fucking liar if I said otherwise. A dishonest, self deluding drunk I am not. Im not stupid and I know you, dear reader, arent stupid either. This is a choice. A way of living that we find fun, truly satisfying, and a nice departure from the sober lifestyle. It opens our minds and hearts, causes us to explore communication differently, different types and planes of communication, artistic journeys and etc. Its really an alternative lifestyle, plain and simple, and once you really understand what it is that motivates you to do it, life becomes a whole lot more fulfilling.

Most of us start off because of the usual reasons. Peer pressure or influence, curiosity, a desire to be different, or what have you. The journey begins. Real Hardcore drunken maturity takes many years to form, but once it does, its irreversible and leaves a profound mark on the consciousness. You begin to realize the finer things about living the lifestyle and doing as you please. You get to a point in which you no longer feel the need to pressure those around you into drinking, but can drink alone just as well as you drink with people. Drinking heavy no longer is something you brag about to seem cool, but only discuss because you truly want to share a story of a good time in your life with someone you think might enjoy it for the pure storytelling that comes of good, well documented or articulate drunk stories.

do not apologize for the way you are, fellow drunks. Do not let opponents of our lifestyle deep throat you with guiltcocks. If you feel guilt, let it be because you are genuinely regretting something you did that broke or bent your own personal set of rules, not someone else's. Be real. Be drunk. Do it for the right reasons. Think about your reasons and share them with this awesome community. Dig deep. I know most of you are quite lighthearted and the fist thing you think of will probably be, "I likes to get fucked up, bwahaahaha" or something along those lines. Me too, but think about it a little deeper. What makes it YOUR right lifestyle?

retrotarded- i am a registered sex offender

retrotarded- it was really awkward moving in here cause i had to go door to door and tell all my neighbors