Dildo
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A Dildo is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's cock (because your dick is too small, faggot), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. They are also sometimes a replica of an animal's cock, and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".
Also: What you put in your Livejournal next to pictures of your children[1].
Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real cock, because dildos can last for more than half an hour in bed, and won't stop fucking you until YOU cum (they're probably larger than your boyfriend anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to deepthroat that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the AIDS, that is), because latex and or rubber doesn't taste too good.
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The First Dildo
Early Man made his bid to sentience by discovering he could kill animals and eat their sweet brain meats - unfortunately, animals ran away a lot. As a result the men had to hunt them over great distances and women, with their valuable wombs, were left behind - guarded by their children. Since children invariably have a penis too small for adequate penetration these women, with their biologically programmed lust for cock, inevitably invented a way of pretending that they had a strong, providing man with a prominent forehead. Thus was born the world's first dildo, and the women's famous propensity of living in a fantasy world.
Its name, roughly translated, meant "empathy of blood". It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.
Pejorative
"Dildo" is also in pejorative use - like any good word - and is identical in use as words which refer to real penises but for the additional implication that one is not even real. Pinnochio was commonly called a dildo.
Jews and dildos
It is a little known fact that Jews don't use dildos - they use cucumbers because it's cheaper and when they're done they can get a nickel for it from some homeless shelter.
New-found-land
Canadian dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was erected close by.
Famous Dildos in LJ History
- dildobucket, a serial adder.
- You can rent a dildo at Rent-a-Dildo.com.
- Or you can just get your own, cause renting is gross and can give you AIDS.
- If you're a fucking asshole, you can go to this page to help you choose out a dildo. Faggot.
Galerie de Dildo
 ElypseArt.com Silicone Dildos with Inflatable Knot |
 Women imagine anything vaguely phallic is a dildo. |
 The wonders of automation. |
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 Flying remote control dildo for americunts, who are too fat to actually reach their own pussy or arse. |
 All women do this. |
 All women also do this. |
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 Some men are also fond of dildos. |
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 A dildo. It looks inflatable. |
 A pale dildo. It might be a cast from an AIDS victim. |
 Jesus my penetrator |
See Also
- ElypseArt.com Ultra-Realistic Canine Dildos With Inflatable Knot, Medical Grade Silicone
- Aneros
- Mecha-Dildo
- DILDOlover, a jewtube user who claims he loves dildos!
- HTS-Noob, who used a Highlighter as a dildo in his ass, with hilarious results!
- Wikiphilia Scroll down to Uses. You can't get better instructions than that.
- Giant dildo of death
- Goatse What happens to fags if they liek it too much.
- Zeta toy A company that makes dildos of animal cocks. Inform the furries and save a puppy from rape.
- Bad Dragon A site that sells silicon animal cocks
- Obama head o state dildo.
- The dildo cart will fuck you in the ass or cunt while it drives along
