Diablo III
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Diablo 3 was announced Last Thursday to the joy of many hardcore fans. There was excitement for all of two seconds before the lifeless nerds who still play Diablo 2 were annoyed by the new graphics and features because their eyes are not used to more than 256 colors. This led to lulz, because Diablo is WoW with less dragons.
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The making of Diablo 3
- Make Diablo 2 3D
- Remove the satanic graphics so it looks like Warcraft III's in order to please casual gamers.
- Asking /b/ to give some advice how to make the game even better than D2.
- Getting totally assraped by the sheer horror of /b/ and never ever programming again.
- Instead of actually programming a whole game, program just a small part and make it so when the player reaches the end they just start from the beginning on a "harder" difficulty level.
- Wait until Starcraft II gets released.
- ????
- Profit!!
Story
All the guys you killed in the previous Diablo games are still alive. Turns out the whole thing was an opium induced dream of Deckard Cain's, So you will have to go around magic land and kill all of diablo's minions, diablo himself and the Lord of Destruction.
When you are done with that you go to hell and kill them all again.
As you go through the game expect to kill the same 10 monsters over and over again with them changing colors as they get stronger. When you beat the game you will only get to see some crappy blizzard cinematic scene where you find out that the last guy you killed is still alive and you will have to kill him for the 5th fucking time in the expansion pack and the 6th time in the sequel.
Now, don't get bored with it so you can hop onto multi player and spend hours typing in "WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG? WUG?". Soon you'll find out that everyone in the fucking game only wants 1 item (remember the stones of jordan?) even though they already have 2 character's inventories full of them.
Classes
The basic concept of D3 is to get the common classes mixed up with AIDS and fail, leading at least to the following poor abominations:
Basically this is the Necro combined with some Druid elements and all the kind of diseases you can get by lurking 7chan and not4chan. These contain i.e.: -canceraids -teh herp -being a nigger -playing footy -actually getting a normal life
Playing this pitiful symbol of today's status quo of the internets won´t be easy for most of the nerds as most of them are infected by at least one of the mentioned plaques, making it a shame to play the Master of Disease.
The Jew
The Jew comes along with a new, unique concept: all of his skills are for looting. The barbarian in D2 was also capable of stomping the living shit out of the paladin. This has not changed in D3, in fact the Jews only purpose is gathering money of the sold items and leeching the exp of his party members in case gold should get any kind economic value at the b.net servers. They are capable of casting spells, one of the spells currently in development is "9/11".
The Negromancer
The Necromancer is a mixture of the good old fashioned Armymancer and a NIGGER. Summoning his minions hes gonna steal all the bikes. Health and mana are kinda mixed up with KFC wings and watermelon juice, which makes it difficult to get healed. For that purpose, you will have to beat up some white, kind grocery owners to get what you want. Lvl by lvl you will get better equipped homies, making you the horror even in hell. Featured by Grinman.
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