Desperate
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
What causes people to be desperate?
| Cause | Effect |
| Asperger's Syndrome | Aspies are very desperate because nobody wants to talk to them, despite the fact that they make amusing lulzcows because of their awkwardness. As far as being able to find a sex partner, aspies normally have to rely on date rape drugs in order to get any with something other than their hand. |
| Emo | Emos are desperate because they think no one understands them. Most resort to emosexuality. Thankfully, most do not reproduce because they become an heroes when an emo "female" finds out she's pregnant. |
| Being fat | Fat people are fugly. The only people who are attracted to these whales are sick fucks who like queening, and FFAs. Thus, fatties are desperate and prey on unsuspecting drunks. |
| Homosexuality | Homosexuals are in the middle of a struggle for their "rights" to spread AIDS and destroy the world with their faggotry. They claim there is cultural oppression against them, and thus most are either still in the closet or are out but avoid the demonic breeders that are taking over the world. This makes them very desperate, and willing to fuck anything that looks even remotely male for less than three dollars. At least 100 percent of homosexuals fap to Goatse and Lemonparty on a daily basis. |
How to Cure Desperation
1: If you are a sick fuck who likes bestiality, buy a dog. Oh wait, you already did last Thursday.
2: Move out of your Mom's basement.
3: Take off that narutard head band.
4: ????
5: PROFIT!
Desperate MySpace Celebrities
Brandon Hilton. This faggot friendwhore is so desperate he posts bulletins asking for buttsecks from random shemales over 9000 times a day. He has yet to get any because he is fugly and pro-ana. This is unfortunate because buttsecks causes AIDS, which causes death.
Gay God. Another faggot friendwhore, except this one is emo and is a known cutter. He has had numerous buttsecks partners before, but he wants moar. However, he's a vegan and he likes to dance around in his underwear on the Jew Tubes, which repels future mates. It is a mystery why Gay God has yet to die from AIDS to face the actual God and find out that God hates fags. Thus, Gay God will continue polluting the internets with his desperation.
Tila Tequila. She had a whole reality show dedicated to finding love. She didn't find it. Now she's back for moar. She's obviously desperate because she is a slut, but even then, she can't seem to get what she wants.
What Desperate People Do
Desperate people are known to lurk IRL and stalk the objects of their affection. Since desperate people are unable to have sex IRL, they resort to alternative methods, such as ejaculating on printouts of womens' MySpace pictures and auto erotic asphyxiation. In order to fully express the agony that results from being single, all desperate people make tl;dw vlogs on YouTube and also write tl;dr bullshit on LiveJournal. When they realize they've written a bunch of shit nobody cares about, they often leave LiveJournal, or leave the internets entirely.
However, nobody has ever been as desperate as Lisa Nowak, who drove over 9000 miles in a diaper to try to reach somebody else's man. She was arrested for attempted murder, since she brought a gun with her.
Other Desperate People
- Chris-chan
- Friendwhores
- Furries
- Attention whores
- Lurkers
- Face-painters
- Filthywhore
- 16-year-old girls
- Basement-dwellers
- Your mom
- Anyone on Facebook who has their "looking for" detail set to "a relationship".
- Azns, because they have small cocks
- Bean
- Otakukin
- Drama Prairie Dog
- Adult babies
- Mario, because Weegee gets all the pussy
- Chris Forcand and other assorted pedophiles
- Conservatives
- Liberals even more so than conservatives, especially hippies
- Camwhores
- Theoneandonlysarj
- MySpace in its entirety
- Ceiling cat
- LiveJournal
- Otherkin
- You
- White People, for trying to save their race
External Links
- The cesspool of desperate 16-year-old girls
- Brandon Hilton's MySpace
- Gay God's MySpace
- Tila Tequila's MySpace
- The pit of desperate attention whores
 Desperate is part of a series on Dying Alone | Those Who Have Died Alone
Anna Nicole Smith | Brandon Crisp | Charmaine Dragun | Codey Porter | George Sodini | Heath Ledger | Lilo | Megan Meier | Michael Jackson | Mitchell Henderson | Otoya Yamaguchi | Ricardo Lopez | Ripper | Rudolph Zurick | Shawn Woolley | Tyler Dumstorf Those Dying Alone Ahotwheelscar | Anonymous Borg | Argent009 | Bikerfox | Bob Rehahn | ByAppointmentTo | Chris-chan | Chuck M. | David Hockey | Epic fat guy | Fagolescents | GoddessMillenia | Kevin Havens | Lecarick | Nathan Gale | Nullcherri | Pit Viper | Ricki Raven | Rootbrian | Sceptre | Snapesnogger | TheSockDetective | Ulillillia Their Methods 4chan | AIDS | Anime | Booze | Bullying | Dead Friend | DeviantART | Drugs | Fleshlight | Self-seclusion | IRC | Jenkem | Lego | LiveJournal | Lonely | MMORPGs | MUDs | MySpace | Online dating | Online sex games | Plastic Crap | Plenty Of Fish | Vloggerheads | YouTube |
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Desperate is part of a series on Whores. |
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