Cyndilovespiccolo
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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| — Cyndi, whining in her super sekrit blog page. |
Although Cyndi hates deviantArt with a burning passion. Its rumored that she has dragged her BAAWWWing to Gaia Online but this is not yet confirmed. While her actions may seem infantile and childish, we would like to remind the reader that Cyndi is nearly thirty years old. All the while pissing about being grounded, picked on, and not allowed to do what she wants.
She also has a case of Victim Syndrome, based on the fact that everything bad in the world happens to her.
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[edit] Autism
Cyndi thinks she doesn't deserve an ED page because she's autistic; however, we here at ED know that autistic people have a right to be shown how fucking stupid they are just like everyone else.
Like most asspies, Cyndi greatly exaggerates her condition and uses it to garner sympathy. You know, the side where kids can't function at all in society, will never really fully communicate with their families and will live life hampered by a condition that's barely understood? puleeeeeze.
Cyndi is a high functioning autistic, probably closer to assburgers than she'd like to admit. She shares many traits with asspie attention whores. When pointing out to a 'normal' autistic person what they're doing is fucktarded they tend to stfu and remember to not do that shit again. Cyndi, on the other hand, will scream and continue to do stupid shit until someone comes along and gives her a figurative slap on the hand. Then she curls into a ball and cries until she is placed within the safe confines of her hugbox.
Deep down, Cyndi knows she's as boring as drying paint and has compensated by developing her entire personality around her disorder. Like her innumerable Walmart pentacles, Cyndi wears the autistic label with pride. She's also cultivated a sneering sense of superiority over the fascist neurotypicals who oppress her and her unique talents. What talents, you ask? Only the ability to describe robot sex in language so flowery that tulips will bloom out of your ass if you read her shitty fanfiction.
Cyndi regularly rages against the evils of "curebies", or people who want to find a cure for autism. In her mind this is a civil rights violation on par with slavery. Don't worry, she shall overcome.
The real reason Cyndi opposes curing autism is that nacho-stained asspies make up the entirety of her reading audience. Without a constant stream of comments encouraging her to write more fanfiction about Optimus Prime and Megatron feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries, her life loses all meaning.
Cyndi often posts about revolutions in autism and autism awareness month in an apparent attempt to educate the public. In fact, it's just an excuse to post "Look at me, I'm autistic! You gotta be super nice to me-- or else!" over and over. Cyndi doesn't care about other autistic people. She only wants you to remember that SHE is autistic and that you'd better give her the special treatment she deserves. Nevar Forget-- not that she'll let you.
keep in mind that after years of claiming she has autism, Cyndi changed up the game by claiming she has PDD-NOS. PDD-NOS, like autism, has symptoms including but not limited to: lack of social skills, difficulty communicating, unusual play with toys, repetitive body movement, aversion to certain sensory stimuli, and others. PDD-NOS is so close to resembling autism that it's street name is "atypical autism", further confusing parents about what the fuck is wrong with their kid.
The only things that distinguishes PDD-NOS from autism is that it's usually diagnosed when doctors simply don't want to slap a kid with the autistic label. This is probably because they realize what spoiled little shits they are and don't want them to have an excuse to be an asshole for life.
But this hasn't stopped Cyndi! Now instead of being better than those stupid NTs she's also better than other asspies because she has "non-autistic-autism". She will always be more special than you.
[edit] Home Life
Like all adult Transformers fans, Cyndi still lives with her parents. She's also an unemployed deadbeat due to the fact that her resume consists solely of "Transformers erotica author."
Cyndi still gets grounded by her dad at the age of over 9000, a subject that she bitches about regularly. Worse yet, she's admitted that she's shown her Transformers porn to her father in attempt to gain his approval, cementing her status as one of the stupidest fantards ever. Even the most shameless fangirls dread the moment their family discovers that they write about Megatron slobbering on Optimus Prime's exhaust pipe in their spare time.
Cyndi's attempt to inspire her father's pride failed miserably, sending him into a near suicidal bout of shame and regret. Cyndi then hammered out a LiveJournal entry complaining that her father called her scribblings "filth".
But wait! Cyndi claims she's asexual with no sexual attraction to either gender. She says this while she gets off on giant robot sex.
ED put too much pressure on Cyndi and she cut off all her long hair and dyed it purple. She probably thinks this is some sort of improvement. We expect a bawwwwwwwwy journal any day now about getting kicked out of church for her nasty un-Catholic appearance.
[edit] Religion
Despite finding out that their daughter would be a vile failure of a human being during prenatal testing, Cyndi's parents decided not to abort due to their strong Catholic faith-- a decision they would live to regret. Cyndi later became Catholic herself in gratitude, despite her love of faggotry which is in direct contradiction to her church's teaching. Apparently altar boys and robots don't count!
Since Jesus is her homeboy, Cyndi doesn't hesitate to call him for backup when she's losing an internet argument. Any comment criticizing her disgusting behavior or writing will be met with, "GOD WILL JUDGE YOU ON THE DAY YOU DIE, FUCKER!" or "BURN IN HELL YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" While Jesus normally frowns upon violent threats, he makes an exception for Cyndi because she's a special and unique snowflake.
Cyndi regularly prays to God and asks him to kill her enemies (which is totally Catholic of her). She's also not above threatening to carry out acts of violence herself, or encouraging her friends to do so, often in ALL CAPS to demonstrate the depth of her ASSPIE RAGE.
Thank goodness there's a computer separating you from the fury of a five-foot nothing, seventy-pound sack of wire hangers who gets a sensory overload if you lightly touch her.
She claims she would never actually DO violent things to anybody. See above statement and it's probably the only smart thing she ever has to say.
[edit] ITS NOT PORN
Cyndi is convinced people are out to get her and destroy her gay fanfic. She seems to believe buttrape between Unicron and Starscream will some how make the world a better place, while 'real' porn is destroying children's minds. Clearly, ass sex in children's cartoons could have prevented 9/11.
People can't understand that her fics aren't about disgusting humans fucking and spooging! Its about two beautiful machines sucking off each other's USB cables and shocking one another while they moan in pure ecstasy, and only this ecstasy can cure what ails them. Then they do it up the rear output portal. But you wouldn't know that, you don't stop to examine the deep psychological reasons why Optimus Prime has to fuck Megatron's face. You don't see the character development! You don't see the love! The passion! The fap fap fap fap fap.
Cyndi is adamant that her porn isn't porn at all, she calls it 'smut'. Which is totally different from porn. Totally. The dictionary defines 'smut' as:
| —The Dictionary - On smut |
So her Transformers "literature" is really dirty, obscene, diseased porn. Sorry for the misconceptions.
Below is an excerpt of on of her pornos called 'Ambrosia'.
"Starscream shrugged mentally. He stuck his finger into the port and felt around. It was loaded, absolutely loaded with scorching sensors and pulsating lubricant tubing. Heat sinks lined the sides. Lights blinked near the outer edges.
Unicron arched an optic ridge. "I won't break, Starscream. Jam it in."
"Jam it?"
"Starscream," Unicron leaned over, his voice stern, "I am not Megatron. I want you to touch me. Here, I'll even get you started." He took Starscream's hand, guided it down and shoved it hard into his open port--so hard that metal screeched on metal. A shudder ran the length of his body. "See? Is that so difficult?"
Starscream stared at how his finger was buried up to the first knuckle in wires, metal and the dark god's growing lust. He could see sparks spitting around his fingertip.
He hung his head, trembling, wanting desperately to escape the self-defeating thoughts trying to hold him prisoner. They circled his processors like the links of a chain that bound his consciousness to a single idea.
Except it never was his idea. It was Megatron's.
And for now, the chain was stronger than him. He lifted his finger, not yet ready to take that step.
"I think..." Starscream lifted himself off Unicron's lap, "...I'd like to explore a bit--if you don't mind, that is. Maybe...if I do that, I'll feel like--"
"If that is what you want." Unicron gestured to himself, the smirk never leaving his expression. "Then it pleases me." "[edit] Hypocrisy
Cyndi, as stated above, claims to be Catholic; however, looking at her you wouldn't know that she really loves Jesus. She seems to think she's a witch and parades around her yard speaking to earth spirits wearing robes and pentacles. Her favorite phrase is also "fucking dammit", a sign of true piety.
Another hypocritical point in Cyndi's personality is she was a member of DeviantartSnark where she belittled people for such mundane things as putting boobs on a lizard(an entry that she deleted because even she knew it was stupid), while she draws god awful abominations shown in the gallery below. Most recently, her fanbrat Donny was featured on the same community and she immediately leapt to his defense, despite her own mockery of other artists. she has since quit this comm but the memiry remains.
She's against art theft but has routinely posted screen caps in her own gallery. A claim which she frequently denies, claiming that real art theft is when you take art someone else drew/created (Like Transformers)and claiming you created. Cyndi belongs to the "It Doesn't Apply To Me" School of belief so her own theft is looked over since she totally gave credit you guys.
Thinks people should follow the rules, but breaks them herself.
Is Catholic, but masturbates frequently and posts about her slimy, filth-encrusted vag.
She thinks there is beauty in everyone...except ED. Cyndi probably believes, Jesus died for everyone's sins, except the creators of this page.
[edit] Ear Shattering Wailing & YouTube Account
Cyndi is very proud of the fact that she sings in her church's choir. Apparently she is unaware that this can be accomplished by any social reject with nothing to do on weekends and the people only tolarate her shitty whiny excuces for singing. Cyndi likely joined the choir in the hope that she would be able to view some IRL gay sex. Since it is a Catholic church choir, this may well be her first logical decision ever.
Cyndi's "singing" has been compared to the howls of a dying animal, though this may be overly generous. After all, dying animals don't believe that excessive vibrato is the pinnacle of human vocal achievement.
Also a YouTube attention whore, Cyndi has created a music video in memery of WTC, complete with images of the wreckage set to her vocals. Apparently her suicide-inducing singing brought down the towers like an opera singer's wine glass:
Cyndi also tried to troll ED with another badly edited video by claiming it contained footage of her crying. How did she execute this brilliant scheme? By cutting to an image Godzilla roaring, followed by goatse and farting sound effects. Cyndi clearly needs moar practice when it comes to trolling tactics, though the fact that she posted goatse while raging against the evils of non-robot porn provided many lulz for all.
Sadly, Cyndi deleted the video as soon as she realized it would earn her the YouTube banhammer.
[edit] Gonna Get Me
Cyndi feels that all the negativity she receives is from a one set group of people who she never specifies. The Lulz Organization perhaps? In reality, it's usually just some random trolls kicking sand in her eyes for the lulz. Most likely they followed her from 4chan, where she had apparently tried to teach /b/ about love, respect, and Unicron's tight ass.
She also doesn't realize that the reason everyone picks on her is because she's such a drama whore in the first place. Secretly, we know she loves it, so keep craking the lulz by troling her SUPER SEKRIT BLOG.
[edit] Defenders & E-Lawyer
Within minutes of being linked to this article, Cyndi threw a head-banging, hand-waving asspie fit and summoned the losers who read her Transformers porn to blank this page. This resulted in a swift and just series of bans, at which point most of Cyndi's minions declared defeat and returned to masturbating with their Starscream action figures.
As we all know, every Tartlet is getting an E-Lawyer to take down ED. This time, Cyndi got her omg!hawt gay boyfriend Donny to do the work for her. Donny, or his alter ego "Z", is an evil genius that stalks the darkened halls of DA. Apparently he works his fruity psychic bullshit through the medium of bad photomanips. It also appears his hair is made of asbestos.
Clearly ED's days are numbered. Seriously. We better be careful or they might release their giant boob monster (dubbed "Boobstroya") on us all.
[edit] Operation Crapfic Purge
In response to Cyndi's cyberterrorist threats against ED, several patriotic EDiots braved the putrid swamp that is her DA account and reported her shitty fanfiction for the lulz.
When her porn was deleted Cyndi was true to form and reacted with major butthurt. As she's done over 9000 times before, Cyndi retreated to her hugbox to cry and threatened to leave DA forever. Second verse, same as the first, folks.
Cyndi then continued to progress through the five stages of ED article grief. Eager to show us how hard she was rollin' with the punches, she created a subforum on her Transformers porn site dedicated to mocking ED. Here Cyndi produced such brutal iceburns as "enfuckopedia cuntmatica" and "i wish i could stab their eyes out with pencils". It was public for only a few hours before Cyndi realized it was just more fodder for lulz and removed it in shame.
Cyndi's now entered the delete fucking everything stage and is trying to remove all evidence of her stupidity from the interwebs. Her chances of succeeding are very low, seeing as she's to retarded to come up with screennames anywhere that arent her own lame name.
Right now she is focusing on ignoring comments in the hopes the trolls will go away. Poor baby.
[edit] Journals of BAAAAW
Cyndi's journal is a treasure trove of bad porn, unintentional humor and utter insanity. Do you want suicide threats? Ruminations on what Transformers look like as they orgasm? Amazing unwarranted self-importance as Cyndi compares herself to one the greatest artists in history? Fantasies of drowning internet service people in shit and menstrual blood?
She's got it, baby!
| Journals of BAAAAW | ||||||||||||||||||||||
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[edit] Artwork
Like everyone else on Deviantart, Cyndi can't draw worth shit adn knows it. Her art is mostly of naked DBZ characters colored with pencils that have to be from the early 70's. All of her drawings not done digitally have a strange blue green quality to them and are full of jpeg artifacts.
| Galleria of Cyndilovespiccolo's Artwork | ||||||||||
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[edit] External Links
(note-useless/locked shit has been and will b removed to save space. holy fuck we don't need another snapesnogger sized article on this useless bitch srsly.) wanna find older shit go look at the history page. links that still work but lead to suspended or mildly lulzy shit have strikethroughs dead/abandend pages are taken off again for space you only get lulz if you troll were shes active.
*cyndilovespiccolo on DevianTART SUSPENDED. nice job anon it looks like her crap writings and most of her art got baleeted. she may never come back!
*Her Fanfiction.net page -- Where Cyndi posts her disgusting pornography. USELESS
- Fandom Wank's weak attempt at mocking Cyndi. -- It gets slightly funnier when Cyndi and her friend Seiberwing show up to defend her honor and BAWWWW in the comments.]
- NEW SEKRIT BLOG! STILL CURENTLY ACTIVE she deletes coments that make her butthurt. spam and screencap for lulz!
spam for lulz!
it is safe to say Cyndi is too retarded to come up with any sn's beyond her own ugly ass name.
her current online status-
ehell acct: PERMABANNED!
youtube: apparintly dead except she still coments on others
ambrosia forum: locked
lj(i-stalk-piccolo): locked
y gallery: now locked and lulzy journls deleted
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Cyndilovespiccolo is part of a series on Aspies. |
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