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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Cylons are robot soldiers employed by Google to update their search indexes. They have had cameo appearances in multiple television series called Battleballs Galactiballs.

Contents 1 Cylons in The Original Series (Aka "Battlestar Ponderosa") 2 Cylons in the Reimagined Series (aka "Sexdroids RAPED YOUR NOSTALGIA") 3 There are Twelve Flavors Of Cylon 4 The Final Five (No spoilers here) 5 External Links

[edit] Cylons in The Original Series (Aka "Battlestar Ponderosa")

At least 100 years ago, Cylons were chrome-colored robots, except for the HCIC, who was gold. Anyway, they spoke with a buzzing electronic voice and had a distinctive red, probing eye. You remember that one really great episode from the older series where Starbuck was marooned on a planet with a Cylon who became his gay lover/nagging housewife? That was good shit.

[edit] Cylons in the Reimagined Series (aka "Sexdroids RAPED YOUR NOSTALGIA")

No longer strictly robots, but rather meat robots, the new cylons mostly consist of aloof faggots and fuck-crazy B-movie lesbians, all of whom are monotheistic. The Twelve Colonies of Humanity created the Cylons (the robot ones, before they were meat robots like they are now) to work in hazardous situations: data mining, tech support, Jew-baiting, and clearing out asbestos. Cheney then sent them to Iraq, even though, ironically, Cylons would do 9/11.

When the Cylons inevitably revolted, they had knowledge of how to fight. A ruinous war ensued, which ended in an armistice and the Cylons heading off to find a homeworld of their own. Over the next 40 years, they came up with various new models, culminating in replicants that are virtually indistuinguishable from humans. These new models then returned to Colonial space, with hilarious results. They currently seem obsessed with the notion of making hybrid human-Cylon babies, with complicated plans involving seducing downed pilots. As a result, fanboys stopped complaining about how little the new show was like the old, and love the new sexy Cylons. The one pilot that married a Number Eight model (see below) has not reported whether she can make a proper meal.

Anyway, the whole thing is a ripoff of Berzerk, anyway. Xenu told me about Berzerk. Listen ... Listen. Do you hear Xenu?

[edit] There are Twelve Flavors Of Cylon

• Atheist Priest Dean Stockwell Cylon (Number One)
• Shifty-Looking Cylon (Number Two)
• "Kiwi Xena" Cylon (Number Three -- recalled)
• Handsome Nigger Cylon (Number Four)
• "Young Kevin Spacey" Cylon (Number Five)
• Ann Coulter-Looking Cylon (Number Six)
• Chink Gook Cylon (Number Eight)
• You? (Are not Number Six)

[edit] The Final Five (No spoilers here)

Tigh, Tyrol, the Presidents aide and Sanders and maybe Starbuck are Cylons, they also like Bob Dylan

[edit] External Links

The Battlestar Wiki's Cylon Recognition Guide

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