Cthulhu

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Worship him as he swallows your brain.

Cthulhu during his appearance in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Cthulhu is a badass alien god-thing worshipped by Jews as well as an alleged presidential candidate. An ancient prophecy about Cthulhu, written in an early form of leetspeak:

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn.

Translation: In his house in R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. To further explicate the matter: deep beneath the Pacific waves, Cthulhu lies entombed in his house in R'lyeh, dead but dreaming. When the stars become right, the island city of R'lyeh will rise above the waves and Cthulhu will stride the surface once more, making the Earth his plaything as the Old Ones return, wiping humanity off the face of the planet in an eldritch orgy of destruction in one fell swoop.

A description of an image of Cthulhu, taken from H.P. Lovecraft's "The Call of Cthulhu":

[The statue] represented a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. This thing, which seemed instinct with a fearsome and unnatural malignancy, was of a somewhat bloated corpulence, and squatted evilly on a rectangular block or pedestal covered with undecipherable characters, taking a huge dump. The tips of the wings touched the back edge of the block, the seat occupied the centre, whilst the long, curved claws of the doubled-up, crouching hind legs gripped the front edge and extended a quarter of the way down toward the bottom of the pedestal. The creature was clearly in a lot of pain from the massive dump it was taking. The cephalopod head was bent forward, so that the ends of the facial feelers brushed the backs of huge fore paws which clasped the croucher's elevated knees. The creature made an inhumane sound, its shouting barely able being only minutely pronounced in human voice "ishallgiveyouhead", causing many horrified sailors to immediately shit themselves to death. He gurgled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said F'kgash and he had souls in the mirror. If anything He could say that this cab was wierd, but he roared: "Nah, forget it- Yo, human, to R'lyeh!"

[edit] Gallery

The younger, less attractive sister of Dread Lord Cthulhu	Not Cthulu	The W.T. Snacks Controlls C'thulu	A blessed experience
He does like big ladies, though.	Even Lego worships him.	Primacy of fucked religion	Cthulu has risen!!!
Holy shit Cthulhu is a top!!1	OMG Cthulhu gets more action than you do, you basement dweller!	And so do I.
	ITS A PUZZLE	even cats worship him